Thursday, 31 October 2013

“Happy Halloween!”

“And Happy Halloween!”

Every customer who came into my shop after Thanksgiving got the same treatment. After they paid, I wished them a Happy Halloween.

Most smiled blankly, or just stared at me.

But then one guy, when I said it, he stopped, turned, and laid into me. I assumed he was religious, but then he began talking about “corporate greed” and “childhood obesity” so I guessed he was one of those liberal types.

At the end of his rant I apologized and watched him leave. I also made a note of his name.

I had found this year’s victim.

Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Sliding Steps

Every day I went down to the park to feed pigeons.

Every day I saw the young girl crawl towards the slide before her mother pulled her away.

But soon she would visit, crawl and try to climb up it with permission, once she learnt how to stand and how to climb.

It took months, but every day she tried, and every so often she got one rung higher.

Until, eventually, she made it to the top, and then slid down.

I never saw a look of such satisfaction.

And then she began to work towards two in one day.

Non-Drabble: Gronak debuts in #7DaysLater Ep 2

So as I posted before, #7DaysLater made a short film in 7 days and they needed an Alien name and they went with Gronak from my suggestion. 

They even got the pronunciation 'right'.

So yeah, Reflected Glory and all that.

Here's the link since I can't embed right this second, apparently.

Thank you #7DaysLater.

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Like, Comment, & Share Law Firm

“Court is now in session, Judge Haim presiding. Calling Blackthorn V Feldman!”

The parties took their positions.

“Your honor, this is simple. The accused entered into an agreement, then reneged. We are asking for reasonable damages, and-“

“Oh come on!”

The judge looked over his glasses.

“Young man, I will have order in this court.”

“But this is all so stupid! I mean, he just posted a silly riddle and I got it wrong, and I refused to repost it!”

“Did you say you would?”

“Well it said you had to if attempted, sure-“

“I find for the Plaintiff then.”

Monday, 28 October 2013

New Message From Gronak! (#3)

“Greetings Fellow Human! May Gronak ask question at you?”


“Why you give Gronak to Show?”


“Show want Alien name, ask Internet, you give it Gronak. Gronak are not Alien!”

What are you then?



Well look, it’s the internet, you do anything on here, you might send someone off on a tangent, anything online will be used as creative fodder for someone else. You just gotta learn to live with people ‘stealing’ from you.

“So you not worry someone steal ‘Drabble’ from you and get money/women/awards/other?”

Well I do now. Thanks.

*TV Star Gronak is offline.*

(So yeah, 7 Days Later, which is sort of like a TV version of a Drabble via Social Media, took my suggestion for the name of an Alien. You can check it out on ABC2 tomorrow night or wait till they upload the film onto Youtube and I'll link it here because I'm a sucker for reflected glory. You can check out the series, as it is so far, here on the Tube of You.

Sunday, 27 October 2013

Blackmail Smoke

“So that’s the terms. I become Emperor of one nation on Earth, chosen by me, according to the one guideline I pick and the three you do. And in exchange, the Earth survives. Good?”

The Emergency UN Council reluctantly agreed.

“Very well. The country must be in mainland Europe.”

The council discussed it, then the Chairwoman stood.

“It also must be less than 100km², have a population less than 35,000 and not have any national debt.”


“So, when will you take over San Marino?”

“No, I choose Vatican City.”

We suspect him becoming Pope was his plan all along.

Saturday, 26 October 2013

The Problem with Pedestals

I would have complained that he was an hour late, but I wasn’t about to lose this gig.

When he walked in, although he was wearing modern clothing, he was the spitting image of the portraits. It was indeed him.

“Mr. Shakespeare, I’m sure you’ve heard this ever since you were brought to this time, but you’ve been a huge inspiration to me…”

He remained silent. I plunged on.

“So… You’ve spent the last few weeks brushing up on history, and so… Ready to write some movies?”

He leant forward.

“Look, I… All my plays were workshopped with the actors…”

Friday, 25 October 2013

Sadness And/Or Euphoria

(Well, it's become time once again to fiddle with the format a little. I've tripled my word limit here, in order to tell the story right. We will return to your regularly scheduled Drabbles tomorrow. Thank you.)

Suddenly, Glory found herself before a crowd of hollering soldiers. She turned, and was almost blinded by a throne that was as imposing as it was garish.

