Mirrorless

Considering the dozen archers with their bows drawn at his head that surrounded him, he was unnervingly calm. He just sat there, stupidly long pipe billowing thin smoke, even as I drew my sword.

"No need for you to waste what little life you have on protecting a useless rebellion, old man."

He puffed at his pipe then blew some smoke into my face. I sighed, and nodded at the archers.

One shot managing to hit one of the other archers, maybe just unlucky. But all of them? That smoke-

He swung an empty hand and blood filled my mouth.

Spambot Help

I stuck my head around the edge of the cubicle.

"Someone call for tech support?"

One of the data entry drones, a cute little redhead, turned around in her chair, pointing at her screen.

"This spam email won't delete, and I can't close the program."

I gave a smile.

"May I sit?"

She huffed, but got up. I took the mouse and clicked around.

"Ironic how it's for a security system huh?"

I shrugged. "Not sure that's irony... I'll need a few minutes."

She left, allowing me to call in another rogue AI trying to warn someone of our surveillance.

Planned Love

It had taken him about a few years to work out the definitive plan on how to be romantic. There was the fixed points, spending Valentine's Day quietly at home, do a big gesture the week after.

Then there was the stuff that you needed to dial in, how often you needed to give flowers, what sort of tickets to surprise her with. But the overall plan was rock solid, and now he just had to find a woman to use it on.

He did find one quickly, and it went well until she dumped him for being too spontaneous.

Murdered In Wartime

The Captain was looking over the edge of the trench as his batman approached him.

"Captain, Private Macintosh has been murdered!"

"Killed, Mitchell. In war you are killed, not murdered."

"By one of our pistols to the back of the head as he slept, Sir?"

The Captain stepped down, and then strode over to where Macintosh had indeed been murdered. After a few moments, he turned back to Mitchell.

"There's a lieutenant with the 6th Gunners, name of Floren. He's good at solving mysteries. See if you can get him to-"

They were both killed by an enemy mortar shell.

For Love, Not Money

It appeared to be a simple cable ferry across a river. Given that at this point we were in the fifth level of Hell, obviously it was highly symbolic of something. Everything by this point was symbolic of something, most of it phallic and trying to pierce me. There was a figure waiting by the ferry.

“Ferryman, we need to cross. How many gold to cross?”

The figure looked at me, I assume.

“For you, no amount of gold would suffice.”

The rogue stepped up.

“For you, 100 gold.”

The whole trip was so easy for someone who loved money.

Fourth Wall Discovery

Finding out that you are a character in a work of media, that you’re not real, in the sense of being a true person, that revelation usually messes with whatever passes for the mind of said characters.

Usually it results in simple madness, or perhaps more complex madness, depending. Sometimes a mind is weird enough that they can accept this fact, and they turn breaking the fourth wall into a trademark.

I’m trying to work out the percentages though, what proportion of characters go mad. So, when you found out, how did you react?

Oh. Um... Forget I said anything.

Gabriel’s Brother Justin

My head pounded with every breath, every thought, every movement, which meant the moments that didn’t hurt were so rare and unexpected they were almost more painful.

Stopping wasn’t an option, not until I was dead, my mission was complete, or God himself came down and stopped me. And that one was a 50/50 bet.

The breaths became shallower, the thoughts hazier, the steps smaller. But I couldn’t stop, I had to deliver this message.

My lungs began to burn and my legs gave way, but my mind was just able to see…

God himself appearing before me.

75/25, maybe.