Sunday, 30 November 2014

Soda Marketing

Being the only computer trouble-shooter with Alpha-1 level clearance had its perks. But it also had negatives, in that I was incredibly busy, given that a surprising number of fellow ‘Highest Ranking Defenders Of Freedom’ seemed unable to use a computer properly.

By the time I got round to engineering, despite Dr. Brennan being both competent and cute, I was in a bad mood as she told me about how the new 3D printer was making unwanted items.

I gazed blankly at the block with ‘Hello, My Name Is Cola’ in raised letters on it, until it printed my name…

Saturday, 29 November 2014

Plan F Maybe?

Plan A was to talk things over, to come to an agreement between the two sides.

Plan B was to convince them to have their war somewhere other than our homeland, perhaps give them our island chain to fight over.

Plan C was to just let the two of them get this out of their system and wait for one side to win quickly and adjust.

Plan D was to pick a side and make this war end since it had gone on for so long.

Plan E was survival, pretty much, once the two sides joined up against us…

Friday, 28 November 2014

Fucking Up

He had fucked up.

Not cataclysmically, not world endingly, the sun would rise in the morning, businesses would open, the vast majority of the people in the world would get up and go about their lives unchanged.

And yet, he had fucked up.

He had explanations, justifications, he could, with hindsight, pinpoint the hows and whys of how it had occurred.

But it didn’t change the fact that he’d fucked up.

He apologized, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, he would be forgiven.

He was, although given the way the relationship went after that, he kinda wished he wasn’t…

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Human Civilisation 6th Edition: Not Sweating The Little Stuff (Feat)

Not Sweating The Little Stuff


Common Sense 15, Sense of Perspective Perk OR Medication (Mood Stabilising)


Player is able to see clearly on the metaphorical level, and has an understanding about what is truly important in life and also what isn’t. Player has 30 bonus to all calm checks for any problem level Annoyance or lower, as well as varying bonus to empathy checks for problems higher than Annoyance.


This feat cannot be taken with a money level higher than Comfortably Well Off. This feat is also removed permanently after the first level of Surfing Internet Skill.

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

One Life Reset

Everyone got one chance to press the button and go back into their time stream and pick a moment to restart from. Just one chance, since the time line couldn’t handle more than one reversal.

Of course, you could only go back as far as 21:23 GMT, April Nineteenth, 2133. You obviously couldn’t go back past the moment the device existed.

And by everyone, of course only those who could afford the quite high fees could press the button. After all, after all the effort Joseph put in to go back and kill his partner the second the device existed…

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Coming Of Age

When I first started going out with Stacy, and she told me she wouldn’t do anything with me until she turned eighteen, I waited for the ‘kidding’, but it never came.

All my buddies told me to dump her, but I got them off my case by telling them that her folks did free work on my car, which was a lie. Because really, even without sex, she was funny, smart, and just great to be around.

Of course, the night she turned eighteen, I was eager. And then she said she still wasn’t ready yet.

Then she said ‘kidding’.

Monday, 24 November 2014

Literally Broken

Look, I get it.

Metaphors only go so far, when you want to really get across the notion of just how totally… Whatever something is, you need to engage in hyperbole and exaggeration. And after a while, we as a people with a language, we run out of hyperbolic exaggerations and we end up with saying that this metaphor's in fact reality.

And thus the misuse of literally began.

But now that it’s accepted in that way, we need a new word to do its old job.

Literally in Esperanto is laĆ­vorte. Drop the breve…

Hey, got a better idea?

Sunday, 23 November 2014

Site News: End of Challenge Week 3

And thus Challenge Week 3 comes to a close, thanks for reading and for all the suggestions.

Despite leaving on a trip for a few days, there should still be Drabbles for every day as I'm preloading them. Should be some good ones in there.

Once again, thanks for reading, this is very much a personal challenge but to know people (presumably) enjoy my work is always gratifying.

Facing East

As the train continued to move, I tried to focus on my book.

“You know he really began as a dramatist?”

