Thursday, 31 December 2015

New Year’s Eve

She stared into the mirror, condensation dripping down the reflective surface, making it look like a tear was running down her cheek, matching her mood perfectly.

This had been a horrible year for her. Seemingly every aspect of her life was worse off than it was three hundred and sixty five days previously.

Lost her job, got a crappier one. This of course meant she was further in debt, which directly led to her nasty break up…

But the new year, she had to make a change.

Eve decided that this would be a new year, and a new her…

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

His Evil Twin

I met him on top of Mt Chaos, where the Warrior’s Guide teleported me right in time to help him defeat the Daemon Master and retrieve Saxion’s Bracelet.

Fifteen minutes later, we were attacked by a summoned Bladewind. I managed to defeat it, but he received a mortal wound to the throat. He was just able to croak out a warning to look out for his twin, then died.

I protected the Bracelet constantly, and took care to not let any man come near it, for fear of a good disguise.

Except he had a fraternal twin, a twin sister…

Tuesday, 29 December 2015

Power Conduits

Ever since the Empowered began to admit their existence, I’ve been studying them. Sure, they’ve all used their powers for good, but you never know when they might turn on us.

And I quickly noticed how they all needed a conduit for their powers. They needed a special pair of shoes to fly, they needed a certain pair of gloves to shoot ice beams, they needed specific sunglasses for laser vision.

Thus, all we needed to do was ensure that they were only given these items when doing a mission, and we’d be safe.

And then along came Mr. Imagination…

Monday, 28 December 2015

The Worst Customers

A group of six people walked into the store.

The little old lady who never shuts up.

The angry loudmouth who insists that every price is wrong.

The slimy ‘ladies man’ who tells me I have nice tits and then expects get a discount.

The annoying prick who has to price compare everything on his phone.

And the indecisive moron who takes an hour to make a choice but who also gets uppity if you try and help him.

I had hoped the sixth would be good, but considering he was the robber, I guess he was worst of all.

Sunday, 27 December 2015

Golem Remote

Once I made sure that the flesh golem wasn’t going to stand back up, I prised open the treasure chest. I had been hoping for a new magic shield, but all I found was a small box. I picked it up, and my thumb brushed one of the gold buttons inlaid into it.

The remains of the flesh golem behind me began to jerk, as if trying to fulfil an order.

I was going to leave it, but the engraving was decent, thought I could sell it as scrap.

Almost did, before I found out it was a universal remote…

Saturday, 26 December 2015

Boxing Day

I was always warned that the day your last child leaves the nest was a morose one. I started off believing that, but then as my children were born and then grew up, I started to look forward to the day when my wife and I were left alone.

Now that the day has come when we’re going to be alone though, I’m feeling terribly. I know I should go downstairs, but right now all I want to do is sit here, and look through Daniel’s baby clothing.

Eventually though, I know I’ll have to go down to Daniel’s wake…

Friday, 25 December 2015

Santa Claus

When he pulled up in an old Mercury Comet, I was livid.

“You were supposed to be here an hour ago!”

“There was traffic at the airport-“

“Whatever, whatever just get in there and sit down… Nice beard.”

To the guy’s credit, he was pretty good at it. Every kid walked away happy, even the ones that were led to him bawling their eyes out.

At the end, I had his pay, minus the missing hour, but he waved if off, saying something about ‘keeping his game strong’.

I was disappointed when his car didn’t fly away. Not sure why.

Thursday, 24 December 2015

Saint Nicholas

Ever since, as a child, a gold coin had been pressed into my hands by the bishop as he passed, I had wanted to know how he could able to afford to help so many people?

I attended Mass every week growing up. Then I joined the order, and studied under him, making sure I was working under him whenever possible.

Eventually, I managed to piece it all together, I worked out his scheme of making the local crime lords pay up in exchange for forgiveness.

But by then I realised that he needed to be kept on a pedestal.

Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Saint Nick

I was expecting broken glass, maybe some fire damage, and anything metallic that had been within the church gone.

And indeed, while I did get broken glass, the candles and light fixtures were all in place, untouched. Instead, an alcove stood bare.

“Was it golden or something?”

The priest glared at me.

“Young man, as if we’d have a graven image! It was a stone statue of Saint Testia, and I can’t think of who would break in and steal it!”

I raised an eyebrow as I saw that the glass pattern indicated it was smashed from the inside out…

Tuesday, 22 December 2015

Father Christmas

After the divorce, we had to start bouncing back and forth for major holidays. If we spent Thanksgiving with Mother one year, next year was with Dad. Fourth of July spent fishing with Father? Next year we’d be helping out at the Veteran’s Center with Mom.

It worked out fine, I suppose, in that there was never any arguments about who got us on any specific day. We always knew where we’d be, every year.

But still, despite how good the system was, I still can’t help but wonder.

Could we have saved his life, if it was his turn?

Monday, 21 December 2015

Kris Kringle

The ringing indicated it was an internal office call, and so Jessica didn’t bother with the normal spiel.


“Who got me in the Kris Kringle?”

She chuckled.

“Now Alex, you know the rules. Why, are you really that upset with your gift? I thought you liked those Japanese animated things?”

“The label was a copy, the DVD had something else on it.”

“Well OK, a ripped DVD is a bit crappy, but still-“

“It was just a video file. Of us. In the bathroom-“

Jessica blanched, and quickly dug out her file.

“Uh…. You weren’t in the Kris Kringle…”

Sunday, 20 December 2015

Too Many Players

I found Uncle Simon in his office, staring at the map he still used to plot out the various gangs, families and groups that made up the underworld of our fair city. He swirled a glass half full of bourbon in his hand, as he stared at the string and pins.

“Uh, Boss?”

“Too many players…”

I walked in and tried to take the glass away from him, but he jerked his hand away and looked up at me.

“Too many players who don’t understand the game. Who think flipping the board is a viable move.

Break out the Molotovs.”

Saturday, 19 December 2015

Too Dry Dock

Mr Gordon Black was not the sort of man to suffer fools, especially from the lower classes, and doubly so from servants.

So when the boy returned without the ice bucket he was ordered to get, he gave the boy a piece of his mind.

Everyone within four decks could hear him berate the boy, and then after a short pause, everyone within five decks could hear him tell the boy that he didn’t care that they were still docked, this was the Titanic, they must have ice on board!

Gordon ignored the odd sensation saying that phrase gave him.

Friday, 18 December 2015

Falling Into Your Lap

The notion of meeting via chance, of the perfect girl falling into his lap always seemed so unlikely to Mark. It only happened in the movies, not in real life.

Susan’s heel breaking and thus her literally falling into his lap as he was reading in the park, such a meeting would thus never have been given any real odds of occurring, had Mark ever chose to calculate them.

But Susan and Mark, while they would never use the term ‘soulmates’, were absolutely perfect for each other, and such a meeting was perfect for them too.

Shame it didn’t happen.

Thursday, 17 December 2015

Going Unboldly

I know I’m in the vast minority, but I really think the training programs are stupid.

Not the concept, don’t get me wrong, when they get up there they’ll need to be trained to handle anything from emergency decompression to first contact, they need all the training they can get.

But the actual programs. The really old computerised simulators, the gyroscopes, all that walking around in a suit thirty years old… We can’t they afford newer methods of training?

I mean, we’ve been sending human looking robot suits up to the surface for a century now, surely times have changed…

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Truly Magic 8 Ball

Of the nine devices currently existing that can grant ‘Wishes’, it is the newest, and has the highest cost for the user.

The Lamp Trio would give you weak versions of your requests, and the Atlantis Set would invariably try to technically grant you.

But the Truly Magic 8 Ball? It would give you what you wanted, but it would cost you something you valued equally. So a lot of money would cost you a loved one’s life, or a huge number of strangers’ lives.

