Sunday, 31 May 2015

Moments Of Readjustment

Kristin could never quite come to terms with failure. If she decided something would happen, she’d dedicate herself to the task, she’d put her head down, work hard, and then if she didn’t succeed, she’d have what she termed a ‘moment of readjustment’.

She made it sound boring and corporate, but given how high she aimed, and thus how often she failed, I’d had to do a lot to bring her back.

I’d let her go, but the moments before the ‘readjustments’? Worth every second.

But if you need tattoo removal, or a friend in Bermuda, or stripper boots, or…

Saturday, 30 May 2015

E.S.S. King Arthur

I knew that by volunteering to go into stasislock and head to Scorpius Prime that I might never wake up, the ship might crash and I’d never wake up.

I knew that after a decade on the trip, we’d catch up with the generational ship Worldmark VII, and there was a chance they’d override our AI, bring us on board and integrate our crew with theirs, if they needed it.

I knew there was any number of possible outcomes involving stasislock malfunction, undetected diseases, solar radiation, anything could happen.

But I didn’t know what to do when natives woke me…

Friday, 29 May 2015

Looking Out Till The Very End…

I was lost in my private cloud of hell, heading to the bar to drown my sorrows.

And then I heard the soft whine.

A puppy had his legs up on the glass, looking at me with excitement and sadness at the same time, but got more and more excited as I approached.

I bought Doug, and had twelve great years.

And then, as we walked past one day, he stopped, and made that same noise at another standing puppy in the window.

When Doug died that afternoon, I rushed back to buy the puppy he’d picked out for me…

Thursday, 28 May 2015

Last Thoughts

Shit shit shit.

Over that, under that…

Shit shit shit…

If I survive this, I’m going to kill whoever wanted to come camping.

Oh yeah, it was me, and CLIFF!

Water, please, hit it….

Oh shit, where’s the shore, where… Fuck…

Oh god, did I break… I can’t have broken it, not now….

Stand, stand….


OK George, it’s not broken, it’s a sprain, you can fucking do this, RUN!

Don’t look back, keep running, it can’t be behind you this fast, RUN!


Fuck, fuck, fuck….


Wait, where, did I…


Wednesday, 27 May 2015

Control Burst

My Master plays the long game.

Thousands of years ago, He was able to foresee what Humanity would become, what they could achieve, and how He could conquer them easily.

All My Master needs is a fraction of your flesh, and you become His willing slave. He does not want the young and stupid, but the wiser, in order to better control Humanity’s future.

With just one little spell, one tiny change to Humanity as it began long ago, and with servants gathering as we speak, He shall win.

After all, what else do you think your appendix is for?

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

An Explosive Goodbye

I finally made eye contact with her.

Neither of us could speak, we just stared at each other. Her eyes began to slowly fill with tears as she looked at me.

I tried to force myself to look away, tried to focus on what was being said around me, but it was like trying to hear a whisper on the other side of the mountain. I was solely focused on her eyes.

Then the pistol was placed in my hand. I sighed, and aimed it at her, then spun and began firing.

Got three of them before we both died.

Monday, 25 May 2015

Level 0 Adventurer

My son, you know that I disapprove of you heading out into the world as an Adventurer. I taught you how to fight and spellweave so you could protect the village, as I have for nearly twenty years, ever since I rescued your mother from the Worshippers of T’Sayer.

However, since you’re as headstrong as she was, all I will say is the short poem your grandfather told me when I was in your shoes.

“The road ahead is rocky, difficult, hard.
But on your journey, never trust a bard.”

I didn’t say it would help.

Now never come back.

Sunday, 24 May 2015

B.V, A.V

Her name was Veronica, and she was the first woman I ever saw.

At least, that’s how it seemed. My life had an obvious midpoint from the second I met her, B.V and A.V.

Although thankfully for me, After Veronica didn’t mean that my life after that point was without her. Because for some stranger reason, she viewed her life as two acts, ‘Act One: The Prologue’ was pre-meeting me.

I know it’s sappy and cliché to say that we were happy together and all that, but…

Her name was Veronica, and she was the last person I ever saw.

