Saturday, 31 January 2015

An Esteemed Man, Emphasised

I was in a bit of an odd spot.

After all, he was a prisoner of war. But Dr. Brandt was also now leading our chemical weapon research team.

So when his assistant began to say how the doctor was a ‘man with needs’ I shut him down and said I couldn’t help them, but with a wink.

I arranged for Private Mullins to hang around, but she got no real interest from him.

So I tried Corporal Banks, but he got nothing as well.

By the time I found out he was wanting cigarettes, the cold turkey had worked.

Friday, 30 January 2015


He knew, deep down, that he was unlovable.

Not because he was abusive or anything, he kept up an outer shell of being an average guy, and the inner core of that wasn’t a serial killer or a rapist or anything evil.

But the inner core of his being? It was selfish and uncaring, no matter how much he tried, he just couldn’t bring himself to care about anyone other than himself, to love anyone other than himself. And if he couldn’t give love, he knew that he couldn’t receive love.

No matter how many times she lied to him.

Thursday, 29 January 2015

Next Chapter

It had taken me weeks, but I finally made it into the Leader’s office. He didn’t look up, as he studied an old tome on a small stand.

“Speak.” he said without looking up.

“O Grand Leader, who-“

“Out with it.”

It took me a moment to regroup.

“I… My wife has been banished from the Family, and I was-“

“Why was she banished?”

“She… She was very sick, she didn’t mean what she said-“

He looked at me for the first time. I saw no sympathy, no give.

My story ended with the sound of a book slamming shut.

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Last Sword Standing

It had been over an hour since their swords had first touched, but neither of them was counting. To them, time was being counted in fractions of seconds, as they kept looking for openings, either to exploit or to shut down.

Her left arm was now dripping in blood, while he’d have to learn how to live without his right ear, assuming he survived.

They continued to circle each other, looking for that one final blow that would end it. They weren’t about to let the other one live after what they’d gone through.

Until they heard the army approaching.

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

View From The Bench

When you’re my age, you have to do things in stages. So if you have to walk from home to the church, you leave early and stop for a rest in the park halfway along.

And while I sat getting my breath back, I saw these drunken teenagers, clearly on the way home from a night out. They were stumbling around, screaming and laughing, clearly enjoying themselves.

It got me thinking, about the years I spent playing it safe, never taking stupid risks, never letting go. How I always stayed quiet, safe and, well, boring.

I don’t regret it.


Site News: Back To Normal

So yeah, the Rumble month has ended, and it went well, I think. I hope you enjoyed them, I certainly did. Anyway, just a short note to let you know starting tonight we're back to your usual Drabble writing. I'm sure you would have noticed, but I just wanted to be sure. Cheers!

Monday, 26 January 2015


The reign of Queen Helena I was long and prosperous, as under her the Kingdom conquered many lands, from the Green Sea Islands to the Magi Mountains.

The reign of Queen Helena II was also long, but peaceful.

The reigns of Queen Helena III through VIII were lost to historians due to the Workers’ Rebellion.

The reign of Queen Helena IX was where the fact she was Queen Helena I with access to an Immortality spell became known, and where the common workers rebelled (hence the name) and demanded democracy.

President Elena bore a striking resemblance to the Queen though…

Sunday, 25 January 2015

Deal With It

“Just deal with it.”

Every time I had an issue.

“Just deal with it.”

Every time I had a problem.

“Just deal with it.”

No matter what it was that had happened.

“Just deal with it.”

I always got the same answer.

“Just deal with it.”

Said in the same tone of voice.

“Just deal with it.”

I had clearly made a mistake.

“Just deal with it.”

So I had to fix the problem.

“Just deal with it.”

Even when it had nothing to do with me.

“Just deal with it.”

So eventually I did.

“Just… What’s with the gun?”

Saturday, 24 January 2015

Face Of The Industry

I never asked to be the figurehead, you understand. It just sort of… Happened.

