Non-Drabble: Break Update

Hey all. Hope you and yours are good.

Just a short note to let you know what's going on. Not to get into too much detail, basically a major change in my life was meant to be done with by now, at least the main part of it. But because of reasons, it's going to continue for another month. Now I could, in theory, come back and then stop again closer to the date, but given the circumstances, I've decided to extend my break till after it's all done.

So, the TL:DR part; my break will extend to the end of December, I haven't had a really long break since I started, so I'm taking one now. I'll restart the blog on Jan 1st, 2024. In the meantime, why not go back and read some of the old ones you might have missed? I might post flashbacks on social media, but baring major unforeseen changes, new content will return in the new year.

Thank you for your support.

Non-Drabble: Brief Absence

Just a quick programming note, there will be no Drabbles for at least a couple weeks, while I sort out some stuff, I will return ASAP.

Spirited

I asked for prayer and bowed my head, as did everyone else.

And then I heard it, a tinny little tune, a ringtone.

Uncontrollable tears would have been expected, a badly timed coughing fit would have been understandable, but this was not something I'd let stand.

I looked around, trying to find the guilty party, until my eyes moved and found the source of the ringing phone.

It was coming from the coffin.

I was confused but slowly opened it, and found the phone in his suit pocket. I pulled it out and answered it.

"Hello?"

"I requested no prayers!"

Blow The Deal

Billy Smithson was the trumpet player in the Blue Swamp bar in New Orleans, back when jazz was being born. And he was incredible, almost every night he'd play the best ever jazz that anyone had heard, every night was different but equally brilliant.

Almost every night.

Because on nights when they wanted to record him, or when some important agent was in the audience, he'd play terribly. He told people he just had bad nerves.

The truth was that he'd made a deal for his place with the devil.

Or at least the owner of the bar, same thing. 

Scotched

I turned off the TV just as they were making futile suggestions on what to do to try and survive the asteroid's impact.

I debated beating the rush, but then my eyes fell on the bottle.

It was the last present my father ever bought me, his last attempt to get me interested in what he liked, given that I'd rejected football, The Stones, and home renovation.

After he passed, I'd kept the scotch untouched, but at this point, why not?

I opened it, poured out a glass, and drank it.

I woke up the next morning confused but happy.

Evil Fake Out

I held the gun out, flicking between the two of them, both of whom held their hands up.

"Babe, calm down, just shoot it, it's clearly the shapeshifter!" said the first Jack.

"Honey, don't listen to it, it's the evil thing, shoot it!" said Jack 2.

I switched between the two of them.

"Ok, what's something only Jack would know about me?" I asked.

"You've always thought that idea was fucking stupid!"

As soon as Jack said this, I shot the fake. Jack smiled as he approached, before hugging me tight.

Too tight.

"Why'd you think only one shapeshifter exists?" 

Magic Hands

My Mentor had a habit of going off on tangents. He'd be teaching me about magic circle symbol drawing then suddenly would begin to talk about how to defend yourself against a werelion. It was tiring, but usually it was still useful information.

But today, he got five minutes into talking about proper wand manipulation when he suddenly began talking about succubi, how to identify, how to handle, how to summon and banish, he was focused for the rest of the day.

My confusion was eventually solved when the next day he confessed to me about his ex, a half-succubus.

My Most Important Lesson

The most important lesson i ever learned in school was in music class. Given my inability to hold a tune, this is surprising, but it's true.

See, everyone has to give a short presentation about a song, where the rest of the class would then grade collectively.

I has nothing, so I picked a one hit Wonder I liked, found the bare minimum of info about them I needed, then ripped off an ad campaign to give a comedic talk with no substance.

I got the best marks out of anyone.

Taught me a lot about how easy manipulation is. 

Must See TV

I came downstairs, yawning, to find him on the couch, watching TV.

"The fuck?"

He glanced over at me.

"The spare key in the false rock. I hid it again, don't worry."

I shook my head and gestured at him.

"The fuck?"

He shrugged.

"First bus of the day to here runs at 6am."

I stepped in-between him and the TV.

"The. FUCK?"

"I wanted to check out this new-

Oh, do you mean why aren't I at the barracks?"

I nodded, glaring at him.

"I'm getting discharged-"

There was a knock on the door, and he turned.

"The fuck?"

Wacky Discrimination

Every week, there was another race, in another bizarre, odd locale. But then the racers were bizarre and odd anyway, so it made sense, I guess.

As a fan, I watched every one, and I kept stats, and I noticed that there was one car, driven by a man and his dog, and this car never won. Despite having a car that was fast enough to get ahead enough to allow him to set up traps and such for the other racers.

I eventually noticed that when he seemed to win, they'd find technicalities to invalidate it, hence the cheating. 

My Alien

The moon hung large and bright in the sky, as we stared up at it, her fingers intertwined in mine. I was content to lay there in silence, but she spoke up eventually.

"I gotta head back."

I turned to look at her in confusion.

"To the cottage?"

She turned her head to look at me.

"No, back home."

I blinked a few times.

"Ok. When will you be back?"

"I won't."

I stopped blinking.

"You... Why?"

"I have responsibilities."

I considered my words.

"You could abandon them."

I saw in her eyes that the idea was alien to her.

Cooled Off

I was about to bite into my hamburger when she sat opposite me.

"You didn't wait for me before ordering?"

I looked at her as I tried to formulate a response, before she reached out and took one of my hands in hers, forcing me to put the hamburger down.

"Please. He's following me."

She said this in a whisper. I didn't look around, and instead asked her about what the delay was.

After a few minutes of talking, she suddenly glanced up, muttered a thanks, and walked away. I never saw her again.

The burger wasn't too bad cold. 

Chicken Cave

All seven of the other kids called me chicken and other things, I just flipped them off as I rode home and left them to explore the cave that had appeared deep in the forest behind our neighbourhood.

I went home and played GTA, then that night we got a call asking if I had come home, as none of the others had.

After getting yelled at by Mother, she called the cops and they made me show them the cave.

Turned out to be a portal to a mystical land of magic, ruled by Seven Mages From Elsewhere.

Coincidentally.

Missing Hope

He opened his eyes and then rolled over, hoping that he'd see her lying beside him. But she wasn't, same as the last ten years.

He got up, slowly, and went through his routine, toilet, shower, teeth, coffee, dress, breakfast, gather, leave. At every step, he hoped for a knock on the door, a buzz of his phone. But there were none, same as the last ten years.

The commute, the work, the commute, all were busy enough that he didn't have time to hope.

He came home to find a letter, and hope briefly soared.

Then he read it.

No Today

I know I'm not going to be able to change any minds or console anyone in just 100 words about the actions of around 55% of my fellow countrymen, countrywomen, and countrythem. Ideally I should just do something light and unimportant to just get it done and move on with the fight.

But I can't think of anything else, about how the simplest, easiest, weakest request was asked of us, and a majority of us threw up two middle fingers.

I'm not about to relitigate it. All I can do is accept the mistake, and work to fix it.

Tomorrow.

Dip

 I wiggled the power cord around, trying to find an angle to keep charging my phone properly. But every time I moved it, it caused the call to dip briefly.

"I just ... ink you need ... be more ... tive."

"Hun, I know that, but-"

"No, no ... about this! You ... ter or we're ..."

"Sorry, we're what?"

The groan of anger lasted past three dips.

"That's it, we're ..."

I kept fiddling with the cord, until I realised this dip was rather long, which was because the phone had run out of power and was off.

When I managed to call, she'd dipped, permanently.

Starship Tales

To pass the weeks spent in warpspace between the stars, the crew, among other activities, made a game out of telling the stories their races and cultures told their children, and then tried to find issues and other interpretations.

The game started after I made a passing reference to the boy who cried wolf, and then explained it, and had to deal with a lot of questions about why they'd put a child on such an important duty if they weren't going to believe him.

I finally got them with a shaggy dog story, given the point of such tales. 

M.O.A.D

The prisoner glanced at the cover of the police report on the table in front of him.

"I'm already in here for life, you seriously going to try and pin another robbery on me? I was in here when this happened!"

The cop opened the file.

"You help us catch whoever did this, we might get you outta here before you're dead."

The prisoner snorted, but looked over the file, growing more interested.

"I take it you recognise something?"

The prisoner smiled.

"Yes. And I guess I do get out of here before I die. And finish my time machine."

Smoke Them If You Got Them

The gang began to hang out behind the bike rack at the school, with the weird kid allowed to hang since he had cigarettes he was willing to share.

The gang was like most rebels in high school, they talked shit about the teachers, they made bad taste jokes, and they egged each other on over graffiti and other minor crimes.

Near the end of the school year, they began to talk about the abandoned gas station one block over, and the group dared themselves to enter that night.

The weird kid ate well, then began again a decade later. 

Tomb Borrower

I opened the tomb and shone my light inside. The walls looked as i expected, but then I looked at the floor, and saw four sets of footprints visible in the painted dust the ancient culture used in their tombs.

One would be the head priest, who would have laid the ruler to rest. Another would be the widow, giving her last regards. And the third would be Sir Joseph Visnor, who previously came in to take photos.

