Non-Drabble: Taking Time Off

 Hey, so I'm going to be taken a couple weeks off, real life stuff and then prepping for an RPG con, so my mind is elsewhere. I'm aiming for an Oct 8th return, but there's always a chance I'll come up with an idea and just have to post. But hey, there's thousands of Drabbles here, have fun, and I'll see you soon!

Drone On

The war was fought for 100 years, and also over 25 minutes.

The declaration was done over the inter-system communication array, a religious dogma on one end, a very long term expansion plan on the other.

Both systems then set in motion the plans, both of them launching drone strikes that set off on their journeys across empty space, towards the targets.

For decades, the massive payloads travelled, silently, until they finally arrived and connected in a complicated 25 minutes.

Unfortunately, by then, both sides had completely forgotten about the initial war, and it started all over again soon after.

That's Our Time

It was in the third session that my therapist had a rather subtle crash-out.

"Why are you here?"

I quickly worked through what I thought they could mean before I gave up.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you clearly aren't looking to improve, so why are you wasting both of our times?"

"I'm open to improving!"

"So you'll consider meditation?"

"That crap doesn't work, I told you."

"Journalling?"

"That's just busy work."

"And gratitude practice?"

"What in my life do I have to be grateful for?"

"I repeat, why are you here?"

"Drugs."

"I knew it!"

"My mother's."

"... What?" 

Chased

I had chased the light in the sky to where it crashed a mile or so into the forest.

I had expected to find a crashed aircraft, and while I had, I had unconsciously included 'human' in my expectation and that had proven false.

I wasn't sure how to approach it, but then a panel opened up, and I was doubly confused when a regular looking guy in a nice dress shirt and slacks stepped out.

I went to say something and then --- I took over the new body and headed to their vehicle and escape before I was discovered.

Good Knight, Sweet Prince

Once upon a time, there was a prince.

This was a problem.

The King had been... 'resting' for several years, and the Prince had been content, at first, to focus on training with the knights during the day and at night running...

In any case, the Royal Advisers had been running everything quite well in their estimation, but the Prince was beginning to not only want to start running things, but even have his own ideas.

Attempts were made to deal with him, but he remained annoying and repeatedly awake.

And then the King woke up, causing even more problems.

As Far As

As far as ways to be woken up, a punch to the stomach is low down the list, but not at the bottom.

As far as people holding you hostage, masked thugs is actually pretty good, means they're scared you'll identify them later.

As far as demands from kidnappers go, codes to a bank intranet is pretty bad, on the assumption that you don't know them.

As far as cases of mistaken identity go, getting kidnapped is pretty low on the desired outcomes list.

And as far as rescues go, really, any you survive are a passing grade, I say.

21 Underground

I finished paying him out, and watched him leave. Once he was just out of earshot, the new heavy cracked his knuckles next to me.

"So you want me to go get our money back?"

I looked at him, quelling my first instinct to express amazement he could speak.

"No, we don't do that if a newbie gets lucky their first night, assuming they aren't cheating. It gets out we beat up successful gamblers, we get no new customers."

"Oh.

So what if he's lucky next time?"

"Then his luck will run out."

He stared at me until I explained.

Honor And Predictability

The Honorable Warrior sat in the clearing, sharpening his blade. He then heard a twig break behind him, with the familiar sound of a weapon being drawn.

"Now, given the circumstances, I have to assume you know the rules of honorable combat, and also that you know I abide by them. You have then deliberately chosen to flout those rules.

I admit that I know the rules make one predictable. But not nearly as predictable as one choosing to break them. That's why I travel with Corv here."

The would-be ambusher was long dead with Corv's blade through their back.

I Don't

She stepped out onto the balcony so quietly I didn't even hear her until she spoke, but given my whole life had just ended, I suppose I might not have been paying that much attention.

"So, rather than talk to me in private, you stage this big elaborate declaration of love in front of everyone. I gotta know why, at least why this way."

I debated what to say then picked the truth just to say something, quickly.

"Because you deserve the best."

She sighed.

"I hope, one day, you understand that best and biggest aren't synonymous."

I did, eventually.

Strike

Most people, there's not a turning point that changes their lives, just long, slow locking in paths.

But some people, they have that one moment that is the tangent point. Some don't recognise it until after the fact, a few manage to have a record.

Fewer still have it broadcast across the world.

He stepped up to the plate, this the swing to win everything, and he swung with all his might, and changed his life.

After all, merely scoring would have been nice and all, but the way he struck out, set him up as a punchline for life.

Universe XX875

"Hello, you're speaking with Jack, how can I help you?"

"This is the Alternate Universes Help Line, yes?"

"That's correct sir, are you calling for help in building a bridge between universes?"

"No, I've built one already, and used it."

"Excellent, do you have a technical issue? Your device broken or malfunctioning?"

"What? No..."

"Are you paralysed by the realisation that there is a seemingly infinite number of universes and thus have issues with morality or-"

"No, no! I'm... Every universe I've visited, the other mes, they're all female!"

"...

Transferring you to the Self-Realisation department now sir, please hold on."

Everything You Know Is Wrong

So did you hear how one of the reasons Weird Al stopped doing new parodies (at least so far) is due to not being able to be sure everyone has the same cultural touchstones?