I looked up, and the glare off his stupidly overpriced sunglasses made me blink, but I had to respond.


“Dumas. Sure, most people just remember him now for the Musketeers, and some his other works, but he first rose to fame writing plays.”

As he prattled, I put my book away and grabbed my mace.

“In fact, my drama club’s working on a production of ‘Antony’ that-“

I looked out the window.

“My stop.”

Saved by the buzzer.

(And thanks to Pete for this suggestion too!)

Saturday, 22 November 2014

Facing West

She was reading one of the lesser Dumas works, so my opening was obvious. I sat down opposite her as the train chugged along.

“You know he really began as a dramatist?”

She looked up at me, blinking. Good sign.


“Dumas. Sure, most people just remember him now for the Musketeers, and some his other works, but he first rose to fame writing plays.”

She put the book back into her bag, and I made my move.

“In fact, my drama club’s working on a production of ‘Antony’ that-“

“My stop.”

I guess sometimes you just miss the buzzer.

(Thanks to Pete for this suggestion...)

Friday, 21 November 2014

Unadulterated Power

As soon as I dispelled the final hex and the door faded back into smoke, I heard the chanting and knew I was too late.

But with every plane of reality at stake, I had to try, and so I charged, beginning my Ultimate Dissolution spell.

With a flick of her wrist, she sent me tumbling to the ground.

“So much… Unadulterated power! I can create… destroy… reshape… everything…”

She managed one more breath and then was consumed by the flames with a scream, the death scream of one that cannot die.

The power was unadulterated, but the vessel wasn’t.

(Thanks to Jack for the suggestion!)

Thursday, 20 November 2014


I would have just walked away from her, but I really wanted to get the 10EF day one, so I had to put up with it.

“And you know what else I blame for this generation? Disney, and their Supercalafragalistic thing.”

I must have looked confused yet interested, at least to her, because she kept going.

“When you don’t have anything to speak, say that. How about telling kids that if they have nothing to say, say nothing? No wonder everyone is so self-absorbed.”

She hadn’t noticed that by now I was reaching into my pocket for a spoonful of…‘sugar’.

(Thanks to Mark for the suggestion!)

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Eating The Whole Thing

I can’t really tell when I woke up. At one point, I must have been laid out cold on the ground. At a later point, I was on my hands and knees throwing up. There was a transition between the two, but where to draw the line of was asleep, now awake, no idea.

But after a few more retches, I slowly rose into the air and then looked around. All I could see was dirt, rocks, metal implements left where the natives had dropped them as I had devoured them all.

Nothing edible was left, so I moved on.

(Thanks to Michael for the 'suggestion'!)

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

Queue Or Cue?

“And the lettering should be in white, with a red outline that drips a little.”


“And it should read ‘The Executioner And Q Death Bringers Tour 2016’, with the and being that fancy symbol that means and, and a hyphen between Q and Death Bringers, which is two words, and the year should be in numerals.”

“And can you spell Q please?”

“Excuse me?”

“Q, how-“

“You don’t know how to spell Q?”

“Sir you-“

“It’s a single letter! Just put Q all alone, idiot!”

“Very well sir.”

And that’s why the ‘all alone idiot’ bit got on there.

('Thanks' to Jason for the suggestion!)

Monday, 17 November 2014

Cures What Ails You

It took me from sunup to sunhigh to lead the cow to the market. She had stopped producing milk, so Father told me to go swap her for supplies.

But when I finally got there, practically everyone was focused on the fancy dressed old man, Dr. Quacksalver he called himself. He kept going on about how his Tonic was a cureall. I knew Father’s back was bothering him, so I offered a trade.

I should have been upset when it didn’t work. But without that ‘Doctor’, I’d have never worked out how I could make a living on my back…

(Thanks to Tree for the suggestion!)

Sunday, 16 November 2014

Site News: Challenge Week 3: With A Verbage

So, starting tomorrow, we're doing another challenge week where every Drabble is based on a suggestion from a reader. If you have a phrase or word you want to toss at me, do so below or via Twitter (@MassiveQ) and I'll give it a go. Cheers!


