The Rules Of Life

The rules of life were fixed. Life was cold, wet, and unhappy. Then someone worked out how to break the rules with fire.

The rules of life were fixed. Life was violent, brutal, and short. Then someone worked out how to break the rules with bows.

The rules were fixed, then came iron. Navigation. Soap. Contraception.

Every time the rules of life seemed fixed, someone discovered something that broke them.

And then someone discovered magic, and that seemed to break the rules permanently.

But magic had the most rules of all.

Until someone worked out how to break those too.

Pyramid Scheme

"There are plenty of obvious signs to indicate that aliens impacted several ancient societies."

I sighed.

"Such as?"

"Well, see how many of them built pyramids, and similar structures. Why else would they all do this?"

"Because it's the easiest way to build large structures with limited resources?"

He glared at me.

"That sounds like alien talk to me!"

"Why would aliens bother dealing with insignificant nobodies like you?"

"I'd go after everyone who was a threat, no matter how minor!"

"Well maybe you're the alien then!"

He stared at me until his skin broke and he went after me.

18/03/2105

I had been told, multiple times, not to try and make contact with another time traveller. Not out of concern about ruining the timeline with them, any time traveller was assumed to know all the important occurrences, like how humanity would die (and most of them had seen it happen anyway).

No, the point is that no matter how advanced or odd someone was, they might not be a time traveller. And letting on about time travel to a non time traveller might have disastrous results that and that's why you pray to the rain gods for good rains, child.

Legs For Days

The Mistress left me very detailed instructions as to the maintenance of her wardrobe. I had to memorize every one of her measurements, and then every week I was to update her clothing so as she would remain stylish, no matter when she woke up.

For centuries, I saw the hemlines rise steadily, my concern growing. Mistress' nature would be obvious to all with such short skirts. I feared reprisal.

She wasn't happy when she awoke, until I showed her the internet, and she learned that the term 'alternative' would explain 'tattoed' and 'surgically modified' legs. All four of them.

The Game

The games people play against each other have gotten far more complicated. It used to be simple, hit them over the head with a stick first, you win.

Then came power that didn't derive from mere strength. Suddenly you had to plan for food, and shelter, and gods.

Then came money, and everything became even more complicated, with stakes suddenly a lot higher, and failures worse than death.

Since then, the game hasn't become more complex, it's just more people playing, against more opponents, across the world.

But in the end, one rule stays true.

A bigger stick is better.

Something In The Eyes

There is a unique facial expression for the moment that someone realises that because of their actions, millions have or will die, but that was not their intention.

(Killing millions when you wanted to is a common variation of orgasm face)

I saw it on the faces of the scientists who delivered the nuclear bomb to the military.

I saw it on the face of the world leader when he was informed of the declaration of war by his supposed ally.

I just saw it on the face of a woman across the street. I eagerly await being disproved, but...

Lucky End

Luckily for historians, the end of his reign was dramatic, which always makes for good analysis in books.

Luckily for theologians, the end of his reign was public, which always makes for easy explanation in sermons.

Luckily for guardsmen, the end of his reign was accidental, which always makes for easy buck-passing in reviews.

Luckily for accountants, the end of his reign was on solstice, which always makes for easy record keeping in ledgers.

Luckily for maids, the end of his reign happened, which always makes for easy trips in dark hallways.

The Queen made her own luck, via 'accident'.

Future Generations

I don't hope that future generations will look back on this time and think good of us, that they will see the kindness, the ingenuity, the best of us that shone in the darkness.

But I don't hope that future generations will look back on this time and think bad of us either, that the evil, the stupid, the selfish, all the worst qualities on full display right now is what they focus on.

When it comes down to it, all I hope for is that we actually have future generations to think anything they want about us right now.

Our Uniquenesses

The Idandians were the seventeenth race to open diplomatic relations with Earth after we cracked postwarp, so we felt we had the process sorted by then.

So when they requested a guide for a documentary maker, and I was chosen, the United Government already had a list of things to show them planned.

The initial meeting went smoothly, and we toured Historical sites, but they asked to see our cultural aspects, and after seeing some of them, they asked about basic Human nature, as they couldn't find anything that they didn't roughly have themselves back home.

That depressed me, somehow.

In Defense Of The Irish Whip

Invented by Danno O'Mahoney in the 30's, the Irish Whip began as some more akin to a judo throw, it was designed to throw you at the ground. Running out from it is the counter to this, since trying to stop that sort of forward momentum is hard.

Likewise hitting the ropes and running back is similar, a wrestling ring bounces, and running towards your opponent is safer than trying to stop suddenly with your back to them.

