Practical

Catalina was, understandably, distraught when her grandmother died. But she was a practical woman, and after a couple days spent in bed, she began to sort out her Grandmother's affairs, dealing with all the paperwork before tackling her home.

Which is when she found the hidden room. It was cleverly hidden behind a wardrobe that swung open, and Catalina was, understandably, stunned when she saw what her grandmother had gotten up to.

But she was a practical woman, so she gathered up everything and disposed of it secretly. Which was understandable, couldn't let people know Grandmother supported THAT football team.

A Study In Maroon

He laid out the 'game' and then pushed one bottle of pills towards me. I sighed.

"I've read 'A Study In Scarlet', you know."

"I never claimed this was original. All I claim is that this gun is loaded, and I'll shoot if you pick a bottle, and-"

"You'll take whichever one I don't, I know. Still..."

I grabbed both bottles and before he could fire, I emptied one into the other and mixed then together. I placed it back on the table and watched him carefully for a moment.

"I've also seen The Princess Bride. They're both-"

He fired.

Hot Stuff

Given I had eaten there every week since I was 5, the owners of my local fried chicken restaurant knew me well, and we had a couple understandings. They stocked the soda that I liked, and if I ordered extra spicy wings, usually on a date, they would bring me normal wings.

But on this night, when I finally got a date with Suzie Chen, who knew of my reputation for handling hot wings, I didn't recognise the waiter, and they came out looking different.

So I bit in.

And it turned out I could actually handle the heat easily. 

The Key

The Alien Invaders had surrounded Earth and informed humanity that they were here to take control of the planet and to prepare for enslavement.

While a lot of people panicked, one transmission to the Alien ships got their attention. It claimed that Humanity had a fail-safe in place, and if the Aliens didn't leave, it would be activated, and the Earth, and everything around it, would perish.

The Aliens laughed, and as they began their invasion, they explained that their observations of the planet had told them if such a weapon existed, Humans would have used it on themselves already. 

Check-List

I had, for many years, been the most trusted adviser to Her Majesty, and had managed to keep her more aggressive tendencies at bay with my mental check-list of ways to distract her. But after a year of unexpectedly heavy rains had ruined crops, she began to listen to others more.

This came to a head when I found out she'd ordered an invasion of a neighbouring Kingdom. I confronted her, and she handed me a document stolen from the enemy showing all the laws they had in war.

I then explained the translation was actually "the laws they'd suspend"...

Happy Dream Land

"First of all, Mr Wander-"

"Please, call me Funso, I spent enough on the branding."

"Funso, yes, well, IFA Economic Associates   are pleased to have put together this proposal to buy the Wander Land theme park corporation with-"

"Yeah, look, let's skip ahead here. I've looked over the proposal, but there's one major problem, you need to be evil."

"I... What?"

"To make a profit, you'll need to increase prices, decrease shows, and so on. If I do this, I'll break hearts. You, as a corporation, can."

"... I'll need to talk to our shareholders-"

"You're looking at the majority holder."

Not Arranged

Normally the day you fall in love with someone was the day you met, or maybe the first time you kiss. The day I fell in love with my wife was two years after we were married. Our families had arranged it, and since I needed a wife for the optics at work, and she wanted to live anywhere but back at home, we'd agreed to it. At first, we were both focused on being dutiful to the marriage in our assigned tasks, but soon, I realised she was an amazing woman.

Such a shame she still hated me though. 

Time Stop

I went back a moment, but couldn't stop the bullet.

So I went back an hour, but couldn't stop the shooter.

So I went back a week, but couldn't stop the gun sale.

So I went back a month, but couldn't stop the bullets manufacturing.

So I went back a year, but I couldn't stop the misunderstanding.

So I went back a decade, but I couldn't stop the career path.

So I went back a century, but I couldn't stop the immigration.

So I went back a millennium, and just started shooting until the reason why vanished by temporal changes.

Look Elsewhere

 We ran scans on the air, gravity, and temperature for a month before we stepped foot out of the ship.