Saturday, 23 May 2015

Anti-Material Girl

She screamed as I left the store.


She was wearing a clearly hand made dress sewn together from various scraps of rough undyed, untreated cloth.

“I… This is imitation leather!” I said, holding up one shoe as proof.

“I don’t care about animals, by supporting the system you’re murdering all of us, MUR-“

“What’s your name?”

That surprised her.


“I’d like you to meet my sister Eliza, it’s her birthday and this was her gift, yell at her.”

Sadly the two didn’t blow up like I’d hoped. Too much common ground with all men being bastards and such.

Friday, 22 May 2015

Kicking Out The Bitch

Once my father passed away, I wasted no time in kicking my snivelling bitch of a half-sister out of the family home. She stood at the front door, clutching the half-dead mutt like it was a lifeline as I began to take a tally of my new things.

“You didn’t even love him!”

I sighed and turned to her.

“No, I didn’t, but as his only legitimate heir, doesn’t matter!” I said, dragging out ‘legitimate’.

“Can I at least keep Sally?” she begged.

I looked at the pathetic, whimpering thing.

“Fine, whatever.”

I really should have x-rayed the dog first…

Thursday, 21 May 2015

Adding History

What if we just decided to add in some history?

Like, if a whole bunch of us came together as a group and decided that there was now a war between Japan and Spain in the late 1800’s that ended in a stalemate before the Spanish-American one?

We wouldn’t go out and trumpet this fact and hit people over the head with it, but just casually mention it in passing if it was relevant, then go into detail when asked.

Totally freak out people, right?

Plus would prepare us for when time travel is discovered and history changes every week…

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Going All The Way

I didn’t see her face at first, all I saw was the backpack, her dirty blonde hair, and her hand raised up, thumb extended. As I pulled up, she turned to face the car, and flashed a smile that somehow managed to be sweet, yet also hot as hell. She leaned in, pressing the thin fabric of her top against the half opened window.

“Going my way?” she asked, winking at me in a way that stirred emotions in me that I thought were long buried.

“Sure am!” I said, slightly too excitedly.

Within an hour I was strangling her.

Tuesday, 19 May 2015

Slit In The Universe

It wasn’t a black hole. That would have been picked up far earlier by the sensors, plus the ship would have been torn apart long before we got to it.

No, this was different. It was just a strip, a click long and a half click wide, in which there was no light, no gravity, nothing.

A slit in the universe.

This got the reactions you’d expect. The scientists wanted to ignore our orders and study it, while the loyalty officer was already docking me points for not meeting deadlines.

I would have moved on, but then It came through…

Monday, 18 May 2015

A Last Moonlight Dance

They knew that, in the morning, there would be a fight. Neither of them could handle a hangover that well, and all the frustrations and problems their relationship was filled with would boil over. It would be the sort of epic, protracted argument that broke up relationships.

They didn’t talk about it, both of them focusing on enjoying the copious booze and good music. But even through the drunken haze, they sensed this was the end.

She offered a hand. Her partner took it, and together the ladies danced one last time, hoping to delay the inevitable.

But sadly, no…

Sunday, 17 May 2015

The Resetter Stone

It had taken Sintena a full day of meditation, and even after that long, all she knew was that the Resetter Stone was in the Darkwood Forest.

It seemed an odd choice of location to hide a device capable of erasing all of existence, but their opponent was crafty.

They found the shrine, hidden inside a ring of pine trees, as well as many spells. They broke through, and took the red gemstone resting on the shrine.

The idea that the Stone, being of malleable shape, was a ‘random’ pine cone didn’t occur to them until it was too late.

Saturday, 16 May 2015

Unexpected Advancements

Suddenly, ninjas attacked!

Now, of course, given that we were deep inside territory that had pledged to No Kimi Suzaki when the war began, an attack was something we were expecting, training for.

And certainly even the dumbest farmer knew that No Kimi Suzaki had the Red Iris clan supporting him. The legends of what followers of the Path of Quiet Storming could do were legendary. Mostly made up, sure, but there were kernels of truth there.

So, ninjas attacking the camp was not the most unexpected thing that could have happened.