“My dear Glory. You’re going to entertain my new troops.”

The statement was issued by the woman lazing on the throne, her outfit not much more than a series of jewels connected by wires.

“Euphoria? Remember that-“ began Glory, before Euphoria held her mouth shut with a wave of her hand. The near-omnipotent manic alter-ego of Sadness laughed.

“I’m not falling for you making me cry like THAT again, my dear. I like this place far too much. Now dance!”

She waved her hand, and with a puff of purple and green smoke, a motley collection of musicians appeared and then began to play a slow, sexy number.

Glory found her body out of her control, forced to dance in something akin to a sexy tease, as performed by someone who had ‘sexy’ explained to them without actually understanding it. The crowd didn’t care, as they hooted, hollered and made various crude remarks about how one of the world’s greatest superheroines was dancing for them.

Slowly, Glory began to crack a smile, and began to resist the movements. At first, she was stopped, but slowly, Euphoria realised that Glory was getting into it, and began to let her move.

Glory began to dance more provocatively, the crowd of ‘loyal’ soldiers getting more quiet as the dance became genuinely erotic. Glory shimmied to the throne, gesturing to the woman upon it.

And then she reached over and raked Euphoria’s eyes.

Euphoria went to lash out, but her eyes began to water, and she was pulled from the body.

“Nasty thing about ancient magic, the terms are so vague…” Glory told Sadness as she reappeared.

Thursday, 24 October 2013


I scrambled onto the roof, the wind and hail hammering into me.

He appeared like a jack-in-the-box from the hatch.

“Here Piggy…” he shouted, diving at my legs.

I tried to grab anything, but while several panels of the roof were flapping in the wind, I couldn’t find anything useful.

A hand grabbed my throat, the other using the gun as a club.

As I began to black out, my eyes rolled up and I saw a skylight, held by one nail.

Before I could think of anything resembling a plan, it came loose and messily took off his head.

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

What a Pitch!

When Alistair walked into the meeting, he was late, and yet began instantly talking.

“So then, you want to pitch your deodorant at males. Well, the ideas that his team-“ waiving in my direction as he spoke. He took the computer with our ideas and tossed it out the window.

“Suck. So here’s the new pitch.

Buy this. You’ll smell slightly better.

That’s it.”

There was a lull, and I slid up to him.

“You OK?”

“A car hit me but I’m fine thank you Susan.”

“I’m Robert-“

“Ironically honest. We like it.” The clients said, surprising both of us.

Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Last Call

I was putting away a clean tray of glasses when she staggered up to the bar.

“Whisky. Double. Straight.” came the order, in a voice that was clearly attempting to remain calm.

“A drink for someone with a heavy heart.” I observed as I poured it. She laughed without a trace of humor.

“Let’s just say that someone I cared about… Didn’t care about me.” she said bitterly, before downing the drink, shuddering at the taste. “Another, please.”

“Sorry to hear that…” I said as I poured again.

A bullet casing chose this moment to fall out of her purse.

Monday, 21 October 2013

Slow Burn

He inserted the disc into the computer, and began to copy the files.

“So how long will this take?” she asked with that whine he was beginning to hate.

“About an hour all up.” he replied, not looking in her direction.

“What? Why does it take that long? Stupid piece of crap!” she slapped the computer, as she did with anything that didn’t work perfectly.

“It has to convert-“ he began.

“Whatever, I’m having a shower, this rash is still bothering me.”

As she walked away, he silently thanked his mistress for showing him how to turn liquid soap acidic.

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Not a Feature…

Under a nondescript warehouse in <LOCATION REDACTED>, a couple of engineers were having a lively debate, the report would claim later on.

Supposedly, one had developed a way to use existing sharing technology to implant a virus into hand-held gaming consoles that allowed agents to use them as remote recording devices.

The ‘debate’ was focused mostly on traceability. Engineer #XK63 was adamant that the virus’ code was perfect and gave no hints, and was working fine. Engineer #XR38 was more concerned about someone using the sharing technology to trace back to the original device.

The attack occurred at this point.

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Talent Worth Discovering

When Jack Sexton stepped into the studio, he was angry and rushed. But when you ran a major record company empire, that was your default state.

“So what’s so fucking amazing I had to hear it right now?” he asked, his eyes not even looking up as he texted.