I walked into the Men’s to find two teenage boys huddled around an advertisement on the wall.

“And so join up the middle of the N, the W, and the O, create the inverted triangle like this, and what’s right in the middle?”

“Uh… The eye of the tiger in the middle of the logo.”

“See! Told you, the Illuminati symbol dude! New York’s Own is totally in on it!”

I managed to withhold my laughter. As if a worldwide conspiracy would advertise like that.

I mean, all our companies have an E in the name, but that’s just coincidence.

Saturday, 15 November 2014

A Very Important Date

July 5th, 1983.

A date that will not live in infamy.

It was, for most people, just another Tuesday.

Sure, for the people who died on that day, it obviously was important to them, albeit for a very short period of time.

And I know that a whole lot of people remember that day as the day they proposed or got divorced or some other important life event happened to them.

But to the wider world in general? Another boring day in an extremely long line of them.

But it’s not boring to me.

Because that’s where the loop begins.

Friday, 14 November 2014

Hook Up

“Come on, hook a brother up!”

“I… I don’t think I should.”

There was a slightly exasperated sigh.

“Look, when I got you in, I told you this wasn’t all handshakes and networking. I said, didn’t I, that you’d have to turn a blind eye on occasion?”

“You… You did say that…”

“Well, clearly you’ll need to do more than turn a blind eye here, but come on, just do it, ok?”

“But, they-“

“Hook a brother up.”

With a heavy sigh and heavier heart, he grabbed one of the tied up black men and impaled him on a hook.

Thursday, 13 November 2014

Around The Neighbourhood

“You’ll never take me alive, you bastards!” could just be heard over the sound of gunfire.

“Wasn’t our intent!” I replied.

After a few more bullets flew through the air, the target called out again.

“Aren’t you supposed to want me alive?”

We stopped firing as well, but kept our eyes open for attempts to surprise us.

“We’re not the police, Barrios just told us to-“

“I’m Barrios!”

I looked at my partner.

“Prove it.”

After a moment, he raised his head slightly from behind the bar.

I fired. Took off the top of his head.

Luckily he was lying.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Broke Through

I think the best moment was when I got to stare into the craven eyes of their ‘emperor’ as my sword plunged into his generous stomach.

I knew the day was won, so I began to explore the throne room for anything interesting.

Eventually, I found the door. Inside the room were two young girls, wearing only collars attached to chains, lying on large beds.

I strode over and broke the chains quickly, telling them in their language that they were free.

I think the worst moment was when I stared at their pathetic, desperate attempts to reassemble the chains…

Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Aesop 2.0: 15. The Selfish Shellfish

There was a shrimp that was very selfish. Whenever it found a new rock to hunt under, a plant to feed upon, it would try and keep it to itself, and not let any of the other underwater animals know about it. It wanted to keep its finds to itself. The other creatures of the sea noticed this, and thus, when large cages began to take away some creatures, no-one warned the shrimp, and it ended up being caught by a fisherman, who enjoyed his good fortune.

“Share good finds with others so that they share their finds with you.”

Monday, 10 November 2014

Last Defiance

The Abyss stared at him. And he stared right back.

There didn’t seem much else left to do. He knew that everyone he’d ever known was gone, that his home town, state, country, world was swallowed by this never ending darkness. But he only truly cared that it had taken his wife. He knew that was selfish, but he couldn’t help it.

So, as The Abyss hung there, creeping ever closer, he took one deep breath and spat right at it.

Didn’t do a damn thing, but it helped calm him a little before he ceased to have ever existed.

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Damn Dirty Bullets

It was eighteen hours after society had collapsed.

I was running from a mob. I managed to climb up a fire escape and pull it up behind me, but it was only going to buy me a few minutes. I climbed into the apartment and there he was.

I probably would have been star struck, and told him who he was and how I’d seen him on TV, but he was dead so I didn’t. Instead, I chuckled as I began to take his gun from his cold, dead hands.

