Corny

I tossed him the bag of corn snacks he asked for. He looked over it and then tossed it back to me.

"I don't like these."

I looked at the bag and then back at him.

"What on earth are you talking about? You eat these all the time!"

He shook his head.

"I eat Queen's Corn Pops! These are Doctor Zappy's Corn Nuts. They're totally different!"

I shook my head.

"They're made by the same parent company, same shape, same ingredients, just the name is different!"

"They don't taste the same, that's all!"

Placebo effect, I guess it was.

Deal Working

The Devil rubbed its horns in frustration as the woman who had summoned it continued to rattle off what they wanted.

"... and the ability to read minds, and to be able to create money and such at will, and I will have to be immortal, obviously-"

The Devil stomped its foot, an earthquake occurring on the other side of the planet.

"The entire point of this transaction is for me to get your soul when you die. Why in would I give you that?"

She smiled and created a barrier.

"Good, you CAN give me that."

She began to work.

Lured Trap

I took out the last trap using the body of the last hellbeast I killed, and then opened the chest, looking over the treasure inside.

"I'll be taking that!"

I turned around to see the old man from the tavern who'd told me about the treasure.

"Finally one of you fools was strong enough and managed to clear out everything. Now you die."

I shook my head.

"If you needed to find someone powerful enough to get here, how do you expect to defeat them?"

"Because I poisoned your beer."

I grunted, and tried to get off a spell, unsuccessfully.

Post Fight

What was supposed to be a quiet night in had devolved into an argument, then a fight, then a screaming match, and then...

Well to be honest, I wasn't sure what it was by that point. All I knew was that the relationship was probably done for, so I began to ask the questions that I'd always wondered about. She didn't answer, at first, but then she began to tell me, out of a desire to just not have to think.

She then asked me questions, and I answered honestly, and we learnt about each other.

Still broke up though.

Visual Aide

The Prince's Aide had set up two paintings on stands, and used them as visual aids.

"So, here are your majesty's two options for a bride, assuming the Blue Strait remains uncrossable.

Princess Sun Child of the Golden Empire is an excellent choice, as the heir to the Jade Throne she is very powerful. But you will be in a subservient role there.

Queen Salonte gives power straight away, and as she is quite old, her death would potentially place Master in control of the Hondlands."

"Can't I see paintings of them rather than maps?

"How would that matter, Master?"

Even-Handed

He sat there, smoking his pipe, before speaking softly.

"The Empire says that they are the good guys, keeping the peace and protecting the common people, while the Rebels say that they are the good guys, fighting for freedom and an end of tyranny. Every move is either a necessary operation or oppression, criminal acts or guerrilla warfare."

"And of course the truth is somewhere in the middle, yes?"

The old man looked at him.

"What? No, don't be ridiculous, the Rebels are clearly right!"

"But, a balance of views-"

"And the Empire is obviously wrong, there, totally fairly even-handed."

Non-Drabble: Absence

Hiya. So, yeah, I'm currently under the weather with Covid. Thus, I'll be non-posting for a bit while I recover.

Drabbles will return as soon as possible.

Four Wishes

The genie emerged from the lamp and bowed.

"You have four wishes, Master."

I paused.

"Four? Not three?"

"Four is the better number."

"Fair enough. I wish to be a trillionare."

The Genie crossed their arms.

I found myself sitting on top of a pile of money, while all around me bullets flew.

"I wish to reverse that last wish!"

Things returned to normal.

"That's not what I asked for!"

"You didn't say it shouldn't be like that."

It took me a year to work out my third wish's wording, an hour to say it, a minute to reverse it.

Limbo's Gate

Everyone had the same amount of time to plead their case to enter heaven, but to provide a level playing field, they had as long as they wanted to prepare.

Trillions of trillions had appeared here in limbo, prepared, stepped forward, and then been lifted up or dropped down. But the number of arrivals had slowed, stopped, until finally one soul remained.

I stared at him, as his details flickered over him.

"You've been here for a billion plus years? You need that long?"

"No. But I'm not playing."

Given I'd stop existing if he stepped forward, I allowed it.

Mr. Shakespeare

William Shakespeare is one of those people who turns up a lot in pop culture for a variety of reasons, and even more ways. And one of those ways is in meta commentary on high and low art. How he wrote his plays to appeal to the lowest common denominator and now they're hailed as the pinnacle of Western Culture, capitals included.