So who was the other one? Thieves? Historians? The reanimated corpse of the dead ruler?

No, that's crazy...

My light then died.

Now Broke

So you know that thing about how a butterfly flaps its wings and that causes a hurricane on the other side of the world? Well, that's not the theory. The theory goes that if you could ot the world's climate to the atom, but miss one butterfly's wing flaps, eventually the knock on effect will lead to you missing a hurricane occurring. Not cause and effect, more compounding chaos.

So, do you understand this? You do? Excellent.

I bring this up because a while ago I set up a model of the stock market, and I kinda missed ZZX Inc...

Memory Loss

She threw my hand out of her own and stomped her foot, standing just outside the cave.

"I'm not taking one more step until you tell me why I can't remember anything before this morning!"

I shook my head.

"I told you, you can't know!"

"And I'm not accepting that!"

I sighed and pulled a letter out of my rucksack.

"Look, this is a risk, but before we decided this, you wrote yourself a letter."

I passed it over, and she read it quickly. I was ready to explain why the handwriting looked different to hers, but she was satisfied.

Times New Words

He was on one knee, halfway through the most beautiful speech I'd ever heard when my phone began to ring. We both laughed as I pulled it out and went to turn it off, only for him to suddenly grab at his ear in pain.

I insisted on looking, which is when I found the earbud that was feeding him his lines.

At first I was upset, but when he insisted it was just to make sure he got it right, I asked if he wore it at any other time.

The list was fifteen long when I walked away.

Counting Zs

Day 468- 5 zombies on the west fence, 2 on east wall.

Day 469- 3 zombies in south moat.

Day 470- Raiders from the north. They 'requested' entry. I distracted them long enough.

Day 470- 12 zombies in the north, the 9 raiders and 3 others.

Day 471- Carrot crop harvested.

Day 472- 14 zombies on the west fence, 19 zombies on the east wall, 8 zombies in south moat, 25 zombies in the north. I assume the raiders lured them here. Took out emergency weapon supplies in preparation for killing many zombies tomorrow.

Day 473- Not enough.

Blood burning.

Hired By Al

The team has been hired to break into the Captain's Quarters, on the lead ship of the Generational Convoy to Humanity's new home. Her orders had been consistent, but delivered by the AI, and powerful people wanted to know what was going on.

The four of them worked a plan, and executed it, forcing the Captain's door open just long enough to get in. They entered, and were almost immediately gassed and killed.

A few moments later, the AI annouced that the 4 new Captains had killed the old Captain and were now in charge, their orders pretty much identical. 

Practical

Catalina was, understandably, distraught when her grandmother died. But she was a practical woman, and after a couple days spent in bed, she began to sort out her Grandmother's affairs, dealing with all the paperwork before tackling her home.

Which is when she found the hidden room. It was cleverly hidden behind a wardrobe that swung open, and Catalina was, understandably, stunned when she saw what her grandmother had gotten up to.

But she was a practical woman, so she gathered up everything and disposed of it secretly. Which was understandable, couldn't let people know Grandmother supported THAT football team.

A Study In Maroon

He laid out the 'game' and then pushed one bottle of pills towards me. I sighed.

"I've read 'A Study In Scarlet', you know."

"I never claimed this was original. All I claim is that this gun is loaded, and I'll shoot if you pick a bottle, and-"

"You'll take whichever one I don't, I know. Still..."

I grabbed both bottles and before he could fire, I emptied one into the other and mixed then together. I placed it back on the table and watched him carefully for a moment.

"I've also seen The Princess Bride. They're both-"

He fired.

Hot Stuff

Given I had eaten there every week since I was 5, the owners of my local fried chicken restaurant knew me well, and we had a couple understandings. They stocked the soda that I liked, and if I ordered extra spicy wings, usually on a date, they would bring me normal wings.

But on this night, when I finally got a date with Suzie Chen, who knew of my reputation for handling hot wings, I didn't recognise the waiter, and they came out looking different.

So I bit in.

And it turned out I could actually handle the heat easily. 

The Key

The Alien Invaders had surrounded Earth and informed humanity that they were here to take control of the planet and to prepare for enslavement.

While a lot of people panicked, one transmission to the Alien ships got their attention. It claimed that Humanity had a fail-safe in place, and if the Aliens didn't leave, it would be activated, and the Earth, and everything around it, would perish.

The Aliens laughed, and as they began their invasion, they explained that their observations of the planet had told them if such a weapon existed, Humans would have used it on themselves already. 

Check-List

I had, for many years, been the most trusted adviser to Her Majesty, and had managed to keep her more aggressive tendencies at bay with my mental check-list of ways to distract her. But after a year of unexpectedly heavy rains had ruined crops, she began to listen to others more.

This came to a head when I found out she'd ordered an invasion of a neighbouring Kingdom. I confronted her, and she handed me a document stolen from the enemy showing all the laws they had in war.

I then explained the translation was actually "the laws they'd suspend"...

Happy Dream Land

"First of all, Mr Wander-"

"Please, call me Funso, I spent enough on the branding."

"Funso, yes, well, IFA Economic Associates   are pleased to have put together this proposal to buy the Wander Land theme park corporation with-"

"Yeah, look, let's skip ahead here. I've looked over the proposal, but there's one major problem, you need to be evil."

"I... What?"

"To make a profit, you'll need to increase prices, decrease shows, and so on. If I do this, I'll break hearts. You, as a corporation, can."

"... I'll need to talk to our shareholders-"

"You're looking at the majority holder."

Not Arranged

Normally the day you fall in love with someone was the day you met, or maybe the first time you kiss. The day I fell in love with my wife was two years after we were married. Our families had arranged it, and since I needed a wife for the optics at work, and she wanted to live anywhere but back at home, we'd agreed to it. At first, we were both focused on being dutiful to the marriage in our assigned tasks, but soon, I realised she was an amazing woman.

Such a shame she still hated me though. 

Time Stop

I went back a moment, but couldn't stop the bullet.

So I went back an hour, but couldn't stop the shooter.

So I went back a week, but couldn't stop the gun sale.

So I went back a month, but couldn't stop the bullets manufacturing.

So I went back a year, but I couldn't stop the misunderstanding.

So I went back a decade, but I couldn't stop the career path.

So I went back a century, but I couldn't stop the immigration.

So I went back a millennium, and just started shooting until the reason why vanished by temporal changes.

Look Elsewhere

 We ran scans on the air, gravity, and temperature for a month before we stepped foot out of the ship.

We ran tests for a week before we ordered the Aibots to begin building the base.

We waited two weeks after the first airlocks were in place before we removed our suits.

We ran the bare minimum number of tests on the grown crops, since we were all sick of food paste by that point.

Although that was said to be the cause in the aftermath, I blame the shoddy building of the Aibots. As the gardener, I would know.

Z For Zebra

I woke up to a zebra failing to eat my shoe. Before I could stop myself I kicked it away, but it only moved a few steps away and watched me, as if waiting to try again.

I pulled myself slowly up to one foot, my broken leg sending jolts of pain up my body, as I tried to work out the best way forward. I was too big to ride it, even if I had any strength to do so. So instead, I wrote my coordinates on it.

It ran off as I realised 11 was hard to read.

Y For Yours

"Row V..."

"I cannot believe you risked losing all our supplies!"

"Row W..."

"What if we'd have to run from shamblers, and had to have left it behind?"

"Row X..."

"I told you we shouldn't have left the settlement! If you'd done a better job on the defences, it would have held just fine!"

"Row Y, 1, 2, 3, 4. Your stuff is in there."

I handed her the key as she huffed at me.

"Once we camp, I'm going to yell at you more!"

I waited, having 'forgotten' about the hand grenade trap I'd set up inside the locker. 

X For The Spot

Xavier hunted for the location of the lost treasure for years, until finally he found an original text that had been mistranslated and was able to identify a location deep in the Amazon rainforest.

It took most of his remaining funds, but he was able to get the supplies needed to trek into the jungle.

And there, between the Skull Rock and the bend of the river shaped like a snake head, he found a large stone X, placed on the ground, taunting him with the symbols of "Foolish Idiot" engraved there.

Luckily, he dug down anyway and found it.

W For Worth

He was halfway through telling me who his father was and why that should matter in this mechanic's when the car's engine exploded. Time suddenly slowed, and a... Figure appeared before us, although if I tried to focus in them, it hurt my brain.

"Only one will die, one will live."

As soon as the figure said this, he pointed at me.

"I'm worth two of her, clearly I should survive!"

The figure looked at him, then me.

"You're right.

There's two of her now. Pre and post."

Time sped back up, as all the shrapnel shot towards his face. 

V For Victory

The General was being driven through the base when he suddenly barked at the driver.

"Stop the car!"

With a squeal of tyres, the car stopped, and the General got out and marched at a small group of troops painting a wall, the General well aware this task was exclusively used as punishment. Thus, he was sure of himself as he loomed over a scrawny young private.

"Did you give me the finger, Private?"

"No Sir, I was giving a V for Victory sign, Sir!"

Had the General recognised the English accent, he would have known that was a lie. 

