A To U

Six switches sat silently on the wall.
Flickable fixers, for frantic fixing of the issues.
Detailed descriptions didn't develop during my induction.
General guidelines graded gently on a curve instead.
Monitors monitored many model situations.
Issues induced index investigation and then flicks.
Tiny troubles take the top row.
Big bothers breed bottom flicks.
And all average actions associate with the middle.
Now, neverending nonsense nips across my eyes.
Can complete chaos come close enough to me?
Risk/reward really rolls repeatedly right to left.
Quick!
Engage!


Hours happen.


Let's look...
Jesus...
Order of operations out of alphabetical order!
Unacceptable.


Kill.

At A Stroke

It only took the knight a few stabs with his sword to break through the door enough to clear out the pathetic blockade I'd built. He slowly walked into the office, and I held the only thing I thought had a chance against him.

He slowly raised his visor.

"You do realise that's not what the expression means, yes?

"What expression?"

He looked confused, then lowered his visor. I knew I had one chance. He swung his sword in a small arc, but I'd already leaped, and jammed the pen through the visor and into his eye, blood bursting forth.

The Cupcakes Of Pain

I could smell the cupcakes through the door. I took a moment, then opened the door.

"I've not broken up nor have I lost my job, so clearly someone has died. Who is it, Grandma? Aunt Susan?"

"No, no, nothing is wrong, everyone is fine."

"Then why have you made cupcakes? You only ever make cupcakes when something horrible has happened!"

"I just... I just felt like making cupcakes and sharing them with you."

I went to say something when I got a text. I opened it, read my husband's message saying he wanted a divorce, then grabbed a cupcake.

The People Of Interest

The four of them stood around The Body, each one glaring at the others.

The Nurse broke the silence first, repeating that her drugs was stolen.

The Banker turned on The Actress revealing the secret that they'd shared as proof of The Actress' guilt.

The Chef lost his cool and attacked The Banker.

The Actor and The Nurse tried to step in, but The Banker then accidentally killed The Actress.

The Chef then killed The Banker.

The Nurse then defended herself but ended up killing them both.

The drugs wore off and The Body sat up, pleased with the results.

When You Need A Barbarian

The fractured expanse of time spread out before me. If it wasn't for the mindlock spell the Sorcerer had placed on my mind it would have collapsed inwards. But with the protection, I could see the joints, the open wounds, all the damage that had been inflicted on it. I turned to her.

"I fix... This?"

The Sorcerer shook her head.

"No, all that is, not normal, but just what happens when souls need one last moment with their loved ones, when coincidences need to occur."

She instead pointed to a creature feeding from a rupture. I hoisted my 'axe'.

The Power Of Love

The story is one you've heard lots of times, in one form or another. Two people meet, and despite reasons why they shouldn't be together, love finds a way.

It's a sentiment that almost everyone would agree, in theory, is sweet and something to support. And yet, everyone will have some sort of situation in mind where they wouldn't agree that it's good. From sport teams to political viewpoints and everything inbetween, everyone has their own ideas about what love cannot overcome.

But really, the only thing love can't break is the laws of the universe.

So far, at least.

Harnessed

My hand hovered over the control panel, about to launch the Reshaper, when the scanners started lighting up.

The galactic rules were clear, we were allowed to wipe and reseed a planet only if any indigenous populations were backwards enough. The long range scanners said this planet wasn't there, but nukes starting going off, so they just scraped in. We weren't allowed to claim the planet now, we'd have to...

After a solid few minutes of nukes exploding, I did a deep scan. Luckily they'd killed themselves off and we could proceed.

Well, not fully wiped out, but close enough.

Captured Queen

The two grandmasters sat down, the chessboard between them, dozens of cameras broadcasting this final game out to millions.

They'd played a few dozen times now, every game different, and yet always ending in an agreed upon draw. This was the last game ever, no time limit, there had to be a winner.

Skiratov was a master of white, Naismith a God with the black. So no wonder they just stared at the board for minutes, clearly thinking ahead so many moves.

Until Skiratov resigned without a single move actually played.

As they shook hands, elsewhere, Skiratov's wife was released.

G, C, D

G major, C major, D major.

As far as guitar chords go, they're pretty common, somewhat basic, and not that difficult.

G, C, D.

Played in order, there's probably no end to the songs that could fit into that structure.

G, C, D.

The guitar was slightly out of tune, she would hesitate at points, and calling her lyrics shallow would be an insult to the very concept of depth.

G, C, D.

But she was singing to me.

G, C, D.

She was singing about me. About us.

G, C, D.

That's why it's the greatest song ever sung.

So It Is Written

The Royal Historian was not traditionally a powerful position in the court, and was usually just filled by the Royal Tutor.

But with the education levels of the peasants beginning to rise, suddenly the King needed more than just his word to convince them. And so it became important to be able to refer to the past and explain why war must be fought, or what to do in drought.

