Perfect

The fans in the stands were cheering and singing as I approached the home plate. Top of the ninth inning, and the home team pitcher was up to 25 outs, no hits, no walks. He just had to get two more outs, and he'd have pitched a perfect game. Plus, given his team was nine runs up, it was unlikely that we'd make up the difference, especially given the defeat in my team-mates' eyes.

So I strode up to the base, the words of the coach telling me to 'rest for the next game'.

And I bunted for a single.

Miracle Escape

I overcorrected on the icy road, and the car went over the edge.

As it fell to the darkness below, time seemed to slow. I thought it was just a consequence of my seemingly imminent death, but then I noticed the woman in red sitting in the passenger seat.

"Well, quite the pickle, hey?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Good choice of words.

Look, I'm someone who can arrange a miraculous escape for you, in exchange for your soul."

"Aren't miracles the other side's thing?"

"Cute.

Time's ticking."

I agreed, and miraculously was thrown clear.

The passengers, not so much.

It Took Seven Days

The average asteroid field has a million clicks between rocks, but this had them crashing into each other. This was a planet forming, or the remains of one that had recently unformed.

In either case, it suited our needs, so I prepared a gravity generator, as well as the dimension door. After my people all went through the door, I placed it out in the mass of rocks with the gravity generator and began to gather the rocks and form a planet.

I'll be here, for eons, watching over the planet, encouraging life, godlike, just to hide my fellow demons.

Showed That Fraud

I didn't want to sit down at the fortune teller's booth, but I'd been insistent on coming to the fair (I'm good at the ring toss game) so when she wanted to sit down, I sat down.

The 'psychic' shuffled the tarot cards, then got me to cut them.

She dealt them out, as she asked us what we wanted to know. My girlfriend asked about our future. The woman said we'd break up shortly.

This was ten years ago, and she's my wife. Showed that fraud.

Don't know why my wife paid her so much as we left, though.

I Call It Complication

I arrived to this land a decade ago, but it only took two nights before the beast found me. It was a freezing night, and it clearly just wanted to warm itself by the fire I had made.

But then some men who were clearly hunting me attacked the beast, I presume hoping it would attack me in anger and fear. Instead, as I attacked them, I fought with the beast. It ate well on them.

It chose to follow me, and I treated it with respect, hoping one day it would leave me.

Instead, yesterday, it gave birth.

Wonderful.

Want Of A Nail

Beings who are powerful and knowledgeable enough to know about The Bureau tend to be long past the point where they think that ensuring the world doesn't spiral off the course required to get to the point where the Bureau can be set up and influence the past requires changing butterflies. They know that ensuring someone leaves a building by a certain door or sticking a nail in a horse's hoof almost never happens. Although jokes are often made.

No, instead, the vast majority of our work is placing morning after drugs in specfic breakfasts, which is somewhat different, yes?

Stone Throw

It wasn't much, just a small clearing in a forest at the foot of a mountain with a boulder in the middle of it.

But hundreds of years ago, a sword master was betrayed and murdered upon the stone. And his soul was transferred into it. Across the centuries, rarely, someone would touch the stone who was desperate for someone else to die. The soul of the sword master would emerge and do the deed.

And then, the stone was mined, ground into dust, and mixed into the paving outside a charity center.

So he became a lot more busy.

Quartered And Quartered

The King, in his gilded armor that shined bright in the early light of the dawn upon his horse, looked over his army, before he began to speak, speaking to his troops before the battle.

Half the troops couldn't hear him.

Half of what was left were mercenaries who didn't speak his language.

Half of what was left spoke his language, but didn't understand the words he used.

Half of those left over didn't believe him.

Thankfully, the resulting cheers from the remaining troops were loud and passionate enough to get the rest motivated despite these obvious and glaring issues.

Brushstroke

The plan was complicated in the detail, but the idea was simple enough. Steal the artwork while it was in transit, then after a while ransom it back to the gallery, then just rake in the cash selling fakes on the black market.

But things went wrong from the start. The transports took a route we weren't prepared for, and the guards fought way harder than we expected.

But, finally, we got most of the art, and got away clean, once we sacrificed one of the gunmen.

And after all that, we examine the art and it's all fake already! 

Duel Purpose

My attempts to escape the city proved fruitless, as I stood in the garden of the Mayor, looking over the weapons offered for this duel to the death.

Having little actual experience with any of the weapons, I picked the hand cannons. He laughed as he picked up one of them.

"You fool, these things need training to use!"

I picked up the other one and slowly walked to my spot as I began to jam the barrel up.

It was true to use it properly, you needed training. But just making it into a throwable bomb, that was easy.