U For Unity

The Hero Of Us All stepped into my tent, the sounds of the celebration barely muffled by the animal skin walls.

"Apologies, Old Man, for the delay, but the celebration-"

I waved her to silence.

"I understand. But I hope you understand what am I about to ask of you."

She finished her drink.

"Are there remnants of the threat left?"

"No. But you've changed. And for the unity of the tribe, you need to leave us. Forever."

She blinked.

"One last drink?"

She poured two drinks out, and I took one, not noticing the poison she'd added to mine.

T For Two

We'd made the plan to meet for tea a month ago, at the birthday party of my sister who was also her roommate, which explained why we were actually in the same place for once.

We'd talked about it a bunch in DMs, as we both decided on actually doing this right, as I planned out and then made a full high tea for two.

It took all day, but everything was prepared and ready on the day when she sent me a message that she couldn't make it, unfortunately.

Thank goodness, I thought, as I began to dig in.

S For Sforcina

Unsurprisingly, with a surname like Sforcina, living in an English speaking country, I've dealt with problems with that all my life. My ancestor who came out to Australia in the gold rush anglicised it be making the S silent, which I don't blame him for, as it helps the Anglo-Saxon brain the most, but even with that, I've dealt with a lot of issues with people thinking I don't know how to spell my own name.

But still, even with that, it's better than the issues I have with Italians who see my surname and assume I must know Italian. 

R For Radio

"Welcome to Arrrr 84.2, the radio station they don't want you hearing! The government fears us, that's why they call us Pirate radio! But like most so-called pirates in the past, we're just a group of people sick and tired of living under the oppressive yoke of The Man! Yeah, we live free and against all sorts of corporate and government control, although these days that's the same thing, ain't it?

Anyway, coming up is Deckhand Bettie with the recap of the video game news, but now, it's the new Five Jersey Girls song, 'Love To Be Your Main Girl'!" 

Q For Quebec

The car pulled up the barrier.

"Morning Sir, can I see your passport?"

The driver handed it over. The Canadian border guard looked it over.

"Reason for travelling to Canada today?"

"Shopping, mostly."

The guard chuckled humorlessly. The driver continued.

"Can I ask what the hold up was? Not normally this busy this early."

"Oh, we had an idiot trying to smuggle maple syrup into the country and he had a gun so it got complicated."

"Oh, ok.

Wait, why would that affect this line?"

"He was trying to smuggle the maple syrup INTO Quebec.

Like I said, an idiot." 

P For Patricia

I'd been dating Patricia for a few months, when she suddenly got the apparently intense urge to go to the beach, a proper ocean beach.

We lived a ten hour drive from the nearest one.

So, we pooled our spare cash and booked a weekend trip.

It was going well until a few hours into our first day on the beach when she staggered out of the water saying she'd been stung by a jellyfish and begging for me to pee on her. I explained this was a myth.

That night in the hotel bathroom I finally understood her plan.

O For Openness

I always thought that the idea that you knew when you were at a crossroads in a relationship was stupid. But then I thought the idea i could ever be in a relationship was also stupid, and yet, here I was.

She was crying, as she told me that she couldn't go on, that she couldn't handle me not letting her in. I could see that she needed to see the real me.

But if I did that, she'd leave me anyway. So I stayed at zero and let her think I was just cold as she walked out, crying.

N For Nora

I'd hoped she'd slept all the way, but she woke up just after the border.

"Daddy?"

I kept one hand on the wheel as the other reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"Nora honey, it's ok, go back to sleep."

My darling six year old daughter sat up, with some difficulty.

"Where are we?"

"Canada honey! You remember how I told you about Uncle Alex's cabin in the woods up here? We're going to live there now, you'll get to make snowmen all the time!"

"But why?"

I couldn't explain to her that the cold would delay her turning.

M For Martyrs

Perhaps we could have seen the issue coming, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have planned for some sort of disaster that could have covered it, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have started evacuation right when it began, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have provided cover to minimise the casualties, but obviously it's too late now.

Perhaps we could have gotten records and headcounts of those we lost, but obviously it's too late now.

But now, we must attack our neighbour to avenge the losses, before it's too late! 

L For Love

"Round One! BATTLE!"

I was focused intently on the screen, but not for the reasons I would have been if I'd been fighting an internet rando.

"Perfect Block!"

Because I was playing against the woman I wanted to marry someday, and I had to get the balance right.

"Dones Wins!"

I needed to let her win, but not make it look like I'd done so.

"Round Two! BATTLE!"

But I got into the groove after the first round.

"Hellaca wins!

Final Round! BATTLE!

Hellaca Wins!"

She sighed.

"Dammit, you suck, even when I try to let you win..." she said.

K For Knife

258.

Every step was painful, but every step took me one more meter closer.

372.

I didn't dare look back, knowing what I'd see there and what it would do to my determination.

501.

Instead I focused on moving forward, one hand on my walking stick, the other by my side.

638.

Holding the knife still, wedged as it was between my ribs.

750.

Removing it, I'd have only mere seconds before I bled out.

817.

And I needed to get there first.

893.

I could see him ahead.

960.

Nearly.

1000.

I pulled the knife out and stabbed him.

J For Jokes

I popped my head over the cubicle wall and I heard Jay groan.

"What do you want a joke for this time?"

"I'm working on the team presentation to upstairs."

He grumbled for a moment.

"I guess that's important enough. The set-up?"

"I've finished talking about the lawsuit for that wrongful death and want to move onto the tax avoidance plan for next year."

Jay considered things for a moment.

"Speaking of immoral bastardry, I-"

His phone rang and he answered it, which I misunderstood to mean that was the joke, which it wasn't.

I never get them, you see.

I For Information

Unsurprisingly they assigned a guard who didn't speak English. And also unsurprisingly they didn't know I'd been learning their language.

"I want information."

The guard looked into my cell like I'd just grown a second head.

"What" was all i understood as he spoke rapidly. After a moment I shook my head.

"No understand. I food put?"

The guard rolled his eyes and held up his wrist to the cell's bars.

He pointed to the symbol on the far side of the clock, but I didn't care, as his arm was now in perfect range to grab, pull, and break. 

H For Hope

It was at my lowest point when I took every pill in the cabinet. After some convulsions and the room spinning, I collapsed, and hoped my pain was over.

Instead, I found myself on a rugby field, like the sort I saw in Australia on my gap year. Except the grass was black, the sky was blacker, and there was a figure of white bone in a cloak of the blackest by a football.

"If you score a goal, I will take you."

I stared, then lined it up, ran, and kicked.

I was nowhere near the posts.

Yet again.

G For Grant

We were chilling at Top Shelf's crib when he came in. I knew, instantly, that he was dangerous, but I tried to keep cool.

"Hey boss, this is-"

"The F.N.G. I know. Out, everyone. Except you, newbie."

The other boys bounced as I stared at the man who controlled Southside.

Until he pulled a small roll of bills and flicked it over.

"Consider it a signing bonus."

He left silently. It was a full G, so I took the boys to the Pink Siren for the night.

The following day, I found out it was a test.

That I passed. 

F For Frank

I saw Frank and Diane argue on Friday night at the bar, as much as I wish I hadn't. But it was impossible not to hear every word.

Which made it all the weirder when I walked into the bar on Saturday night to find Frank nursing a double Jack and coke, alone.

I sat down near him and couldn't help myself.

"You couldn't last a day?"

He looked at me, confused.

"Last night, Diane told you she was sick of you being here."

"No she didn't, she told me I should come here every night!"

I explained sarcasm, slowly. 

E For Energy

My flatmate staggered into the apartment, one arm holding a half empty bottle of vodka, the other a half passed out girl. I tried to look calm and awake.

"Evening Eddie. Good party?"

"It was ok. Although I thought you needed to study?"

"I do! The exam is tomorrow!"

"Yet you were asleep when I came in."

Before I could think of a retort, the girl pulled a tiny bag of pills out of her pocket and tossed it over.

"Energy."

"Trust her, she's a medical student!"

Needing to study, I took it.

Then studied the 'colors' for eight hours. 

D For Division

I was trying to fill out my D57-L form when Stacy from Marketing came into my office and, through tears, told me she had to leave the company. I was stunned, but after a few gentle questions got nowhere, I had to agree and began the paperwork.

But later that day, Elena from IT, Janet from Accounting, and Kim from the front desk all tended their resignations, in tears.

And then Richard came in and tended his, whistling, saying his work here was done. Something about sowing division via sowing something else, apparently? I was too busy with the paperwork. 

C For Charlie

In the criminal gang, sorry, in the social club, my job was to divide the cash up according to the current whims of the boss. His mood and his favoritism altered seemingly daily, but there was one constant. No matter how good or bad the take of the day was, Charlie, our guy in blue, only got a hundred bucks.

After a while, I finally got to ask him.  He told it was the perfect amount to spend and not be noticed by anyone.

The way he said this told me he knew the hundred that went missing every day...

B For Broadway

I was speeding a fair amount through the city when I came to a red light. I'd have run it, but the traffic crossing was too heavy, so instead I took the moment to think of what I would say to her when I got there and stopped her leaving. Do I promise to change, or just focus on the good times we'd had? Or, maybe I should remind her of... and it was then that I noticed that the lights weren't changing.