I just wanted to do business, and had a great idea to expand into a new untapped market, and suddenly I became the name all over the media, I was being asked to give speeches, I’m the test case before the courts that’ll become a landmark case for generations, so my lawyers tell me.

Business is booming, of course, but all the attention from outside, it wears you down mentally, eventually.

I mean, sometimes a man wants to trade in Chinamen Slaves in peace, you know?

Friday, 23 January 2015

Too Many Limes

Look, I’m just not a fan of Limes, ok?

I mean, I know some people love them, I know that some people think they’re just peachy keen. They help with disease, and without them we’d not be where we are today, I know the history, I’m not a complete idiot.

But, they just don’t sit right with me, and while I’m not about to call for a boycott or anything…

I just don’t like them! I’ve never been comfortable with foreign cultures altering ours, when you make it a whole alien race from another galaxy, that just makes it worse…

Thursday, 22 January 2015

Of The River

The River was not the whole world, she knew. The River began elsewhere, The River ended elsewhere, and there were many elsewheres away from The River.

But this part of The River, from The Waterfall, to Where The Animals Drank, that was where she lived, and was her world.

The River provided her water, to drink and to clean, in that order.

The River provided her food, animals that lived in The River, and the berries that grew beside it.

The River was all she needed, although she was, sometimes, somewhat lonely.

And then Mr. James Tarven discovered Tarven River.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

The Ultimate Opportunist

He waited, patiently, for a target.

It was rare, many a night he’d end up leaving the city without a single attack. But he knew that if he started to attack more, he’d be noticed, he’d have to deal with authorities, and he had spent far too long developing his tactics.

But tonight, a target appeared. Her makeup was ruined, her dress damaged. A half-empty bottle of something strongly alcoholic yet sickeningly sweet in her fist. She was softly crying as she staggered towards him.

He stepped out of the alleyway.

“Hello. God’s sent me to talk about your soul…”

Tuesday, 20 January 2015

Apex Predator

He was very proud of Humanity.

Sure, he acknowledged that it was screwing up the planet and spent an awful lot of time engaged in This group of Humans hating on That group of Humans, but taking the long view, we were the Apex of Apex Predators. We lived (almost) everywhere, and wherever we lived, we had the tools and the knowledge to ensure we were top of the food chain with no natural predators, hence the term.

Humanity had won Evolution, he believed.

I think he would have died of a broken heart even without personally contracting The Virus.

Monday, 19 January 2015


You know, Do-Gooder, I gotta disagree with The Boss on one thing. The best part of finally knocking you off isn’t the heist tonight, but rather something you said in passing as you were knocking out the first dozen of our brother slash sisterhood.

You called them two bit thugs, remember?

Now, that’s insulting to me, as I have spent my entire life working out just how to make low life scum into loyal, hardworking assets. It’s a science, to get men this loyal to The Boss.

Or, more accurately, loyal to me.

Kill the Do-Gooder and The Boss, please.

Sunday, 18 January 2015

Dead Man

I’m used to hearing a lot of trash talk as I do my job. Before I kill a man, he’ll tell me how he will use my bones for toothpicks or fuck my mother or some other action that I will calmly ensure will not occur with a single swing of my weapon.

But there was this kid, well, teenager really, who just stared at me, and as I walked up, he spoke in a tone of voice that even I found chilling.

“You’re a dead man.”

I killed him.

“Of course I am, I’m the Grim Reaper…” I muttered.

Saturday, 17 January 2015

King Mystery

I took my time examining the body, all too aware of the eyes of the Royal Guards on my back.

“It must have been an assassin sent by the Crimson Empire!”

“That’s the fifth time you’ve theorised that, Grand Vizer.”

“Well it’s true!”

I shook my head.

“Crimson Blood Vipers kill with poison, arrows and, on one occasion, a tiger. A stabbing is not at all their style.”

I felt the Royal Crotch.

“Bring me the five most attractive serving girls working in the Royal Kitchen, one of them did it.”

I was wrong though, it was a serving boy.