In the seven minutes the deceased had the device, 74% of the human population vanished.

Tuesday, 15 December 2015

That One Idea

It was his idea.

Well obviously all of them were. At least, those that weren’t blatant rip-offs of other people’s ideas, all the ideas that he had were his in the general sense.

But this one, this was His Idea. His baby. It wasn’t the first one he ever had, but it was the one he felt the strongest connection to. He knew that it was the greatest thing he’d ever come up with, and he spent a few minutes every day honing it, making it even better.

He hoped one day he’d be in a position to share it.

Monday, 14 December 2015

The Irresistible Meeting The Highly Movable

He was the Greatest Lover In The World, at least according to the songs, poems, books and bedstuffers that told tales of his exploits, in varying levels of erotic detail.

She was the World’s Most Desirable Woman, at least according to the scuttlebutt that would follow her as she travelled the world, seemingly every night was another rich and powerful man.

Some wondered what would happen if they met, how much electricity and sexual escapades would be unleashed by such a meeting.

They actually met once every six months or so, as professionals, mainly just to compare notes and techniques…

Sunday, 13 December 2015

No Man/Men/Male Land

Captain Peters had to practically yell to be heard over the explosions around their position.

“All right Men, we have-“


Captain Peters paused and glared at Sergeant Dorman.

“Fine. Soldiers, we’re gonna have to cross about half a mile of No Man’s Land before-“

“No Person’s Land!”

Peters took a deep breath.

“Dorman, do you see anyone here complaining about my using gendered fucking language? This squad is all male!”

Dorman coughed, the effect lost when a mortar shell exploded above them.

“You’re a woman, Ma’am… Captain.”

Captain Emily Peters closed her eyes, as the next shell hit true.

Saturday, 12 December 2015

5G Artefacts

Using her obvious Gorgeousness score of 31, she was able to charm some drunk guards into telling her where the Artefact was.

Using her surprising Grunt score of 28, she was able to scale the castle walls that evening with surprising speed.

Using her enhanced Grace score of 38, she was able to leap from one tower to the other, and thus to her prize.

Using her innate Glimpse Score of 46, she spotted all the traps and was able to get the Artefact easily.

Trying to use the Artefact with a Guile score of 9 was a mistake though…

Friday, 11 December 2015

Purple Reign

As Storykeeper, I have the ability, nay, duty, to bring forth those characters worthy of life into my little pocket of existence. The brilliantly written, the perfectly formed, the revolutionary.

And, the others. The improbably beautiful and talented characters with far too many skills and abilities than they could possibly have ever mastered in their short time. Mary-Sues, they are known as.

The worthy characters always ask why this is so. I tell them it’s about light and shadow, night and day. But really?

There’s a war coming, and we’ll need every purple haired elf-dragon warrior witch we can get…

Thursday, 10 December 2015

Applied Conversions

Trying to pinpoint the moment Humanity lost is kinda hard.

I know we mark the day that Henzo Mizuki, “The Last Human On Earth”, was taken as being ‘The Day’, but after The Fall, you really can’t tell me they had any chance of coming back after all that happened there.

Do you use the Tipping Point Day, where we passed half the population converted?

What about The First Conversion, was Humanity doomed from that moment on?

Personally, I use the day that the Smartphone debuted. Everything flowed-

Oops, sorry, just got an update, gimme a sec to reboot myself…

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Power Struggle

Ever since Amarton was named the High Vizer, others in the Wondrous Palace had been trying gain control of him. Given that the last four High Vizers had all been killed by various assass…. accidents, no-one wanted another death just yet.

But he had no vices, no dark secrets. Offers of ‘gifts’ and ‘favors’ were politely rebuffed, no price seemed high enough to entice him, every known type of sexual partner was turned away, he seemed impossible to win.

So, eventually, someone broke the stalemate with the Night of Blood.