The mixer flicked a switch.

A duet began to play over the speakers, a rich male baritone and a breathless contralto expressing love for each other.

“What? OK, it’s great, but…”

He trailed off as he saw that the singer behind the glass was producing both voices. At the same time.

Friday, 18 October 2013

Green Frenzy

As I waited for my girlfriend to finish her set, I wandered around the artist’s market, feeling somewhat out of place among the bohemians.

But then something caught my eye. I walked over, and picked it up.

“A whip? Here?” I asked, incredulous.

“Hey, that’s a socially responsible and environmentally friendly riding crop!” said the long (dirty) haired girl running the stall. “The shaft is cane, the cover is hemp, all organically grown.” she explained.

“And I’d use this horse riding?”

“Riding unwilling animals is cruel!”

“Then what use is this?”

She licked her lips, then winked.

“I’ll take it.”

Thursday, 17 October 2013

Calling It

“So where do you see the world going?” he was asked, the camera pointed at his face. He panicked, and wildly guessed.

His panic made him an internet meme for years to come. He became a laughing stock, as around him the world moved on, his predictions all wrong, keeping his status as a joke fresh in people’s minds.

And then, on his death bed, he found himself suddenly back in time.

“So where do you see the world going?” he was asked, the camera pointed at his face.

“Screw that, I’ve got some bets to make!” he said, leaving.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

A Very Naughty Boy

He claimed he was the second coming of Jesus. And after a few impressive miracles, some people were beginning to believe him.

So a famous news network set up a Q&A special with an array of famous intellectuals, live from Jerusalem.

Throughout the night, the Messiah answered all questions with aplomb, and people were coming round.

Then a local boy, brought in for local color, asked a question.

“Where is Happiness?” he asked, his English hesitant.

“Why, inside your fellow man, my Son.” He said.

Thus proving he was a fake, as the boy was asking about his lost dog.

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Enough Sashes

He was just a peasant living deep in the forest. If you found him, he’d sell you a sash, made of vines, for over five million gold.

The sashes were one size fits all, but a couple of solid hits from an opponent would destroy it. So only the ridiculously wealthy and supremely skilled in combat could wear it.

Of course this made it THE status symbol in all the lands. But no-one thought about what happened to the gold.

I wonder how annoyed people were when they worked out they financed their own destruction when his demon army rose?

Monday, 14 October 2013

Disclaimer For The Internet

The Human Species wishes to make clear and that any and all statements and concepts, be they textual, visual, audible, and/or some combination of the above, contained within this Internet do not represent the views of the Species as a whole. Furthermore, the Species does not validate or confirm any statements or concepts expressed herein as truthful. No liability is taken by the Species for the contents of this Internet, and any lawsuits, diplomatic incidents and/or declarations of war based on the content of this Internet are the sole responsibility of the original source of the statement or concept entirely.

Sunday, 13 October 2013

Penny For Your Thoughts?

“No, putting a penny on the tracks will not derail a train.”

My ears pricked up when I heard that on the radio. I was only half listening to the interview with some jerk from the Transportation department, but when I heard that I knew, I had to try it.

Finding a suitable train track was easy, there was one just down the road from my apartment.

Finding a penny was a little hard, but once I had one I ran down and tried it out. And yep, the train didn’t derail.

But Penny was killed. Was quite bloody actually.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Don't Tell The Grandkids

He wished that he had managed to say something more heroic than just “Hey!”

She wished that she had used the distraction to take down the man attacking her, rather than just lamely punching his shoulder.

While they wished that they hadn’t had to hear him refer to her like he did, at least it made it clear that he was racist as well as sexist.

He wished that when the attacker drew the gun, he’d been able to get it off him rather than accidentally shoot the guy while struggling.

And they both wished they’d met in nicer circumstances.

Friday, 11 October 2013

Working It Out

Helen started every day the exact same way. A strong cup of coffee, two pieces of toast with honey, and the Cryptic Crossword in the paper.

This particular morning, even though her long-term boyfriend Robert had spent the night, she still sat down to her morning routine.

After a moment, Robert emerged from the bedroom. “Morning…”

She glanced up at him. “Morning… Almost done, although this is a very weird one, every answer’s about messages… Last one here… ‘An important question for an Enamel Rhymer’, 5 2 5…”

She looked up slowly, shocked.

