Big John

Everyone called him Big John, apart from his wife who called him Darlin’.

Well, apparently there was one situation she called him Big John, ‘ccording to some of the ladies round these parts, but that ain’t here nor there.

Ever since him and his little lady rode into town, he was always looking out for his fellow man, always offering to pitch in and help tend the herds of folks who were down with pox, or joining posses to hunt thieves. Big heart really.

Like I said, everyone called him Big John

Even the bounty hunters who came for him.

Hacksaw

“77347, you got a present!”

I continued my push ups.

“I said, 77347, you got a present!”

I kept counting.

“77347, if you don’t want solitary for a week you stand up right this second, ya hear me?”

I got to a thousand and then slowly stood up.

“Yeah?”

“It’s your birthday 77347?”

“Dunno Officers. What day is it?”

The guards chuckled.

“Must be, why else would your bitch send you a cake?”

They revealed the cake.

“Oh, wait, better check for hacksaws!”

They tore the cake apart and tossed it at me.

Luckily it still blew up when lit.

Site News: The Rumble

So just a quick heads up/explanation for the upcoming month. Due to work and personal life I'm doing another theme run, in this case I'll be writing almost 30 or so Drabbles based on the list of men who have won the WWE's Royal Rumble match.

However, given that unlike past theme lists this list would be too restrictive if I just used names, instead each Drabble will be based on part of their name or gimmick or catchphrase or some such. I'm sure you'll pick it up. We'll be ending near the end of the month, right after the 2015 Royal Rumble.

Thanks!

The Storytelling Nexus

Most people are able to grasp the concept of a level of existence where stories intermix, where characters and settings coexist. However, the Storytelling Nexus is a little… Meta for most people. They can’t understand the idea that ways of storytelling exist somewhere. But they do.

At first there was just The Story. But soon it grew and split, into the Spoken Word and the Painting. And as every new method of telling stories developed, they came into existence, or an old style split or grew to accommodate it.

It’s a nice place, although the red light district is huge…

Military Industrial Complex Bargaining

“For the record… Ladies-“ I began, checking to make sure they were all female as I strode into the room.

“Potentially illegal operational operatives of my non-publicised businesses do not get to collectively bargain.”

Bloodless Mary spoke up as she poured some drinks.

“You paid ‘armless Jack more to kill a five star general than you paid both Konchie Twins to kidnap one!”

The women all began to knock back drinks, so I took one from them and drank slowly as the discussions and negotiations dragged, until I was forced to give in fully, as they’d poisoned the ice cubes.

Ahead Of Me

She was always ahead of me.

She was born just under half a year before me.

She was named Alison Davies, so she’d always be ahead of me alphabetically.

She was put into school a year earlier than me.

She was the one who decided we’d be friends based on where we lived before I’d even notice her.

She was a university graduate as I still toiled on my thesis.

She was the one who proposed to me.

She was just able to make the plane while I got stuck in transit.

She was very brave as it went down.

Boxing Day

I was feeling good about everything when I walked through the door, the bugs had left most of the second field alone. But any thoughts of the farm vanished when I saw my wife’s face.

“I know this is hard, but it’s time to box it up.”

Had I been in a worse mood, I would have taken issue, but instead, I sighed once, and headed down to the cellar.

As I walked down the steps, I tried to clear my mind, tried to think everything through, but once I saw the small coffin and lid, I just lost it.