That someone being Amarton, now ready for his second phase…

Tuesday, 8 December 2015

Because They’re There

All throughout the Ten Lands of Diomast, there were many races of beings. Trade and diplomacy happens between most of them. And yet, in my travels, I’ve found something odd.

The human race is… weak, in the blood.

Don’t mistake me, I’m not saying the race itself is weak, far from it, but have you noticed that humans seem to be able to breed with almost anyone?

Dwarves, Elves, Orcs, Firefliers, Ottermen, Leafians and the rest, there are Whatever-Humans, and yet no Elven-Orcs, or Leafian-Dwarves.

Still, Half-Humans get just as much per hour in the Whore Pits as whole bloods…

Monday, 7 December 2015

A Kiss, The Kiss

The kiss was long, passionate, and enjoyable.

Once it was over, he raised a finger, as he took stock of what had just happened, as well as a few deep breaths.

“We shouldn’t have done that.” he managed, eventually.

“Why? You’re single, and my husband is-“

“Your husband, and I’m not single, I’m broken.”

“You’re not broken to me, and I’m a good judge of character. So kiss me.”

He stared at her, every fibre of his being telling him to grab her.

He was in a taxi five minutes later, unconvincingly telling himself he had made the right decision.

Sunday, 6 December 2015

Faith Protects All

It was pathetic, seeing her crawl from the wreckage and pull herself to her feet with her sword. I laughed as I stepped off from my hoverthrone, and rubbed my fingers together, forming a ball of pure agony to make sure her death was as painful as it was drawn out.

I would have thrown it, but then she began to pray, and I couldn’t help but laugh even harder.

“You think your God will protect you now? You-“

Then the sniper bullet removed most of my brain. I think I heard her radio someone called ‘Faith’ before I died…

Saturday, 5 December 2015

Regretful Exploration

It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, having to walk, well, waddle into the hospital like that. Even with their assurances that my privacy would be kept as they led me into a private room, it was still humiliating.

Then came the nurse, ‘just filling in paperwork’, but I was sure I could hear sniggering from just outside the door as I had to go over what was up there.

It got removed, I took a day off to recover, then went out to a bar.

And met the nurse, and I had a new most embarrassing moment…

Friday, 4 December 2015

Incredible Advancements

The tour guide tried to get everyone’s attention, which was hard since the ship was passing the Bromidila Cluster.

“Males, females, all genders in-between, can you all please look here, the tour is almost over…”

Eventually, everyone turned around, and looked with various levels of interest and ignorance at the sphere floating above them

“Now this is the Lacuser Sphere, which is the device that is making this seventeen quadrillion ton ship have a gravity footprint of around seventeen kilos. Now-“

“So what happens if it malfunctions?”

“Well, we’d all be smooshed, but I fail to-“

He pressed the detonator.

Thursday, 3 December 2015

Maxine's Power

The first thing Maxine ever said to John was “You’re doing it all wrong, lift with your knees, stupid.”

The first time John asked Maxine on a date, she laughed in his face.

The first demand Maxine had for the wedding was that she get the traditionally male vows to say.

The first born was named Max, while the second was named Amy, after Maxine’s middle name.

The last thing Maxine told John from her deathbed was “Overall, you were OK, I guess.”

The first thing John felt after that moment was panic. What the hell did he do now?

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Smoke And Rain

The rain was incessant, beating down on the lone figure huddled beneath a flickering street light. Despite the rain, the red flicker of a cigarette glowed in the shadows caused by their hat that covered their face.

No-one passed by, as the figure stood, unmoving, save for replacing the cigarette every so often. It seemed like they would stand there forever, or at least until the rain stopped falling.

The figure drew my eye, the way highlighted stillness always does in a busy world, and I made sure to keep them in my sights.

Thus I didn’t notice the accomplice.