We ran tests for a week before we ordered the Aibots to begin building the base.

We waited two weeks after the first airlocks were in place before we removed our suits.

We ran the bare minimum number of tests on the grown crops, since we were all sick of food paste by that point.

Although that was said to be the cause in the aftermath, I blame the shoddy building of the Aibots. As the gardener, I would know.

Z For Zebra

I woke up to a zebra failing to eat my shoe. Before I could stop myself I kicked it away, but it only moved a few steps away and watched me, as if waiting to try again.

I pulled myself slowly up to one foot, my broken leg sending jolts of pain up my body, as I tried to work out the best way forward. I was too big to ride it, even if I had any strength to do so. So instead, I wrote my coordinates on it.

It ran off as I realised 11 was hard to read.

Y For Yours

"Row V..."

"I cannot believe you risked losing all our supplies!"

"Row W..."

"What if we'd have to run from shamblers, and had to have left it behind?"

"Row X..."

"I told you we shouldn't have left the settlement! If you'd done a better job on the defences, it would have held just fine!"

"Row Y, 1, 2, 3, 4. Your stuff is in there."

I handed her the key as she huffed at me.

"Once we camp, I'm going to yell at you more!"

I waited, having 'forgotten' about the hand grenade trap I'd set up inside the locker. 

X For The Spot

Xavier hunted for the location of the lost treasure for years, until finally he found an original text that had been mistranslated and was able to identify a location deep in the Amazon rainforest.

It took most of his remaining funds, but he was able to get the supplies needed to trek into the jungle.

And there, between the Skull Rock and the bend of the river shaped like a snake head, he found a large stone X, placed on the ground, taunting him with the symbols of "Foolish Idiot" engraved there.

Luckily, he dug down anyway and found it.

W For Worth

He was halfway through telling me who his father was and why that should matter in this mechanic's when the car's engine exploded. Time suddenly slowed, and a... Figure appeared before us, although if I tried to focus in them, it hurt my brain.

"Only one will die, one will live."

As soon as the figure said this, he pointed at me.

"I'm worth two of her, clearly I should survive!"

The figure looked at him, then me.

"You're right.

There's two of her now. Pre and post."

Time sped back up, as all the shrapnel shot towards his face. 

V For Victory

The General was being driven through the base when he suddenly barked at the driver.

"Stop the car!"

With a squeal of tyres, the car stopped, and the General got out and marched at a small group of troops painting a wall, the General well aware this task was exclusively used as punishment. Thus, he was sure of himself as he loomed over a scrawny young private.

"Did you give me the finger, Private?"

"No Sir, I was giving a V for Victory sign, Sir!"

Had the General recognised the English accent, he would have known that was a lie. 

U For Unity

The Hero Of Us All stepped into my tent, the sounds of the celebration barely muffled by the animal skin walls.

"Apologies, Old Man, for the delay, but the celebration-"

I waved her to silence.

"I understand. But I hope you understand what am I about to ask of you."

She finished her drink.

"Are there remnants of the threat left?"

"No. But you've changed. And for the unity of the tribe, you need to leave us. Forever."

She blinked.

"One last drink?"

She poured two drinks out, and I took one, not noticing the poison she'd added to mine.

T For Two

We'd made the plan to meet for tea a month ago, at the birthday party of my sister who was also her roommate, which explained why we were actually in the same place for once.

We'd talked about it a bunch in DMs, as we both decided on actually doing this right, as I planned out and then made a full high tea for two.

It took all day, but everything was prepared and ready on the day when she sent me a message that she couldn't make it, unfortunately.

Thank goodness, I thought, as I began to dig in.

S For Sforcina

Unsurprisingly, with a surname like Sforcina, living in an English speaking country, I've dealt with problems with that all my life. My ancestor who came out to Australia in the gold rush anglicised it be making the S silent, which I don't blame him for, as it helps the Anglo-Saxon brain the most, but even with that, I've dealt with a lot of issues with people thinking I don't know how to spell my own name.