This system worked well for a few generations, but then it became clear that removing the position and instead installing a Royal Speaker Of Tongues allowed for faster position shifting.

Where We Get New Talent

She fell out of a portal of purple fire. Full plate armor, albeit covered in soot and with fire still threatening to catch on her scabbard.

"Hello?"

She turned towards me and spoke in World 578 Common.

"Do not tempt me illusion! I-"

I waited for my translator to fully load the voice pack before I cut her off.

"This is your new world, your old life is gone and-"

"Lies! I will destroy the gates!"

She scrambled for her sword, as I sighed and turned on the electromagnet.

Sufficiently advanced technology portrays magic long enough to acclimatise new arrivals.

Line?

I took her hands, looked into her eyes, and waited for the words to flow.

And waited.

And waited.

And wait-

"Hello?"

Although the question was said with a bemused air, even I could sense the genuine concern behind it.

"I... You're my... Like, isn't this supposed to be easy? Surrounded by flowers and romance, I'm supposed to say what you mean to me easily and it all works out, right? How it works in the movies..."

If it was a movie, she'd be charmed and help me out.

But this was reality, and she didn't need a broken boy.

Body Delivery

I ordered a robodrive community car as I was filling my suitcase. I was confused when it didn't arrive on time, but when it finally did arrive my confusion changed. The blood and dead body inside it explained the delay, but now there was a body to consider.

I called the cops, and they sent drones swiftly. They poured over the car, asking me a lot of questions, scanning my phone, especially once they discovered the car's logs were wiped. But eventually they let me go. And not a moment too soon, the body in my suitcase was getting ripe.

Customer Rights

I recognized the look of someone who was going to be a difficult customer as she walked in. So I found something to do behind the counter and made a mental note to apologize to Becky as she approached her.

After a few moments, the woman, as I expected, stormed up to the counter.

"You the manager?"

"I'm the on duty manager, yes, how-"

"This salesgirl is useless and I demand better service, I'm good friends with the store owner!"

"She's the owner."

I pointed at Becky.

That was a lie, but worth it for the look on her face.

Reasonable Free Will

The time traveler told me I was important due to something about cosmic fatelines or something like that. Was odd to be given a time machine and an explanation right out of new age crystal worship.

But after a few trips backwards along my life, I had to believe him. I asked if I could go forward, and he gave me more weird talk about anything forward from my starting point was only a theoretical future, that it was the most likely outcome based on reasonable choices. But free will would will out.

I sped forward twenty years as much to get any from his words than to see what would happen.

I found myself in a darkened room, as a general gestured towards a map covered in lines and circles. She assured the President, which was me, apparently, that after these meganukes dropped, the five years of war would end.

I went back to my original time and went off on the time traveler. There was no way I'd make reasonable choices and end up there. I swore to prove it by making real reasonable choices.

And I avoided that future!

Much more reasonable to drop those bombs early.

State Lines

I woke up with a sharp pain behind my eyes, and some sort of blindfold in front of them. I vainly tried to remember what this week's safeword state was.

"Kansas?"

The blindfold was removed, but rather than my wife, it was a rather surprised looking thug.

"How the fuck did you know where we are?"

I glanced over him.

"Oh I know lots of things. For example, I know that if you don't let me go, Suzi is going to get a bullet to the head."

I'm lucky he didn't realize I read his tattoo until I was free.

Seasoned Killers

Winter was the first assassin to come after me. With her it was just a job, someone wanted me dead, and she tried to do it with her freeze magic. But my counter spells held and I killed her instead.

This brought her sister Spring after me, both for the bounty and to get revenge. Her attempt to punch my head off with a kinetic spell went badly for her.

Summer was right after that, but I turned her heat spell.

I assumed there was one more sibling. I didn't expect it to be Bob, stabbing me in the face.

Party Guest

The party was for one of my poker buddies, and she was his cousin. Her lips tasted of wine, although considering how much she had drunk over the evening that was to be expected. We tried to adjourn to a guest bedroom, but after we were interrupted by someone looking for the bathroom, she practically dragged me to her place down the street.

The time it took to hurry there was just long enough for me to wonder out loud if we should be doing this.

She gave me a choice, come inside or leave.

I stand by my choice.

Key Ring

The neural interface chipset developed in 2028 was the key to the perfection of robotic limbs and organs.

The 11-10 split decision in Chan V Gabriel in 2031 was the key to the floodgates opening to allow widespread production of these items by anyone with the know how, or near enough.

The "This Is A Man" art installation in 2035 was the key to inspire the investigation and discovery of the implanted echoes in discarded superceded limbs.

The Executive Order 28663 was the key to the riots that started the Limb Golem War, the key to understanding how Humanity died.

Break It Down

Break the problem into manageable parts rather than get overwhelmed by the thought the world as we know it might about to end.

So, the immediate problem is I'm being lowered into acid.

But only because I'm tied up. So, fix that.

Three knots, all simple enough, although bending upwards like this is awkward.

