Prophecy Problems

There were two problems with the prophecy. One was that for all its detail about the name, appearance, and skills of the one destined to overthrow the tyrannical King Ciker and usher in a new government, it lacked a timeframe or date.

The second problem was that everyone knew of the prophecy, and thus that name was given to every child that vaguely fit the description, most of whom grew up to die storming the castle.

The fact the prophecy was completely untrue wasn't a problem as much as it was the point, that's why King Ciker had it made.

Unhuman Nature

The Golem sat, passive in a way only a being that was technically a thing could be.

The Priest railed and shouted at me, supposedly, but really, I knew, he was yelling for the benefit of those waiting outside.

His issues with the Golem were threefold.

Its 'immorality' I easily overruled, given the Priest's god was the origin of the magic.

Its 'being against nature', that was easy one, given we were in an unnatural building.

Its 'dangerous nature', I laughed off. To prove my point, I ordered it to kill the Priest.

I didn't know it'd actually do it.

Growing Investment

I'd just started my shift, when the traveller leant on the fence, looking between me and the field.

"Having a break?" The traveller asked, using the entirely wrong stress points. But I withheld a laugh.

"No, just started."

"Doing what?"

"Watching."

"Watching... what?"

"The field here, I supervise its growing."

"Your job is to watch grass grow?"

"You sound confused, Traveller."

"It's just that the saying... Is this special grass?"

"As special as any other."

"This a religious thing?"

"I'm an atheist."

"Then why the hell do you watch grass grow?"

"Because it's my job, traveller."

I love being self-employed.

Difference Of Opinion

"I don't see how you can call our faiths the same. We pick our berries in the summer in tribute to the sun!"

"And we ban picking berries in the winter due to the Gods wanting them kept alone!"

"We don't eat birds because they carry the stars at night!"

"And we only eat food that doesn't fly, to remember our place below the Gods!"

"We praise Nature by ensuring women don't sully it!"

"And we praise the Gods by ensuring women aren't sullied, by keeping them under lock and key!

"See? Totally different! He's an idiot!"

"Says the idiot!"

Faith In Negotiations

It shouldn't have been a planet worth fighting for, it was just a lump of rock.

But for the Roxtost, it fit the description of the planet of their birth, from their holy texts.

And for the Lin-Sten, their obsession with 8 meant they had to have the 8th planet of the 8th star 8 staryears away from their home.

And the Caldins, war was everything they believed in, so of course they wanted to claim it.

Only the Wasysia pulled their claim, despite knowing what the planet truly was, they had faith the others would wipe each other out.

Check

We played every day, or rather, every day I crushed him.

It wasn't that he kept doing the same thing over and over again, he always did something different, it was just never good.

Until today.

Today, every move was brilliant, I was tossed around like a leaf in a tornado.

When he got checkmate, I stared at him and demanded to know how the hell he got good overnight.

He claimed he'd sold his soul to the devil for skill with chess.

We laughed, me much more than him.

I knew damn well I hadn't bought shit off him.

Old Angel

The Angel appeared in a blinding light, thankfully appearing like how we think they look now, rather than the monstrosity that the Bible describes.

"Human!"

I glanced around to make sure I was the only one there.

"Your God commands you!"

I waited for the rest of it.

"To do what?" I eventually asked. The Angel pulled a flaming sword.

"Your son has slept with another man! You must kill them both to cleanse the world!"

"And if I refuse?"

The Angel flickered to looking how the Bible described them, and I understood why people did as told back then.

Dirty Cross

So I was maybe seven or so years old. And my aunt and uncle were looking after me for the weekend, and so on Sunday, they took me to their church.

Now the church my parents, well, parent, went to was a pretty chill one, simple.

My aunt and uncles was very much not chill.

So after a bunch of signing and stuff in a language I didn't understand, we were on our way out, as was everyone else, when I saw people dipping their fingers into little pots by the doors.

So, being seven and relatively inquisitive, I reached into the small pot, trying to find what it was that everyone was touching.

My fingertips came out covered in soot, or dust or something.

As I stand there, staring at my fingers, trying to work out what had just happened, a hand came from behind me and made me make the sign of the cross, I think, with the soot covered fingers.

To this day, I don't know who it was, my aunt and uncle were ahead of me. I think my distrust of religion started there,

Coincidently, half the family hates me now, can you possibly guess why?

Symbolism

The arrow was the one that killed King Brek. It was pulled out of his neck, and given it had maintained its shape but was blood soaked, it made for a perfect symbol of the new Republic.

It was framed and hung above the throne, as a reminder to all that the throne would remain empty, and why.

But then, Suvia claimed the Goddess had chosen her to rule, she claimed that the throne was hers.

After a long battle, she captured the throne, and when she sat down, the arrow fell.

And landed in her hand, proving her point.

Lights At Night

The Dragons called it Roargarth, and it was a major part of their origin myths.

The Elves called it Sh'slinda, and they viewed it's arrival as good tidings for the season.

The Goblins called it Grozak's Boogers, and they ignored it, for the most part.