Us winning without any losses, that surprised me.

Friday, 15 May 2015

Expensive Will

Free will is an illusion.

And real.

It’s real in the sense that you can do what you want at any given point, to a degree. Stand up, sit down, laugh, you’re free to exist.

But free will, the concept most people have? The idea that you can make your own destiny, that you can achieve what you want on your own merits and ability… Wonderful idea, but for the most part your destiny is decided by what you’re left in other people’s wills.

But hey, you don’t have to believe me. You’re free to believe whatever you like.


Thursday, 14 May 2015

Tabling The Discussion For Now

I pulled myself out of what I pretended was water slowly. I then got onto my knees just in time to get a knee to the face.

I fell backwards, blood beginning to flow from my nose, as she straddled me. I had imagined her a few times like that, but not in full armor and certainly not with her sword at my throat.

“You stupid fucking moron!” she began, when there was a roar and a massive tendril shot out from the near-water and flailed menacingly.

“Who I’ll kill later!” she finished as she pulled me to my feet.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Red Hot Cash

It looked to be barely a cave, as I had to double over to slide through the thin gap between the two huge boulders. But once I got past that point, it opened up into almost a cavern, a small hole near the top where water was trickling through, moonlight shining on me.

And the briefcase.

Inside, maybe a million dollars, maybe a little less, a little more. But so much death and pain had been caused by this pile of filthy money… I had to end it.

Unfortunately, burning that amount of money takes far longer than I expected…

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

The Heel/Face Dynamic

It’s one of the facts about wrestling that seems counter-intuitive, like having to not give the fans what they want. But backstage, faces tend to be jerks while heels are the nice people.

Take Jack Ironman and Tony Askill. For years, the two of them fought on and off, with Askill always being pure evil, and Ironman always so righteous. Backstage, John stole Tim’s wife, but Tim was still happy to work.

Eventually, of course, the internet came along, and the audience grew to ‘know’ the backstage stuff.

But hey, one double turn later and they made even more money…

Monday, 11 May 2015

Space Station Rationality

I looked in horror at the readouts, then turned to my second in command.

“You just murdered a thousand people!”

“No, I saved seven thousand people, and a few billions dollars worth of tech.” he replied calmly, still tapping away on his control panel. “Hopefully, at least…”

“But… We could have saved…”

“In the thirty seconds before the reactor overloaded? Well I’m all ears, Captain.”

I tried to think of something, but was distracted as the part of the station he had broken off blew up.

“You’ll hang for this!” I told him.

Instead they gave him a fucking medal.

Sunday, 10 May 2015

Mother's Day

One day of the year.

Just the one. Sure, if there was an emergency or something, there might be an attempt to contact her. But the only day she was sure of her son calling her was Mother’s Day.

He always used a different alias and reason. Every year she’d make sure people had a reason to call, she’d lose a necklace, or sell something, and thus have to put up fliers.

After all, she wanted to talk to her only son, and the deception was needed.

Didn’t want the cops finding where he stashed this year’s payoffs after all…

Saturday, 9 May 2015


When my parents didn’t understand me and school was horrible, drugs killed the pain.

When I left school and my life sucked, no hope of improvement, drugs killed the pain.

When I got kicked out of my parent’s house, drugs killed the pain.

When I met Tomiko, I tried with her to go straight, and while I kicked the hard stuff, the withdrawals were bad, the softer drugs killed the pain.

When she left me, drugs killed the pain.

When she came back to me from the other guy, her body weakened, her mind gone…

Drugs killed her pain. Permanently.

Friday, 8 May 2015

The Right Swear Word

The alarm went off at the same time it did every day, and like almost every day I took a moment to will myself up out of bed and into the bathroom.

I was in my usual barely awake state that I exist in before my coffee, so when the gentleman in leather appeared in my shower, I was a little taken aback, as you could expect.

“Jesus Christ, what the fuck?” I let slip. I could just about make out his eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses.

“That blasphemy?”

“Uh… Yeah?”

“Athronges!” he said, before smacking a button and vanishing.