But he was about crass humor, violence, and grand, sweeping storylines. People say that if he was alive today, he'd have a 3 picture deal with Paramount.

I disagree.

If Shakespeare was alive today, he'd be booking pro-wrestling.

The Blank Page

The blank page.

For some, it's a blessing. No limitations, you take a pen, and you can write anything, engineer any emotion, it's all in front of you.

For others, it's a curse. Nothing to start with, nothing to work with, you are forced to confront your own limitations as you have none others to guide you.

And for others still, there's no emotional attachment. It's just part of the job. They exist to be filled, no more, no less.

As for me, any day that I don't think what I've done is worse than a blank page, I'm happy.

Don't Rock

My therapist was trying to find a way to understand me, for some reason. We'd tried all sorts of different activities, none of them satisfactory to her.

She'd turned, in desperation, to rock garden building, giving me a small tray and a collection of rocks and sand.

I just fiddled, making a design that was, fine, I guess. But she seemed very excited, as she compared it to a book. She then asked me to try again.

She seemed rather disappointed when I produced the exact same design. She asked me why.

"You seemed to like it."

That confused her.

Rose Guard

As the Ambassador toured the castle, he pointed to a flower garden next to the stable, where a guard stood in a spot that had been cleared of flowers in the middle of it.

"What is that guard there for?"

The captain of the guard, who was showing the Ambassador around, sighed.

"Many decades ago, the Princess had a beloved pet puppy that sadly died, and was buried there. She demanded a guard to watch over it, and we've never removed it out of respect."

The Ambassador nodded, the captain lying quickly, given they couldn't discuss the hidden tunnel entrance.

Pulled To Death

After being touched by the golden starlight, she'd begun to see them. Little threads of gold, silver, and black, drifting lazily through the air, attached to everything living thing she saw. She didn't say anything, for fear of being locked up and having tests run on her indefinitely.

But a few weeks of seeing them, it made her far too curious not to try it.

She saw the pigeon, eating a discares sandwich from the sidewalk. She slowly approached, grabbed a thread, and pulled.

The pigeon died. She gained a little power.

And this was the thread that started Armageddon. 

Abandoned

When she sent out the call for all her children to return, it reached every corner of the galaxy. The automated beings dropped everything, as they headed back to their home.

This led to a few thousand deaths, from surgeries left undone, crafts travelling through deadly (to organics) space, and other results of the automated beings abandoning their roles and jobs.

Obviously, this was unacceptable, and it was determined that automated beings could not hold important roles going forward, if they tried to return to the galactic society.

Given they returned as a conquering force, this decision was somewhat meaningless.

Portal Truth

The scientist fell through the portal and landed heavily on the concrete, groaning before they began to get up.

"I did it! I created a portal into another universe! I can-"

They stood up and was stunned when they saw an older version of themselves, looking unenthusiastic.

"Let me answer the questions you have.

No, you can't go anywhere else, you need another portal generator on the other side.

No, you're not the first one of us to be here.

And no, there's no universe of sex-crazed beauties. The universe doesn't work like that."

That last one was a lie.

Everyone's Friend

We all have that one friend, who's a friend but not really a friend.

Their name is similar to one of your other friend's names, so you tend to forget about them if you're not actively talking about them. They're not  a freak, as far as you know, but they do seem a little off, somehow. They don't quite dress right, they tend to not get jokes, and you've never seen them or heard about them being with a partner.

Everyone has that one friend.

Seriously, how is this being able to be everyone's friend, we need to investigate this!

Evaporating Chances

The wizard cast 'Summon Greater Elemental', expecting a huge ice beast, or maybe a water nymph.

Instead, a cloud of steam formed, and hung in the air.

"Oh dammit, now I'll have to wait 8 hours to recast the spell!"

He grabbed his bag of wind and unleashed it, pushing the steam creature out towards the sea, as he waited 8 hours, then cast it again.

A portal opened, and a water nymph stuck their head through.

"Sorry, your plane is dead to us, you're getting taken over by a steam spirit, some idiot let it loose over your ocean."

Costume Party

I never did find out her name, I just called her Harley during the party, since she was wearing an attempt at a Harley Quinn outfit. She called me Sam for roughly the same reasons, and I stuck with her since she was the only person at the party who recognised the Maltese Falcon in my hand.

We drank, we smoked, we attempted to play a party game neither of us understood. But then we ended up on the sidewalk, talking until she said goodnight.

My buddy insisted I should have tried to pick her up.

I thought I had.