The Humans called it pockets of swamp gas lit by chemical reactions, and didn't understand why everyone else preferred their old names involving Gods and Chariots.

The Dwarves called it another reason why going up onto the surface was a bad idea.

The Gnolls didn't have a name for it, instead just harvesting them nightly.

Passing Judgement

He was one of the most prolific Adjudicators in history, and he was about to die.

For over fifty years, he served the crown by travelling the land and killing those accused of crimes. The Gods were known to exist, thus letting their infallible judgement determine innocence and guilt was the moral thing to do.

He was sure of it, and so when he died, he expected greetings and fast-tracked Heaven.

All he got was an endless sea of people, all of whom had been waiting to pass judgement on him for what he had done.

Most of it negative.

Worth The Price

The Devil appeared in a puff of brimstone, a look of annoyance on his face.

"I'm rather busy, you have a war on you know."

"I know, that's why I've summoned you, I want you to end it, and I know what you charge."

The Devil laughed, bitterly.

"You need to learn about R.O.I. Why in hell would I end something that will bring me so many souls so fast, in exchange for what, one soul? Even as King, that's not worth it."

"Not my soul. My army's. All of them."

The Devil smirked.

"That'll be yours too, eventually. Deal."

Beamed Up

The aliens brought many wonderful technologies, we happily took their improved farming techniques, their cold fusion, so on.

But then they brought out instant transportation, which is how they got here. And that sounded amazing, but then they explained that it worked by scanning the item, or being, destroying them, and rebuilding them elsewhere.

And then a representative wearing a cross on their lapel asked about what that meant for the soul.

We had hoped to slowly introduce religion to them, rather than suddenly, which set them off.

On the plus side, by their own admission, they were soulless husks.

The Choice

My mother told me that I should choose a wife who was my best friend.

My father told me that I should choose a wife who I could work with to make something greater than both of us.

My buddies told me that I should choose a wife who was 2 outta 3 of hot, rich, and good in bed.

My psychologist told me that I should choose a wife who was compatible with me.

My priest told me that I should marry.

And I'm here, just trying to work out why they think I have a choice of women.

Stasis Souls

Going into stasis is supposed to be easy. You fall asleep in one place, you wake up (hopefully) millions of miles away.

But there's a reason why a psychologist is supposed to be there when you wake up. Because sure, lots of people are fine upon waking.

But for a few, stasis felt like death. Like they feel their souls leave their bodies upon freezing. Waking up from that can be stressful.

Assuming, of course, that they wake up. Actual death is possible.

As is the possibility that those who wake up feeling fine aren't the same soul that entered.

The Puzzle Of The Beast

The Beast guarded the the Tomb of the Jade Empress, as it has done for centuries. Two things were known to all in the land.

One, there was incredible treasure within the Tomb.

Two, the Beast had a puzzle that you had to solve to gain access to the Tomb.

But everyone who had tried to enter the Tomb had died, so there was no knowledge of what the puzzle was.

But there were alwsys new treasure hunters, new foolhardy adventurers eager for fame and fortune. And they would always fail, given several pieces of the jigsaw had been lost.

Eternal Reward

After a long life spent serving the Lord and spreading the Good Word to those who had not heard it, he passed away, tragically, to a crude axe to the skull.

He had expected light, love, and his eternal reward. Instead, he found himself in a grey nothingness, with a figure standing before him, similar to the woman who had recently swung an axe at him as he informed her of her sin.

"This can't be... Hell, surely! I did so much."

"No, this is your brain shutting down, idiot."

He would have felt disappointment, but he was quickly gone.

Cyberbiohackers

After a few days in, my curiosity got the better of me. As we bombarded that day's target's internal neural network with DoS attacks, I asked him.

"Hey, Thomas, how can you still believe in God when-"

The rest of the group all groaned. Thomas remained calm until they stopped.

"The first major steps in biohacking were, as you may or may not know, were altering DNA strands to fool and attack DNA sequencing machines."

"Ok, and..."

"The most powerful and useful hacking subroutines discovered also turned veins silver. What else is that but proof of God?"

"Coincidence?"

He snorted.

Waiting Room

The Tomb of Opex-Legida is famous for being one of the first attempts by the Torelok to temporally lock their deceased rulers. It doesn't work as intended, as instead of locking, it loops, every 46 hours the contents of the tomb are replenished, and there is a 46 second window to get into through the antechsmber. Fail, and you get stuck until the next opening, although for you and anyone else in status with you, it feels like 46 years.

So yeah, bit of a wait, but we'll get through..I got the Holy Cards last time, who's up for Poker?

Printed Word Of God

The machine whirred to life and began to slowly slide back and forth across the platform, depositing, with computerised exactness, the pale white goo.

Just thin lines at first, but then as more of it hardened in the cool air of the printing room, thicker slices of goo were placed, small struts of the same goo providing support. (It was such a fiddly job to remove those afterwards, but the laser machine helped.)

After a dozen minutes, the printing was completed, and the lights turned orange, hardening and fixing the body into shape, ready for transport and transference of soul.