Shame rigor mortis still held him, might have survived otherwise.

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Miss Green’s Power

Miss Green was very exacting. She knew that she was a catch, that being seen to be going out with her made you popular with all the inner city, trendy people. Getting the Green seal of approval, so to speak, that was worth something.

So she didn’t go out with just anyone. She examined every potential suitor carefully, and she if found a flaw, if there was something about them she didn’t like, away they would be sent.

She only wanted the best. But pretty soon, people stopped trying to go out with her.

Clearly everyone else’s fault, she thought.

Friday, 7 November 2014

Right Angle Turns

For many ‘years’, I never understood what was holding the Humans back. They seemed to grasp the nature of existence, they even used the fundamental concepts of reality in tele-visual plays for their children, and yet they weren’t able to take that next step, to see around the corner.

I’ll admit to trying to help them, but the majority refused to listen to the smarter ones about anything.

Eventually I worked out the problem, their language made them see time’s angles as ‘imaginary’.

I mean, just look at how primitive this language is, it’s barely able to contain any information…

Thursday, 6 November 2014


He slumped against the wall, slowly sliding down to the floor, the smoking gun dropping from his hand.

For months now, he’d been chasing this moment, the moment where he got his revenge. The blood, guts and bullet casings strewn across the floor proved that it hadn’t been easy.

But he could now…

What? What could he do now? Go back to his life? Go back to paying taxes, attending Neighbourhood Watch meetings, find a girl?

He picked the gun back up. He checked the chamber. One bullet left.

He took a deep breath.

Actually, he liked the Neighbourhood Watch…

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Cosmic Clean Up

It was just a joke I made to lighten the mood, after too much focusing on loss and death.

I told them all that I’d never really die because I’d made a deal with the universe. Someone had to do the cosmic equivalent of cleaning up after the party, see. Once all life was gone, someone had to sweep up all the rocks, turn out the lights. As long as the universe kept me alive, I’d happily do that.

Just a silly joke. I didn’t expect the universe to take me up on it.

And certainly not within the week…

Tuesday, 4 November 2014

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time…

Well that’s not accurate actually, the entire point is that it is happening at various points in the timeline…

Once upon many times…

And thinking about it, Dr. Igrel is being fought on many fronts for many different reasons, so…

Many upon many times…

No no, that makes no grammatical sense. And this is important, you’re old enough to understand the war.

At various points in the past, present and future…

Yeah, that works.

So then…

Funny, I forgot what I was about to tell you. Ah well, no matter. Back down the mine now sweetheart.

Monday, 3 November 2014

Exacting Hearts

Look, you have to understand, I was a hopeless romantic. I guess it was all the weepy movies my mother watched during my childhood, but I thought that it would be a magical moment when I met the eyes of someone and music would play and all that. But obviously it wasn’t going that way, so I gave in and signed up for online dating. I answered all their questions, I gave them all the info they needed, and then they told me.

I didn’t really need to know exactly how many people were more emotionally stable than me, thanks…

Sunday, 2 November 2014

A Median Parent

Elizabeth was not your average girl. The fact that she would chide me for using the term average when I probably meant median or mode, that gives you a rough idea of the sort of girl she was.

Not that it made her any less of a daughter. It actually was easy to raise her, she didn’t play sport or do much of anything except travel between home, school and Melanie’s house to study.

She was practically the perfect girl. Until I found out she and Melanie were more than just good friends.

Then she was the perfect young woman.

Saturday, 1 November 2014

Accidental Kisses

It started with a kiss.

Wasn’t meant to be anything special, just a peck on the cheek to thank her for having us over for dinner. But she turned and our lips met.

That would have been it too, but we both felt the spark, the moment we moved back and laughed awkwardly, we both knew what was about to happen.

We managed to hold off for a few weeks, but eventually we ended up at a party together, our partners busy.

Excuses were offered, reasons given, we both said that our marriages were important.

They ended with a kiss.