The Important Outcome

I was on the bus this afternoon when he took a corner far too quickly and ended up on the wrong side of the divider in the middle of the road.

In that instant, my life flashed before my eyes, as I reviewed all my life choices until that point.

Some I loved, others I regretted, but in the split second I thought it through, I finally found peace and acceptance of the choices I made, and thus I felt better.

I'm sure the car the bus forced off the road into that deep ditch were totally fine, of course.

Another Time Traveller

I leaned out of my cubicle and called out once I saw my manager.

"Hey Gary, check this out!"

He walked in, sipping his coffee.

"What is it?"

"We got another time traveller."

He sighed as he looked over my shoulder at the readout of the user's gambling account, full of wins with no losses.

"So Gary who came up with that term, anyway?"

"Oh you know, just officer banter. Let me see their details."

I brought their personal details up, and Gary took a shot on his phone.

"Gonna ban him?"

"That's unnecessary."

Gary forwarded it to Temporal Control.

1-Up

I asked for a moment of silence, as we all bowed our heads.

And then I heard the tinny sounds of collecting power ups.

I walked down the alise as the sounds got louder until I found the young man hunched over his phone, tapping on it as the screen flashed and changed.

I grabbed the phone off him.

"How disrespectful! I'm going to keep this!"

Now, you'd think I would have been the one saying that, but it was neither me nor the shocked young man.

Turns out my moment of silence was unnecessary, or at least somewhat premature.

Being A Bigger Man

I wished, and then blew out the birthday candles.

As the smoke rose from them, my partner leaned over my shoulder.

"So what did you wish for?"

My sister made that disapproving sound with her throat that I hate.

"If he says what it is, it won't happen, everyone knows that!"

My partner stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry.

"I don't believe in that crap!"

"And yet you believe in wishes? Hypocritical much?"

As the two of them argued and made everyone else uncomfortable, it was clear my wish wasn't coming true.

I wasn't growing any taller, dammit.

Always Right

I had just finished laying out the new t-shirts. I turned around for mere seconds before I heard some commotion behind me.

I turned around to find a middle-aged woman, gleefully tossing all the shirts around, ruining everything. I spoke with a little attitude.

"Can I help you, Madam?"

She turned and looked at me, an odd look in her face.

"What do you say to that, huh?"

I reverted to customer service.

"Was there a specfic item you were looking for?"

She stared, then nodded.

Thank goodness I bothered to look up my new district manager before she started.

Cuttable

The Crime Boss walked into the concrete bunker were I was being held. He glanced at the two guards then pulled out a large serrated knife.

"Now then little girl, I don't want to hurt you, so-"

I laughed.

"Yeah, right. Look, I ain't talking, so if you're gonna do it, then go ahead and do it."

He laughed as he walked forward, clearly thinking he was being intimidating.

"Such bravado from someone so pretty! Why is that?"

"Well obviously because my friends will save me."

The guards attacked him.

"And they also need to stop waiting for dramatic effect."

A Hypothetical

"I've got a hypothetical for you."

"Of course you fucking do."

"I didn't hear a no.

So, imagine there's the greatest guy for social justice ever. He's able to articulate in a way that gets people on board, he's a great motivator and planner, he's just the bestest ever for the cause."

"I presume there's a but here?"

"But he's a real shitty boyfriend."

"Like, he forgets birthdays shitty or he gets drunk and slaps around shitty?"

"He stops just shy of physical abuse."

"Ok, so?"

"Do you support him anyway?"

"No."

"Ok.

So about Sebastian-"

"It's never a hypothetical..."