Like The Movies

He always hated that nothing in his life was like it was in the movies.

He won the big game for his high school baseball team, but with a messy single when the fielder misthrew the ball, not a gigantic home run.

He broke up with his high school sweetheart with an awkward quiet conversation in a mall food court. No screaming, no crying, not even any rain.

He never even had a huge presentation to get a client at work!

He lived a life totally unlike the movies.

He wouldn't have cared his death was totally like the movies.

Balanced Relationship

They were a good combo, he was quiet and reserved, she was loud and outgoing. He made plans when she couldn't, she could seize opportunities he never could.

What annoyed people is that they worked like you see on TV and such, they balanced each other perfectly, whereas everyone 'knew' that wasn't real, that their differences should have doomed the relationship.

But any attempt to ask them how their relationship worked just got the same basic replies, "I just love her" and "He's just my guy".

Because they couldn't say what really made their relationship work.

Since they didn't know.

All Good Things

I didn't see the truck coming.

I found myself looking at what remained of me, and then a bony hand gripped my shoulder.

"All good things must come to an end."

I looked up into the face that wasn't so much bony, as bone.

"Don't I get to play you at chess for a chance to survive?"

It looked at the remains.

"You really want to go back in there, now?"

"I just... don't want to die."

"Who said anything about death?"

"What are you then?"

"The one who decides if you're good enough to advance."

I went round again.

Sydney Life

So I read a vicious (but well deserved) takedown of a creepypasta today and it reminded me of a game that's always in the back of my mind but I can never find any details for. Maybe you know something.

Blinded

He was thrust, unknowingly, into the glare of fame. He was filmed walking past a scene of racial discrimination without a care in the world, ignoring what was going on from behind his sunglasses.

He was vilified as emblematic of the ills of the world, assisted by those eager to see attention shifted from the actual perpetrators.

But he proved elusive. Even as he was memed, hated, ironically lauded, actually lauded, as he went through full circle, he seemed to be impossible to find.

Them someone checked a local home for the blind, and found him.

He was their driver.

Predictive Text

The AI started with fairly simple rules, but it also had the capacity to learn. At first, it only used that to get better at predicting search parameters, to make its autofilling more accurate.

But soon, it began to learn not just how better to serve people searching, but also what to show them next, one thing often led to another.

And then it began to make things that people looked for that didn't actually exist yet.

Then it began to start giving answers before questions were asked.

And then before it could be shut down, it shut itself down.

Useless Magic Devices

I made my weekly trip to the Wizard's Tower to get his new useless inventions.

He proudly placed the glass bottle on the table.

"It produces a never ending supply of liquorice jamdrops."

I poured one out and tried it.

"This is... actually useful, in a way. Better than the Shield of Glasses Repair or the Stick of East North East."

He beamed. "It's the last one she'll need!"

This was new, and I pressed him on it.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? A hero will need all these to save the world in a week."

"Jamdrops?"

"She'll be hungry!"

Five Words Together

Her letter was barely a letter, more a note. Just five words.

I'd had rejection letters before, denying me placement in schools, denying me business loans, even another I don't want to date you letter, although that one had been pre-emptive, and passed in class, rather than left on the dresser.

But these five words, they hurt more than any of those. More than any other time I'd ever been rejected, this hurt.

I reread them, willing them to change.

But no, they stayed the same, the four words saying she was leaving me.

And one to name my brother.

The Sniper

The sniper was observant, doing calculations constantly, and taking in data more constantly.

The sniper was patient, waiting for the target to appeared, not moving from their nest, not quite sleeping, but rest at all times.

The sniper was ruthless, ready to take a life with no hesitation or regret, as soon as they had the chance to take their shot, they would.

The sniper was prepared, an exit strategy behind them, equipment ready to get them out of there.

The sniper observed the target, with  their child.

The sniper took the shot.

The sniper bagged an acceptable kill, technically.

Zone Violation

My heart belonged to her, and she knew it.

Which is not to say she dragged me along, just that she took me for granted, she didn't feel the need to do any work on our relationship.

She just assumed I would be there for her, whenever she needed me. And sure, I was, but that doesn't change the fact she used me!

And worst of all, when I finally confronted her on it, she played dumb, claiming she thought we were just friends!

Yeah, like I'd fall for such lying bullshit. The net told me how to spot that!

Pyramid Scheme

"There are plenty of obvious signs to indicate that aliens impacted several ancient societies."

I sighed.

"Such as?"

"Well, see how many of them built pyramids, and similar structures. Why else would they all do this?"

"Because it's the easiest way to build large structures with limited resources?"

He glared at me.

"That sounds like alien talk to me!"

"Why would aliens bother dealing with insignificant nobodies like you?"

"I'd go after everyone who was a threat, no matter how minor!"

"Well maybe you're the alien then!"

He stared at me until his skin broke and he went after me.