But done! Now holding onto rope over acid pit as guards are approaching since I'm on camera. Ok, break it down.

Swing on rope to land beside pit.

Done.

Now guards about to enter.

Hide behind doorframe, push into pit, watch them break down.

Move on.

Evil Process

Every few days there was another would-be hero. Every type of champion, from regular mercenary knights and wizards through exotic religious fighters and obscure weapon specialists, they would turn up and swear they would solve our problems, that they could defeat the evil plaguing our lands.

By now, we're pretty resigned to the process. Sure, we make a bunch of gold as they buy supplies and plan ahead for their celebrations afterwards.

But then came the knight in black armor, who finally defeated the evil.

Then took over the castle and was worse.

But we're resigned to that process too.

Lockup #0037

Lockup Number 0037 was the largest one in the complex, ground floor and in a corner. Despite being on the other side of the building from the entrance, it should've been popular.

But it was locked. Successive owners of the building were told of the mysterious man who'd turned up on the opening day and rented it for twenty-five years, paid for in full, in advance. How he was clear it was not to be disturbed.

Every owner did so, until twenty-five years later, when it was opened, and the mysterious man's corpse and his malfunctioned time machine were found.

Timed Release

My friend had been talking about going to a speed dating night for so long that I agreed to go with him in order to shut him up about it.

The first few women were nice enough, but we clearly had nothing in common. I was slowly losing confidence as she approached.

She was beautiful, sure, but she was funny, and we ended up going over our time as we discussed an upcoming RPG release.

I scored her highly, but never heard back, which was fine, until my buddy brought his new girlfriend to the midnight release of that game.

Acceptability

Oh, my role here in Historical Revision is very boring, you don't want to hear it.

Well, if you're sure, I guess you've got a high enough clearance level.

So, older texts are often problematic. They will have references and statements that are, while acceptable at the time, are not appropriate for general consumption today. So I will rework or delete the offending passages so as not to perpetuate the errors.

Obviously those with understanding of historical context are free to request untouched work, but that's not my department.

What happens to them isn't my department either, to be clear.

Guiltless

I never trusted the Warlock. It's all well and good to claim your natural affinity with the power of the cosmos is powerful, but I still think you need to study it first. Otherwise you end up like me, after a botched timehold spell, stuck being able to watch the world pass me by but unable to do anything to it.

But I guess that is in some ways a positive, since nothing that goes wrong now is my fault. All the bad things I've seen, what could I have done?

Wait, you're hearing me, so I could have...

Fuck.

Wake Up Attack

You're supposed to get an hour of recalibration when you emerge from stasisleep, with a couple technicians or at least the AI to help guide you through it.

I got maybe 30 seconds between the emergency wake and the moment when I had to rip the laserifle from the invader's hands and then blow off said hands with said laserifle.

It was like something out of an old video game, the way I had to fight both the invaders and my own inability to focus long enough to realise that the invaders all wore our uniforms until far too late.

Ring Lost And Found

I never begrudged anyone getting married, I was almost invariably happy that the two people involved had found love. Gary and Suzanne were the sole exception since even I knew they weren't good for each other.

But I was steadfast in my belief that it wasn't for me. I was far too selfish, lazy, arrogant, whatever negative adjective you wanted to apply, I probably embodied it. Trying to fit someone else into my life was just far too difficult.

And then Gary and Suzanne divorced, and suddenly everything changed forever.

If you'd met Suzanne's lawyer you'd have been infatuated too.

Bright Vs Dark

It's not exactly a fight between good and evil.

It's been going on since before there was a concept of time for it occur in, before there was a place in which it could be going on.

It's fought on every level of reality, from atomic to cosmic.

It's direct at times, but mostly the two sides take turns to influence and manipulate other beings to do what they want.

It's wrong to assume the bright side is good and the darkness is evil.

The fight being fought by those manipulating the brights and darks though, that is good/evil.

Tracking

I put the poison in the ninth glass. Ninth.

The servant spun the trolley around as they brought it out. There's a hundred forty-four glasses so it's in the hundredth...

No, back around in the elevator, ninth again.

And so now they begin to take them...

Watch the glass, ignore them taking them randomly, just watch the glass.

That one...

That one on the second top level of the pyramid, ok.

And of course it rotates as they pour.

Time it.

Greet the victim.

Get startled by the fireworks.

Lose track.

Guess.

Offer cheers, drink.

Mine is safe...

His...

Lucky!

Draft Entry

"Name?"

"Uh, Null."

There was a long pause.

"And how do you spell that?"

"N, U, double L."

Another long pause.

"Got a first name?"

"Sort of."

"All right, hit me."

"N/A."

"With a slash I presume?"

"You got it!"

He typed the names into the computer.

"So are you trying to ruin the database here for shits and giggles or is this political?"

"Hey, it isn't my fault if your set up isn't-"

The printer spat out his papers.

"John Smith?"

"Not my fault it assigns you a name, private. We got a war to fight here.

Next!"