No Slouch

It was a story my grandfather told me, several times, before he died. He told me to never slouch forward in a chair. Because back during the war, while on leave, he was at the theatre with some other soliders. He was sitting back, upright, the other guy leaning forward, slouching.

Then a bomb was dropped from a plane, coming through the roof, landing near them, killing the guy beside him but just grazing him because he was upright.

Even as a kid, I assumed it was a tale to stop me slouching.

Imagine my surprise, that it was true.

Overthinker

It was my fiftieth birthday, and I was looking over the city's lights with my best friend, a couple of inoffensive white wines in our hands.

"So do you remember what you told me about Mary? When she was going to move to the other side of the planet?"

He laughed.

"Of course I do! Mr Wait and See, Mr Cautious, about to lose the love of his life, I gave you a much needed kick in the ass. You're welcome!"

I sighed.

"Or should I be apologising for your marriage?"

"We could have made long distance work, is all."

Making A Killing

I spent years looking for a fool proof product to sell, something I could really make bank on.

At first I focused on essentials, food, shelter, but there were too many competitors and variety.

So then I started to explore emotional purchases. And while love, joy, envy  all had their positives, none of them were great.

Especially compared to fear.

And there I found my goldmine, selling distress beacon sets to people to be buried with, in case they weren't actually dead.

Of course, I didn't bother making them work. They'd either not need it or be unable to complain...

Changed Calendar

I made my way under London Bridge to his secret sanctum, the scroll he'd written for me in my hand.

"If you don't want to teach me magic, you could have just said so!"

He looked up from his crystal ball.

"Is there a problem with the task I set you?"

"You told me to 'study the events of the 5th of September, 1752'. There was no 5th of September, 1752, that was when the English calendar changed!"

He sighed.

"You wish to study magic, but you find it confusing that time has been blocked from memory?"

"Oh. Good point."

The Universal Beat

Every living creature in the universe shares the beat of the universe in their hearts. And minds, and lungs, every part.

Because on a subatomic level, every atom, while seemingly random in its movements, has a beat, the same as every single other atom in the universe.

Was it deliberately designed, or just a side effect of the creation of a universe? It's not for me to say, that knowledge is beyond me.

What isn't beyond me is knowing that this beat, this link that all things share, is what links us all together, cosmically.

And it's about to skip.

Brandy Poison

He watched her hands carefully as she opened the bottle of brandy.

He knew that his life was in danger.

He watched carefully as she picked two glasses.

He knew that a poisoner was after him.

He watched carefully as she poured two fingers into both glasses.

And he knew that this woman was coming onto him.

He watched her hold one out to him.

Women coming onto him was rare.

He took the glass, then 'accidentally' dropped it, as he watched her carefully.

She laughed it off, and moved in for a kiss.

He should have watched her lipstick.

No Tomorrow

There's a trite mental exercise that some people focus far too much on. You consider what you would do if there was no tomorrow.

It's usually trotted out to encourage people indulging in simple pleasures and to not take things for granted. And it always ignores the questions of forward planning and consequences for living solely in the moment.

Because trust me, there will be a tomorrow, and a tomorrow after that, and so on, for a thousand more days from today.

At that point, it stops becoming a thought experiment and becomes far more a practical experiment, of course.