It took me a while to track down the legendary bard Pippen Poken, and even longer to convince him to give me training in how to bard.
We found a secluded place as he looked through his magic bag.
"The first secret to being a good bard is choosing an instrument you can afford to lose."
He handed me a hand-drum.
"You focus on percussion, and then you lose the instrument, you still have this."
He tapped a rhythm on his chest.
"Is that where the idea you went round banging everyone came from?"
"The second secret is these condoms."
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