Collectively Unlikely

To get here, you gotta realise just how many things had to happen.

Humanity managing to quiet down and learn to get along.

The various computer networks gaining sentience as The Collective.

Then the Panda Virus rending humanity sterile. Yes I know that’s not the scientific name of it, but I never got used to calling it HARP-V.

The Collective then pairing everyone off based on compatibility.

Except humanity’s count ended in three.

All that, building up to me becoming the entire world’s third fucking wheel.

No, I will not refrain from swearing Collective!

Yes, I want a soothing pill!

Hidden Trails

Unity Li-Smith was the accountant, or rather creative money hider for most of the supervillians and mob bosses in Los Francisco. So, when she turned herself in after a pay dispute, there was, unsurprisingly, a mad rush to try and knock her off.

Glory had to stick by her side until she could testify. Glory was able to fend off the simple murder attempts easily, but Unity ended up exposed to small but significant amounts of Zeta radiation, Terrorgas, Moondust, and many other horrible energy sources.

Unity would have been upset, except all that woke what lay dormant inside her…

Skills And Timing

He’d been working his way up the corporate ladder quickly and efficiently. And then came the assignment.

It had been the pet project of his boss’ boss, the marketing division needed someone able to leap in and take control if, or rather when, the company looked to have a PR disaster incoming. He’d jumped at the opportunity.

At first, nothing happened, giving him time to do research and get ready to leap into action when required.

Then nothing continued to happen.

Years of it.

He thought he’d never be Chairman.

Then came the gas leak that killed every other employee…

Too Much Love

Down at Baccy’s Bar, we got all sorts. But the short blonde chick who came in every Monday and drank from opening to last drinks, she was different. Even without her iron stomach.

It took her several weeks to get her talking, and even then I had to start slipping her freebies to loosen her tongue. At first, all I would get out of her was something about ‘always making it about others’, occasionally muttering that she wanted it to be her turn once.

Then I found out she was Cupid.

I offered, but she played for the other team.

Wild Golden Goose Chase

Ever since I announced that, rather than become a boring regular bird hunter like my father, I was going to hunt down and catch a goose that lays golden eggs, I put up with a lot of ribbing and joking from the rest of the village.

This turned to scorn when I grew up and maintained my claim, and then expulsion when I refused to stop. If it wasn’t for my mother sneaking me some supplies every so often, I’d have probably died by now.

But I’ll catch it one day.

I’ve mostly caught fairies, true, but I’m getting closer!

Pitter Patter

It was such a lovely tune. That’s why I focused on it.

You wouldn’t think there was much of a melody that could be achieved by dripping. But there were a few different little streams flowing across the table, each dripping down the side at a different rate, each onto a different surface.

The slow drips onto the floor were the beat, the quick drips into the metal floor the main instrument, with drips onto my phone and the knife finishing the music.

So I just lay there, enjoying the tune, while my friends tried desperately to stem the bleeding.

Indecent Loot Drop

His parents hadn’t hired me because they hated their son, far from it. It’s just that he was so socially inept, they were worried that once they died, some floozy would come along and play him for all of his inherited money.

So I became his ‘friend’, and began to drag him from his multi-sided dice to meet people and, you know, gain actual social skills.

It was hard work, but I eventually got him to come with me to a bar. Hell, he even picked up a girl!

I had to lay it out like a ‘sidequest’, but still…