Highwayman

The reward got up to six thousand before Red Dust was caught.

All through the trial, he was at both open and unrepentant, freely admitting to robbing dozens of stagecoaches and killing at least thirty US Army soldiers, and yet also oddly defiant, as around half of the crimes on his record he insisted he had not done.

No matter, those that he admitted to were more than enough.

As the noose was fitted around his neck, and the last rites given, the hangman asked for his last words.

“I’ll be back.” he spat as the hatch below him opened.

Four C’s

Diamond, at least diamond for ornamental purposes, is sold by the carat, which is a unit of weight measurement. However, it’s not a smooth scale, wherein each carat increases the value of the gem by a set number. Even ignoring the issue of the cut, the color, the clarity, the fact is that the price of a one carat diamond is much higher than that of a 0.99 carat one, the rise is exponential. So a diamond the size of a fist is worth millions…

This one, the size of my head? Not enough money on the entire fucking planet…

General Carlin’s Last Speech

The official history text for the war, as written by the Alliance, naturally, was the first place the speech was exposed to the wider world. After all, prior to that point, only the thousand or so troops that began the Battle of Longneck heard it, and only the hundred or so that survived were able to share it.

The speech quickly got a life of its own, as it becomes the symbol of the war effort, of the bravery of the soldiers, and it becomes the words of a generation.

Such a shame they didn’t include all the swearing though.

My Brother, The Horrible Person

Why’d he up and die now?

Typical of him. He was always so selfish and self-centered. Growing up, he always found where our parents hid the Christmas presents, but wouldn’t tell me. And he always seemed to get the last bowl of cereal, forcing me to open the new box, pull out the toy…

And now, he has the audacity to up and die, he has the nerve to try and be a hero and stop some silly muggers… He knew damn well that I was facing a life with chronic kidney disease, and…

He’s a donor…

That absolute bastard!

Express Delivery

Down the end of Lilac Close, there was a small house with a neatly arranged garden and a pristine white picket fence.

Every weekday morning, around nine, the old man who lived in the house would open the front door and slowly walk to the mailbox. There, he would stand, waiting, watching as the postman would make his way down the cul-de-sac, sometimes fast, sometimes slow.

Every time, the old man would ask if there was a package for him. For almost twenty years, the answer was no.

The day the answer would have been yes, it went off prematurely.

Ticking Box Social

“I’m Jerry. Name?”

“What?”

“Excuse me.

I’m Jerry. Name?”

“… Bernice.”

“Job?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Excuse me.

I’m Jerry. Name?”

“Oh, I’m Annette, lovely to meet you.”

“Job?”

“Ah, well, I work in a beauty salon, and-“

“Gamer?”

“Uh, not really, no, I-“

“Excuse me.

I’m Jerry. Name?”

“Daisy.”

“Job?”

“Medical Student, I guess?”

“Gamer?”

“Jewel Smash…”

“Football Team?”

“I hate sports.”

“Excuse me.

I’m Jerry. Name?”

“Willow.”

“Job?”

“Fry cook.”

“Gamer?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“Football Team?”

“Packers.”

“Excellent, come with me.”

“Excuse me? I’m not leaving just because you say so!”

“...

Dammit. Excuse me.

I’m Jerry. Name?”

Cancer's Sting

They met in chemotherapy.

She was lung, he was brain.

Maybe it was because they only had a year left each, or maybe it was how they were both dumped, or maybe it was just true love.

But she was still rich, so when it got serious, she paid for both of them to go into cryogenic sleep, until a cure was found.

Lung cancer got a cure mass produced in 2055. Brain cancer was finally beaten in 2061.

When he woke up alive and well, and saw her, his heart jumped.

Then fell when she introduced her new husband.