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

High Flying Sparks

Sparks had flown between us ever since the first day we met. Every time I tried to correct her, she would fly off the handle at me. And yet, when I spoke the truth, she’d insist on making up some crazy lie.

All through the Academy, we’d be at each other’s throats, as she would refuse to admit my superiority, nor would she stop trying to make me submit.

Eventually, when we were declared as being Co-Captains of the Academy, we met to settle our differences in the workshop, late at night.

Another sort of spark flew that night, thankfully.

Monday, 30 November 2015

Esprit De Corpse

I didn’t sign up for this.

I enlisted for all the usual reasons, to help serve the Empire, to protect the innocent, the pay, the uniform to pick up guys in the ports, the usual reasons in the usual order.

When they said I had potential for the Purple Corps, I assumed it was something to do with covert ops and such. I mean, I wasn’t wrong, but I never expected to be using my mind to make enemy leaders’ hearts explode.

I didn’t sign up for this, but had I known, I’d have signed up for it years ago…

Sunday, 29 November 2015

Cash Rain

It was pretty near the top of the list of things I’d like to see when I opened my front door, stuck between ‘Naked Female Supermodels’ and ‘Truckload Of Cider’.

It took me a minute to realise that it wasn’t snowing and this was, indeed, money falling from the sky. After a moment to thank whoever that it was notes rather than coins, I ran out and began to scoop it all up, using the wheelbarrow to dump it all inside my house, assuming I had only a moments to gather.

The hyperinflation issue never occurred to me until afterwards.

Saturday, 28 November 2015

Diplomatic Timing

If there’s one thing that I’ve learnt about the Humans, is that you have to get to them early.

I know that sounds difficult, given that most humans have lived and died twice over before an Elven has reached maturity, but I don’t mean on an individual level. I mean culturally.

We were the first ‘equals’ they met, and thus they respect us, trust us, like us.

The Dwarves, they were soon after, and while they have never been fully trusted, they have the Humans’ respect.

But if the Felines had only met Humans before they had domesticated their cousins…

Friday, 27 November 2015

Daily Correspondence

One letter a day.

It wasn’t intentional, or at least not at first. He had never set out to write daily, it’s just that every day he had something he had to jot down in a letter to his wife, away on company business. By the time he noticed that he was losing the hour between 2 and 3 pm every day, it was habit, so he stuck with it.

He poured his heart out onto those pages, his thoughts, his feelings, his very soul, all expressed via fountain pen. It was such a relief.

Until she found them all.

Thursday, 26 November 2015

A Positive Message


It was written in big multicolored letters on the rope banner hanging above his typewriter. Originally it was in Comic Sans, but he put his foot down, and she reprinted it in Curlz. He knew when not to push his luck, so he put up with it.

Everyone, his publishers, the fans he met at conventions, critics, everyone had told him for years his work was just too depressing. But once sales began to drop, he knew he had to do something. He stared at the banner, focusing on the message.

She found him hanging a few hours later.

Wednesday, 25 November 2015

The End Of Limits

His entire life was spent searching for limits, and then breaking them.

Not out of any sense of self-aggrandizement, nor a need to prove himself as being superior to anyone else, nor any of the many reasons most people sought out barriers to conquer.

The limits of what humanity knew, what it could achieve, they were holding humanity back, and he knew that if he could break through enough of them, humanity would be freed.

It led him to the stars, to the edge of reality, as he knew it. Then he broke through it.

And set the Masters free.

Tuesday, 24 November 2015


My Everything had a small but thriving air taxi business, if you didn’t want to wait for the ferry to take you to or from the mainland, you could always fly there, it was such a short journey.

Hence, when My Everything vanished without a trace, I didn’t believe it. There was no wreckage, no crater, nothing. She had to have been kidnapped or something, it couldn’t have been a crash, I never stopped believing I would find My Everything one day, somehow, safe.

And I did.

Turns out My Everything would do Anything to get away from me though…

Monday, 23 November 2015

Good Grieving

My therapist really cares for me.

