Spectre

There was the sound of chains rattling, and an unholy moaning that seemed to rise up through the floorboards and into my very soul. I didn’t bother looking up from the stovetop.

“Morning, Mary.”

She huffed, and then drifted towards the ceiling as she normally did when she was upset.

“You could at least humor me and act scared.”

I sighed and looked up at her.

“Why? I know it’s you, I’m not going to pretend to be…”

I finally saw the look in her eyes.

“What?”

“Today is our anniversary.”

I smiled, and showed her the ‘Happy Deathday’ pancake.

Skyfall

At 25,000 feet, I marvelled at the cloudfish, and leant over the rail a little to get a better view.

At 24,500 feet, I realised I’d fallen over the side of the airship.

At 20,250 feet, I was sure the mage would notice.

At 17,000 feet, I couldn’t believe I was so fucking stupid as to lean over the stupid fucking railing.

At 14,750 feet, I began to pray to the Seven Goddesses.

At 6,000 feet, I gave up.

At 1,000 feet, I accepted death.

At 0 feet, I braced for impact.

At -500 feet, I began to freak out.

Quantum Of Solace

Given the planet’s population of thirty-five billion, it was obviously hard to find space to be alone.

And thus he developed the Quantum Pocket Generator. The core concept was simple enough, the machine produced a small pocket space outside the normal dimensions of our universe, but the actual mechanics were, unsurprisingly, hideously complicated.

It took him most of his adult life but finally, it worked, and he stepped into a black void and was, for the first time in his life, completely alone. He closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of nothingness.

The tap on his shoulder surprised him somewhat.

Casino Royale

The House always wins.

But sometimes it can take time.

The House has to be patient. Sometimes, people work out how to cheat The House. Sometimes people run from The House. And sometimes, just sometimes, people get lucky.

So The House has developed tricks. ‘Free Gifts’, attractive girls and guys, bright lights, loud noises, all of them to lure people in.

The House didn’t care about what went on inside it, as long as it didn’t drive people away. The House just wanted as many people inside it at all times.

So The House could take one at a time.

Die Another Day

He never said he was immortal, just that he’d ‘die another day’. And no matter how hopeless the odds, he’d find a way to survive. From being stranded without a suit in the coldest reaches of the Amorpoch Nebula, to facing down an entire Creson Fleet, to that time he ‘accidentally’ caused a cascading black hole generator, he always found a way to survive.

In my travels with him, I went from assuming he was lucky, to thinking he was smart, to knowing he was blessed, all the way back to luck.

And then, he died.

Yesterday.

Damn temporal flux…

The World Is Not Enough

Imagine the room you’re in.

Well, ok, fine, I suppose you can just look, but I need you to have a mental image of the room you’re in.

Now mentally zoom out to the building that the room is in, and take in just how big a difference in size that was.

Now zoom out again, in your mind’s eye, to the block of land the building is on.

Now the local surroundings.

Now the country.

Now the continent.

Now the world.

That huge, imposing size is not nearly enough to represent just how much I hate pineapple on pizza.

Tomorrow Never Dies

I sat down next to him, hoping to learn from the Chieftain. But he didn’t look up or acknowledge my presence, he just sat and kept sharpening his sword, until I coughed.

“Tomorrow never dies.”

I waited, hoping he would continue, but he just kept sharpening, so I coughed again.

“There’s always another fight, another battle, another war. Tomorrow holds more conflict, conflict you must strive to meet. And you can’t meet it if you’re dead. So stay alive.”

I got up, satisfied. I thought I heard him mutter something about “Believing this shit” but I must have been mistaken.

GoldenEye

While I’m sure there’s plenty of ways to be a baseball scout, there’s only two ways that pay.

The hard but safe way is for the stat nerds, the guys with laptops and smartphones who pour over every possible number and who can say, with a straight face, that some guys are 0.003% better than other guys.

But the easy and risky way? Just watch guys play. Pretty soon you get the eye for talent, or you find another line of work.

Me? My nickname says I’m the king of the second.

I do my stat work at home though.

Licence To Kill

It took a decade from the first suggestion of bringing in the system to the initial small scale trials. Of course everyone shot it down when they heard it, but funnily enough, every time a secret poll or vote was given, it would get more and more support. Most people would never willingly say, in public, upfront, that they wanted to bring it in. But most people, apparently, supported it. Now, of course, it runs well, although there’s still a small but vocal minority against the licences to kill.

But really, every other method to combat overpopulation was too impersonal.

The Living Daylights

As soon as the barbarian went down, I ran.

Not very honourable of me I know, and if the Guild ever found out I’d be turned into stone for a month, but the fact was, I knew damn well that with her down, I was just an hors d'oeuvre for the Vampire Queen.

So I ran, but I got lost, and soon found myself facing a few slowly waking Thralls.

