Counting Bullets

When I put the gun to his head, he laughed.

"Not the reaction I was expecting, not gonna lie."

That just made him laugh harder.

"If this is some sort of trick to get me to pause while you wait for a miracle, it's working I guess, but not for much longer."

He forced himself to stop laughing.

"No, no, just the idea you're gonna shoot me, that's not gonna happen, girl!"

I pulled the trigger, and the gun clicked.

"You gotta start counting bullets."

"And you should have counted guns." I replied, as I pulled my other gun out.

I Dream

The genie was surprisingly helpful about explaining the rules, specifically the last one that wasn't part of the usual set.

"OK, so, if I can't wish for anything that interferes or invalidates a previous wish, would my wish be wasted if it did?"

"No no, you just can't wish it."

"And you can't tell me what the other wishes have been, you just tell me no?"

"Correct."

"OK. 

I wish for enough money to live off for a thousand years."

"Granted."

"I wish for perfect health until I choose otherwise."

"Granted."

"And I wish for no more wishes."

"...

Oh.

Granted."

Chatbot

 "Hello and welcome to Happy Burger, can I-"

"Human."

The voice box paused for a moment.

"Hey, I might be an Artificial Intelligence Chatbot, but I'm more than capable of taking your order, so what-"

"Human."

Another pause.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite get that, can you-"

"Human."

Another pause.

"Do you mean a Happy Combo? We habe it in regular, large, biggy, or-"

"Human."

A much longer pause, then a voice that sounded a lot tireder and over things spoke.

"Hey, order?"

"Human."

"I'm Human dude."

"No, Human!"

The longest pause.

"We don't sell Human here."

The customer left.

The Key To Locks

The key to being able to unlock any lock is knowing the way to open it.

I understand that sounds patronising, not to mention verging on dad joke with the key thing, but it's true.

If a lock has a single password that never changes, then the human in the chain is the key. If it changes on a regular basis, you just need to force a change when you have access. If it's random and computerised, then it's back to the human who controls the computer.

If it's a physics lock, then Bob is the key.

He's my locksmith.

Know Your Audience

I had to summarise what he was telling me back to him, to convince myself I hadn't misheard him.

"So you and this Doctor Misama have battled across the multiverse-"

"Correct."

"And you've been finding universes that ate fictional in various other universes, because that's the best way to get powerful enemies."

"Right."

"And you just want this to end."

"Yes. So is there a fictional universe in this world with an immortal warrior who fights for justice?"

I sighed.

"I can give you one better."

I grabbed a pen and made a one page comic about inevitable, unavoidable entropy. 

Exact Details

"And lo, the prophecy says that only one born of two mothers can-"

"Who said this?"

The cleric paused.

"What?"

"Who made this prophecy?"

"The past head priests of our God-"

"And how do they know anything?"

"Because they are in communion with our God, now can I get-"

"So why not be specfic?"

"How many people do you know with two mothers?"

"A few, actually, which is my point, why not name the person, or give details on how to do it?"

"Our God-"

"If you invoke free will I'm leaving."

"Is at war, hence secrecy."

"OK, that works."

Escape

Every day, I needed to know that there was a chance I could get out of the rut. I needed that possibility, no matter how low, that I could escape.

So, on my way home from the job grinding the life out of me, every night, I'd duck into the tiny shop on the corner and buy a scratch ticket.

Every time, I told the woman behind the counter that this was my way out. And every day, it just wasn't.

But I eventually did find my escape in that shop.

It was just a matter of seeing her properly.