Friday, 16 January 2015

The Animal

“Animal, Mineral, Vegetable?” I asked, making no effort to hide the boredom in my voice.


“Is it bigger than a breadbox?”

“What’s a breadbox?”

“Your computer then?”

“Oh… No.”

“Is it native to the region?”

“Which region?”

“This one!”

“But do you mean the state, the city, this room, what?”

“Yes, I’m asking if this animal is native to your bedroom, exactly.”

“Darn it. Yes.”

I just stared at him for several seconds.



“Then… I give up.”

“Ha! It was my pet rock!”

I picked it up.

“This isn’t an animal you idiot!”

Then it bit me.

Thursday, 15 January 2015


I began to fiddle with the zoom to make sure it was working.

“So what should I be filming, exactly? Do I focus on you soldiers or-“

“We’re not soldiers! We’re scientists, remember? You just record what we’re investigating, ok?”

I nodded at the ‘scientist’ carrying a fully automatic rifle as we came to the large crater. Inside it was a crashed ship. A blue creature was pulling another from the wreckage, until it spotted us. It grabbed a small box and hit it a bit. The box then spoke.


“Redaction here.” said the ‘scientist’ as they opened fire.

Wednesday, 14 January 2015

Next Big Thing

Zack was forever chasing the dream, forever looking for the venture that would let him retire before thirty.

Every week he had a new app or product that he swore would revolutionise the world that he was trying to flog to investors and venture capitalists. Occasionally it wouldn’t actually suck, but most times the ‘idea’, such as it was, was a blatant rip off of something else.

But he was very witty, so we put up with him. And in the end, he actually did retire before thirty.

Turns out embezzling from venture capital funds was his truly brilliant idea…

Tuesday, 13 January 2015


It became the harmless joke of the family that my wife must have been psychic. The day the President asks for us to have ‘One child for the mother, one for the father, and one for the country’, we find out she’s pregnant with three girls.

I claimed it was just coincidence, but in the end, it went exactly as the President was hoping for, it seems.

Anna sided with her mother in the divorce, Eliza sided with me, and Alex dealt with it by going to fight and die for the country in the middle of the fucking desert…

Monday, 12 January 2015


The schoolmarm waited for a week before she made the journey out to the Matchett farm. There, she found Tandy near the barn, sharpening a knive. He didn’t look up as she struggled off her horse.


“Mr. Matchett, you must know why I’m here.”


“Look… I know it can be difficult after you lose… But your son needs an education!”

“Getting one.”

She then heard the rattle.

She glanced around, seeing the boy just as the snake darted forward.

And did nothing, since most of its head was gone. She glared at Tandy.

“You think I’m a monster?”

Sunday, 11 January 2015

The Rock

He’d spent the day seeing lawyers, board members, loyal servants. But eventually, I was called to my father’s soon to be death bed.

He looked… Well, like death, but he still managed to pick up a small box.

“I wanted to give you this on your twenty-first birthday, like my father did with me, but since I’m not making it…” he said, holding it out.

I took the box and opened it. Inside was a small pebble, looked normal, till I touched it and saw everything.

Took me a year to stop using it to spy on girls, of course…

Saturday, 10 January 2015

The Chairman

It began as a joke, him being The Chairman. He once beat a cop to death with a chair, see.

I never said it was a witty joke, but compared to how Pussy-Killer got his name, it was practically Shakespeare.

I mean, a couple of the boys would make an effort when I was around to not swear as much. But most of the others would swear more.

Especially The Chairman, he was always telling me how one day he’d take me behind the shed and show me a good time.

When he finally did, I was almost relieved.


Friday, 9 January 2015


The cold wind carried the vapor from his breath.

He took another step, snow sticking to his boots.

He’d sacrificed everything to get here, every mile back from where he’d turned around and given up, it had cost him another canned meal, or another dog…

Or another friend.

But he knew that civilisation, humanity, warmth, it was all ahead. Just a few more miles, just a few more hours, one foot in front of the other.

But he could rest, just for a moment.

The colder wind would have carried the vapor from his breath, if he’d breathed out again.

