Happy New Year

Another year gone.

I know I tend to refer to this as an arbitrary point, which it is, don't at me, but given how 2021 went, it's no surprise that I'm glad to be done with it.

But of course, as the switch into 2021 proved, assuming that this year will be any different is at best childishly optimistic, as it was proven that even if things look like they're potentially getting better, they can always, ALWAYS, get worse.

And right now? Things are looking like they'll get much worse.

But hey, maybe it'll be the reverse?

Happy New Year...

Bill 685.736

The idea had been circulating around the civil service for a decade or so, never quite getting enough momentum to be properly suggested. It was, after all, a very esoteric suggestion to alter certain tax codes in order to streamline transfers between departments.

At most, it would reduce a few hours work each year in each of the thirty affected departments. Not exactly a huge saving, especially for such a complicated task as altering the tax code.

But eventually, it got put into a paper, and shown to a politician.

Who championed it as cutting a mountain of red tape...

Hand It To Him

The sun was setting over the Dusty Mountain Range, as the local corn farmer sat, looking back and forth between the cards in his hand and the stranger who'd came in on the last stagecoach.

The farmer was sure he had the best hand. He had four of a kind, sure it was a low set, but it was still four of a kind! He had him!

But that damn smile he had, it made him question it, until finally, he called.

The stranger only had three of a kind at the table.

He had a pair in his revolver.

Teksubort

Demons could be created a few different ways, breeding, construction, a God or Goddess willing it. But one way was by a wizard or wizardess to really mess up a spell. This often led to a demon being formed that had powers and desire to do whatever it was that the messed up spell called for.

Most of these were sexually violent in nature, but the most useful was Teksubort, who could be summoned to check spells and point out errors.

He was created by a spell designed to make popcorn pre-buttered, that one the only spell he couldn't fix.

Final Meeting

The few remaining Elders tried to calm the youngings, but they were mostly crying and screaming. This was not unexpected, given how the warriors and the leaders had all just been murdered before them, but the screams hardened the resolve of the invaders, who approached, and shouted in gibberish, gesturing with their magic deathsticks.

Eventually, one grabbed a symbol of Allelder, and the youngings calmed, understanding they were here to take them to see them.

----

'Day 46

An odd occurrence today, we tried to ask the local tribes to show us where the gold was, and they all committed suicide."

Twas The Season

So, originally, I was going to use today as a coda to the seasonal thing, and use the fact that we were past the season to review and make a decision about how it went.

But to be honest, I've spent most of the day either asleep or in a near comatose state that was barely any different from being asleep. This is because of everything that happened in the past couple of days.

Thus, I don't think I'm in the right frame of mind to objectively make a judgement on reviewing the season.

Ask me again in 6 months.

During The Season

As you can see below (or on the page before this one, depending on how you're viewing this), I view this day more as an excuse to eat an awful lot of food and then  nap than anything spiritual or wholesome. And thus, you might not be surprised to discover that I've ended up eating an awful lot of food and then had a long nap.

But in my post gorging and napping daze, I feel I need to make one clarification to the previous words.

It's also a good excuse to get a bunch of cool stuff you wanted.

Tis The Season

I'm not going to give you a big song and dance in favor of the Holiday Season being a time for love, peace, and understanding.

I'm not going to try and sell you on any of the religious implications of the season, which would be useless, nor will I talk to you about the origins of the season in pagan association, which is slightly less useless but slightly more boring.

And I'm not going to use it as a metaphor for anything else.

All I'm going to say is that it's a great excuse to eat until you fall asleep.

Bottle Episode

I walked into the holding cell, and the person behind the energy field looked worried.

"Oh no, I saw the episode with you people in it, I'm dead!"

I sighed.

"Look, I get it, honestly, we get a fair few people who think they've been sucked into this world which is a TV show, they call it."

"And a few movies!"

"Right, right, well, just answer me these questions and I'll transfer you to a holoroom to live in.

Do you remember the plots of the episodes 'Secret Battles', 'Shattered Earth', 'Agent Driam', or the Cathal Wars comic arc?"

"There was a comic book of this thing?"

"Just answer the question. And you're being monitored by a Silendian, so don't lie."

"What's a Silendian?"

"You didn't see the cartoon series then?"

"There was a...

Never mind, no, I don't recall any of that, I've watched like three episodes, the one with the blue naked chick-"

"Everyone says that one."

"The one that was on when I got sucked into the TV, and some other one with Captain Gebs playing cards with-"

I flipped the switch, deleting them. I hate that my supervisor is so concerned about their success at cards.

Trackable A.I.

"The train is seven minutes away."

The artificial intelligence assistant wasn't able to speak with any emotion other than the cheery nature hard-wired in.

"The train is six minutes away."

Even in this situation, when it knew just as well as I what was about to happen.

"The train is four minutes away. Please remove us to a safe location."

If I didn't get my foot free, I would be done for, as would it.

