What A Drag

She lifted her silk scarf high in the air and then dramatically lowered her arm quickly. The two cars roared to life and zoomed past her.

She spun around as they raced towards the other end of the dry stormwater drain, as she thought about what she'd do depending on the result. Obviously Jimmy winning would be easier, just stick by him, but if Tommy was to win, she'd need to switch to him, which she-

Something exploded under Jimmy's hood, causing him to swerve right into Tommy, the cars exploding in a giant fireball.

She could work with that.

Reasonable Reaction

A wobby chair saved a President's life, while a sandwich (supposedly) ended an Arch-Duke's. Throughout history there are these moments, where if one minor, seemingly insignificant thing had gone the other way, so would have sone giant, significant thing.

That's true, to an extent, but the problem is, everything is like that. Every action and reaction is based on all the actions and reactions that came before it.

And if you can't tell what the significant and insignificant details are ahead of time, then either every detail is important, or none of them are.

I suggest living assuming the second.

Uncommon

After first contact, the initial focus was on scientific discussions, but after a while, they finally let some sociologists talk to each other.

Pretty quickly, it became apparent that there was very little in common between the planets, beyond very basic things like self-preservation and a concept of love/blornaz, although that one was shaky.

Undaunted, the two groups ran through everything they could think of, trying to find some commonality.

Eventually, out of desperation, they discussed mythologies, and got onto the topic of bogeymen.

This did have commonality, until humans were asked how they defeated their version of them.

Skimmed

I sat down by the edge of the lake, catching my breath, the hike being slightly longer than I'd anticipated.

I picked up a rock as I drank from my water bottle, then skimmed the stone across the lake's surface, losing track of it quickly.

I was halfway through my trail mix when the rock skimmed off the lake and landed at my feet.

It looked like my rock, but I couldn't hear or see anyone around. After a moment, I picked it up and threw it again.

Nothing happened till I got up to leave, then it hit me. 

Class Questions

"The unicorn can only be caught by a maiden fair, untouched, who-"

"Wait, what do you mean?"

"A young lady who is... Pure."

"What, no fake body parts?"

"No, no, a young woman who has not known the... touch of a man."

"Yeah, no, I-"

"A virgin! Happy?"

"Not at all, how do they know?"

"Magic."

"So are people are magically marked before or after they have sex?

"I'm sorry?"

"Look, either there's some mark on a woman before she has sex with a man, or afterwards. Which is it?"

"After, I suppose!"

"OK, what about lesbians?"

"That's owlbears, silence!"

Panic

Panic hadn't so much gripped her chest as it was lightly pushing into it. She knew she was safe and alone, and this the sounds she thought she was hearing must be-

There it was again.

She looked around, and for lack of options, picked up a heavy book about the fall of the Roman Empire.

She slowly approached the door, and when it opened, she screamed, closed her eyes, and swung.

On one hand, the fact it made the figure fall like the Empire was pretty impressive.

But considering who the figure was, panic got round to gripping.

Hard.

Red Light

Normally, as the getaway driver, i deliberately kept myself in the dark about the details on jobs, I just had start and end points.

But as we drove down the highway, with no-one after us but with no loot, my curiosity was such that I asked questions.

Eventually, once I had a clear picture, I asked one more question.

"So, this millionaire who was the target , and whom you all hate because he's such a selfish bastard, needed to stop and help an 'injured' person for the plan to work, and none of you see the issue?"

I got stares.

Laugh It Off

In retrospect, I probably should have been a little less flippant when she pointed the gun at me.

Sure, laughing at her, as if the thought she would and/or could shoot me was the funniest joke I'd ever heard, ended up well for me, but only because the gun jammed when she tried to fire it.

Now, had I been a little more calm and attempted to difuse the situation, perhaps she wouldn't have then beat me around the head and neck with the butt of the gun.

But then again, I suppose it wouldn't have then shot her. 

Party Role

The fortress sat, dark and foreboding, in the distance. The Elf Wizard had finished their daily trance, and they were sitting by the fire, opposite the Angel they'd summoned to help with the fight that morning.

Eventually, the Angel asked a question, its voice oddly modulated and constantly changing pitch.

"You are able to manipulate reality. That one is connected to the Gods. And that one is connected to the World.

So why the one with just a pointed stick?"

The Elf Wizard considered the question.

"We need someone to handle tactics and commands."

"But-"

"Who is also disposable."

"Ah."

Set Up

In the week leading up to the party, he'd built her up as being perfect for me. He kept hammering how we had all the same hobbies, and that he was sure that we'd hit it off.

When he finally introduced us, we stared at each other for a few seconds before I finally spoke.

"So you're going by Clare now?"

"Yeah.

I should have known it was you."

I agreed as she walked off. I then turned to him and explained that in future, show me a photo first, to avoid any more of my ex-girlfriends wasting our time.

Reflections On Heeling

I like to think of myself as a nice person, if you get past the size thing, I think I'm pleasant enough company.

But there's the size thing, where if I show any sign of assertiveness or, heaven forbid, displeasure, I can be accused of being intimidating. Have been before, probably will be again.

And maybe that's why, when I wrestle, I much prefer being the bad guy. I like to think that I'm able to just use people's prejudices against them.

Or maybe it's just the only place I can actually show negative emotions and not get in trouble...

Fishing Exercise

A man, leaning over the end of a long pier, a crude fishing line in his hand, dangling down and almost reaching the water.

Another man walking up, who also leans over the end of the pier, looking out at the water.

