HisCosCon

There was a puff of smoke, and then he appeared in front of me, screaming. After a moment he stopped and looked at me. He took in my neometal jumpsuit and the hoop holes in my hair and started saying something about a time machine.

Then he noticed the guy in viking gear. He started crying and smacking the belt he had on until it burst into flame and then vanished with him screaming in pain.

I chalked it up to lack of sleep. I hadn't slept all night making this outfit accurate to how they dressed 200 years ago...

Superacid

I started taking Acid back in the early 70’s, because I was always slightly too late jumping on bandwagons, but that’s beside the point. I can remember the first time I took it, and how amazed I was when my self and the world around me began to melt into each other.

I began working to share that sensation, that feeling, that state of being with the world, to have all of humanity have a merger of sensations into one whole. I spent years trying to find a drug to do that.

Then came social media, so I stopped bothering.

Uplifting

He’d go on to create some of the most life affirming and uplifting art the world had ever seen. The sort of thing that people fly in from all over the world to see in person, the type of art that made you feel that no matter how dark things were, there would always been a dawn.

But to get to that point, he had to plunge into the depths. In order to truly understand joy, he felt the worst pangs of despair. And he made art about that first.

Luckily for us all, there was a well timed fire…

Two Women In A House

Two women lived happily inside their house,

Until they discovered that there was a mouse.

After they screamed, shouted and cursed,

They argued as to what they had to do first.

The older said “Quick, gather all of our food,

We must protect it until the rodent’s subdued!”

The younger said “No, you silly old dill,

Why bother with that? Just go for the kill!”

The discussion started slow, in low, subtle notes,

But soon they were screaming, at each other’s throats.

The two came to blows, and both ran away,

Without ever hearing what the mouse had to say.

Part Of A Balanced Fate

We got lucky that one of the shots from Ulxia’s laser managed to graze him, and thus let us follow the blood trail. We found him running through a breakfast cereal plant, thus giving the hunt a somewhat comical twist, as cartoon animals kept zooming past us as we tried to stop ‘her’ home planet from being destroyed.

But after a few minutes, he attacked me hand to hand, thus one good shot from Ulxia dissolved him, and with it, the control panel, we assumed. We had saved her home!

Some kid must have thought it was the inclosed toy…

Changing The Unchangeable

I was told that there was no power known to man, angel or devil, that could undo what’s done.

You could shape the future however you wanted, make a deal with either side in the war, sell your soul or even just change the world by your deeds and actions. But what was past, could not be altered.

I was offered spells to make me forget her, I was offered wishes to create a copy of her, but I refused to let go, I would change what was unchangeable.

And I did.

The consequences I could live with. Everybody else…

The Authority

“If you do not come out within five minutes with your weapons holstered and your hands up, I have the authority to direct my troops to open fire!”

The siege had lasted days, and this was perhaps the most crucial moment, given that negotiations had broken down and everything was hanging by a frayed thread.

The public wanted action but at the same time they would scream and bay for blood if one cop hurt one hair on one child’s head.

Hence the very careful wording on the threat.

I had the authority, but I wasn’t about to use it…

Advanced Warning

“Clone 73” awoke from his cryosleep 1742 hours ahead of planned arrival due to a power surge in the secondary databanks.

Being that Clone 73 was a clone of DNA recovered from a Neanderthal body discovered in a classified mountain range, this awakening did not go too smoothly, but the robots were able to put him into a chemically induced coma as he stood staring at a view panel.

Our monitoring shows Clone 73 is the Leader of the resulting tribe, and should be interviewed extensively when the Human colonists arrive on the planet’s surface for information gathering before termination.

The Hardest Puzzle Of The Year 674

Welcome, pull up a stool while I light the candle.

So, I presume you’re here for the same reason everyone else is? You want a shot at solving the problem that not even the King could solve?

I don’t blame you, everyone who can read without moving his lips thinks they have the solution to the problem. So then…

How can a sightless fake lump of diamond share a secret?

I’ll wait.

No, no, the answer is Blind Carbon Copy.

I know, you don’t understand, but see, anyone who could guess that might be able to help me get home…

Plunder & Loot

Susan Plunder would introduce herself then start her pitch, waiting before she introduced her associate, Gary Loot. This began as an attempt to head off anyone making the connection and/or joke, but after a few years it just became part of the patter. And it never stopped them making the joke anyway.

At first, it was tolerable. Then it was annoying, then aggravating, and finally she reached acceptance after a few thousand jokes.

Besides, she had perfected her fake laugh early on, and people seemed more trusting of the contracts, as if only honest people could have names like that…

In For A Reason

There were five guys already in the cell when the cops pushed me in. I didn’t bother making a scene as they closed and locked the door, instead sprawling out on one of the benches and looking around at the other ‘guests’.

“So, watcha in for?” I drawled.

“Self defence.”

“Fucking bitch ex says I ain’t paying child support enuff.”