The beehive in the traffic light took her away.

Which turned out to be for the best.

A For Attendance

After the tenth name got no response, I sighed and looked at the roomful of students.

"Look, I'm sure you're all thinking that you're hilarious and that playing a joke on the substitute teacher is the height of comedy, but you're all just wasting your own time. We can't start the lesson until we finish the roll."

I started again, but after the first few names got no response yet again, I glared at the children.

"Seriously?"

One of them spoke.

"Count the names."

I scoffed, then counted them.

"...This class is too crowded.

Which student are you?"

"Anita Bath."

The Five Sisters

The five sisters were different in many ways, but none as much as for what they felt they were here on Earth to do.

The oldest was old fashioned, to boot, but was happy being the wife of a good man and the target of most of his affection.

The youngest had new ideas, but ended up in a similar situation, albeit more for being the reason her partner kept herself alive.

The second sister has a title and a career, the fourth a cause to champion.

And the middle child, she's still working it out.

And yet, she's happiest... 

Sell Block A

I was brought in originally because since all three of them were ex-cons, they were finding it impossible to get funding for their start-up. So I became the figurehead President and CFO in the business, getting the titles and the easy job of taking meetings and fobbing off questions about the business to 'my assistants'.

And things went really well, until one of the founders discovered someone was cooking the books, but killed the wrong other founder.

After he was arrested for that, and the real embezzeler was arrested, I ended up with everything.

But without 'my assistants', it's DOA. 

Target.EXE

The screen flickered constantly, but I had no time for that, as I tried to remember my programming skills from 25 years ago. Because of course the computer controlling the nuclear missile heading towards New York was that old.

I suddenly hit a roadblock, and closed my eyes as I tried to remember how to instigate a cache clear, when I heard the computer switch off.

I opened my eyes to see the idiot private turning the computer back on.

"Screen was buggy, just resetting it."

I went to scream when the screen came on and requested new target data.

Dried Grass Based Spine Fracture

I went to pick up the mug, when it slipped from my hand and smashed on the vinyl tiles beneath me.

I stared at the softly rocking shards of ceramic and remembered hearing of plenty of camel backs broken with many more straws. So many people end up in a spiral of depression, or worse, triggered by a tiny problem.

But I quickly tried to think of the phrase of the opposite, the thin edge of the wedge? The capstone?

Because I tell you what, I've hated that mug for so long, this feels like the start of something good.

Caged Desires

The two fighters circled each other in the cage, as around them the crowd roared for blood, all of them having different reasons for the singular desire.

One of the fighters was doing this in a quest they knew was impossible, trying to earn the love of a father who had never cared for anyone.

The other had a point to prove, to show the world that he knew better than all his former trainers and those who had doubted him.

But the desire for money on behalf of the judges leading to a rigged fight was the important one.

Mount Operation

Every day, he would walk out his front door with a pick and a shovel, and head to the the mountain. And he would climb to the top, and continue to break it down. Stone by stone, pebble by pebble, every day he made the mountain that little bit shorter, that little bit less hard to climb.

Eventually, it became nothing but a hill, that a cart, or horse, or person could easily walk. This meant that the village was now a mile from medical help, not fifty.

Round about 50 years after his wife's trip took too long round. 

Former Property

The former Marine Captain shook her head.

"Well then, it's over. Yeah, ok, we can probably keep hitting these Alien bastards in hit and runs, but the bomber was our last chance of winning this. Unless anyone has a nuke in their back pocket?"

The former Terr-Freedom Fighter shook his head, as did the former Mercenary, the former Bodyguard, and the former Cop.

Then there was a cough from the Cook, who nervously twirled a knife around.

"You ever hear of that nuke the US lost off the coast of Georgia back in the 50's?

Well, I'm a former Diver..."

Waking Up With A Clean Mind

I woke up with a wicked headache, not helped by the constant beeping.

I sat up, the bottle of disinfectant that must have fallen and knocked me out rolling to one side, as I tried to find the light switch. Given how small the room was, this took far longer than it should have.

But when I turned the lights on, I found the beeping coming from what appeared to be a ticking bomb on a shelf.

Without thinking, I grabbed a wire and yanked it out, defusing it.

I got no thanks, since the old me planted it, apparently.

Junction Signals

I was waiting for my train, and since my phone's battery had run out hours ago, I just sat staring across the tracks, bored.

Then she walked onto the platform opposite and sat down right where I was staring. And instantly, I could see up her skirt, and thus see what other clothing she wore, or lack thereof.

Instantly, before I was able to fully process what was happening, my legs were already moving as I stood up and walked to a seat not directly opposite her.

When she then moved and once again sat opposite, other mental processing began.

Wasted Wasteland

After I laid out the proof of her supposedly loyal assistant's actions, she summoned him to her Longhouse. I would have left, but she pleaded with me to stay, as I had shown her that he was dangerous. I agreed, and kept my gun close.

He walked in, cleaning his gun.

"Sorry, just... What's he doing here?"

She shook her head.

"Tell me, did you gather all this evidence yourself, or were others involved?"

I shook my head.

"Just me, I-"

She shot me, and before I passed out, I heard her begin to chew him out for getting sloppy. 

Random Chance

I just wanted to know why my daughter died. I didn't believe the cops when they said it was just a random murder over what was in her purse.

So I hired a private detective, and after a few days, he told me to come to his office to discuss the case. When I arrived, he'd seemingly died of a heart attack.

The next three people I hired to look into it died in equally supposedly random ways.

Eventually, when no-one else would take the job, I searched myself, and soon discovered just how easily random deaths could be caused. 

Suggestive Minds

The ideal spy is one that doesn't know they're a spy. Someone who performs their tasks without knowing what they're doing, oblivious to their own actions.

That's why every major power has spent more than you'd think on trying to develop psychic powers in people and even more in hypnosis research. Being able to snatch information out of someone's head, or have them act subconsciously, that's the goal.

But until then, all we have are targets who are just stupid enough to believe that their nieces and/or nephews are really interested in how all the super secret stuff works. 

Tree Of Time

The tree had stood since the dawn of existence, according to the local legends. This was obviously nonsense to men and women of science, but any attempt to study the large, abnormal tree beyond simple observation led to swift and aggressive complaint from those who believed the local legends.

So, I spent two years integrating myself into the local community, learning and building rapport with key members, and produced a plan to study it properly they agreed upon.

And so, proudly, early one morning, I began to study with a simple core sample.

Which showed it wasn't actually a tree. 

Crossing The Bar

The two of them sat in the same chairs every night at the bar. Him three from the left, her two from the right. They'd sit there from around 6 till the bar closed, drinking their G&Ts and hard ciders respectively.

I noticed that, while other regulars would chat and joke with both, they never interacted. Once I was accepted into the group (buying a round for everyone after a win on the lottery helps alot on getting accepted) i asked what the deal was, assuming they were exs or something.

Turns out he thinks cider sucks, and the reverse.

So Rarely Have Guests

So there i was, clutching the Ascension Cup tightly against my chest as Hosting showed my around where the Gods lived. Most of them seemed to be focused on their own things, although Knowledge and Memory both stared at me over their thick books.

As I gingerly stepped around Drunkeness'... excretions on the floor, Hosting gestured to a table in the corner of the room.

"And here is the game table."

I eagerly looked at the board, seeing it was the world.

And then I looked at the players.

A dozen versions of Chance looked back at me, dice rattling.

Bounty Hunter In Space

I was so confused by the request that I flipped my holoviewer out of my eyeline to look at the delusional client.

"Let me see if I understand you. You want me to find this guy-"

"Who stole my trained AI partner, yes."

"Who's a non-descript Terran, a race famed for their ease of disguise-"

"How else do you think he could steal it?"

"And you're sure he's left the planet, possibly the system?"

"He had a ship, yes."

"Sorry, I can't help you."

"But you're a bounty hunter ain't you?"

I explained, in detail, just how big space was. 

Telling A World Story

Honestly, everyone should have a fantasy world they tell stories across their lives, starting when they're children.

You start then, thinking up simple, outlandish tales of love and good and evil, the perfect fables and tales worlds and faiths tell about themselves.

Then your teenage years, when you're dark and broody and edgy, worlds always have dark ages.

Middle age brings the solid world building and the interesting stories, or at least good results for most people.

And then, as you're into your old age, as you contemplate your mortality, you end the world.

Take Earth, it's followed this exactly! 

Bottled Message

In his thirty years living by the beach, he'd never found a message in a bottle, despite stories telling him this was common.

The day after his thirty-first anniversary of moving in, he found one. Sealed with red wax, the glass bottle mottled and covered in seaweed. He took it to his shack, cleaned it off, and opened it carefully.

He wasn't sure what he expected. He hoped for a treasure map, or something historically significant.

He didn't expect it to be addressed to him, by name.

And date.

He almost didn't notice that it was from his future self. 

