Minotaur Flats

The call went out, demanding a hero to be chosen, to be sent to the Minotaur Flats, and to crush the Minotaur leader in single combat, and hold back the threat of them rising up.

There was a lot of fights that broke out, as people fought over the right. But then a young woman was the first one to step onto the Flats.

In a epic poem, she'd have destroyed the Minotaur in combat.

In a baudy inn song, she'd win in another way.

In this, real life, she just negotiated a peace, and thus was, naturally, widely hated.

Headache

The headache started a few hours after the party ended.

I chalked it up to just a hangover, so I took some aspirin, sculled some water, and headed to bed.

But then in the morning, I woke up to it having gotten worse. I tried more water and pills, but it didn't help, things kept getting worse.

I didn't want to spend the money for a doctor's visit, but I had no choice, and I headed into the clinic.

There, they reached into my hair and removed the corkscrew from my scalp.

Thankfully, that wasn't the cause of the pain.

You Probably Know Who

I was onto my third page of human skin, and he was still going.

"-and I want to be able to have any woman fall in love with me on command, and I want to be immortal, and-"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Ignoring just how big this bill is already, you want immortality? You do realise that you have to die so I get your soul, that's the entire point of this transaction. Yours, and a billion others at this point."

"I live forever, I desecrate the planet once everyone else dies, you get everyone."

"Sorry, that role is taken already."

Boss Killer

I heard the clapping and cheering, and stuck my head over my cubical wall. I saw the crowding around Sally's cubical, and called out to Veer, who was nearest to me.

"Hey man, what's going on?"

He turned around.

"Sally finally did it!"

"Good for her.

What is it?"

Veer shook his head.

"What do you think? She finally dealt with the boss!"

"Oh. Ok.

Wait, what?"

I came out and forced my way through the throng, only to see the video game on her computer screen.

I sighed, then noticed the blood and such all over her broken keyboard.

Warning

By the time you read this, it will be too late for me. I'll be gone. But you might have a chance.

I don't care what you thought you were going to get, what brought you here. No matter what you were promised or threatened with, it's not worth it.

I know you have no reason to trust me, but please, at least let this be a fan to the fire of doubt that I pray is inside you now.

Turn around, and head back. There is nothing but death here.

Certainly no mountain of gold and jewels, believe me.

Sword And Shield

The envoys offered up the sword and the shield, while standing several feet apart.

"The Guilds offer you these, your majesty, a sword that can cut anything, and a shield that can withstand any blow."

I sighed and gestured to my guards.

"You think I'm a fool? Both can't be true, so you're trying to fool me."

They quickly explained that the two were magically enhanced so that they could never touch, since that would end the universe. To prove it, they tried to bring them together, but failed.

When I mentioned magnetism, that's when they tried to run away.

Gouda Riddance

Here in my private pocket dimension outside the multiverses, I record the deaths that matter. For the most part, these aren't people, but universes themselves.

When one dies, I wrote down the cause of death as it floats before me.

'Lust For Power' is the most common, followed by 'To Stop Evil', which always seems a fruitless goal.

But the most interesting ones are...

Wait, excuse me a moment, I thought that said 'A Piece Of Cheese'. That can't be right, let me just remind and look.

Huh, that does look like a nice piece. Let me grab it and--------------------------------