“Punching someone… I think it was a cop, not sure.”

“Fuck you.”

I shrugged and looked at the fifth guy.

“Oh, I’m not in here.” he said as he pressed a shiv into my hands and then melted into smoke.

Mining For Data

There weren’t that many datalinks on Letinite VII that could connect to the Galactic Records, and only a couple that workslaves could gain access to.

Jack had to spend months saving up a credit here, a credit there, as well as selling what little free time he had, helping fellow workslaves pick up slack, clean their appointed quarters and, on a couple of occasions, things he would never talk about.

But finally he saved up enough to book a session, and after logging in, he ran a search on Humanity/Earth, hoping to maybe find home.

The Records returned no match.

Misdirection

I had spent twenty years making sure I was the only practicing magic user in North America, via persuasion, payment, and the occasional use of pyromancy if they remained stubborn.

So imagine my annoyance when I turned the TV on for a distraction while I made some potions, and on some stupid talent show I saw a ‘magician’ who was using bad stage magic to cover actual magic usage to transport his assistant, among other spells.

This would not do.

I tracked him down, and confronted him. He claimed ignorance.

I should have considered his assistant before she zapped me.

Musing On Muses

It could have been anyone.

People called often, after all. Some wanted a basic drawing of their mother from a blurry photo on their phone as they desperately hoped it wouldn’t seem like a last second present. Some wanted huge oil paintings for their lobby, and tried to convince me that doing it for free was worth it.

I was more interested in the jobs in the middle of those extremes, but they had dried right up, and I was feeling low, and thought I needed a muse.

And in walked the most beautiful psycho girlfriend an artist could have…

A Clean Take Away

It was meant to be a clean job. From the moment Blackie started cutting the alarms, it should have taken a mere fifteen minutes to get in and out with a few hundred million in negotiable, that is to say untraceable, bearer bonds.

I should have just walked away when Blackie mentioned that there were more alarms than expected in the basement, but we were heading for the third floor, so I didn’t bother thinking about it.

I got my hands on the first batch of bonds when Lookout suddenly screamed into the radio, and then came the horrible munching…

Non-Drabble: Explanation

Yesterday there was no Drabble. This was due to a timing issue, which I apologise for. Today will see two Drabbles posted, to make up for the gap, and we will return to our regularly scheduled schedule from tomorrow. Thank you.

Death’s Domain

Death comes for us all.

It took me a long, long time to come to terms with that. I threw tantrums when my pets died as a child, I spent years asking to visit Grandma long after she had past on, and for most of my adult life I refused to talk about it, I made no plans about what would happen after I died, because mortality was something I just could not face.

But after caring for my wife all through her dying, I finally accepted it, and began to make plans for my own death.

Which never came.

Island Shore Leave

It was my first tour in the Navy. While I had stopped vomiting, I took shore leave first chance I could. I didn’t care it was some island I’d never heard of, I just needed to feel solid ground.

I didn’t bother to check what language they spoke, I managed to buy lunch and then rent a bike just fine, and then headed out for a ride around the island, needing to feel the wind in my hair. In the bush some kids ran towards me and screamed greetings, but I ignored them.

Turns out ‘Ahi!’ is Maori for fire…

Tir’d With All These

There’s a sonnet by Shakespeare, well, probably Shakespeare, Number 66. In it, he waxes lyrically about how life is horrible and unfair, that the government is cruel, and that the world just flat out sucks.

It’s a super downer poem, obviously, except when it gets to the very last line, and how he’d leave the world, except that it would leave his love alone in it.

A lovely thought, but I’ve always had an issue with it, in that really, if you love someone, shouldn’t you want to end their suffering in this hellhole of a world?

I did, yesterday.

Joy Blobs

Every planet had a different name for them, but most of them focused on their blob like nature, and the pure joy they shared.

They were from another plane of existence, it was theorised, and they would float through when reality tore, it was hypothesized. But most beings didn’t care about the science, they just hoped they would be lucky enough to get pulled into a blob and experience what seemed like years of ecstasy inside one of the blobs.

It was safe, it was joyous, and it was one of the universe’s greatest aspects.

And then Humanity was ‘attacked’…

Long Pork Sausages

When you’re halfway between Charlestown and Williamsburg, you need to treat everyone who gets off their horse or wagon as if they’re the first ever people who want to buy long pork sausages.

Introduce yourself warmly, ask them we’re they’re headed, and never lie to them.

When they want to know about your meat, make sure you tell them about how George or Sally or whoever had a wonderful time on the farm, albeit for a short while.

And of course, only kill and grind up people who won’t be missed. Last thing you want is to be found out.

Reflecting On Call Making

You can spend decades wondering if you made the right call or not.

Every day, for just a moment or two, it’ll come back to you. The decision, the second you had to make that choice, and then the call you made.

Often you’ll then have the aftermath flash before your eyes, all the impacts and outcomes, good and bad. And maybe, after that, you’ll get the same thing but with the hypothetical other impacts and outcomes, had you made the other call.