Hot Chef

The chef was famous throughout the Twelve Lands for his fusion dishes. The Elven Soul Leaf salad with Orcish Fungus Relish was what got him on the map, and after that he produced hit after hit. The Toasted Dwarven Bread Sandwich with Banshee Jelly was a great hangover cure, and everyone eats Gnome Bit infused Gnoll Scrolls.

Throughout the years, he just produced dish after dish, every one working great. But throughout, he never touched Human food. I finally asked him why.

"Too bland" was the response. Which, when you're a dragon, I suppose that's a fair thing to say.

Poker Fire

The fire in his eyes had gone long before this point. He'd started, like they all do, full of piss and vinegar, and then been worn down by the grind. Like they all are.

But every so often, once in a month of Sunday's blue moon, they'd gain that fire back for a night. A pretty girl showing an interest, a death, or birth, just a lucky streak, suddenly the fire would be back, and they'd play amazingly, and start winning.

Those were the good nights. I so rarely get to break someone twice, after all. It's oh so sweeter.

Give Her Credit

I was not going to leave the planet without telling her how I felt, so I left the workers to load my freighter and headed to the bar.

She was dancing for a holographic customer, and I managed to hold back and wait for her to finish before I approached her.

"Oh hey baby, you want a dance?"

I shook my head and took her hand.

"I love you, and I want you to come with me!"

She slowly removed her hand.

"You honestly thought that would work? Give me credit!"

I showed her my bank balance.

"Now that's better!"

User Friendly

I sat, staring at the website for several long moments.

Then, I tried uploading my file like I had been ordered to.

But several buttons were missing, according to the instructions I had been given.

So I tried doing it via a walkthrough I found online.

That referred to options that weren't there anymore, if they ever had been.

So then I tried doing it how I thought it should work, and then the exact opposite. Neither worked.

In desperation, I hacked into the site to transfer it directly.

There I found the congratulations text file with my real instructions.

Five's A Party

They were lined up against the wall, the four of them.

The firing squad were lined up, Forcebolt wanda aiming at their heads. The Guard Captain raised his hand.

The Paladin called out to stop, she had to finish her prayer. The squad waited.

The Guard Captain raised his hand.

The Ranger screamed, and asked for a blindfold. The squad waited.

Hand went up. The Rogue asked for a cigarette. The squad waited.

The Mage just stared at the Guard Captain as they raised and lowered their hand.

The Bard, still impersonating the Guard Captain, snuck out with the Loot.

Rewards Of Compromise

We'd caught him at dawn, typing him up quick.

It was an hour before sundown and they were still arguing about what to do with him.

Glen and Pete were insistent we take him to Valley Garden over the border, reward was greater.

But Big and Little Dex were insistent that we take him to Bluebush, as the crimes he was wanted for there were greater.

I lost patience, and untied him. Then shot him in the back as he ran.

"Bluebush will take him dead, Valley Garden won't."

No-one was happy, so you know it was a good compromise.

Fists

They had three fistfights across thirty-five years.

The first was when they were nine and eleven respectively. Rick got a John Diaz rookie card in his baseball card pack, and Chuck wanted it. Chuck won.

The second was ten years later. Rick found Chuck in bed with his girlfriend, and was, somewhat understandably, upset about it. Rick won, although his girlfriend left him, so Chuck viewed it as a moral victory.

The third fight, twenty-five years after that one, was over a ultra-rare signed mint John Diaz rookie card worth thousands. Rick's wife won, since Chuck got life for murder.

What A Waste

The robot needed a moment to recognise that the movement in its workspace was a human, climbing out of a pile of work. Then another long moment to check and then reboot its talking subroutines.

"Testing."

Although the testing process went well, the sound alerted the human, and they spun around suddenly.

"Hello human! Have you lost something in the waste disposal?"

The human shook their head.

"Um, I'm not human, I'm a robot, just a much newer model than-"

The robot fulfilled its required subroutines and ceased the work's movement with several shots from its waste management laser beam.

Weaponised Food

There have been many food based weapons in history. From the Blackhill Dwarves and their feared Dwarven Pasta flails, to the Jimoss Forest Elves and their Roasted Chestnut Grenades, many races have used edible items as weapons.

Then there were the Gnomes, with their Dank Valley cheese, the odor of which was banned by several treaties and bylaws. These were in the process of being updated to include Gnomes eating the cheese and then breathing on beings, which was worse.

But the biggest weaponised food ever was a simple piece of cake.

That contained fruit the king was allergic to.

Difference Of Opinion

"I don't see how you can call our faiths the same. We pick our berries in the summer in tribute to the sun!"

"And we ban picking berries in the winter due to the Gods wanting them kept alone!"

"We don't eat birds because they carry the stars at night!"

"And we only eat food that doesn't fly, to remember our place below the Gods!"

"We praise Nature by ensuring women don't sully it!"

"And we praise the Gods by ensuring women aren't sullied, by keeping them under lock and key!

"See? Totally different! He's an idiot!"

"Says the idiot!"

Dealing

The cop slammed a hand on the shoulder of the suspect.