Thursday, 8 January 2015


His name was Stone.

Or at least, that’s what everyone called him. The name on his dog tags was John Medina. When I got transferred into the squad, I didn’t understand, since almost any other bunch of soldiers he’d be called Funky Cold or Tone or something.

Very quickly though, as we tried to enforce democracy and peace on a land that very clearly didn’t care much for the first and refused the second, I understood why he had that name, as no matter what the hardship, he never showed any emotion, just that same determined stare.

Then he broke.

Wednesday, 7 January 2015


“Hey Mister, whachadoin?”

My hand immediately flew to my iron, until I made sure that it was a kid standing behind my horse, at which point I moved my hand away from my iron a couple inches.

“Watch it kid, Frost’s got a nasty kick.”

“Why’s your horse called Frost, Mister?” he asked in that same annoying voice.

I turned to tell him to fuck off when I heard the gunshot. I jumped behind the water trough, looking for whoever dared to try taking out the East Coast Kid.

Turns out they just wanted to take out the actual kid…

Tuesday, 6 January 2015


As I stood there, I wondered if my actual, physical heart breaking would hurt more than my metaphorical heart hurt watching her walk away.

After careful consideration, I decided that no, my blood pumping heart breaking in two would be a cakewalk compared to this pain.

I must have stood there, blankly staring, for hours.

Eventually, though, I managed to move one foot, practically dragging it along the ground until it rested a few inches ahead of where it was.

And then I did it again with the other one.

And again, and again, and again.

And thus I survived.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Two Winners

Gail was sweet, she’d see things in me that I wasn’t sure were there, but I wanted them to be. She made me a better person.

Pru, well she a hellcat. She’d call me every name under the sun then turn on a dime and do anything I asked, no matter how depraved or ‘wrong’.

I know it sounds like a fable, having to choose between the extremes, but they both had different parts of my heart. So I was honest, and said I couldn’t choose between them.

It lasted a couple years before they ran off with each other.

Sunday, 4 January 2015


If it wasn’t bad enough that the Earth was plunged into eternal darkness (or at least, a few hundred years, which is the same to most people), then apparently Vampires are real, and decided to take over, with the slaughtering and such.

The fact that they could be turned with anything that you had faith in would have been nice to know before they took out half the population, but once humanity found that out?

Well, we all took up sumo wrestling.

Oh, didn’t you know? The ropes that sumo wrestlers wear ward off evil spirits.

Most of the time…

Saturday, 3 January 2015


The amount of gall, gumption and, well, flair on display made it the talk of the world.

A crime spree straight out of the comics, a very clever and flamboyant master thief began to captivate the world with a series of robberies, seemingly chosen for their shock value, rather than monetary gain, although most amateur detectives were sure they had a connection.

There was even a calling card, a Fleur-De-Lis brand Emergency Flare, a triple pun that gave everyone a theory.

And with such a mountain to chew on, who cared about or even noticed an upswing in mail fraud?

Friday, 2 January 2015

The Immortal


It conjures up a lot of images, depending on how you view it.

Some people immediately go to Godhood, either thinking it means they’ll be with a God, or that having infinite days means you are God.

Some people go to power, as if the inability to die has to then come with a range of powers that have no relation to simple non-dying.

And some people go to looped days, or constant resurrection, or whatever pop culture they’ve absorbed.

In reality? Immortality used to be cool, and then it became impossible to hide.

Now, it’s a death sentence…

Thursday, 1 January 2015

The Incredible

I spent my life investigating the supernatural, the impossible, the incredible. Every so called psychic, every supposed monster, every valley, triangle and forest, no matter how ‘haunted’ or ‘cursed’, I would come in, set up my lab, and with steady exploration, I’d prove that there was nothing there, nothing odd, just natural or human activity. Nothing ghostly or magic, just reality. People might not like it, but the truth is… True.

Funny thing is, despite spending my entire life investigating it, I never worked out what I’d do if I ever actually found something incredible.

And now it’s too late.