Perfectly logical. But then again, anyone tries to Irish Whip me, I just don't run because I'm not stupid, and I'm massive.

Dead Man's Curve

It could have been avoided.

Everyone knew that corner was dangerous, it had the nickname of Dead Man's Curve after all.

It could have been avoided.

The first time a wagon almost went off, they put up a wooden barricade, for all the good it would do.

It could have been avoided.

Successful governments and departments updated the supports after every near miss.

It could have been avoided.

It had the best ones available, strong steel and heavy concrete.

It could have been avoided.

But someone abused and driven to suicide and driving straight off?

It could have been avoided.

Handed Down

After I finished my mission, I was chronojumped back to HQ, expecting a celebratory holoprogram and three weeks looped.

Instead my superior sat, looking disappointed, as they cycled through something on their personal display.

"You were instructed to bring Humanity forward while remaining unknown and unnoticed. Yet see here."

They spun the display, and I saw several historical records of gods, carved into rock.

I explained, carefully, that they weren't me or my agents, they were a coincidence, or possibly another department. I explained my actions.

When my superior looked up 'The Enlightenment' they calmed down.

No looped bonus though.

Cliff Edge Explanation

A slightly different set of chemicals in the primordial soup that started us off.

The asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs hitting slightly harder and wiping out a lot more life.

One of the successful empires being a bit more successful and then taking everyone down with them.

A virus being slightly more resistant to the level of medical knowledge we had relative to the time.

Certain scientists cracking certain weapons earlier.

Any number of judgement calls involving nukes.

Humanity has been so close to death so many times over the years.

You honestly think everyone else is equally lucky?

Selling War

Leaders always sell war as being quick, easy, profitable. You have to, for those who remember previous wars will remember how it was long, hard, expensive. Because war always is.

Of course, if you're a leader and it's been long enough that most of your people have forgotten the last war, you still have to sell it as quick, easy, profitable. Else who would want to ruin the joys of peace?

But that is what leaders are for, selling what needs to be sold.

The real problem comes when the leader actually believes the war will be quick, easy, profitable.

Support Group

I had been warned by Neph that I would have to speak, but it still surprised me when Nick, after introducing me to the group seated in cheap plastic chairs in a rough circle, told me to say a few words about myself.

I slowly stood up, glancing around the group. Most of them were male and of color. That had kinda thrown me, before I finally agreed to come along I'd have assumed they would mostly be, well like me. But I'd have time to fix that.

"Hi, my name is Danny, and like you all I'm now immortal..."

Understanding How We Lived

The tool dug into the ground, disturbing the box beneath the earth just enough for the message to play.

"Greetings citizens of Stepberg of the future! This time capsule was buried on September 6th, 2022, with kind cooperation from Powlo Technology. It contains the most modern data retention technology available, upon which are thousands of messages from the town residents as well as historical recordings, which should give you so you need to understand how we lived!"

Of course, the roach ape had long since run away from the odd sounds, and was digging ants out of the ground elsewhere.

At Least The Music Will Rock

I freely admit that until recently, I never got the notion that in times of war, chaos, and regressive politics, at least there will be great art out of it.

Because sure, one war had the good fortune to run in conjunction with a bunch of talented musicians making lots of great music, some of it directly in response to said war, but that's the exception.

I thought. But given all that is happening now, I'm producing lots of art from my anger.

All of it sucks, but I feel better for having done it, so there's something positive there.

Dislike His Peers

Finding a suitable woman to marry my son is proving to be most vexing. After all, like any future peer of the realm, he cannot marry anyone beneath his station. However, above his station is mostly out of the question, due to a lack of eligible women he is not related to, or who are still far too new money.

So my husband and I have been working through the small number of women of equal standing who are available.

By the time we find one he'll be over this phase of wanting to love the woman, I'm quite sure.

Not In The Cards

This land here could have remained as it was, with the native population living on it for a few months of the year. But that wasn't in the cards.

This land here could have been a balanced community, with just the right amount of greenery to balance the needed population density in acceptable harmony. But that wasn't in the cards.

This land could have been covered in factories, or farmland, or even parkland. But none of those were in the cards.

Because the government saw too much tax revenue to be had in the dealing of cards in a casino.

The Mechanical Turkey

It was the talk of the court, a mechanical wonder that could play a dozen grandmasters of chess at once, and be competitive at it.

Once I was finally able to see the device for myself, although of course its designers refused to let me see the inner workings.

I pointed out to the court that given it needed an even number of players, of white and black, it was merely transferring moves.

So they sat me down and played a solo game.

I was amazed, until I quickly started a second game and it made the exact same moves.