Border Dispute

It was one of those irregularities that crops up when the human need for straight lines on maps comes into conflict with actual physical reality, with an added dash of lawyers getting involved.

The lake was part of the Kingdom, but the island inside the lake was part of the Empire next to it.

This became a humorous little titbit of information, a bit of trivia to be shared over mead and cheese.

And then they discovered The Stones on the island. And suddenly it became the most important dispute in history.

Until the Commonwealth ran over both of them.

Coded In Latin

He had spent the last twenty minutes explaining why it was absolute certainty that we were in fact living in a gigantic computing simulation. Finally, I snapped.

"Ok, and?"

"And, I was saying, the Hooked Fish Hypothesis says-"

"No, no, I mean if you're right, and this is all a computer simulation, so what? What does it matter?"

"It matters because if this is a simulation, then it has code, and if it has code, we can learn how to hack it, and change reality!"

"You mean like a magic spell?"

"Don't be ridiculous, I'm talking about real things here."

Xabo, Zoda

I cast my usual summoning spell, and the demon appeared inside the circle.

"Hey Xabo, I got another few-"

"I ain't Xabo, Human, I'm Zoda."

I stared at the demon for a long moment.

"I don't understand."

The demon snorted.

"There's more than one demon in the Higher Plains, Human."

"Well yes, fine, obviously, but I was quite specfic with the spell, so... Is Xabo dead?"

The demon scratched its head, flakes of skin falling from it.

"Well in a way. But in a more accurate way, Xabo got a promotion, which included more power."

Xabo appeared, outside the circle.

At My Children's Friend's House

I want you to understand that I'm not upset with them.

I know they must think I am, I'm sure that they told you I must be so angry at them and that's why you're protecting them.

But I'm not, truly. I just want them to be safe, I need to know that they're ok.

And I'm in no way impugning your honesty or anything, but I need to see them to confirm that they're ok, for my piece of mind.

Please, can I see them?

Oh, thank you, yes of course I'll wait here.

YOU FUCKING KIDS ARE DEAD!

The Anti-Matter Girl

Her very existence risked destroying the universe, every breath she took risked enough atoms of anti-matter being released to start a chain reaction and destroy everything.

Your natural instinct here is to assume I loved her, and was willing to risk everything for her.

I'm not that stupid.

You might then think I would create a portal or pocket dimension to hold her.

I'm not that smart.

So you're left with the obvious, that she had to die, and that I'd kill her.

I'm not that brave.

I explained it to her, and offered a weapon.

She was that brave.

The Ultimate Swordsman

He was the greatest swordsman I ever saw. He could swing the blade like no-one else, making it dance at the end of his arm like it was alive.

(It wasn't, I checked.

Multiple times.)

But despite this, he never quested, never searched or fought for treasure, he seemed content to teach guardsmen the same four basic moves.

I asked him why, again and again, and he finally told me.

"I know I'm the best. But no matter how good I am, there's always a chance I'll miss something, and end up dead.

The best ain't enough against random chance."

My Cultural Food

I've come to dread the postal deliveries.

Not for the mail capsules, those are useful and often have stuff I've ordered. But the pilot found out a while ago that I was from Earth, an actual grounder, and so he's now thinking I'm his best friend, and every cycle when he turns up, he has another snap-frozen 'Earth Meal'.

But he hasn't quite grasped that Earth has multiple societies and cultures.

Ramen noodle soups and Kangaroo steaks, stuff I've never had, I have to pretend I know if they're good or not.

I just want a good New York pizza...