Dear Homeowner

She left the note on the hook where i hung my keys, ensuring I saw it first thing.

I read it, growing increasingly stunned as I realised this was a 'Dear John' letter about my being too boring for her. It ended with her saying she was heading back home.

As I rushed to my car, I quickly worked out how she'd get there. Given her fear of flying, her inability to drive, and her lack of funds, had to be a bus. So I rushed to the terminal.

Thus, not noticing the discount train ticket flyer in the trash.

Day & Night

Enough of the members of the Alliance had day/night cycles that all Alliance starships ran on a 10 on, 10 off system that didn't suit anyone but didn't ruin anyone either.

This would cause problems, as in space, most things didn't care about doing things on such a schedule.

So it evolved into less a day/night cycle and just two equal teams taking turns running the ship.

Unfortunately, as much as day/night cycles were ubiquitous enough to warrant their implementation, the only thing more ubiquitous was arbitrary divisions leading to competition, which inevitably led to attempted sabotage.

The Creature

I held my breath as the stomping got closer to the door.

The stomping stopped just outside the door, and I could feel the floor shift as the creature stood just outside the closet, the floorboards raising slightly under my feet, but not by much.

My heart skipped a beat as the handle rattled, the creature trying, with difficulty, to open the door.

I quickly tried to consider my options. The only thing I could think of was-

The door opened, and the creature looked up at me.

"Found you Daddy! Now you look for me!"

It ran off quickly.

Shot Chaser

I placed the bottle on the table, and then drank the contents of my glass in one long, slow gulp.

As I put the glass down, she picked up the bottle and rotated it in her hands.

"I don't understand how you humans drink poison for pleasure."

"It's not poison. Not really. Alcohol makes things just feel... Better. Loosens the inhibitions, lowers pain..."

She stared at the bottle for a moment, considering my words.

"And the cyanide is, what do you call it, a chaser?"

"What?" I asked, slurring, as I fell over to the floor.

"That good?" She asked.

April Fool's Eve

So it'll be April 1st in a little bit.

I hate April 1st.

I wish it was for some personal, understandable reason like I lost a loved one or something, but no, like a lot of people, I really hate April Fools Day.

And with that, i know a lot of people will tell me to take a joke, to lighten up, to have a bit of fun. But screw that, it's stupid, and I'm right to hate it, and you're wrong to like it.

...

April Fools!

...

You see how stupid that is? Why are we still doing this crap?

Waiting In The Rain

I sat out in the rain, waiting.

Not for either of them to apologise, I knew that wasn't happening.

Nor for either of them to realise that they were both wrong. No chance of that.

I wasn't waiting for some fourth party to intervene and solve the issue with diplomacy. Chances of that were small enough to be practically impossible.

And I certainly wasn't waiting for some sort of divine report card to win on points.

No, I sat in the rain and waited long enough to make sure the gas leak lasted long enough to do its job inside.

Finest Elk Pelt

I approached the board, and three different muscular arms suddenly blocked my path. After a couple false starts where all three owners of said arms spoke at once, the closest to me ended up becoming spokesman.

"Beginner's Cup is over by the bathroom, Newbie."

I shrugged.

"I know, but I want to put my name down for the Open Challenge, it's open to all members of the Hunter's Guild, isn't it?"

There was much laughing, and then they let me put my name down.

Proof of kill being a pelt was changed after they found out I had a farm.