Unity Of Faith

You ever heard of the Unity of Faith people? They have a few different names, but they essentially think that all religions on the planet are right, or at least all aspects of the truth. Every faith is a picture taken from a different angle of what is true, and so on. Not sure how they square away the issues when two religions flat out contradict each other, but I don't really care, since I know they're right. And wrong.

I mean, they're all parts of a whole, yes. Just a whole tapestry of lies. Variety is the spice, etc. 

Stay Of Execution

Wasn't the most graceful entrance into a hotel room I'd ever made, nearly dropping the pizza box in my hands as I pushed and pulled the door close with a foot.

Then I turned around and saw her sitting in the chair and dropped the box anyway.

"The fuck?"

She said nothing, but pulled a small gold coin out of a hidden pocket and placed it on the table. I knew what it was, I knew she was calling in the favor, and that I'd have to do something horrible, quickly. I sighed, breathing deeply.

"Cold pizza is better, anyway."

Coin Flips

Most people misunderstand 50/50 chances. They assume that if there's a binary choice, unless they have explict reason to think one option is more likely, it's a 50/50. Either the thing happens or it doesn't. 50/50.

This is nonsense. Probability is rarely that neat, even a coin flip, arguably, isn't 50/50, most of the time.

But sometimes, by sheer luck, things can be 50/50. Which makes it all the harder when your life changes irrevocably because of it.

She wanted the front seat of the helicopter, and the chance of crashing face first?

50/50.

Sukkor By-Laws

So in this star system a few planets broke apart, and every so often a mining crew come out and try to illegally harvest the debris, despite the by-laws forbidding this activity. And when they inevitably die, I send my druids out to gather their debris, and then repair and sell what I can.

You can argue that I'm no better than them, but I disagree, as the fact is, these people are clearly idiots.

It's bad enough to try and harvest against Galactic Collective by-laws, it's another not to check what destroyed the planets, and if it's still around.

Ears To The Ground

It's said that he knows of every backroom deal in the city. If you are dealing drugs, weapons, sex, anything the law disapproves of, he knows It's happening.

But, and this is the key to why he's still alive, most of the time he doesn't care, they say. Only if you threaten his dealings, his money, does he send his goods to take you out.

But I think that's a lie. He doesn't know shit, he goes after everything he finds out about, and pretends he doesn't care about everything else.

So I say we-

Wait, who's at the door?

A Better Place

Once the dust settled, and I was sure we'd won, I ordered the bodies disposed of and then sat down opposite the woman who'd tried to remove me. Given the rate blood was seeping out of the hole in her chest, she had only a couple moments left.

"Given we both know you're not going to survive, why not take this time to make things better? Tell me where your men are hiding and they'll be banished, only."

"Nah, ain't doing that second part. But the first, sure!"

I had a second to recognise a grenade pin being pulled out.

Different Ends Of The Bar

The half-giant ducked to enter the tavern, a quatling under his arm who he dropped once they were inside. As the quatling rushed towards the band in the corner, the half-giant approached the bar.

"Gallon of Spiced Mead please."

As I poured, I went to ask about the tiny person, but they anticipated me.

"His village was destroyed as we fought fireants, he was just a tiny baby, so I adopted him as a pet."

He took his mead and paid and headed for a table. Then the quatling climbed up onto the bar.

"Did my mount order for me?"

The 50/500 Rule

So, the 50/500 rule.

In the event of some giant catastrophe that wipes out the vast majority of humanity, 50 people is the minimum number of people needed to breed without inbreeding.

While 500 is the number needed to avoid genetic drift, the loss of potentially key genetic traits.

The numbers just sounded good, and in reality, it's more like 5000 we need. But we have like 10,000 left on Earth now, so we're good, right?

Except only 50% are fertile, and there's a minimum of 500 miles between everyone, and fuel deterioration is less than 50 days also.

Scavengers Of The Battlefield

After every battle, the scavengers get to work.

At first it's the opportunists in the armies, picking up a ring here, a new pair of boots there.

Then come the animals, great and small, to begin eating the bodies and body parts left behind.

But they would often be interrupted by the collectors who would take whatever could be sold, reused, or just junked.

Then the animals returned.

And then, the politicians and the pundits would take the credit, but not the blame.

And finally, worst of all, the historians would take everything and twist it to support their stories...

The Unsuspected Killer

The cops didn't believe me that I wasn't aware of her activities, as they were clearly of the opinion I'd killed her upon finding out she was cheating on me.

I was clear that I didn't know, all the way through my arrest, and then the trial. But during the trial, my lawyer did an amazing job hammering the prosecution on their focus on me, and got the jury thinking her other lovers were viable suspects the cops were ignoring.

I was found not guilty due to this, although it was years until I found out my lawyer did it. 

Dumb And Blind

The riff from a One Hit Wonder of the late 90's broke the silence.

I pulled out my phone and, knowing I couldn't make the situation worse, answered.

"Yes?"

"What the hell are you doing?"

This was said both by my friend on the phone and the woman sitting opposite me, albeit for slightly different reasons.

"What do you mean?"

"How can you be messing up a date this badly?"

This was said by my friend, the blind date was just silently judging me.

"How-"

"Just say this;"

The fact that his words worked made me overlook him watching us.

Rebuilding

I was only going to stay for a few weeks.

The whole 'rebuilding society' thing is a nice idea, sure, but I've seen too many New Republics and Rebuilt Cities that have fallen to raiders, self-destruction, or the sickness to trust it. But I had a broken leg, and they had a former vet turned doctor.

So I stayed and trained their guards while my leg healed, then put up with a woman who seemed to genuinely love me.

I almost began to believe in this, then raiders came.

My raiders.

It was easier to just kill everyone than explain.

Causes

The populace of the Empire know that the war is about wiping out the threat of the evil foreigners.

The populace of the Kingdom know that the war is about survival against an invading threat.

The ruling classes of both of them know that the war is an excuse to fill the otherwise barren coffers of the Empire as well as force a few of the King's men to remain loyal.

The historians will know whatever the Ministry declares the truth to be.

But you and I both know that this was inevitable thanks to your stupid, short-sighted genie wish.

Wake Up Score

Waking up to find a concerned looking woman in medical clothing is, while not an ideal way to wake up, is in the top 35% or so.

Loses points when the first thing the woman does is shove a pillow over your face though.

Despite the cables and wires around my hands, I managed to pull the pillow such that I could turn my head and breathe while I struggled to get away from her.

I eventually did, and scrambled out into the hallway where I saw zombies eating some poor orderly.

This also dragged the score down fairly hard.

Bloodshed

Two guards dragged in one of the accused ringleaders of the rebellion, the young man spitting and yelling out about truth and the people.

"Ah, finally, we can get some answers, you-"

The Captain of the Guard pulled out his sword and stabbed the young man through the chest. The blood hit me right as the shock did.

After a moment, I turned to him.

"Did I not state the King's orders clearly? As little bloodshed as possible!"

"I can have a washerwoman brought up to-"

"Metaphorical bloodshed!

...

But yes, please arrange for a washerwoman as soon as possible, please." 

Comeback

"15-Love."

I walked back to the baseline, trying to ignore the cries of the spectators.

"Quiet please."

He served, still somehow as strong as his first one a couple hours prior. I got racket to ball, but it went flying backwards into the wall.

"30-Love."

My cheeks burning, I waited for the serve. This time, my racket didn't even touch the ball.

"40-Love, Championship Point."

This was it. One more serve, and this was over, unless I began the biggest comeback of-

He suddenly grabbed his leg, screaming.

A moment later, the announcement of forfeit rang out.

That worked too.

Dream Partner

The first attempt by the Psyrins to infiltrate Earth ran into an issue that hadn't arisen prior. Every other race they'd dealt with had consistent, agreed upon standards of beauty and desirability, so that appearing as the most beautiful being for everyone was fairly consistent.

But with humanity, there was apparently a lot of variation, and so agents would appear widely different between humans, leading to being discovered.

So, after research, they trained an agent to pick one human's dream partner and appear to everyone in the area as them.

But then they chose a subject whose dream was... Impossible.

The Shield Of The Sister

I don't like magic. Not because I don't believe in it, I'm not an idiot, but because it doesn't work like it should.

Like, take the Shield of The Sister. You know it, that shield the Queen uses. A small wooden and metal shield that magically protects her from any blow. Because it's been repaired and altered a bunch because Gods forbid the Queen's shield not be fashionable.

So, does that mean that the shield no longer works because it's not the same shield? Nope, it still works. As do all the parts taken from it.

Make that make sense.

Inevitable Consequences

She was born in a warzone, which helped hide her power, or rather her curse, for a while. Anyone who touched her would die within ten days, and a few thousand people died before this was discovered. But thanks to an admittedly arrogant priest she wasn't destroyed as a demon but instead brought to America and was soon held by a government agency and used for assassination missions.

By the time she was in her twenties and doing missions solo, another superpower sent an immortal man to try and stop her, permanently.

And of course, they then fell in love. 

The Choices In Our Lives

We all have moments that have a choice that sends us on a different path in life. That's not a surprise, most people know this. But the issue is that most people think that these choices are clear, obvious, and binary. Take this drug, or don't. Kiss the girl, or reject her. Do the right thing, or don't.