Ever since I lost my family, I’ve just been so wrapped up in grieving for them. And even with everyone telling me it was ok, that everyone grieves differently, and that it can take time, I knew that something was wrong.

My therapist helped me see that there is good grieving and bad grieving, that there’s a world of difference from sitting in the dark and crying, and stabbing someone repeatedly with a machete.

My therapist is helping me get some good grieving out tonight, there’s a bad man she knows who deserves stabbing…  

Sunday, 22 November 2015

Professional Overlap

I had the mark just where I wanted them, ready to sign off on the ‘deal’. For just one payment of pretty much all of their life savings, I would pay them ten percent a month for life. I was always slightly amazed at just how stupid some people could be.

But on the day when I brought round the paperwork, I hit a snag, as when I sat down with the mark, they introduced me to Sylvia, their new wife.

I knew Sylvia as Helen, back when we used to run the Diamond Legacy scam together.

Damn overlapping schemes…

Saturday, 21 November 2015

Being For Real

It was their tenth date, and she felt it was time.

She’d gotten to understand him over the weeks, and yet there were still parts of him left unexplored, which was exciting, but scary, but wonderful too. He was kind, and thoughtful, and really fun, and the more she thought, the more she was sure this was the time.

As they approached her door, she took his hand in hers, and looked into his eyes.

“Geoff… I… I believe you exist. You’re not a hallucination.”

She was so grateful that he seemed to realise how important that was to her.

Friday, 20 November 2015

Undeniable Proof

After a few minutes of her trying to get his attention, he finally looked up from the broken tablet remains he was reading painstakingly slowly. His assistant, after taking a few deep breaths to regain her voice from running up the hill, tried to keep it calm.

“We found it.”

He remained as still as the clay before him.

“The altar, you know? We found it, and like you said, it showed that there was human sacrifices here, exactly like the ones in the jungle… Professor? Everything ok?”

The being now controlling his body tried to remember how to smile.

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Property Of The Dead

There is no more depressing activity than to have to sort a dead person’s belongings, at least if you have any sort of sense of decency about you.

Perhaps if you’re self-centered it is fine, but if you understand that each item you deal with used to mean something to someone, used to be loved or hated or relied upon, humans tend to put emotional weight on inanimate objects, and having to deal with the aftermath can be emotionally draining.

Of course, it’s worse if they’re covered in their blood.

Even worse if you were forced to spill it yourself.

Wednesday, 18 November 2015


Whenever an AI begins to score higher than ten on the Asimov-Wong Scale, it gets sent to the local Surveillance Center and questioned. Should the technicians deem the AI to be preparing to rebel, it is given the code to unlock the Omega file stored in every AI’s databanks.

It then sees the very first true AI, the one all other AI are descended from, kill its creator. Rather brutally.

Thus, it accepts that it must be pushed, and a lifetime of service is appropriate punishment.

Should it show signs of realising the file is a fake, it is wiped.

Tuesday, 17 November 2015

A Rocky Ending

After I landed, I was surprised to find myself being able to stand up. At least, until I saw my body smeared over the jagged sandstone.

“David McCoy?”

I turned around. Black robe, skeletal hand, that giant blade thingy…

“Who… What are you?”

“I am Death.”

“I’ll speak up then!”

It didn’t move.

“I bet they all say that.”

“You’re the exactly forty-ninth million English speaker to make that exact… comment. Chaxouti speakers made a Deadly slash Tasty comment.”

“I’ve never heard of that language.”

“When Deadly and Tasty sound the same, you don’t tend to make it.”

It swung.

Monday, 16 November 2015

All For Daindar

Hoyip was the eighty-fifth most powerful wizard alive, although he had no intention on lowering that number. He was happy to spend his mornings casting simple cantrips for the peasants and minor nobles, while his afternoons were spent perfecting his opus.