But still, even with that, it's better than the issues I have with Italians who see my surname and assume I must know Italian. 

R For Radio

"Welcome to Arrrr 84.2, the radio station they don't want you hearing! The government fears us, that's why they call us Pirate radio! But like most so-called pirates in the past, we're just a group of people sick and tired of living under the oppressive yoke of The Man! Yeah, we live free and against all sorts of corporate and government control, although these days that's the same thing, ain't it?

Anyway, coming up is Deckhand Bettie with the recap of the video game news, but now, it's the new Five Jersey Girls song, 'Love To Be Your Main Girl'!" 

Q For Quebec

The car pulled up the barrier.

"Morning Sir, can I see your passport?"

The driver handed it over. The Canadian border guard looked it over.

"Reason for travelling to Canada today?"

"Shopping, mostly."

The guard chuckled humorlessly. The driver continued.

"Can I ask what the hold up was? Not normally this busy this early."

"Oh, we had an idiot trying to smuggle maple syrup into the country and he had a gun so it got complicated."

"Oh, ok.

Wait, why would that affect this line?"

"He was trying to smuggle the maple syrup INTO Quebec.

Like I said, an idiot." 

P For Patricia

I'd been dating Patricia for a few months, when she suddenly got the apparently intense urge to go to the beach, a proper ocean beach.

We lived a ten hour drive from the nearest one.

So, we pooled our spare cash and booked a weekend trip.

It was going well until a few hours into our first day on the beach when she staggered out of the water saying she'd been stung by a jellyfish and begging for me to pee on her. I explained this was a myth.

That night in the hotel bathroom I finally understood her plan.

O For Openness

I always thought that the idea that you knew when you were at a crossroads in a relationship was stupid. But then I thought the idea i could ever be in a relationship was also stupid, and yet, here I was.

She was crying, as she told me that she couldn't go on, that she couldn't handle me not letting her in. I could see that she needed to see the real me.

But if I did that, she'd leave me anyway. So I stayed at zero and let her think I was just cold as she walked out, crying.

N For Nora

I'd hoped she'd slept all the way, but she woke up just after the border.

"Daddy?"

I kept one hand on the wheel as the other reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Nora honey, it's ok, go back to sleep."

My darling six year old daughter sat up, with some difficulty.

"Where are we?"

"Canada honey! You remember how I told you about Uncle Alex's cabin in the woods up here? We're going to live there now, you'll get to make snowmen all the time!"

"But why?"

I couldn't explain to her that the cold would delay her turning.

M For Martyrs

Perhaps we could have seen the issue coming, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have planned for some sort of disaster that could have covered it, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have started evacuation right when it began, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have provided cover to minimise the casualties, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have gotten records and headcounts of those we lost, but obviously it's too late now.

But now, we must attack our neighbour to avenge the losses, before it's too late! 

L For Love

"Round One! BATTLE!"

I was focused intently on the screen, but not for the reasons I would have been if I'd been fighting an internet rando.

"Perfect Block!"

Because I was playing against the woman I wanted to marry someday, and I had to get the balance right.

"Dones Wins!"

I needed to let her win, but not make it look like I'd done so.

"Round Two! BATTLE!"

But I got into the groove after the first round.

"Hellaca wins!

Final Round! BATTLE!

Hellaca Wins!"

She sighed.

"Dammit, you suck, even when I try to let you win..." she said.

K For Knife

258.

Every step was painful, but every step took me one more meter closer.

372.

I didn't dare look back, knowing what I'd see there and what it would do to my determination.

501.

Instead I focused on moving forward, one hand on my walking stick, the other by my side.

638.

Holding the knife still, wedged as it was between my ribs.

750.

Removing it, I'd have only mere seconds before I bled out.

817.

And I needed to get there first.

893.

I could see him ahead.

960.

Nearly.

1000.

I pulled the knife out and stabbed him.