Running Against The Clock

We'd agreed, during a drunken night of club-hopping, that if we got to 30 (such a far away number, at the time), if neither of us had found love, we'd marry each other to satisfy the familes and for tax purposes.

When 30 rolled around, so damn quickly, we considered it, given our circumstances, but then mutually agreed to push it to 40, which was a whole decade away, plenty of time.

We both got close, but 40 came, and 50 was aimed for.

And indeed, on her 50th, we married.

Right before her ultimately pointless chemotherapy course began.

Gender Based Prophecy

"You fool! The Gods themselves have said that no Man can kill me!"

The swordsman, had he the breath, would have told the Wizard that he just wanted to shut him up, or maybe something about injuring him enough. But instead, he just swung the sword.

He connected with the Wizard, which didn't surprise him. He also decapitated the Wizard, which he didn't.

It took a few seconds for him to realise the Wizard was dead.

It took a few moments for him to realise the Wizard wasn't coming back.

It took a few months for her to understand everything.

So-Called Hill

They had called it a hill. But as I stood at the base, that wasn't the word that sprung to my mind. 'Mountain' was an early contender, 'sheer-faced cliff' getting disqualified due to it being 2, maybe 3 words, with 'big' ending up winning the popular vote after a couple run-offs.

Unfortunately, I could see what was the start of a 'path' heading up. I had to call it that because 'seemingly impossible direction to travel' didn't roll off the tongue.

Not as well as I rolled off the 'big' a 'hundredish' meters up the so-called 'path'.

Wish Granted

"I wish for a gold coin that doubles every day, in that I have 2 the next day, 4 the day after that, and-"

The urchin noticed that the Genie had frozen, as had the cave around him, in an eerie green light.

Then a portal opened and a small figure in a black suit stepped through with a clipboard and a pair of half-glasses on a chain.

"Hello. You have attempted to cast or invoke a magic spell that will cause an economic collapse within a few months. What are you intending to spend the money on?'

The urchin blinked and rubbed his head.

"Uh... Food? A bed? Wine? Women, maybe some of that-"

"I see, are there any others you intend to support or use the money on?"

The urchin thought about the other urchins.

"No."

The figure nodded and filled out a scroll.

"So no plans for inter-plane interactions nor major political or magical upheavals?"

"No, man, I just want to live a nice life."

The figure nodded as they continued scrawling in gaps on the scroll.

"Very wise. Sign here."

The urchin, confused, signed.

*********

The rich man was unaware he lost two wishes, technically.

#1 With A Bullet

Humanity was desperate for something that made them stand out amongst the Galactic Community. It wasn't unusual, most races went through it, the desperate need to be the most special and unique in some way.

But try as we might, we couldn't find one. There was always another race stronger, faster, better at art, music, sex, everything. And we were also too much of an outlier to try and claim default status, not that we didn't try hard.

But in the end, we did find one way we were the best.

'Disease incubation' wasn't good for tourism.

But for weapons...

Preventative Measures

Some people save the world by curing disease, or by discovering a great leap forward in science. Me? I save the world by ensuring that there's no evil lurking in the shadows.

After all, if there was a great evil like a vampire house or a werewolf clan or whatever in the shadows, there's no way they'd allow anyone to explain them online. So every day, when I write out a new creature or a variation of one, I prove there's no such actual thing.

Today's one is really nasty too, I'll just open this parcel then I'll get to-

The Boy Scout

He had the reputation for predicting every little thing. No matter what, he had a plan, and a back-up, and a back-up for the back-up, and presumably a back-up for that one too, and so on.

He'd developed that reputation across the years, but the truth was, while he was clever and could do a decent job at predicting stuff, truth is, all he has were a half dozen basic plans and devices he could pull out, and a damn good poker face.

After all, there's only so many ways anyone can shoot at you, right?