Both men say a couple phrases, more to the world in general than each other. 

The fisherman, apparently satisfied with his lack of fish, drops the line into the water and walks away, apparently forgetting his bag.

The other man takes it, presumably to return it.

That's all I saw, officer, you'll have to go evidence fishing elsewhere.

On Target

I poured the small vial of poison into the glass.

"Service!"

I turned. The waiter saw that it was me and quickly softened their tone.

"Sorry sir, I was looking for the... Yes, now!"

I turned back around to see the tray of wine glasses being picked up and carried away, out into the room.

I tried to watch it, but lost track, and stared at the glass I was soon handed.

Turns out, the odds of being given the poisoned glass were the same as my target having an unrelated heart attack which made me think I had succeeded.

Ruined Walk

I placed the ball on the tee and prepared to swing.

I tried to put everything else out of my mind, but it was impossible. The rejection from all my so-called friends who had oh so convenient excuses to bail on me. My probably soon to be ex-girlfriend who thought that a few cancellations meant I should spend the day with her. And my family, who still thought this was a stupid game to play.

But I had to try to ignore that, and enjoy myself.

I swung, hit the ball, and got a hole in one.

That no-one witnessed.

Following The Script

The hostage taker picked up the phone.

"Are you alright?"

The hostage taker sighed.

"Look, I get you have a script to run through, but we'll all get through this quicker if you don't try to build a rapport and just get me what I want."

There was a brief pause.

"Very well, what is it that you want?"

"Detective Gerald Anderson."

"I'm sorry?"

"He killed my wife. I want him to come in here."

"To do what?"

"Talk."

The sound of a shotgun being locked was audible over the phone.

Detective Gerald Anderson hung up and ordered the breach. 

Witness Your Death

"Behold! Your death!"

I saw what looked like me, albeit much older, on an operating table, flatlining.

I looked at the interdimensional entity, and then raised a hand.

"You don't need to-"

"This, like, the probable outcome or-"

"No, this is how you die. We perceive things in 6 dimensions and-"

"Prove it."

It tilted its head, then pulled a gun from somewhere on it and placed it on the table.

"Examine."

I looked it over, and it seemed to be a real gun. I handed back.

"And volia!"

He shot me.

I died, but at least I was right.

Running The Math

I had just got the second tumbler in the safe when the phone rang behind me.

I froze, as much to stop myself setting off the safe's burgler alarm as it was indecision.

In a split second, I ran through the math, where if I let it ring it would probably wake up the owner, but if I cut it off now there's a chance they'd investigate and be alerted anyway.

In the end, I reached our before the second ring and picked up.

"Happy 60th birthday!"

Given the first two numbers had been the date, I ran the math.

Unclean Fighting

I stared at the footnote near the end of the report for several moments before I ordered a secure telelink with the author.

Once the interplanetary link was established, I asked how sure they were about their beliefs we were 'unclean'.

"Very, one of our escape pods in Sector 480 landed on one of their farming planets, and they leveled the whole planet like they've been doing to our-"

I hung up and immediately ordered suicide missions to get people down onto their most important planets. If they were willing to do our fighting for us, why not let them?

Why The Push

I was just getting to the part where the detective was going to reveal who did it when a shadow passed over my book.

I looked up out of mild annoyance when I saw them staring at the sea far below the cliff face.

"I come here to read because almost no-one else comes here." I hazarded. They turned around, tears still running down their face.

"Ever realise everything would be better if you were gone?"

"No, because that's not true. For either of us."

They blinked back a couple tears, then looked at my book.

"The maid did it."

Frryt Pof Slll

I'd been staring at the empty page for far too long, in-between far too long walks and far too long meals.

I could hear the clock behind me, but I refused to turn around and look at it, just like the sixteen past times I'd refused to turn around and look at it, and just magically had a sense of the time.

A few moments later, I slammed my hand down on the keyboard a couple times.

I rubbed my temples, then looked at the page.

Frryt pof slll

I corrected it to "First of all" and just kept going.

Bat Away

It had been centuries, but finally a lone, lost traveller had entered the castle of The Vampire. The local villages had finally grown just lax enough in their warnings, the idea of a monster in the castle laughable in the age of computers.

The Vampire's thralls welcomed him, posing as the servants. They fed him with fresh venison and very old wine, and then shown him to the guest room. There, The Vampires' beautiful children would seduce him, to begin preparing him for feasting.

Unfortunately, turns out beauty standards have changed enough that the traveller was confused, rather than aroused...

Moral Code

He suddenly pulled a knife and swung it at my head. But, since I was assuming he would try something, I was ready, and ducked.

Unfortunately his swipe took out one of the ropes, and after a second, a second one snapped, and the basket tipped over as the hot air balloon swung wildly.

The end result saw him tangled and dangling from that cut rope, while I hung onto the basket.

He then laughed as he swung.

"I see we're heading to power lines, you'll need to sacrifice-"

"Circumstances change, recalculate."

He looked confused as I kicked him off.

Just Trying To Help

It had been several universes since i last felt a mortal mind touch, ever so lightly, the higher level of existence.

So I focused and examined the mind. I found a mortal on a planet the mortal's kind were killing. The mortal was looking for answers, an explanation for everything. Trillions do, but this one had spent most of their relatively short life focusing, and I was feeling generous, and so I placed in their mind unshakable truth. I explained that everything is chance, and whim.

I thought they'd understand to make the most of it, but they seemed angry.