“So where’s the ring? I accept regardless…”

Thursday, 10 October 2013

Nine Lives On The Edge

No-one can explain when she first appeared. Or rather, no-one is willing to admit when they first noticed but didn’t report that a cat was living on the outside of the Sethook building.

Perhaps they didn’t realise that the building was stock trading houses and thus she wasn’t a company pet. Perhaps they thought it was some new anti-pigeon system. Maybe they assumed it would fall off sooner or later anyway.

But it didn’t, at least a few months. Long enough to get some attention.

And then it fell.

But now there’s kittens to whom home is 150 meters up…

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

Fair & Balancing Act

The head of the National Media Authority counted to five hundred before the phone rang.


“What the FUCK are you playing at? Right & Correct News is one of this government’s biggest supporters, and you’re taking them off the air?”

“They have been constantly and deliberately misreporting facts, not presenting fair reports, and have been in breach of almost every guideline we have.”

“I don’t give a fuck! You will retract-“

“Of course, if I had stronger powers, more possible punishments, this could be avoided.”

There was a moment of deep thought on the other end of the line.

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

Cycles of Life

I first saw her in front of the carousel. She was gesturing towards it, but I didn’t notice anything other than her beauty.

I saw her a year later, again at the same place, once again trying to entice a young man towards it.

A year later, it was a different young man, but the same general, and futile, attempts.

I missed the next year, as I was left behind in the last town to recover from a broken leg.

But the following year, I finally spoke to her, offering her a free ride.

She declined since she was pregnant.

Friday, 4 October 2013

Coming Out On Top

In Er Salem, the largest settlement in the Firelands, in the bar known as Dreidel, when a traveller came through the curtains, everyone remained focused on their conversations, games, or prostitutes, rather than stop and stare as in the old stories.

The traveller approached the bar.


The bartender served it quickly. “5 tokens, or double or nothing.” the bartender offered, holding up a squared top. The traveller, seemingly confused, nodded.

“House always takes table…” the bartender said as he span. The traveller stared as the top landed on the (apparent) drawing of a table.

And then it moved again.

(Thanks to Jed for the suggestion!)

Site News: End of Challenge Week & Brief Hiatus

Thus ends Challenge Week, thanks again to all suggestions. The next few days will be quiet as I'll be off being creative at Sydcon, an RPG convention so look for a new Drabble on Tuesday!

And here's a video of Super Hero Wrestling Parties' latest disco which I'm in and thus is awesome.

Thursday, 3 October 2013

A Matter of Hammers

When young boys felt they were ready to be Men, they were lead to the Proving Ground.

Once inside, they were ordered by to strip naked. Then they were shown the two hammers, the Hammer of War, which was the length of six Eaglewings, and the Hammer of Peace, which was the size of a frog. They had to choose which one would be used on their manhoods.

Those who chose War became the Men, who were sent out to fight wars.

Those who chose Peace were congratulated on not being stupid and got to stay home and make children.

(Thanks to Michael for the Suggestion!)

Wednesday, 2 October 2013

Disgusting, Maybe. Important, Definitely.

They were up to the Gorefeasters in Onslaught Mode when Steve glanced at Bob.

“Uh... Can I ask you a question? And promise not to freak out?”

“Sure, what’s on your mind?”

“Well… Is it normal to like… bleed when you fart?”

Bob nearly dropped the controller.


“You promised not to freak out!”

“OK, OK… How often?”

“Oh, not often… Mostly after sex…”

Bob sighed.

“All right, look, we’ll finish this, then you’re gonna call the doc. And I’ll catch till you get better, all right?”


They shared a brief kiss and then went back to the game.

('Thanks' to Jed for the 'suggestion'.)

Tuesday, 1 October 2013

Blinding Disappointment

He sat down and angrily began to write.

“It’s 2013! I was promised flying cars and hoverboards! And yet, I am no closer to them than I was as a kid! Nor are there jetpacks, or robots, I can’t go to Mars… I’m very disappointed world!”

With a final movement of his thumb, he finished typing his thoughts on a 2 inch by 4 inch by a half inch portable computer that was more powerful than what took man to the moon. He then, with one more flick of his thumb, sent it instantaneously to people all over the planet.

(Thanks to Nick for the Suggestion!)