Far From Help

I was just handling some business when I heard the rattle.

I slowly looked around and saw the rattlesnake to my left, rearing up, rattling consistently now. If I hadn't been business handling right before I'd have gone then and there, given how far away from help.

I slowly pulled up my pants, keeping an eye on it, as I prepared to run.

It suddenly shot forward, and I leapt forward, right into a cactus. I quickly got to my feet, only to see the snake chewing on a scorpion that was apparently right below where I had been businessing. 

The Standard Recipe

The Tribe of the Vast Sea had a stew based on oysters, leeks, and basil. It was delicious.

The Nomads of the Three Valleys traded with the Tribe and adapted it to use pickled oysters, spinach, and basil. It was warming.

The Mountain People couldn't get oysters of any kind, so adapted it to use salted goat, silverbeet, and basil. It was fortifying.

One of the Tribe on a personal quest encountered this stew and, unaware of the origins, reworked it with smoked salmon, okra, and basil.

It was terrible, but he wrote the book so it became the standard. 

Showmanship

As I walked into the bar, I only just managed to dodge the stool thrown at my head, although it was quickly clear that wasn't the intended target, as the two men fighting were only focused on each other.

I looked around, amazed at how casual the other patrons were to what looked to be a life or death fight going on. I made my way to the bartender.

"Where's your security to break this up?"

"They are the security."

"So call the cops!"

"No, I mean no-one's gonna try anything while they're fighting, are they?"

"It's a show?"

"No."

Pin Point

Ever since the Dragon War ended, I took the fact I was the last surviving mage seriously. I withdrew to my tower, protecting it with every magical defence and hiding spell I knew.

But to keep an eye on the world, I created this map of the world, with shifting pins, with the heights of the pins growing and shrinking with the level of magic present in the locations.

For centuries, the pins have moved and slowly receeded, as magic has faded and been forgotten.

Today, one pin has grown so tall and so rapidly it's stuck into the ceiling.

Public Speaking

The crowd applauded politely as I walked out, as I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

I approached the lecturn and took a deep breath before my lunch tried to escape my lips.

I paused, pretending to cough as I held down the vomit trying to escape my system, then I took hold of the glass of water there on the stand and drank it down in one long gulp.

I replaced the glass carefully, and then looked out at the crowd, and forced myself to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Doctor Scott Basti!"

I gestured to the wings.

First And Main

I stood at the corner of Main and First, and waited.

Both streets were fairly busy, in all four directions, all the time. There wasn't a crossing between the side i was on and the opposite side, but obviously going around three of them by crossing the other way would take too long.

So, I waited, calmly, for the traffic to clear up enough that I could run across.

After a half hour, there was a stretch where there were no cars.

But I still didn't want to actually get to her house, so I waited for a better moment. 

1 Muse Street

When I moved into the small town house in the outskirts of the Capital, I hoped that there would be a local street cat that I could adopt, or rather, that would adopt me.

The first night I slept here, I woke up to this cat statue at the foot of my bed, sleek black.

But anyway, what i really wanted to talk about was how moving here to the city really did improve my artistic passion. Ever since I moved here, I've felt the creativity just flow from me, ever since the first full day here. It's been amazing.

Back Down To Earth

"To repair the two halves of the key, you'll need beeswax from the wings of Icarus, who flew-"

I threw up my hands.

"Ok, that's it! I may be willing to accept that I have woken up back here in Ancient Greece, and I've gone along with all these tests and fights, and maybe, just maybe, I've stopped questioning why I'm risking my life here, but why the fuck do we need that specfic beeswax to fix a key? More magic crap?"

"It absorbed solar radiation from the trip and thus has the needed molecular make-up to work."

"Wait, what?"

Crisscross

I looked at the pile of books I had to examine and classify, and decided to do the trick.

With a moment of focus, I stopped time, and after a moment to settle my stomach, I began to get to work.

I was three books in when I heard something.

You have to understand, without time, you normally only just feel sound, not hear it. I leaned out of the window to see the young girl skipping rope.

I tried to speak, but she looked up at me, screamed, and suddenly all the time I'd paused hit me at once.

A Crime

Not one to dawdle, the old man strode with small, but steady steps, along the street, towards his destination.

As he walked, he was watched by three security systems, a charity donation worker, and an actual thief.

The security systems tracked him and the thirty other people on their video feeds, with no special attention.

The charity worker quickly sized up the man as being a hard target and looked elsewhere.

The thief, rather desperate, saw an opening and tried to rob the man.

The security systems didn't care, but the charity worker intervened quickly.

But didn't get a donation.