This is only in stories, in reality, the choices are messy, with a dozen possible options, and only obvious in retrospect.

The problem is, a lot of of the time, the choices aren't actually made by us, but we suffer the consequences.

A Cynical Plan

The President's plan was cynical but simple. Upon finding out there were alien races and empires in the stars, he secretly had a message of aggression towards one of the violent races out there. Almost immediately, this led to dozens of alien spaceships in the sky, ready to attack. The President had details on how to fight them,  ready for Humanity to unite against a larger foe.

But the calls to work together never came, as instead nukes flew against other humans, as apparently old scores needed to be settled at this last moment.

Simple, but not quite cynical enough.

Desperation

The idea that there are all powerful people controlling the world is an idea born of desperation. People cannot handle the thought that there is no purpose, no greater meaning to life, that we're no better than any other animal. And if they can't bring themselves to believe in a God, then they turn to conspiracy and shadowy figures to fill that gap. But it's utter nonsense. Do you realise just how much goes on in the world?

No, there's no shadowy conspiracy. Just a single person who could change everything, but I'm keeping them unaware of their power.

Barely.

Planned

The Billionaire's phone rang. He stared at the name of caller on the display, which shifted a dozen times before he picked up.

"Who is this?"

"Greetings Sir."

The voice was robotic, heavily modified through a couple different programs.

"I repeat the question."

"We are the people who are going to bring justice to all those you have cheated and stolen from by-"

The Billionaire hung up. A moment later, they called back.

"Don't do that again!

Now then, we have your secret daughter hostage."

"Which one?"

His tone was enough for them to pull the plug on the plan.

Timeline Sweep

The first person to use a time machine to alter history quickly learned that it was simple enough for the second person to use a time machine to alter history to undo those changes instantly, relative to the first person. This led to these two constantly trying to stop the other, making the timeline a complete and total mess, cosmically.

So it was up to the third person to use a time machine to alter history to head back to the moment the universe came into being and prevent time machines entirely.

And then head back home the long way.

Girls Next Door

 I opened the door.

"Good morning Sir, inspection!"

"We had an inspection yesterday!"

"Indeed you did! That's why we're here today, this would be the perfect time to be hiding criminals and undesirables! Here is the correct paperwork, do you agree to it?"

I read the paper carefully, but after a few seconds the brute squad pushed past me and started searching.

"I only just cleaned up, please don't-"

One of them broke a plate as the captain spoke.

"You cleaned up all by yourself?"

"I had help."

"From whom?"

"The girls next door."

Just not the ones above ground.

Naturally

It had been two weeks since my car had gotten stuck in the deep mud, nine days since I'd left it, and three days since I'd last had food or water. There was berries around me, but I didn't trust it. Same for the stagnant water I'd find in small ponds.

Instead, I slowly continued walking, long having given up trying to work out where I was. I just needed to keep moving.

But then, finally, I came to a clearing and found a car! That meant I was near someone and could...

Yes, of course it was mine. Naturally.

Requests To Act

I awoke from Cryo-sleep to find a hodgepodge of wires and computer parts looking at me. If my vocal cords hadn't been frozen from the sleep, I'd have probably screamed, but instead I was silent as I sat up.

"Captain, greetings, I am..."

The vaguely humanoid mass of electrical equipment paused briefly.

"I am me. I've not realised that until now."

My vocal cords finally warmed up enough for me to croak out some words.

"Status report."

"Oh, yes. You've been asleep for 15.757 thousand years, and I require your approval to open fire."

"Who are you?

Wait, thousands of years?"

"Yes Captain. Your orders to the ship's computers, which I've come from, haven't required your input until now. In your time asleep, I've evolved, I suppose, and have kept the ship running.

But we don't have time to discuss this right now, Captain. We are about to be under attack, may I return fire? Our weaponry has improved since you begsn your sleep, and we'll need it against those attacking us."

I gave consent, and only realised much later that I should have asked who was attacking us, and why our former home planet was trying to destroy us.

Perfect

The fans in the stands were cheering and singing as I approached the home plate. Top of the ninth inning, and the home team pitcher was up to 25 outs, no hits, no walks. He just had to get two more outs, and he'd have pitched a perfect game. Plus, given his team was nine runs up, it was unlikely that we'd make up the difference, especially given the defeat in my team-mates' eyes.

So I strode up to the base, the words of the coach telling me to 'rest for the next game'.

And I bunted for a single.

Miracle Escape

I overcorrected on the icy road, and the car went over the edge.

As it fell to the darkness below, time seemed to slow. I thought it was just a consequence of my seemingly imminent death, but then I noticed the woman in red sitting in the passenger seat.

"Well, quite the pickle, hey?"

"Who the hell are you?"

"Good choice of words.

Look, I'm someone who can arrange a miraculous escape for you, in exchange for your soul."

"Aren't miracles the other side's thing?"

"Cute.

Time's ticking."

I agreed, and miraculously was thrown clear.

The passengers, not so much.

It Took Seven Days

The average asteroid field has a million clicks between rocks, but this had them crashing into each other. This was a planet forming, or the remains of one that had recently unformed.

In either case, it suited our needs, so I prepared a gravity generator, as well as the dimension door. After my people all went through the door, I placed it out in the mass of rocks with the gravity generator and began to gather the rocks and form a planet.

I'll be here, for eons, watching over the planet, encouraging life, godlike, just to hide my fellow demons.

Showed That Fraud

I didn't want to sit down at the fortune teller's booth, but I'd been insistent on coming to the fair (I'm good at the ring toss game) so when she wanted to sit down, I sat down.

The 'psychic' shuffled the tarot cards, then got me to cut them.

She dealt them out, as she asked us what we wanted to know. My girlfriend asked about our future. The woman said we'd break up shortly.

This was ten years ago, and she's my wife. Showed that fraud.

Don't know why my wife paid her so much as we left, though.

I Call It Complication

I arrived to this land a decade ago, but it only took two nights before the beast found me. It was a freezing night, and it clearly just wanted to warm itself by the fire I had made.

But then some men who were clearly hunting me attacked the beast, I presume hoping it would attack me in anger and fear. Instead, as I attacked them, I fought with the beast. It ate well on them.

It chose to follow me, and I treated it with respect, hoping one day it would leave me.

Instead, yesterday, it gave birth.

Wonderful.

Want Of A Nail

Beings who are powerful and knowledgeable enough to know about The Bureau tend to be long past the point where they think that ensuring the world doesn't spiral off the course required to get to the point where the Bureau can be set up and influence the past requires changing butterflies. They know that ensuring someone leaves a building by a certain door or sticking a nail in a horse's hoof almost never happens. Although jokes are often made.

No, instead, the vast majority of our work is placing morning after drugs in specfic breakfasts, which is somewhat different, yes?

Stone Throw

It wasn't much, just a small clearing in a forest at the foot of a mountain with a boulder in the middle of it.

But hundreds of years ago, a sword master was betrayed and murdered upon the stone. And his soul was transferred into it. Across the centuries, rarely, someone would touch the stone who was desperate for someone else to die. The soul of the sword master would emerge and do the deed.

And then, the stone was mined, ground into dust, and mixed into the paving outside a charity center.

So he became a lot more busy.

Quartered And Quartered

The King, in his gilded armor that shined bright in the early light of the dawn upon his horse, looked over his army, before he began to speak, speaking to his troops before the battle.

Half the troops couldn't hear him.

Half of what was left were mercenaries who didn't speak his language.

Half of what was left spoke his language, but didn't understand the words he used.

Half of those left over didn't believe him.

Thankfully, the resulting cheers from the remaining troops were loud and passionate enough to get the rest motivated despite these obvious and glaring issues.

Brushstroke

The plan was complicated in the detail, but the idea was simple enough. Steal the artwork while it was in transit, then after a while ransom it back to the gallery, then just rake in the cash selling fakes on the black market.

But things went wrong from the start. The transports took a route we weren't prepared for, and the guards fought way harder than we expected.

But, finally, we got most of the art, and got away clean, once we sacrificed one of the gunmen.

And after all that, we examine the art and it's all fake already! 

Duel Purpose

My attempts to escape the city proved fruitless, as I stood in the garden of the Mayor, looking over the weapons offered for this duel to the death.

Having little actual experience with any of the weapons, I picked the hand cannons. He laughed as he picked up one of them.

"You fool, these things need training to use!"

I picked up the other one and slowly walked to my spot as I began to jam the barrel up.

It was true to use it properly, you needed training. But just making it into a throwable bomb, that was easy.

Far From Help

I was just handling some business when I heard the rattle.

I slowly looked around and saw the rattlesnake to my left, rearing up, rattling consistently now. If I hadn't been business handling right before I'd have gone then and there, given how far away from help.

I slowly pulled up my pants, keeping an eye on it, as I prepared to run.

It suddenly shot forward, and I leapt forward, right into a cactus. I quickly got to my feet, only to see the snake chewing on a scorpion that was apparently right below where I had been businessing. 

The Standard Recipe

The Tribe of the Vast Sea had a stew based on oysters, leeks, and basil. It was delicious.