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Holy Proclamations

He cackled as the party burst in.

“You fools, no mortal man can defeat me, because-“

His ranting was cut off as blades slid in-between his armor plates and then slid into his kidneys.

“Well, let’s see…” said a soft voice from behind him, as the blades slid out and then back into his flesh.

“I’m female, so that’d be enough, but then I’m also a vampire, and my new daggers are called Man and Woman.”

He collapsed to the floor, and she knelt over him.

“Loopholes. They’ll get you every time…” she said, smiling, as she finished him off.

Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Destini & Fete

They had similar upbringings in communes.

As you could probably guess from their names, although by the time they met they were Diana and Fred.

Their meeting was unremarkable, friends of friends brought them each to a party. They hit it off well enough, and hooked up. First on social media, then as a couple.

It was weird, no matter what happened, no matter what misfortune seemed about to ruin the relationship, some bolt from the blue would solve it. The universe seemed to be determined to keep them together.

Which made it such a shame when they broke up.

Tuesday, 5 May 2015

Smoking Is Bad For Your Health

It was maybe five minutes before the reactor would launch, and the control room was a buzz of activity. I walked over to my assistant’s desk. As soon as I got to him, he looked up, his sideburns almost sticking out horizontally.

“Can I have a smoke break?”

“Now? We’re about to launch!”

“Everyone else has had theirs!”

“Oh… Fine.”

He walked out, and I sat at his desk to cover for him.

He came back in surprisingly quickly, before shouting something foreign and weird.

Everyone else began to change into alien looking creatures, a couple bearing down on me…

Monday, 4 May 2015

50,000 Gold Pieces Upon Delivery

It was about the size of a loaf of bread. It looked to have been made of some sort of wood, although it was hard to tell under the outer coating of soot, thanks to the stupid gnolls.

I didn’t know why the Royal Court had put such a high price on its return, but I intended to collect on it. Of course, so did others, a few of which had correctly guessed that I’d track it down, thus they were waiting for me outside the caves.

During the battle, it was damaged.

And she was freed from captivity.


Sunday, 3 May 2015


As the sun began to set, I found my father down on the pier of the lake behind his cabin. He had a rod in one hand, beer in the other.

“Catching anything?” I asked, knowing full well what the answer would be.

“Almost. This five footer just got away from me…”


Same words as always. I sat down next to him.

“Thought you’d be with your friends.”

“Felt I should be with family right now.”

“Fair enough. Wanna split a beer with your old man?”


I leant against him as the sun set for the last time.

Saturday, 2 May 2015

Knowing What You Want

It was near the end of her shift, and Susan, sorry, Cherri, hoped the last client wasn’t going to be too weird.

She sighed inwardly when he came in, the large, out of date glasses, the horrible haircut, the duffle bag clutched nervously to his chest.

“Hey Baby…” she said with forced sultriness.

He gulped, and seemed to look everywhere but her. She could tell he was out of his depth, unless he really had a fascination with the carpet and the tiny part of the window left uncovered.

“I’ve uh… I’ve got this… Fetish…” he said in barely a whisper.

“Well, tell me what it is, sugar, and I’ll see if I can’t make your dream come true.” she said with a practised wink.

As if a dam had burst, suddenly words flew out of him.

“Can you go into the bathroom there, and then just masturbate really loudly, and let me listen to it while I stay here and… Uh… Yeah…” he trailed off, as the flow dried up.

She raised an eyebrow.


She headed into the bathroom, and began to do as asked, while he constructed a sniper rifle and set to work through the window.

Friday, 1 May 2015

United Collars of Benjamin Alexander Tun

The doors into the stagecoach opened, and the bounty hunter threw the scrawny kid into the enclosed space, before latching his handcuffs onto the chain across the middle of the cramped portable cell.

Once that was done, the horses began to pull, and the kid’s eyes adjusted to the gloom. The white haired man smiled at him.

“So then, let’s see, we have a card shark, a cattle rustler, a duellist, and a whore.”


“And then you… What are you, Kid?”

“Lockpicker” the kid said as he removed his handcuffs.

In retrospect, Benjamin really should have made two trips.