Of course, this is everyone else. Me, I know that the ones I made were all wrong.

Dr. Banevil’s The Virus

Dr. Banevil had spent years working on The Virus. While it was modelled on the how people perceived zombies to work, it lacked the cravings for flesh, instead it just tried to get itself spread. The point was to slaughter the world’s population, after all.

However, given Dr. Banevil was wanted by every human rights court on the planet, she couldn’t exactly set the bombs herself. So, she her slavish assistant George to set the charges in the CBD, to coincide with the Christmas sales.

She should have checked he understood that didn’t mean sales taking place ON Christmas Day…

Surprising Armageddon

The moment the sky had turned, I knew I had to return to Seabay, and back to my Mentor. I would have used Slip Jump, but the power of the force was too much to properly cast it.

So I went the old fashioned way. By the time I arrived, day was night, and society was tearing itself apart.

But when I found my Mentor, he was calm. Too calm.

I brushed off his talk of ‘fitting ends’ and made a last, useless stand against the power.

A surprising number of Mages were upset when I managed to beat it…

The Woodsman

It was the only noise for miles around, the rhythmic sound of logs being slowly turned into smaller logs.

I was used to dealing with animals emerging from the woods, drawn by the sound. And of course the occasional ‘local’ who wanted to trade some food or supplies for firewood. Those I could deal with, my axe solved both of them, in different ways.

But when I saw the young girl in the red cape, I dropped the axe and ran to her.

Until I saw the wolf carcass she was dragging, and then realised why the cape was red…

A Street Performer Called Desire

It was a slightly damp Tuesday.

It was the usual path I took from the deli I usually ate lunch at, back to the office.

She was busking in the middle of the square.

She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

Her act was seemingly balancing on one foot while singing.

Her eyes were piercing blue, and seemed to stare right through me.

I desperately patted my pockets to try and find some change to give her.

I was stunned when she stopped singing, stepped out of her circle and kissed me.

Desire was direct.

Desire is amazing.

Hell Of A Party

As far as these sorts of things went, I suppose it was pretty mild. There was no rampant destruction, no epic youthful transgressions. Hell, my liquor cabinet was barely raided!

And that kinda worried me. Part of the reason I went on this trip was to give him some space, and I was expecting a disaster when I came back, I assumed it was part of every adolescent’s journey, hosting a huge party.

But there were just a half dozen teenagers, all dozing on chairs and such. I was confused.

Then I looked down in the cellar, and was terrified.

In Times Of Great Stress

In times of great stress, it is said, people find they can do amazing things to protect those they love. When those mythical people say that, they mean mothers lifting cars off their babies, fathers carrying daughters hundreds of miles, stuff like that.

I don’t think they intended it to mean that the moment that the trigger was pulled, and the bullet slammed into my wife’s face, the second the blood and bone…

Maybe I’m rewinding time a few seconds. Maybe I’m flowing through alternative universes. But I’m not giving up.

I gotta catch it one of these times, right?

Highs & Lows

He played the last few notes, then turned to face her, his face a mix of hope and fear. She tried to think it through.

The song, objectively, was horrible. It barely had a melody and there were seemingly random and pointless key changes, up then back down and then down again before a stupidly high crescendo.

As a music lover, she knew it was her duty to tell him to never play that tune again.

But since the words were such a passionate love note, directed at her, she knew she’d never hear a finer piece in her life.

Man’s Dance

Old Man Tibbs staked himself a good plot of land just outside town, only costing him a few boxes of ammo to get rid of the pesky Injuns. Only took him a few bloody hours.

Iron Tibbs was known for miles around as possibly the toughest man to ever farm corn. Sadly, in his long time tending his father’s land, he only ever produced a daughter.

Sally Tibbs, as a woman, was clearly unable to run a farm, given how the corn and stock all died so quickly once she took over.

Shame the Medicine Man’s curse took so long…

Is There A Waiting List?

Had the first Aliens we met been aggressive, that might have gone well for us, since nothing brings Humanity together like a war against outsiders.

Had the first Aliens we met been totally unlike any other species on Earth, that might have been all right, as a total break from what we knew would allow for a fresh, clean start.

Had the first Aliens we met been like the Greys from pop culture, all large eyes and big heads, that would have made some sense.

But a race of sexy green skinned women? That just led to too many questions…

Successor Function

“Care to be my successor function at a wedding?”

She stared at the text message for a few minutes, before eventually replying.

“U want me to cater ur function? Because Im not a professional cook.”

The reply was almost immediate.

“No no, my successor function, you know, my S(n).”

She tried a quick web search, and got angry.

“Side note? Im not noones bit on the side, u bastard.”

He tried to call, but she didn’t answer, forcing him to text back.

“A successor function is a +1.”

“What does that mean?” she replied.

He never replied to that one. 

(Many thanks to Sandy for assistance with this one!)