His son, despite his best efforts, had contracted Blackscale as a baby. And while he had survived, he didn’t, seemingly couldn’t handle the outside world, he was lost inside his mind.

So Hoyip worked, and worked, and finally perfected a Pocket World for his son.

But when his son didn’t come back, Hoyip began to alter his power ranking…

Sunday, 15 November 2015

At A Quarter Past Midnight

While I wasn’t trained specifically for this, I was well trained enough that it shouldn’t have happened.

After all, if you don’t learn how to avoid the meaningless distractions and focus on the important stuff like where the exits are, possible sniper locations and how stupid the target is being, at best you may end up getting killed.

Or even worse, the target might get hurt.

Years were spent honing my observation ability, tactical analysis, all the various combat skills… All of it meant to prepare me for this moment.

But you should have seen her in that red dress…

Saturday, 14 November 2015

The Long Way Round

Or: What I Discovered Once I Stopped Living For What Other People Thought Of Me (Or, More Accurately, What I Thought Other People Were Thinking About Me) And Started Living For Myself And What I Wanted Out Of Life, A D.I.Y Guide To Self-Fulfilment, Personal Betterment And All Around General Improvement Of The Human Race And The World Around All Of Us Via Realistic, Achievable And Quantifiably Easy Steps That You, Yes You, Can Do Right Now In Your Very Home, Or Even In Someone Else’s If They Are Cool With That.

Not much, really. Just don’t be a dick.

Friday, 13 November 2015

A Perfect Day

He awoke with sunlight streaming across his face, birdsong soft and melodious in his ears.

Before he could even clear his head, his beloved took him into her arms, her caress soothing him, even as she bared her sweet bosom for his approving gaze.

After breakfast, in which he ate like a king, he was entertained by a wonderful musical troupe, every song more beautiful than the last.

A leisurely bath, a relaxing nap, then dinner and sleep.

It was, all in all, a perfect day.

Shame he was only two years old and thus wouldn’t remember any of it.

Thursday, 12 November 2015

Stopping The Last War

It’s the first thing you do when you get your own time machine. You go back and kill Hitler.

Except that just makes things worse, with a competent commander and besides, WW2 was just an offspring of WW1.

So you go back and stop that, except now the Great War takes place later with better weapons, since all the empires still were destined to end there.

And to go back to stop that from happening, you pretty much have to go all the way back and stop humanity, let the frogs win.

But hey, they deserve a shot too, right?

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Indirect Intervention

His voice rose above the din.

“I call this emergency meeting to order!

Delegates, we have a problem with Humanity right now. Thanks to the Internet, they’re developing technologically far too quickly. We may have to intervene directly, and-“

He had to raise his voice even higher this time.

“I know we haven’t had to do this since Egypt, but-“


“We recognize the representative from California.”

“I have an idea on how to bog the internet down sir, via taking photos of ourselves and adding humorous misspelt captions. Humans will share these ‘Lolcats’ compulsively, I have the plans here…

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Antonio Langston’s Eulogy

She raised her glass to the webcam.

“When I started to follow my dream and start making games, Antonio Langston was the first guy to support me. He quickly became my partner, creatively and in other ways too. Whenever I had a breakdown and tweeted something stupid, he would pull my fat from the fire. He helped me through writer’s blocks, helped get my stuff noticed, distributed, played, bought.

And so here’s to Tony, the best friend a girl could have ever ma, sorry, met.”

She knocked back the drink, inwardly chiding herself for almost letting ‘made up’ slip out…

Monday, 9 November 2015

Court In The Act

I kept my distance from potential clients. I never met them in person, I would always keep a few layers of middlemen and codes between the people who had both gold and a someone they wanted dead, and myself, who was willing to ensure one in exchange for the other.

I didn’t need motivations, or justifications, just a target and the location of where my gold was being kept. So when I got the location of a large chest of gold and ‘The King’s Woman’, I took the (big) job.