"The train is two minutes away. Should I stop the train?"

"Wait, you can do that?"

"I can ask."

The train's A.I. was too slow.

Out Of Jacket

My heart wasn't in it, and she knew it.

After a long moment, she picked up her jacket and slipped it back on.

"So I take it this wasn't as good as you hoped?"

I shook my head.

"No, no, trust me, please, this isn't about you."

She narrowed her eyes.

"I didn't say it was about me, I said it was about the surprise you with just a jacket thing. So why did you immediately go to defending me?"

I sighed, and pulled the letter out of my jacket, showing her the rejection I'd just gotten.

She understood, sorta.

The Incident

There were two of them, one presenting as male, one as female. They both wore black suits, dark sunglasses, and the serious expressions of someone trying to look serious.

"John Walsh?"

I sighed.

"So which three letter acronym government group are you from?"

"We're not from a three letter government organisation."

"Then I don't wish to speak to you."

"We need you to tell us about-"

"The incident in my car, I know. Look, you want information about it, read the reports."

"We just need information on the craft's tail symbol."

"Wait, how-"

They were presenting as human, it seemed.

My Favorite Tenant

I would visit each store in the keep in turn, each day, to pick up the rent. Each day, I would get the same from the human, the elf, the goblin. The human baker would complain that business was bad, the elf tailor would produce some moral argument, the goblin cook would just insult me for a half hour. But eventually they would pay up.

But the dwarf bartender would just pay up, no argument, no complaints. He was my favorite.

Until I passed the bar at night, and saw how much he was making. Then he was my least.

A Night Out

Maybe I'd have met the girl of dreams in the next bar over. Or maybe I'd have met a drunk guy with a knife.

Maybe I'd have won the club over with a stunning performance of a karaoke staple. Or maybe I'd have dodged fourteen of the fifteen bottles thrown at my head.

Maybe I'd have had a really awesome time,  a night to remember for all my days. Or maybe I'd have had a night I'd have to spend a lifetime to forget.

In any case, I'm now warm in my bed, so frankly I don't care either way.

Conadile

As far as laws went, it was remarkably simple and concise.

"No-one in the land may Conadile, per order of the Crown."

In the centuries since, while the society had slowly but completely moved away from the monarchy, the law stayed put, and had a surprisingly consistent use.

Because of it, at various points, it was used to outlaw the use of a specific drug, a type of music, a sexual practice, and, currently, most forms of online business the government didn't like.

It's amazing what one can achieve when one controls the only official dictionary manufacturer in the land.

Forced March

The wedding had been delayed a couple hours, and by now everyone had noticed. At first, I was content to just sit back and let it all fall down around them, but after I got a few nasty looks from the more judgemental aunts, I got up and headed to the back of the church.

I found the father of the bride and the groom in deep discussion.

"Can I help?"

They turned and stared at me.

"Do you know where she is?"

"No."

"Then how could you possibly help?"

"Because I fit into my twin sister's wedding gown perfectly."

Bloody Beast

The howl rumbled across the mountain range, causing everyone to freeze, if only for a moment.

"Ok, we gotta speed up here."

There was a small amount of muttering along the line of "Well, duh", but everyone sped up.

Then there was another howl, closer.

Everyone decided to abandon what was left, and headed for the vehicle.

As we piled in, I had a thought, and tried to work out how to articulate my thinking.

"Are we sure that there's only one of these bloody things?"

Just as I said this, we heard another howl, coming from inside the vehicle.

Functional Immortality

Reversion technology changed everything, for better and worse. Sure, the positives were obviously, as long as your backup file wasn't glitched and you were close enough to a station, people were functionally immortal, and interstellar space travel became viable.

Which is good, given that the population exploded thanks to permanent death now being a rare occurrence.

As thousands of ships began to leave the system, with databases of backups for everyone on board, I had to check.

Finding out the databases were hackable and the backups editable, I had to do it.

Those versions of me will thank me later. 

Indescribable

I never quite knew how to describe him and his life.

Seemingly every week, there was a new crisis, a new problem. A broken leg one week, a totalled car the next, a lost job the week after.

So he was unlucky, or possibly careless, you'd assume.

But the break would be clean and heal quickly, his insurance payout was immense, he got a better job a day later.

So he was lucky, or possibly very driven or just plain rich, maybe.

In the end, I just thought of him as being very interesting.

And also self-obsessed, for good reasons.

Meaning In Art

The statue was installed in the week I was away, which they swore was coincidental. It was a monstrous looking mess of brass and steel, supposedly representing man's inhumanity towards his fellow man, or something. All I knew was that it was ugly, large, and put right outside my office window. So I was forced to look at it all the time, or at least when the sun wasn't blinding me from the reflection off its 'head'.

I went through every legal challenge against it, until finally I took to it with a sledgehammer.

After that, it started winning awards.