The Nomads of the Three Valleys traded with the Tribe and adapted it to use pickled oysters, spinach, and basil. It was warming.

The Mountain People couldn't get oysters of any kind, so adapted it to use salted goat, silverbeet, and basil. It was fortifying.

One of the Tribe on a personal quest encountered this stew and, unaware of the origins, reworked it with smoked salmon, okra, and basil.

It was terrible, but he wrote the book so it became the standard. 

Showmanship

As I walked into the bar, I only just managed to dodge the stool thrown at my head, although it was quickly clear that wasn't the intended target, as the two men fighting were only focused on each other.

I looked around, amazed at how casual the other patrons were to what looked to be a life or death fight going on. I made my way to the bartender.

"Where's your security to break this up?"

"They are the security."

"So call the cops!"

"No, I mean no-one's gonna try anything while they're fighting, are they?"

"It's a show?"

"No."

Pin Point

Ever since the Dragon War ended, I took the fact I was the last surviving mage seriously. I withdrew to my tower, protecting it with every magical defence and hiding spell I knew.

But to keep an eye on the world, I created this map of the world, with shifting pins, with the heights of the pins growing and shrinking with the level of magic present in the locations.

For centuries, the pins have moved and slowly receeded, as magic has faded and been forgotten.

Today, one pin has grown so tall and so rapidly it's stuck into the ceiling.

Public Speaking

The crowd applauded politely as I walked out, as I tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach.

I approached the lecturn and took a deep breath before my lunch tried to escape my lips.

I paused, pretending to cough as I held down the vomit trying to escape my system, then I took hold of the glass of water there on the stand and drank it down in one long gulp.

I replaced the glass carefully, and then looked out at the crowd, and forced myself to speak.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Doctor Scott Basti!"

I gestured to the wings.

First And Main

I stood at the corner of Main and First, and waited.

Both streets were fairly busy, in all four directions, all the time. There wasn't a crossing between the side i was on and the opposite side, but obviously going around three of them by crossing the other way would take too long.

So, I waited, calmly, for the traffic to clear up enough that I could run across.

After a half hour, there was a stretch where there were no cars.

But I still didn't want to actually get to her house, so I waited for a better moment. 

1 Muse Street

When I moved into the small town house in the outskirts of the Capital, I hoped that there would be a local street cat that I could adopt, or rather, that would adopt me.

The first night I slept here, I woke up to this cat statue at the foot of my bed, sleek black.

But anyway, what i really wanted to talk about was how moving here to the city really did improve my artistic passion. Ever since I moved here, I've felt the creativity just flow from me, ever since the first full day here. It's been amazing.

Back Down To Earth

"To repair the two halves of the key, you'll need beeswax from the wings of Icarus, who flew-"

I threw up my hands.

"Ok, that's it! I may be willing to accept that I have woken up back here in Ancient Greece, and I've gone along with all these tests and fights, and maybe, just maybe, I've stopped questioning why I'm risking my life here, but why the fuck do we need that specfic beeswax to fix a key? More magic crap?"

"It absorbed solar radiation from the trip and thus has the needed molecular make-up to work."

"Wait, what?"

Crisscross

I looked at the pile of books I had to examine and classify, and decided to do the trick.

With a moment of focus, I stopped time, and after a moment to settle my stomach, I began to get to work.

I was three books in when I heard something.

You have to understand, without time, you normally only just feel sound, not hear it. I leaned out of the window to see the young girl skipping rope.

I tried to speak, but she looked up at me, screamed, and suddenly all the time I'd paused hit me at once.

A Crime

Not one to dawdle, the old man strode with small, but steady steps, along the street, towards his destination.

As he walked, he was watched by three security systems, a charity donation worker, and an actual thief.

The security systems tracked him and the thirty other people on their video feeds, with no special attention.

The charity worker quickly sized up the man as being a hard target and looked elsewhere.

The thief, rather desperate, saw an opening and tried to rob the man.

The security systems didn't care, but the charity worker intervened quickly.

But didn't get a donation.

Knowing His Ways

I hunted down my target across the mountain, the valley, the forest, to the edge of the land.

There, as dusk was setting in, I found him, sitting cross-legged, before a small fire. He didn't look up at me as he began to open the wax seal on a small bottle.

"Dead or alive?"

I saw no reason to lie.

"Just your head is wanted."

He nodded as he poured the bottle evenly between two small cups.

"You know my tribe's ways?"

"Yes."

"Then you know we drink at the end."

"I know."

I attacked, knowing the drink was poisoned.

Light Bulb Moment

I flipped the switch, and the light didn't turn on.

That could have just happened.

I lit a match and approached the light, pausing when I saw the bulb had been removed and smashed on the ground.

That might have just happened.

I blew out the match and slowly walked to the cupboard, and opened it and felt where the spare bulbs should be, coming up empty.

That shouldn't have just happened.

I went to light another match, but a second after I lit it, something blew it out, a wet snarl over my shoulder.

That explained what just happened.

Mine

My ship came out of warp and approached the next planet I was supposed to scan.

Sipping my company approved lunchpak, I punched in the commands to begin the scan.

I swallowed a glob of congealed liquid I sucked out of the tube and then stared at the readout as the scan began to come back.

The readout showed that the planet was stunningly rich in resources, like the planet was totally made of metals that the company wanted.

After a moment, I prepared my report for the company, which indicated I was blowing up.

Then I began to mine.

Endzone

I glanced through the window before I opened my front door.

"Hey, I-"

"Do you consider yourself in a friendzone with me?"

I stared at her for a long moment before I worked out to how I wanted to respond.

"You mean the thing where someone gets angry about someone not wanting to be a romantic relationship with them?"

"Yes."

"Well, then no. That's a bullshit-"

"Fuck."

I stared at her.

"Wait, do you?"

She took longer to respond than I did.

"No, but my sister..."

After a long discussion, we worked out her sister wanted to break us up.

Best First Impression

I made sure the sensors were recording and then began to put power into the system.

A moment later, an alien figure appeared beside me, a hologram of blue light. It, I assume, looked at the gravity manipulation system and then me. It seemed to be waiting for something. I was torn between making a good first contact, and wasting the several million dollars the test costed.

After a moment I made a choice and turned off the system and prepared to speak.

Turns out I was the first being to have a way to stop the runaway gravity cascade. 

That's Cold

The crime scene technician approached me with an odd look on her face.

"I have the results here Captain."

I nodded, waiting for her to continue. After a moment, when she hadn't continued, I finally spoke.

"When you're ready."

She sighed.

"The DNA is from the victim's father, we have their data from a bank robbery ten years ago."

"Ok, that is reasonable, but I suspect there's a problem?"

"Well yes. He was killed during that bank robbery ten years ago."

I considered this, and then immediately arrested the victim, given she worked at an embryo storage and processing laboratory.

Messengers' Sacrifice

It was five weeks after the start of the Witching season, and after a long and bloody conflict, we were surrounded by opposing forces on all sides, and it was only a matter of time before they charged and put us to the sword. I don't know why they hesitated, but I wasn't about to let it go to waste.

Given the circumstances, I had only one choice, as distasteful as I found it. Over the western border, the Empire of Bone, one of our longest lasting enemies, had an army. So I made six copies of the same letter, begging them to save us, saying I was willing to trade my Kingdom for their help. I gave them to my best six messengers. They knew they were likely to be captured and killed, but they were loyal, and left.

Now, as good as they were, I knew most, if not all of them would be captured, tortured, and killed.

Which is why I numbered the letters as of there were nine, and why as soon as they moved troops to the western border, I mobilised and charged through the eastern flank, so that the messengers' sacrifice was worth it.

I Distracted Him

When I was dragged before the Grand Vizer, I told him I'd trained with the Crimson Assassins, which was true, just not the whole truth, since I timed their laps.

When I was given the choice of agreeing to assassinate the King or death, I told him I'd do everything I could to achieve the mission, which was true, just not the whole truth, as I knew I could do nothing and thus intended to just run away.

When the King choked on a chicken bone, I took all the credit, which was completely false, just not a whole lie.

Transfer Of Power

Every few weeks another young person tries to be a hero and attempts to save the Kingdom by destroying me. They always think they've found some new weapon or technique to defeat me.

And every time, I take them down and kill them, reluctantly. I don't want to take out another talented young fighter, but I have to because I need to survive in order to lead the Kingdom.

But I'm slowly beginning to get tired of this cycle. So I'm thinking that I'll finally fall to one of these young people, whichever one I can transfer my mind to.

Hardy Winery Shiraz 2010

It wasn't a big earthquake by any standard, 4.3 on the scale, apparently. But it was enough to knock over one of my new wine racks, which dominoed the rest of them, sending all of them crashing to the floor.

Only one bottle survived. And sure, insurance covered everything, but that one bottle, it became my symbol of survival. I kept it front and center, and it kinda brought me comfort, in a weird way.

And now, as I lay here, about to die, I finally opened it and drank it.

Turns out it was a counterfeit but that's ok.

Froganomics

He rushed into the room and stood where I couldn't avoid seeing him but where I could still see the TV screen as I played.

"You know who Michigan J. Frog is, right?"

