The Devices

It was an unfortunate fact, but the Devices were so powerful that they would inevitably warp time and space, and end up landing on some backwards planet, and then we'd have to track them down once they discovered and used.

But this time, when we arrived, we didn't find a warlord ruling over a blood-soaked empire, but a society using the Devices to generate free energy, copious food, and so on.

We still have to take the Devices back and destroy everyone and everything around, but it was a nice change of pace not to have to fight too hard. 

Lesson Learned

The spacecraft appeared above the most densely populated area and began to broadcast a series of tones across multiple bandwidths.

While most of the various governments began to get scientists to try and translate, the more aggressively minded country leapt to a conclusion and fired nukes upon them.

It easily withstood this, then transported the entire region up to their craft and left.

Two hundred years later, a similar craft arrived, where it was instantly attacked by the global empire that had learned the lesson that aggression was rewarded.

Until they discovered what the craft had done with those people.

Fairway Boss

I looked at the ball, on the edge of the green, and walked over to my caddy.

"Putter."

He didn't move.

"You sure about that? It's a long as hell putt, better to pitch wedge it closer. Safer too."

I looked back at the ball, reconsidering the lay.

"No, I think I'm better to putt, I'm better at long putts, so give me the putter, thank you."

He still didn't move.

"You really want to pitch wedge it."

"Why?"

"Because your boss over there has taken 4 shots to get to the green, you wanna beat him?"

"Pitching wedge, thanks."

Storefront Of Broken Dreams

It was the 'Storefront of Broken Dreams', as it was known among the other shopowners. Every couple of months, a new starry-eyed person would rent it and its large outward facing window, fit it out to sell cookie pizzas, or boutique doghouses, or whatever it was that they had dreamed of selling, open up, last a month, then close up, repeat.

For some reason no-one who went in made a go of it. Some theorised bad luck, others a curse.

I told them that the rent was so high only those stupidly chasing impossible dreams were willing to pay it.

Wanted Man

I was about to put the kettle on when there was a knock on the back door. I paused, and weighed up the possibilities.

If it was the Americans, they wouldn't have knocked, they'd have just burst in.

If it was the Russians, they'd have slipped something through the door.

If it was the Santo Galois, they'd have sabotaged my car.

And if it was the Church, they'd have come at midnight.

So, unless someone was getting desperate enough to hire an independent contractor, I was safe.

I opened the door to find a child.

Who was an independent contractor.

The Evil, The Hero, The Sword

The Evil That Could Destroy The World strode into the room with a large goblet of wine in one clawed hand, which it put down as it approached the furnace.

The Hero began to kick, their hands shackled to the wall, dust and detritus flying. The Evil That etc laughed at them as The Sword That Could Kill The Evil was lowered into the lava, melting it.

The Evil laughed and took a big swig from the goblet, only to start choking as they'd accidentally swallowed the kicked in leather handle covering from The Sword That Was Killing The Evil.

Placebo Coffee

She walked into the room, for a given value of the term.

"Coffee."

She said this in such a low, guttural tone, i was slightly taken aback, but I stepped away from the bench, allowing her access to the coffee machine as she poured some instant coffee into her mug, then the water. A few moments later, she finished the mug, and sighed.

"Ah, I can feel the caffeine working already."

I chuckled.

"Actually, for the past week, you've been drinking decaf, I swapped them."

She chuckled.

"And for the last week minus one day I've swapped it back, genius."