Chronic Underlining

The older agent chuckled when he began to flick through the book.

“I tell you sweetheart, people underline things in books that reinforce their world view.”

“Is that so?” she said, holding her tongue.

“Give me a day and I’ll have him on a platter.” he continued, nodding at the young, rather bewildered looking man sitting in the interview room. He glanced at the book in his hand.

“See? Look at these words he’s underlined. Globalisation. Discrimination. Blasphemy. Colonialism. This guy is clearly a terrorist, here to attack America.”

“Or…” she said, holding up a dog-eared, heavily bookmarked translation dictionary.

Time's Plughole

Without proper compensators, any attempt at time travel comes here. We call it Time’s Plughole.

First timers always end up here, and I greet them.

Like the last one, this tall reptilian female. She looked confused until I spoke into the translator.

“Welcome to the Galactic Unified Community. As a representative of your people, do you agree to abide by the charter of the GUC and all its bylaws?”

“The Universe belongs to us, the Chosen Beings.” she hissed.

I shrugged, and opened the status lock. Her and her civilisation were sucked into nothingness.

Time’s Plughole, complete with trash disposal.

Sylvia’s Mother Was Kinda Bitchy…

The woman came into my office, her body language saying she was worth several fortunes.

“So are you any good as a… Private Detective?”

“Best in Galveston.” I said, ignoring the fact I was the only one. “How can I help you Mrs. Silverstein?”

“I want you to find someone for me. Roy Kennedy. He lived in New York twenty years ago.” she said in a quiet but firm voice.

“I see… Why?”

“How is that relevant?” she replied, testily.

“Well… Is he going to want to be found?”

“I hope so. Otherwise I’ll hate my mother that much more…”

The Importance of Every Cog

The guard leant against the wall.

“What’s the matter… George?” asked another guard, glancing at his badge. He began to walk, and George matched his steps.

“I just… I was told as a kid I could be anything, and yet here I am, a minuscule cog in a colossal machine…”

“I can see that. But look, the world needs cogs on every level. And those at the top need those at the bottom to keep them moving.”

“I guess that’s true… Wait, this isn’t my route.” George said, confused.

“No, it’s not.” said the spy as he slit George’s throat.

Life To Engage

Life is nothing but a quiet, empty stage.

Waiting for words read from an endless script page.

Although all we want is to perform and upstage,

True power comes from being alone, backstage.

No matter how much you rant or you rage,

No matter how much you rattle your cage,

The power to control, enlarge or assuage,

Is only obtained by those who are sage.

For pulling the strings of those onstage

Gives you much more than mere minimum wage.

True power lies in those who remain dark offstage.

But, you’re also more liable to get stabbed in the ribcage.

The Problems With Divine Rule

The young King strolled into the dining chamber, idly cleaning his fingernails with a dagger.

“Thank you for joining us, My Lord. I am sure training delayed you.” The Will of the King said coldly. He turned to the long table, covered in scrolls and huge family trees.

“As you no doubt recall from our last conversation, it has come time to select your future bride from the list of suitable candidates.”

“I just want someone warm for my bed.”

“Why not marry your dog then?” The Will said testily.

“Can I?”

“…

Technically as King you could-“

“Right, done!”

Historical Commentary

Selected comments from video “Epic 5 Year Old Songwriter!”, posted December 19^th, 1761.

JohanneS17: What sort of name is Wolfgang? The child is suffering from lycanthropy, are they?

Scarecrow123: Crap.

Joseph E: Man, check out the ankles on the sister in the background! I’d find a priest for her!

JOHNHATCHER: Kill yourself kid.

Viennakid777: Yeah, like this child will ever do anything of any real substance.

Alisonne: HAYDN RULES LOL!!!!!

Right Alltime: Oh come on, this is clearly ripped off from the Frogs tune “Ah! vous dirai-je, Maman”, it was published like last week. I’m reporting this for copyright infringement.