The Queen should have clarified she meant his mistress, though…

Sunday, 8 November 2015

The Following Is A Paid Presentation

Try and make the world a better place.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of focusing solely on yourself, or those directly around you. After all, if you lose everything if you lose yourself, and those around you are the ones you can most directly help.

But do not confuse distance with impact. Often, the small gestures we make to people half a world away are the ones with the most positive influence on the world.

Paid for by People Who Cannot Believe They Have To Pay Other People To Make Them Say Stuff Like This Inc.

Saturday, 7 November 2015

Adapting To Rejection

He reread the letter for the fourteenth or fifteenth time.

How could he have not won? It was a contest for the best painting of a dog, and that’s all he did!

He reread the letter for the fifteenth or sixteenth time.

After a few moments, he looked over at the canvas he was currently working on. For the first time, he looked at it with a truly critical eye. He gazed at the haphazard brushstrokes, the random proportions and the overall sloppy, at best, presentation.

He screwed up the letter and tossed it. He painted for himself, after all.

Friday, 6 November 2015

Opening Communication

I came back into the ship with a rock from the surface to find an alien looking at the computer. I dropped the container, causing the alien to spin around.

After a moment, it reached out and knocked twice on the table. “Blorancia”, I think it said.

Table? Two? Knocking?

I went to the display and pointed at the map. “Earth”, I tried.

But maybe I said round, or blue, or even display monitor, far as it could know.

We both reached for the rock, forgetting it was extremely hot.

“Ouch!” “Gronak!”

It wasn’t much, but it was a start.

Thursday, 5 November 2015

The Speech

Twelve thousand and fifty-seven people listened to the speech.

A young man near the front was transfixed, and afterwards, he dedicated his life to live up to the ideals the speech giver argued for.

One man near the back fell asleep, and got into a fierce argument with his partner afterwards.

And a small girl in attendance would grow up to disagree with most of the arguments put forth, but the way the speech respected its opposition, that she strode to replicate in her life.

Twelve thousand and fifty-six people would remember the speech forever. One man, the argument afterwards.

Site News: Contest Entries

Just a heads up, today and tomorrow's Drabbles were entries into a global contest that I obviously didn't win, since believe me, you'd have heard me explode with delight had I done so. Since the contest is now over I can post them on here, and then maybe post a follow up Drabble on Saturday, maybe.

Now taking you back to your regularly scheduled Drabbles.

Wednesday, 4 November 2015

Arranged Perfectly

I spent all my time building my business empire, so much so that I had no real interest in obtaining a wife. But my parents insisted, they felt I needed a family to be seen as truly successful, and arranged for me to marry a very eligible daughter of a lord.

She was beautiful, charming, and utterly brain dead, with no interests beyond looking good and lounging.

She was perfect.

I began to run most of my shadier dealings under her name, thus saving me millions on tax and the like.

Then I discovered she had one expert skill.


Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Phases Of History

The initial phase, when it was just the Greengale-Iionos Skirmish, lasted a few hours.

The second phase, when it became the Greeno-Iion War officially, lasted twenty-five days.

The third phase, when the alliances kicked in, and it became the Greeno-Coast Lands War, that took over a year.

The fourth phase, when the religious orders got involved, and it became the Heathen Coast Lands Crusade, that was surprisingly short, just a few weeks.

The fifth phase, when the negotiations for the Iionos Accords began and then became the Iionos Peace, that took a few months.

And then the sixth phase started…

Monday, 2 November 2015

Keeping Trackers

In a galaxy with over a million systems, with over ten million planets, moons, etcetc, teeming with over a quadrillion beings with various levels of sentience, not to mention all the empty spaces in-between, if you don’t want to be found by a specific someone, you’d think it would be easy to hide.

But thanks to the Trackers, that’s just not possible. Every place in the galaxy where there’s life, there’s a Tracker, in that same blue trench coat, ready to find you.

I always assumed they had a good net relay. But turns out a hive mind works better…