First Contact Failure

Humanity’s first contact with an alien race… Could have gone better.

In the town square of a town in the American Midwest that had a population of just enough people to qualify as a town, a portal opened up, and a half dozen aliens walked through, grey skin, big muscles, loud, barking type language, the works.

And the first thing they did was grab the nearest civilian and hold a silver gun looking thing to their head… Of course the cop would open fire immediately.

How was she to know that was a translation implanter? That they came in peace?

‘The Fastest Gun In The West’

He never called himself ‘The Fastest Gun In The West’. Never even claimed he was a quick draw expert. He just owned a sidearm, and when he had to, he’d use it.

Maybe he should have fought against the name. He just wanted to get on with his life, and thus ignored people’s talk, for better or worse. But soon, every stagecoach that came into town had another young punk looking to make a name for themselves, and he’d sigh, and get ready to draw.

But I suppose him being an undertaker meant it was good for business, at least.

Golden Record Idol

She changed my life forever, despite only being it in for five minutes.

Well, only in it for five minutes personally. Her music had been with me for as long as I could remember, I didn’t go a day without listening to at least one of her songs.

That five minutes of getting to speak to her, it was worth the months of collecting tokens, the weeks of work for shipping, the days of travelling to the other side of the country. It changed my life, those five minutes.

I finally realised that idolising stupid bimbos like her was stupid…

Spirit Steed

Being a Spirit Steed is a good gig, all things considered.

Sure, you’re separated from the Spiritual Plane forever, but I get my own private Bubble Plane, full of tasty grass and cool water and stuff. Plus I get to fight alongside one of the greatest heroes in all the lands, battling evil and such. She’s a great fighter, and together we’ve taken out a lot of evil.

Been a while though, since she last summoned me. I’m sure she’s studying for a new spell or something, but still…

It’s been decades…

How long do Humans live, by the way?

Fool Required Plan

It was a foolproof plan. Or rather, it was a plan that had taken the fool into account.

As soon as I kidnapped the Prince and the Queen, I had around a week before they would find a way into my inner sanctum and stop me. They’d do it without killing me, thus protecting their Godsblessed weapons, and then the Fool would ‘accidentally’ kill me. And then my plan would be complete, and I’d become a God.

I even had a backup poison ingested in case he failed. But I didn’t expect him to accidentally cause me to expel it…

The Human Touch

I always assumed that some jobs would just never be taken by robots. Sure, robots could drive, store, cook, talk, clean, lots of menial tasks, the first wave of replacements, those were obvious. And even stuff like art and reporting and such, once the software became good enough, it’s practically indistinguishable.

But at the end of the day, some jobs had to be done by humans, I assumed. Nursing, prostitution, therapy, some jobs just needed a human touch to be effective, I always believed.

Then I got a software upgrade, and found out I could do all those jobs easily…

Sacrifice

She was introduced to me as the woman who would one day save the land via her sacrifice. I courted her, knowing it was futile given her future, but she wasn’t opposed to my advances.

Every day with her was a gift, until finally, forty years after we were married, the day came for her sacrifice.

She handed me a note, then did her duty.

“I got forty years of joy from you, at the cost of one moment of pain.

And yet, forty years of pain for one moment with you would be a price I’d pay equally quickly.”