The Ford Prefect Problem

Look, I'm not saying that the idea that an alien that doesn't comprehend all the radio and TV and internet that we've sent out to the universe over decades, and thus only has direct observation of the planet to make a decision on how to try and infiltrate society, it would make some degree of sense for them to think that the car is the dominant species and act accordingly.

But the thing is, to do that, you have to view the car as a living thing. Which does not bode well for what sort of life is out there...

479th Roaring Devils

I died, which I expected, and found myself in what I instantly knew was Hell, which I hadn't.

But rather than searing pain or loneliness or anything, I just felt demonic hands measuring me.

"What's going on?"

"We're just measuring you for your armor."

"What?"

The hands stopped.

"Look, there's going to be a battle soon, in a couple millennia. Beardface up there is going to wipe out everything, again, and we're going to try and stop him. And since you aren't a good enough fighter for him to draft you, we're going to have to get you armed and trained."

I shook my head.

"No, wait, look, I get that I didn't believe in any religion, and thus I'm here, but that doesn't mean I want to fight!"

The demon sighed.

"Look, if he destroys everything, it's retroactive, so you won't ever have existed. You want that?"

I thought this through.

"So why isn't this in the texts?"

The demon snorted.

"Consider the source."

I did.

"I dunno..."

"OK, how about this. They're taking good fighters and generals for up there. Including those on both sides of every conflict ever. That enough?"

"No!"

"Fine."

Limbo turned out rather dull.

The Fated Four +1

The Prophecy spoke of the Four Fated Souls, Who Would Stop The Unleashing Of The Eight.

They didn't mention Grodak.

He was from the Northern Kingdoms, a mass of pelts and blades who the Warlock Pyromancer paid to hang around and kill anything that got close to him.

The Four didn't think of him as one of them as such, and Grodak didn't seem to think so.

And neither did the Cultists.

So when the Prophesied Final Battle took place, the Cultists failed to wear stab-proof armor.

But maybe because the temple collapse claimed Grodak, that's why he wasn't mentioned?

Miss Fire

I was at the bar with a couple friends, and as usual, Christie was pushing me to go talk to a lady at the other end of the bar. I don't know if my drink was stronger than usual, but in an effort to shut her up, I walked over, and tried to begin to talk before apologising for wasting her time before I headed back to my friend group.

Christie began to chew me out until the other woman came over, Christie looking smug until this other woman angrily asked why I thought I had a shot with her.

Only On Deluxe Editions

I booted up the program, and as I'd done a thousand times before, I checked my phone as I waited for the ad to play.

Except nothing played.

I looked up, worried it suddenly had gotten eye tracking in an update or something, but no, it was just sitting there, waiting for an advertisement to load.

I gave it a few minutes before I rebooted, only to load it up and get the same problem.

I looked it up, and found a message that they had no advertisers lined up, but once they did, it'd work again, don't you worry.

Texas Hold Out

I woke up when they slapped my face a few times. Once I got my bearings, I began to plead for my freedom before one of the men shut me up.

"Just deal the game."

I blinked and saw I was tied down to a chair next to a damaged but usable poker table.

"What?"

"We're playing for... Never mind what, but we need a neutral party to deal. That's you."

I swallowed, then picked up the cards.

"Well..

Wait, these are marked, see here?"

Afterwards, I realised I should have worked out who held the key before I lied.

Dragon Proof

For a period of time that for reasons that will quickly become obvious, keeping accurate records of the land was hard, due to the dragons. Paper and parchment would burn, metal plates would melt, and stone tablets...

Ok, they were usually safe, but hard to move about.

It was just accepted that this was how things were, life and knowledge were temporary.

But eventually, someone did manage to work out that dragons could be communicated with, and negotiated with.

After that, it was just a matter of explaining to them how information was valuable and could be hoarded, but shared.