It Means Earth

I strode into the most secure base on Earth's most secure room, a man with a distinctive scar looking up from the computer he was working, deliberately pressing a key as I walked in.

"You may have won today, but there are far more powerful beings in the universe, and they'll be here soon enough to take back-"

He trailed off as there was a little jingle from my pocket. I pulled out the Callstone, and looked at it.

"Huh. We have a translation issue here. This is Cosmos?

Well, embarrassing, but easily fixed."

I destroyed him and the Callstone.

Undercover Bossy

There was a rumor that the boss was secretly out on the floor, judging everyone. So, naturally, everyone was walking on eggshells, treating everyone who matched two out of three categories for the boss like a king, and therefore ignoring everyone  who was obviously not the boss as much as possible. So I focused on picking up the slack on those guests.

Now, I'd like to say that the boss had sent a spy who I dealt with and thus I got rewarded, and that's half right.

There was a spy out there, but they just said to fire everyone.

Party For One

She had the teeth of an orc, the eyes of a dwarf, and skin that was notable only because it ruled out having dragon in her family tree.

She walked into my office, with a standard sob story, an adventuring party attacked her village, killing everyone and stealing their treasure. I explained that this sort of thing was outside my character class, but she was insistent, and I set off to track them.

I finally found them at the bottom of a dungeon. Or at least, what was left of them.

I took their hands for proof and reported success.

Rose

It's not that I missed her, let's make that clear.

I don't much care if she's gone, or she's here.

But the flowers were dying, wilting most foul,

And with my own efforts, I'd thrown in the towel.

So I found her number, despite her objections,

And I explained the flowers, and their gloomy projections.

She agreed to come back, for some brief care,

On the proviso that I wasn't there.

So later that week, she came to my place,

And the first thing she saw was my face.

And the garden, full of beautiful, healthy flowers, spelling her name...

False Flag

Like a lot of brutal regimes, there was a turning point early on where they gained support from the populace, to become more brutal and crack down on some scapegoated rebels, which of course led to misery for most everyone. This one was the bombing of a government building that only took out the child care facilities.

Many years later, historians would come around on the idea that the rebels were unfairly blamed, and that is was a false-flag operation.

Because the truth, that the rebels were so inept and stupid that they killed a bunch of kids, was unpalatable.

The Source Of Pain

As we approached the doors, he started walking slower.

"What's wrong?"

He sighed.

"Through those doors, I finally get the answer. All the loss and chaos in my life, has been caused by this conspiracy. And I'm finally about to find out why.

And it scares me. What if it's not some ancient society fulfilling a prophecy, but just a couple rich assholes getting kicks from ruining my life? I'm just worried my life was ruined pointlessly."

I gently patted his shoulder.

"Trust me, you need this."

He nodded, then opened the doors to reveal no-one, as I shot him.

Hick And Slicker

The two of them were born at roughly the same time, one in the biggest hospital in the fifth biggest city, the other in a bathtub in the next farm over.

They both grew up in the same area they were born in, and they both longed for the other one's life. The city slicker longed for the simple life, while the country hick longed for the big smoke.

When they got to their twenties, they both moved.

Within a few months, one had gone back home.

But only because they couldn't get a job due to the outsider hatred.

Semi-Great Minds

He was in the same guild as me in this MMO I played, and he asked for my help with a second date idea for this girl he'd met. I suggested my usual option, a bushwalk with a game of 'Forest Management' on top of a mountain.

Then one of my workmates asked me about the game after she'd played it in a bushwalk with a guy she was seeing.

I advised both her and him, hearing my ideas repeated back to me back and forth.

Eventually I met her date, who swore he didn't play an MMO.

Very confusing.

Don't Knock It

On this date, I dreaded hearing a knock on the door.

It started as a child, when the cop was there, and in what would today be considered an inappropriate approach, told me that my Father had died.

Then, a decade later, another cop was there, and she was kinder, but she still had to tell me my Mother had died.

My boss firing me, the car crashing into my fence, the lawsuit, bad things had a tendency to happen on this day.

And today, you knock on my door and declare your love for me?

Well, it's a start.

Stake Out

One of them was near retirement, the other was two weeks into their career.

They were in the car, watching the hideout.

"I still think we should go in there now."

The veteran shook his head.

"That ain't a good idea kid. We go in there and he ain't there, we're fucked. We gotta make sure that he's there, so we gotta watch until we see him."

"I don't understand how you can be so chill, what with that asshole who killed your partner in there!"

The door opened, and the cop walked out, the two criminals opening fire quickly.

Perspective

The Elves were the longest living creatures in the world, and among them, Sotrax was the oldest living one, at least that was known about.

He lived in the citystate of Terasded, in the Scholar's Quarter. He officially worked as a translator, but most of his time these days was spent answering questions about the past thousand years.

I asked him, after another series of questions about the Awons War, if he was getting tired of it.

"Oh, well, so many people lost, passed away, way I see it, these people will be joining them soon enough, same as everyone."