Universe XX875

"Hello, you're speaking with Jack, how can I help you?"

"This is the Alternate Universes Help Line, yes?"

"That's correct sir, are you calling for help in building a bridge between universes?"

"No, I've built one already, and used it."

"Excellent, do you have a technical issue? Your device broken or malfunctioning?"

"What? No..."

"Are you paralysed by the realisation that there is a seemingly infinite number of universes and thus have issues with morality or-"

"No, no! I'm... Every universe I've visited, the other mes, they're all female!"

"...

Transferring you to the Self-Realisation department now sir, please hold on."

Everything You Know Is Wrong

So did you hear how one of the reasons Weird Al stopped doing new parodies (at least so far) is due to not being able to be sure everyone has the same cultural touchstones?

It makes sense if you think about it, how many people do you know who don't know any songs by that current artist you love, or who don't know what that streaming TV show is about despite it being so good? Or vice versa with crap your co-workers and friends like?

That makes sense, right? Well, thing is, this also applies to news and facts now...

The Orb Of Pain

It took a while to understand what The Orb was doing, given we couldn't work out what it was made of. But eventually it was theorised and then shown to hover over the human that, at that point in time, was in the most pain on the planet.

For all the talk of trying to use it for finding crash sites and the like, there was too many births and natural deaths for that to work.

And then there was the fact that for half the time, it was hovering over a farmer who insisted he was feeling just fine.

Probing

I pulled the lever, and watched as the probe launched from the side of the station. The engine kicked into gear, and it took off.

I had done the calculations as best I could, but as the station was falling into the collapsing star, I thought I wasn't going to know if I'd succeeded or not.

But as the station fell, time seemed to slow, I assume, as suddenly the sensors went wild, getting more and more data, rapidly.

So I did get to see the probe succeed and save them.

And then I got to see them die anyway.

Rules Of The Game

He found me in the alley behind the nightclub he'd just fought his way through, killing only those trying to kill him (Rule 9).

I was smoking a cigarette, and he paused, knowing he had to let me finish (Rule 15).

I told him, "You know as well as I do that I had no choice but to tie up loose ends" (Rule 22).

He spoke, softly, as he reloaded, "And I have every right to retaliate" (Rule 6).

I nodded as the drunk bum I'd just met and slipped a fifty to took the shot from behind (Personal Rule).

Required Secondary Powers

The Incident that gave the entire Class of 2031 superpowers wasn't exactly even. For every Glory, Solstar, or Mrs Anderson, there were a dozen people who could... change their skin solor, or carbonate water, or some other useless ability.

But then there was Saf.

Saf, at first, thought he'd not gotten any powers, until he was tested, like the rest, and discovered he in fact had hundreds of powers. All the minor powers other heroes really had to have to stop their backs breaking when they lifted something or friction prevention when they sped up.

And then he met Powershifter...

Past The Post

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

It's only a few microseconds each lap.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

But he had time to think.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

Even if he won, he'd lost the overall grand championship.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

And that really shouldn't matter right now.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

But he knew that, waiting for him, was an angry bookmaker, and his criminal 'friends'.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, drive into the post.