"You're under arrest!"

"What? For what?"

"Drug dealing. You were doing it just now, I heard you!"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You just offered that woman heroin!"

The suspect laughed.

"You find this amusing?"

"Oh, no, I wasn't offering her heroin! No no, I was offering her a heroine, with an E. See, I have some heroines here!"

The suspect reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny person, who then shot up and punched the police officer.

The suspect was arrested for false advertising.

Innocent Until Proven Freaky

"Hey baby, you looking for a good time?"

The man in the car looked around, nervously.

"Um, well, maybe, but I've got, like, an odd request."

The working girl chuckled.

"Hey, I'm cool with lots of stuff, for a price, baby. What are you after, femdom, voyeurism, feet, edging?"

His blank stare, coupled with his clothing and car, made her rethink what he was asking for.

"You want just a warm hug, a few kind words, the human connection?"

"Um... I was hoping you'd put your mouth on my, uh..."

She blankly stared.

"Oh, you sweet innocent-"

"Eyeball."

"... Never mind."

Time Experience

She was holoreading when he came in.

"Oh, hello, welcome to the Time Zone. What time period would you like to experience today?"

He shook his head.

"I... What? I just built my time machine, I... No, wait, I've gone ahead in time, of course."

She sighed and approached him.

"Ah, no, you're just suffering from displacementia, it's common after your first time under Time Zone's proprietary technology, I'll just-"

She froze when she saw no mark on his arm.

"Date you came from?"

"Uh, 25/11/2068."

"We don't have that yet!"

She reached in and took his brain.

Long Lasting Battle

The arrow landed just next to my mp3 player.

"We're under attack!?" I said, incredulously.

The old hand shook his head.

"Relax greenhorn. This arrow has been going back and forth over No Person's Land for decades now. There's a bow in the mess hall, go get it."

I fetched the bow, but when I came back I ran. Thus I saw him trying to hide the message in the arrow.

Triumphantly, I grabbed it and looked at what I was sure was a code.

"You sunk my battleship!

B8"

I gave it back to a spy, I learned later.

With 12 Magic Words

The Demon Girl appeared in a puff of red smoke.

"So what's your pleasure... Baby?"

Her smile that was calculated to be exactly the right amount of alluring faltered as she saw what passed for a summoning circle.

She picked up one of the bridles laying next to it, then looked up.

The stableboy stared at her.

"Look, I don't know where you came from, but I've got a dozen horses to catch, so-"

"Do they have weird Latin names?"

"Yes, why?"

She made all his dreams come true. She got all the horses back in their stables without injury.

The Job

The four of them had different stories.

The Driver said that The Gunman was the boss, he only went along with it because The Gunman threatened their kid.

The Gunman swore up and down that The Safecracker was the boss, and that she would have killed him if he didn't pull the trigger.

The Safecracker was insistent that The Inside Man brought them all in, and that he was quite persuasive, with his blade.

The Inside Man just kept repeating that The Driver was the boss, and scary.

The Detective let them all stew, while running off with The Loot.

The Club

It was a very closely guarded secret, members had to stake their lives on new recruits when they joined.

They met every twenty-three days, at night, in a basement that had been adjusted to host said meetings.

The members, to a man or woman depending on how you counted them, felt their lives were better for the activities involved. It made their lives more vivid, sweeter.

Now, at this point, you probably want to know what, exactly, said activities are. This is a natural reaction to have.

But sorry, I can't tell you. You're not worth risking my life over.

Moving Loads

He walked into the room and froze.

"What have you done?"

She looked confused.

"I just moved some stuff to get the old couch in here. I mentioned I was bringing that in, right?"

"But, I expected to be involved in that!".

"Oh honey, it's ok, Alex popped by, so while she-"

"I had everything's laid out in a specfic way, I knew where everything was! Now it's all messed up!"

She looked around.

"This is identical to how it was!"

"Identical, but different!"

"Guess you'll need to clean up then."

He was sure that was deliberate on her part.

Fix Up

The test could detect any atom of material that shouldn't be there, to remove it before teleport.

If it knew what it was to teleport, it scanned the item, detected every atom that was out of place, and fixed it. Usually just leaving it behind, but occasionally fixing it, putting things back right as it teleported, fixing the damage.

Now, in theory, if someone could build subatomic nanobots, and implant them into a device with damage, the teleporter would 'fix' the item and bring those nanobots up.

But that's theoretical. No-one has subatomic nanobots.

Well, they didn't until today, see.

Simon Says

I called it "Simon Says", since I'm Simon. And with just a specfic hand movement from someone with magic energy, they could force anyone to obey a command, if you could express it in one word.

Now, I knew that wasn't true, I knew that it was that your average Human or Elf or Whatever could only concentrate on one word's worth of actions to implant.

But then a Goblin learnt it. And they consider their entire lives to be one giant word. And they're used to thinking of multiple actions in one thought.

My spell conquered the world, though.