Game Class

The suave English spy in the gimmicked tuxedo looked over the cards in his hand at the flamboyant criminal mastermind, who was looking somewhat perturbed that he hadn't won yet.

Finally, he began to lay his cards down one at a time.

"I cast Kelnar's Fireball, which activates and discards your Goblin Security System, forcing me to discard a golden card. I discard Golden Handshake, which gives me 15 points from the General Orders event, which I double with Uncapped Avarice, giving me the win."

The suave English spy was very happy he paid attention in his Game Theory classes. 

Crane Kick

He lifted his arms and one leg up, like that kid in that old movie about kung fu or whatever.

At first, I paused out of shock that someone who try that, then I just let the moment hang as I enjoyed seeing him struggle to stay on one leg.

"So, was this everything you thought it would be? How's your leg, hurting I bet!"

"Come closer and I'll show you!"

I laughed.

"Well, no, because you'll just kick me, that's the point, yes?"

"No."

"No? What is this a punch?"

"No, it's a distraction."

I was kicked from above. 

Getting It

I asked for clarity, for a more clear picture of what was going on, or at least some data so I could try to work out what was happening.

I didn't get it.

I asked for assurance, for a commitment that things would get better, or at least just a reason to believe it wouldn't get any worse.

I didn't get it.

I asked for release, for a end to the pain, or at least a pause, a chance to regain my stability and peace of mind.

Surprisingly, I did get it, but it only made me feel even worse.

A Perfect Arranged Marriage

The marriage was meant to be purely for the sake of the families. One was title and history rich, but had run out of money. The other was full of what was technically new money, but the money came from livery stables and the like, and so it was as old as new money got.

And one family had a daughter, the other had a son. And thus, an arranged marriage of near perfect harmony could occur.

But then the problem came up, when the daughter and son met, and actually fell for each other.

Suddenly they had opinions now...

Locked Room Mystery

The body was found in a windowless room, with no secret psssages, and the door was locked from the inside. But it wasn't a suicide. What happened?

The classic locked room puzzle, which in fiction always has some convoluted solution involving psychoactive drugs or human hair locking ropes that were burned  away.

But in reality, the real locked room mysteries are always a simple case of human error, the door wasn't locked, or it was suicide, or any number of boring solutions. It's never the cool type.

Except for when the room is built quickly around the corpse, quite obviously. 

Docked Stars

I had my head down in my work when she came into my office, a voice speaking from her mobile phone.

"What is this?"

She asked this and held the phone out to me, and I listened, sort of, as I continued to type.

"Simple enough out of the office voicemail message. Bit long, but clear spoken and honest. 2 and a half stars."

"This is your voicemail!"

"I know that. Gave myself half a star for it."

"Why is your phone going straight to voicemail?"

"Because I wanted to be left alone, the failure of which lost 3 stars."

Sliced

He was the last guy in the sharehouse I needed to give me his pizza order. I stuck my head into his room, where he was playing a game on his console.

"I need your pizza order dude, what... Ain't that 'Fantasy Questline Online 4'?"

"Yep."

"I thought you told me it sucks?"

"I did, it does."

"So why are you playing it?"

"You see how my character attacks, just spinning his sword in a circle?"

"Yeah?"

"Look at his name."

"Which... 'Cuisinart'? You're playing for the PUN?"

"It's so good though!"

"Bad game playing worthy?"

"Yes!

Oh, and pepperoni."