Tricky Treat

Don’t you dare tell me to ‘loosen up’ and ‘have some fun’ just because it’s Halloween!

Sure, to you it’s all fun and games, but this holiday is very painful to me. I’m sure you’d find it so richly ironic and funny, but on Halloween, my family was attacked by some psycho in a hockey mask brandishing as chainsaw. Cut them up, limbs and blood and gore all over the house. If I wasn’t here, I wouldn’t have survived.

Seriously, I was here all night. The police will call any moment now, and you’ll tell them I was here, right?

Great Effort

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Type Casting

In all my years, I never understood why mages always made it to easy to tell what type of magic they focused in just by looking at them. Every necromancer always dressed in black and bone, usually with a staff made of human skulls or some such. Every elemental manipulator just had to wear red, or brown, or blue, or a different shade of blue. I guess that one was occasionally difficult, but still, the mages were always obvious.

Until one wasn’t.

I still crushed her and her misguided associates as they tried to stop me, but points for effort.

Three Zhang, Four Li

I didn’t understand why the Chinese would be so blatant in their attempt at infiltration. The seven of them, each in their own interrogation room after the Americans brought them in, all of them claiming to be innocent, claiming to be not spies. And yet, three of them were called Zhang, and four of them Li, all on the same flight, and they claimed to not know anyone else. It stuck out like a sore thumb, and I would break them all, no matter how long it took.

Probably should have checked the ‘Americans’ out before giving them access though.

Bad Times To Signal

After all the speeches about how this would be Humanity’s New Age as we conquered Time Travel, I should have expected the explosion.

At least, I assumed that was what the flash was, but when my eyesight returned, I found myself, along with the dozen or so people nearest me, standing in the middle of a field, a triceratops was calmly chewing its way through some undergrowth.

One of the reporters then screamed, as she held up her mobile phone.

“There’s a wifi signal! We’re saved!”

I thought maybe we’d gone forward in time somehow.

We hadn’t.

And we weren’t.

Four Point Harmony Calling

Everyone has a calling, something in their life they’re meant for. Some people never find it, due to their destiny being the world’s best food blogger yet they lived in 1436, for example.

Everyone has a calling. But it follows that not everyone’s calling is noble, or amazing, or even that useful.

Mine? I’m pretty sure mine is correcting people on how Mama Cass didn’t choke on a ham sandwich, that was media speculation due to a half eaten sandwich being in the room when she died of a heart attack.

Did you know that Mama…

You did? Oh, good…

Changing Minds

Humanity used to not bother trying to change minds, instead choosing to just bash them in with stones.

But then Humanity developed stories about Gods and spirits, and changed minds via fear.

Humanity also developed art, sculpture, painting, song, dance, writing, lots of ways to change minds via beauty.

Soon afterwards, Humanity developed reason and logic, science and rational thinking, and changed minds via facts.

Then came the Internet, and Humanity tried to change minds via slurs, insults, threats and hatred.

And now, with the Great Linking complete, I can change Humanity’s minds at will. Much simpler, much less messy.