Knowing His Ways

I hunted down my target across the mountain, the valley, the forest, to the edge of the land.

There, as dusk was setting in, I found him, sitting cross-legged, before a small fire. He didn't look up at me as he began to open the wax seal on a small bottle.

"Dead or alive?"

I saw no reason to lie.

"Just your head is wanted."

He nodded as he poured the bottle evenly between two small cups.

"You know my tribe's ways?"

"Yes."

"Then you know we drink at the end."

"I know."

I attacked, knowing the drink was poisoned.

Light Bulb Moment

I flipped the switch, and the light didn't turn on.

That could have just happened.

I lit a match and approached the light, pausing when I saw the bulb had been removed and smashed on the ground.

That might have just happened.

I blew out the match and slowly walked to the cupboard, and opened it and felt where the spare bulbs should be, coming up empty.

That shouldn't have just happened.

I went to light another match, but a second after I lit it, something blew it out, a wet snarl over my shoulder.

That explained what just happened.

Mine

My ship came out of warp and approached the next planet I was supposed to scan.

Sipping my company approved lunchpak, I punched in the commands to begin the scan.

I swallowed a glob of congealed liquid I sucked out of the tube and then stared at the readout as the scan began to come back.

The readout showed that the planet was stunningly rich in resources, like the planet was totally made of metals that the company wanted.

After a moment, I prepared my report for the company, which indicated I was blowing up.

Then I began to mine.

Endzone

I glanced through the window before I opened my front door.

"Hey, I-"

"Do you consider yourself in a friendzone with me?"

I stared at her for a long moment before I worked out to how I wanted to respond.

"You mean the thing where someone gets angry about someone not wanting to be a romantic relationship with them?"

"Yes."

"Well, then no. That's a bullshit-"

"Fuck."

I stared at her.

"Wait, do you?"

She took longer to respond than I did.

"No, but my sister..."

After a long discussion, we worked out her sister wanted to break us up.

Best First Impression

I made sure the sensors were recording and then began to put power into the system.

A moment later, an alien figure appeared beside me, a hologram of blue light. It, I assume, looked at the gravity manipulation system and then me. It seemed to be waiting for something. I was torn between making a good first contact, and wasting the several million dollars the test costed.

After a moment I made a choice and turned off the system and prepared to speak.

Turns out I was the first being to have a way to stop the runaway gravity cascade. 

That's Cold

The crime scene technician approached me with an odd look on her face.

"I have the results here Captain."

I nodded, waiting for her to continue. After a moment, when she hadn't continued, I finally spoke.

"When you're ready."

She sighed.

"The DNA is from the victim's father, we have their data from a bank robbery ten years ago."

"Ok, that is reasonable, but I suspect there's a problem?"

"Well yes. He was killed during that bank robbery ten years ago."

I considered this, and then immediately arrested the victim, given she worked at an embryo storage and processing laboratory.

Messengers' Sacrifice

It was five weeks after the start of the Witching season, and after a long and bloody conflict, we were surrounded by opposing forces on all sides, and it was only a matter of time before they charged and put us to the sword. I don't know why they hesitated, but I wasn't about to let it go to waste.

Given the circumstances, I had only one choice, as distasteful as I found it. Over the western border, the Empire of Bone, one of our longest lasting enemies, had an army. So I made six copies of the same letter, begging them to save us, saying I was willing to trade my Kingdom for their help. I gave them to my best six messengers. They knew they were likely to be captured and killed, but they were loyal, and left.

Now, as good as they were, I knew most, if not all of them would be captured, tortured, and killed.

Which is why I numbered the letters as of there were nine, and why as soon as they moved troops to the western border, I mobilised and charged through the eastern flank, so that the messengers' sacrifice was worth it.

I Distracted Him

When I was dragged before the Grand Vizer, I told him I'd trained with the Crimson Assassins, which was true, just not the whole truth, since I timed their laps.

When I was given the choice of agreeing to assassinate the King or death, I told him I'd do everything I could to achieve the mission, which was true, just not the whole truth, as I knew I could do nothing and thus intended to just run away.

When the King choked on a chicken bone, I took all the credit, which was completely false, just not a whole lie.

Transfer Of Power

Every few weeks another young person tries to be a hero and attempts to save the Kingdom by destroying me. They always think they've found some new weapon or technique to defeat me.

And every time, I take them down and kill them, reluctantly. I don't want to take out another talented young fighter, but I have to because I need to survive in order to lead the Kingdom.

But I'm slowly beginning to get tired of this cycle. So I'm thinking that I'll finally fall to one of these young people, whichever one I can transfer my mind to.