Luckily, I had the perfect spell, and summoned a being from the Sunlight Plane.

It looked around, flipped me off and vanished again.

I guess every Plane has some assholes…

A View To A Kill

I shouldn’t have been there.

The assassin was one of the world’s best, and my anonymity was assured. I was promised a clean shot, one bullet, one dead annoying business rival.

I could have been in meetings all day, I could have gone golfing, I could have stayed home ‘sick’ and drunk wine and eaten cheese all day, toasting my newfound freedom.

But I just had to see the look in his face when the bullet hit him, I had to see the life drain from his eyes. So I was there.

And he ducked to pick up a penny…

Octopussy

My sweet Scott had turned twenty-three, and he still hadn’t found a girlfriend, or even a boyfriend. I was starting to get worried, and so while it hurt me to sneak behind his back, I searched his room when he was out ‘gaming’. I had hoped to find letters from a secret girlfriend, but instead I found all these books in Chinese or something. And the pictures… All young girls and weird things with tentacles doing… Things to the girls.

So I tried to pair him with that nice girl who works at the fishmongers, but it didn’t work out…

For Your Eyes Only

I thought it would be the hardest job I’d ever have to do, going through my parents’ things and sorting out what to keep, what to sell, what to throw away… The point where I’d be forced to confront the truth of their passing.

Then I found the video.

It was hidden in the bottom of their wardrobe, and had “F.Y.E.O” in red felt tip pen scrawled over it. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was…

I mean, I assumed it was a sex tape, I just wanted to make sure before I destroyed it.

Didn’t expect all that blood…

Moonraker

Five billion dollars and twelve years after a President declared it would happen, humanity got to Ganymede. As Capt. Erica Borghese took the first steps out of the ship, she prepared to make her historical, inspiring quote.

Instead, the first words said on Ganymede were ‘What the fuck?’

This was, of all the possible incidents she had prepared for, finding a small, tidy looking house with a 50’s housewife looking woman tending a rock garden sitting before her was not one she’d prepared for.

The housewife looked up and smiled.

Erica shouldn’t have messed up the garden on her approach.

The Spy Who Loved Me

He was a sleeper agent, he told me. He spent years working towards getting a position of power. From his choice of fraternity to his interest in golf, everything about his life was carefully chosen to ensure the best chance of him getting powerful friends to spy on and an important job to run as his superiors saw fit.

Except me.

I was an unforeseen complication, he was supposed to marry someone with high clearance, but he loved me, and would throw it all away for me, he said.

Good thing I never liked him, hey Agent… Black, was it?

The Man With The Golden Gun

Same thing, every time.

They come up and ask if I am indeed the man with the Golden Gun, and if they might be allowed to see it.

I take my time, then slowly slide the Gun out from the holster and then hold it in such a way that they can see it, but I can still fire it in a half-second.

They look confused, and then ask if the bullets are Golden.

I then remind them that he who has the Gold makes the rules, and since this gun has decided when the last three Rulers stopped ruling…

Live And Let Die

Mercy and charity are the banes of my existence.

Selfishness, greed, those I can use. But the minute someone starts to think about someone else’s feelings or wellbeing, I’m sunk.

Certainly I’m better off than I was a few decades ago, where people still maintained a façade of caring, and miles better than a century ago when they actually did care.

But there are still pockets of love and empathy out there, but I’ll squash them out.

And then get all the credit for ‘saving’ humanity when I bring it all back.

The lives lost during are totally worth that.

Diamonds Are Forever

He pushed the small box towards her. It sat there for several long seconds.

“A small token-“

A single upraised finger made him trail off. The finger came down and, along with its matching digits, wrapped around the box.

When she finally opened it, the sparkle from the stones within the wood and cloth washed over her unimpressed face, until, a few seconds later, it snapped shut and she carefully placed the box back down.

“Take me back?”

She raised an eyebrow, staring at him, sitting there, desperation practically shooting from every pore.

“I wasn’t aware I’d thrown you away.”

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Every ruler has agents in each other’s courts. After all, you need to know what they say to others, their advisors, their lovers. And if you’re lucky, and you know who they’ve sent to your court, you can control what they think they know about your thinking. It’s a subtle interplay, build on decades of half-truths, secrets and blackmail. To break into this circle, for a new, small, weak court to infiltrate this network of networks, that would take gold, power, work.

Much better for someone ‘unconnected’ to smash it all up for no apparent reason and go from there.

You Only Live Twice

I woke up.

Considering that the last thing I remember prior to this point was the sensation of the bullet entering my skull, this was an improvement.

I looked around, expecting a hospital, and yet instead it was a field, small white flowers everywhere.

I got up, picked a direction.

It took days, but I finally found a gathering of people, farming, building, living. Making a home.

I picked up a hammer and got to work, given a lack of other options.

I had a long, satisfying life, which was a change.

And then I died.

And woke up again.