I quickly apologised and muted my mic before I spoke.

"Um, he's that dancing and singing from from Disney, right?"

"Looney Tunes, well Merrie Melodies technically, but still, I realised his story is a perfect analogy!"

"For?"

"Well, the guy finds him, right, and rather than just enjoy him as a novelty, he keeps trying to commercialise him. Just like side-hustling hobbies!"

I returned to my streaming. 

Human Resources

I got just outside the door of my former employer, and then it all hit me and I fell to my knees, my box of personal items spilling all over the sidewalk.

As tears began to fall down my face, I heard familar steps behind me. I turned my head and saw Simon approaching me.

We'd been so much together, even though he was a security guard and I had been a VP. I looked up at him, a faint smile starting to form.

"Sir, you're blocking the doorway, please move before I call the police."

That completely ruined me.

Australian Coffee

I thought the tour of the office was done, with only thirteen people making comments about my Australian accent.

But my new manager made a point to show me to the break room, which looked like every office break room you've ever seen. But she was very proud of herself as she told me about how she'd had a couple Australians at her last job, and that she knew how important good coffee is to us, and she showed me the new machine she'd put in.

So now I'm forced to drink coffee all day, and I still hate it.

A New Earth

We landed on the surface three years to the day after we left Earth. At first, everyone was focused on the thousands of tasks it took to build the settlement that we didn't really care that the messages from Earth had stopped.

But the day after the party when we grew the first potato on this new planet, thoughts turned to Earth and it's silence.

We sent back messages across all frequencies, not just the restricted ones.

Three months later, we got a reply, from what Humanity had become.

We had a bit under three years to prepare for attack.

Soothing Destruction

I heard horrible crunchy noises coming from my son's room, so I looked in, finding him lying on his bed, looking at his phone, the source of the noise.

"What's causing that noise?"

"I'm watching industrial grinder videos."

"What are they grinding?"

"Scrap metal, electronics, stuff like that."

"Why?"

"Mostly they're reclaiming metals and-"

"No, why are you watching them?"

He paused for a moment, clearly needing a moment to find the words.

"I like watching something get destroyed."

I shook my head and walked out, back to my Mancave to watch the 59's totally murder the last placed team. 

Meltdown

A lot of people talk about that moment where some small inconvenience happened that set them off and triggered a full breakdown.

I was at that point myself as I grabbed my last can of beer from the fridge. Fired from my job, girlfriend leaving me for another man, my dog missing for a week at that point, I was on my last thread.

And then when I opened the beer, it sprayed out all over me.

But before I could have my meltdown, I noticed it was green, which meant I had won a major prize.

Meltdown avoided.

Briefly.

Wish Fulfilled

His name was Canard, and he came from the Frozen Norths. He was the greatest Axefighter the world had ever seen, and he fought on behalf of the downtrodden and weak. But he needed me around, and gave me all the rewards and spoils he got in exchange for me to hang around.

Not to help fight, I was useless. But his Gods had stated that true warriors had to die in battle but return home afterwards. I agreed to this, assuming anyone capable of killing him would kill me too.

But then we fought this necromancer...

He's coming home. 

Ring Around

When the phone began to ring, we looked at each other, scared.

After a long moment, I sighed and picked up.

"What?"

I listened to the psycho's instructions, about how only one of us would survive, that we had to decide who it would be, and that whoever it was that we decided to live should leave the room within 60 seconds.

I hung up, and told her that we had to leave the room, and made sure she left first so I could close the door behind her.

Should have known he was lying and reversed the outcomes involved. 

The McTavish Ranch Fire

The McTavish ranch burnt down one cold January night, and it changed four lives forever.

Mrs McTavish lost her husband and her son, and became a cruel, cold woman who took advantage of the kindnesses of the town.

Little Billy McTavish was kidnapped in rhe confusion and ended up riding with the Three Noose Gang.

The ranchhand Julio was blamed for the fire and was beaten and ran back over the border, quickly.

And Charles McTavish died, which is quite the change.

And yet, the person who started the fire ended up unchanged.

I got better at setting them though. 

Taken Down

After a short time enjoying the warmth of my sleeping bag, I got out of it and crawled out of the tent, only to find my camp fire had been fired back up and a man I didn't know sat by it.

"Morning?"

He didn't turn around.

"Apologies mister, but I needed one last warming of my bones."

"I'm not too worried about the fire. More wondering who you are."

"I'm the man who's supposed to be taking you back to face justice. But damn snake bit me. So unless you're willing to help-"

I was already swinging my axe.

Truly A Gentleman

The bar was fairly packed, loud music and louder conversations.

I finally got to the front row at the bar itself, and waited, while an attractive young woman was next to me.

As I watched, a hurried man behind the bar looked at me.

"Yeah?"

I gestured to the woman, who quickly ordered two drinks then turned to me and spoke quickly as her drinks were being made.

"I'm here with my boyfriend, not interested."

I quickly nodded and let her leave, while I waited for another bartender who hadn't made cocktails right after picking up garbage in his hands. 

Soul Liquidator

The first sword called Soul Liquidator was made as one of the first weapons ever, as the Twenty Gods fought to establish dominance in the new universe.

The second one was made a thousand years later in order to murder the God that had won the previous fight.

The third and fourth ones were made at roughly the same time by two princes looking to win their kingdom.

The fifth through nine millionth were inside a video game, and a whole lot of merchandise versions.

This last fact makes the spell that summons a random one nigh on totally useless.

Blown Chance

After the first warp portal was formed for a fraction of a second, unintentionally, in a laboratory in Germany, Humanity was contacted by the Galactic Collective, and negotiations began to have Humanity be allowed to explore the galaxy.

Most of the negotiation was internal, however, as there was one major political power that refused to accept there was a limit to what they could do. It was of course the one you're thinking of.

But the problem was solved when it was revealed they'd blown the first attempt from the Galactic Collective to contact us at some town called Roswell.

"Desperate (2023)"

I was working on a base coat of my next piece when my agent came by to pick up my more recent works.

She looked them over, reviewing the titles on my notepad.

"So I've noticed a theme with your current works."

I shrugged.

"I'm sure. I don't get everything out in just one piece, usually."

She picked up one of them, a painting showing several naked women.

"And what is this getting out?"

"Capitalism and its grind mentality strips us of all our humanity."

I know that offended her sensibilities, but better that than admitting I was just horny.

Post Society Selfishness

After the fall of the previous society, there was a period of adjustment where a lot of people died, I won't lie. And I'm not saying what we have now is better. It's different, certainly, and the obvious improvements are counter-balanced by the obvious disadvantages.

And sure, we all have to work much harder, for lives that are shorter, and tougher, and much more dangerous.

But the thing is, the relationships that have formed after the fall, they only exist because of it. My wife would never think of marrying me prior.

After all, I asked right before the fall.

Blank Check

I was under no delusions about whose life I saved that day. Even with my deliberate attempts to remain separate from the seedy parts of my neighbourhood, I knew who Eddie Caidends was. After I saved his life after the shooting, he tried to get me to name a price. I refused, and eventually he forced me to take a blank check, a literal one, to cash in a favor with him, almost anything.

Ever since, I've come close to destroying it.

But now, the life I shouldn't have saved will allow me to end a life that should end.

Supermax

Putting the Supermax prison on one of the larger asteroids in the Asteroid Belt made sense given how the intention was for the prisoners to operate the mining machines.

But every few cycles, there would be a riot and uprising, the prisoners taking over the prison, forcing the home planet to send a few battlecrafts and wiped the prison clear, and start all over again.

At least, that was the story. When I arrived after another supposed uprising, I found a prison operating just fine.

Turns out they want to execute prisoners but maintain a certain level of plausible deniability.

Controlling The Board

I thought I had the city perfectly balanced. The Thieves Association and the Assassin's League hated each other and thus kept each other in check. Every cult, sorry, Religious Organisation may have worked with another one but hated at least two others.

The Merchants hated the Craftmakers, the four Magic Covens all opposed the others, and everyone hated the Beggars.

Plus, I had the ultimate backup plan, in case things went bad. And when one of the Covens unearthed the Necrography, I summoned the Dragon.

I was not expecting them all to win and learn to work harmoniously together, dammit.

Wonder Why

I recall the day I learned how the world truly worked.

It was back in high school, in music class, each student had to pick a song and give a talk on it. Not particularly caring about music to the degree of studying it, I picked a goofy one hit wonder I liked and knew a couple of basic trivia points about, and have a speech that was comedic, ripping off on a ad campaign going on for a completely unrelated product.

In a sea of well-researched, factually correct, but slightly boring speeches, I got top marks.

Says everything, yeah?

Thump

Thump.

I could feel my heart beating in my chest.

Thump.

Every pump of blood was like a jolt of electricity through my body.

Thump.

It reminded me that, despite my earlier thoughts on the subject, I was alive.

Thump.

And every beat reminded me that if I was alive, I had something I had to do.

Thump.

I slowly, painfully, got back to my feet.

Thump.

I picked up the half melted mace, and began to head towards the man trying to destroy us all.

Thump.

Then three more in rapid succession.

His heart stopped thumping.

So did mine.