It makes sense if you think about it, how many people do you know who don't know any songs by that current artist you love, or who don't know what that streaming TV show is about despite it being so good? Or vice versa with crap your co-workers and friends like?

That makes sense, right? Well, thing is, this also applies to news and facts now...

The Orb Of Pain

It took a while to understand what The Orb was doing, given we couldn't work out what it was made of. But eventually it was theorised and then shown to hover over the human that, at that point in time, was in the most pain on the planet.

For all the talk of trying to use it for finding crash sites and the like, there was too many births and natural deaths for that to work.

And then there was the fact that for half the time, it was hovering over a farmer who insisted he was feeling just fine.

Probing

I pulled the lever, and watched as the probe launched from the side of the station. The engine kicked into gear, and it took off.

I had done the calculations as best I could, but as the station was falling into the collapsing star, I thought I wasn't going to know if I'd succeeded or not.

But as the station fell, time seemed to slow, I assume, as suddenly the sensors went wild, getting more and more data, rapidly.

So I did get to see the probe succeed and save them.

And then I got to see them die anyway.

Rules Of The Game

He found me in the alley behind the nightclub he'd just fought his way through, killing only those trying to kill him (Rule 9).

I was smoking a cigarette, and he paused, knowing he had to let me finish (Rule 15).

I told him, "You know as well as I do that I had no choice but to tie up loose ends" (Rule 22).

He spoke, softly, as he reloaded, "And I have every right to retaliate" (Rule 6).

I nodded as the drunk bum I'd just met and slipped a fifty to took the shot from behind (Personal Rule).

Required Secondary Powers

The Incident that gave the entire Class of 2031 superpowers wasn't exactly even. For every Glory, Solstar, or Mrs Anderson, there were a dozen people who could... change their skin solor, or carbonate water, or some other useless ability.

But then there was Saf.

Saf, at first, thought he'd not gotten any powers, until he was tested, like the rest, and discovered he in fact had hundreds of powers. All the minor powers other heroes really had to have to stop their backs breaking when they lifted something or friction prevention when they sped up.

And then he met Powershifter...

Past The Post

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

It's only a few microseconds each lap.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

But he had time to think.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

Even if he won, he'd lost the overall grand championship.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

And that really shouldn't matter right now.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, pass the post.

But he knew that, waiting for him, was an angry bookmaker, and his criminal 'friends'.

Turn into the hairpin, speed up, drive into the post.

Sure Bet

After they did it to the third slot machine, I slowly began to follow them, as they did it to every free machine. They'd go up, insert their ticket, ring up a full bet, reach out, and then stop, withdraw the money, and go to the next machine.

After a few more, I walked up.

"Evening sir, can I ask what you're doing here?"

"Oh, this is just a good luck ritual."

I sighed.

"Sir, money laundering-"

He finally bet, and won a big jackpot.

He then left before I could work out he could rewind a few seconds constantly.

Deliberate Design Flaws

They didn't build in any way of reprogramming a spaceship AI from outside the spaceship because if they had, it would be used by their enemies.

They didn't build in any requirements to shut down into a spaceship's AI because if they had, it might not fight their enemies after a crew-wipe.

They didn't build in any way for a spaceships AI to get creative in its targeting programs because if they had, it might decide an enemy wasn't an enemy.

They didn't build a spaceship AI that understood changes in ship design because they didn't foresee themselves being targeted.

Magical Defense Team

The Captain opened another door. "And of course, this here is Dr Evenlyn Jamice-Worler, the most important member of our Magical Defense Team, our psychologist."

"Hello."

I blinked.

"I... I'm sorry?" 

"Ah, another one. Very well, you understand how magic works, yes?"

"Well, yes?"

"Do you understand that the will of the caster of a spell is what truly guides, shapes the spell?"

"Obviously."

She smiled.

"In order to be able to stop a runaway or dangerous spell, we need to understand the caster."

"Can't you just overwhelm it?"

The guide spoke.

"Oh, Demon Azrelasia is next on the tour."

The Ford Prefect Problem

Look, I'm not saying that the idea that an alien that doesn't comprehend all the radio and TV and internet that we've sent out to the universe over decades, and thus only has direct observation of the planet to make a decision on how to try and infiltrate society, it would make some degree of sense for them to think that the car is the dominant species and act accordingly.

But the thing is, to do that, you have to view the car as a living thing. Which does not bode well for what sort of life is out there...

479th Roaring Devils

I died, which I expected, and found myself in what I instantly knew was Hell, which I hadn't.

But rather than searing pain or loneliness or anything, I just felt demonic hands measuring me.

"What's going on?"

"We're just measuring you for your armor."

"What?"

The hands stopped.

"Look, there's going to be a battle soon, in a couple millennia. Beardface up there is going to wipe out everything, again, and we're going to try and stop him. And since you aren't a good enough fighter for him to draft you, we're going to have to get you armed and trained."

I shook my head.

"No, wait, look, I get that I didn't believe in any religion, and thus I'm here, but that doesn't mean I want to fight!"

The demon sighed.

"Look, if he destroys everything, it's retroactive, so you won't ever have existed. You want that?"

I thought this through.

"So why isn't this in the texts?"

The demon snorted.

"Consider the source."

I did.

"I dunno..."

"OK, how about this. They're taking good fighters and generals for up there. Including those on both sides of every conflict ever. That enough?"

"No!"

"Fine."

Limbo turned out rather dull.