The Mechanical Turkey

It was the talk of the court, a mechanical wonder that could play a dozen grandmasters of chess at once, and be competitive at it.

Once I was finally able to see the device for myself, although of course its designers refused to let me see the inner workings.

I pointed out to the court that given it needed an even number of players, of white and black, it was merely transferring moves.

So they sat me down and played a solo game.

I was amazed, until I quickly started a second game and it made the exact same moves.

Building Momentum

On our approach to the evil wizard's sanctum, we knew they would be able to detect our approach. And we assumed that they must have seen us as no threat, given that they sent Undead Servants and other pitiful magical beings at us.

But the closer we got, the stronger the summoned minions became, which made sense.

After fighting through a wave of Hellfire Angels, we made it into the sanctum, only to find a dead wizard, and a desperate looking child of said wizard casting spells from the wizard's spellbook in order of entry.

Sadly, Perfect Fireball was next.

Temporal Cogs

There were one hundred and twenty-four points on the timeline that had to remain fixed. New recruits always found that number surprising, followed by being crushed by the realisation that they're not important, and then the real test, when they realised that (by design) their first mission would remove all their loved ones.

The ones who rebelled never seemed to realise during their attempts at stopping us that we're all in control of time machines, and thus if they do refuse orders, we can just go back and stop their recruitment.

They can't believe that time travel explodes heads, surely.

Moving The Bar

He stared, bleary-eyed, at the flashing green bar, willing it to move, to grow.

He'd been here... Far too long, certainly. And he'd be here even longer if the computer didn't just finish installing.

Was it downloading? Unpacking? Repacking? Certainly it was making noises, the cursor moved fine, it wasn't frozen.

Just stationary.

He made a big deal of getting up and going to get a coffee, being careful not to look at the screen until he dramatically took a sip, ready for a spittake.

The bar hadn't moved.

He banged his head on the desk, dislodging the power cord.

2 Coins Worth Of Paperwork

"Name?"

"Impudent fool, do you know who you are addressing?"

"Obviously not, since I'm asking for your name."

"You dare-"

"Although I suppose it's true that I am supposed to go through the checklist with everyone, even if I do know them."

"You are addressing Lord Master Veida, and you-"

"Right, got it. Cause of death?"

"Cause of death? What?"

"You're supposed to have been given an orientation package, that bloody ferryman, he's always slacking off..."

"But... But my plan was perfect! I was to become a god!"

"Yeah, funny how the current one might have issue with that, huh?"

Choice Of Answers

In the village, there was two answers available for any type of question.

If you had a medical question, Doc Sims could answer it, but so could Old Lady McGiven.

A spiritual question? Oh, well Reverend Scott could answer it for a donation, or you could try Jack at the bar, with a different type if donation.

History, well if Professor Glaas didn't know it, then Keoth would explain it for you, even if he didn't know it.

But there was one question asked by most newly grown people.

The answer was either Selina or Mike, depending on your preference.

Space Gumshoe

My assistant Detective (in training) found the holodata crystal in the dead Anvstalight's pouch. She was about to search for info on the extranet, when I stopped her.

I explained on the way over that if we searched upline, we'd be discovered. We'd need a low-tech solution. She pointed out, astutely, that their weren't many aliens on Earth to ask.

Rule of the job, you need to get info on anything alien, you go where you know there's aliens, the red light district.

She assumed I'd have to spend the full hour inside for appearances' sake. I didn't correct her.

Small Text Case

I walked into the room just as he was signing his name to the contract held by horned and red-skinned being. I stuttered slightly as I tried to get out a question as to what he was doing. However he was to respond, I'll never know, given the creature behind him thrust forward, right through the chest, his words dying just before he did.

"You... He did a deal with the devil and didn't include protection?"

The devil chuckled.

"Oh, he did. But why would you assume I'd obide by a contract? What, you think upstairs is gonna do anything?"

Catch A Light

She lit the match with a shaking hand, needing a few strikes on the box before it caught.

Holding it out in front of her, the sole illumination in the room, the red-tinged light danced across the tears on her face.

She had only to drop it, and it would all end. The trail of fuel would catch, the fire would reach the cans, boom.

All the memories. All the pain. All the hatred. Gone.

She watched as the flame consumed the match, until it began to burn her fingers.

She dropped the match.

Then caught it with her foot.

Like The Wind

When he spurred his horse to try and outrun the law, the wind was brisk, the fog heavy.

When his horse had dropped dead at a point halfway up the mountain, the wind had been strong and the snowfall light.

When he got to the ridge near the top of the  mountain, the wind was intense and the track murderous.

When his luck changed and he saw the cave opening, the wind was gale force and the opening inviting.

When he settled down in the cave, the wind was outside and the sherrif already in the cave was heavily armed.

Message Delivered

The spacecraft landed in an otherwise unimportant field just outside the city. The field itself was empty, but for a mile around it there were thousands of scientists, soldiers, and various other government officials.

The hatch opened a few moments after landing, and the mechanical being slowly walked out, carrying a silver tube.

Every attempt to communicate with the being, from musical notes to bullets failed to stop it. It just kept walking, leaping over any obstacle it couldn't avoid.

Until it reached a house in the suburbs, where the shapechanged Niollmic swore he'd pay for quiet shipping next time.

Unwilling Lifebond

The Fairyfolk have by now removed any threat humans could pose to them. They long ago mastered passing as humans, then invisibility came soon after. Every human weapon was useless against them, and they could now just wait them out and then fix the planet.

However, there was one possible problem, as a human could, in theory, create an Unwilling Lifebond and forever link their destiny and life with a Fairyfolk. But any human who studied long enough to know the correct spell they would sense.

Unless a papercut caused a gamer to draw a Spiritsymbol as they chanted in-character.

Why The Jury Found Her Guilty

The foreman was just happy there was a consensus.

Juror #1 just wanted to go home.

Juror #2 genuinely believed the accused was guilty.

Juror #3 was racist.

Juror #4 was sexist.

Juror #5 was racist and sexist.

Juror #6 actually believed she was innocent, but was too shy to speak up about it.

Juror #7 wasn't sure about the suspect's guilt, but felt they hadn't served enough time on their previous sentence.

Juror #8 just went with the group.

Jurors #9 and #10 hated her religion.

And Juror #11 knew who actually did it and couldn't believe their luck.

Missed Step

We were halfway through salvaging the spaceship when the Lawtype docked. We had just enough time to hide in the weapon storage room before bootfall.

I had no time to panic before Screwdriver pointed to a panel.

"Open, get ready to pull red, then jump."

I did as she said, opening the panel to find a bunch of red cables. As i got a grip, Screwdriver turned all the energy bolt magazines into a giant battery.

She should have told me to let go of the artificial gravity cables once I pulled them if she was gonna electrocute the ship.

To Midnight

I sat by my phone, the timer on it counting down, as I stared at the door.

In a few short moments, it would be midnight. And at midnight, it would be a new year. And the new year that came without my stupid step-child paying off the debt they owed to my family would be the year my deceased partner's estate would be all mine.

My phone beeped as midnight struck.

I went to call my broker, when I saw the email from the bank from a few hours prior of the massive transfer my step-child had sent though.

The Purpose

Not that there was much of a point
To anything, sorry to disappoint

I know many of you were hoping
For one to use for your coping.

But no, this all was just chance
An unguided mess of a cosmic dance

If you found purpose in this mess
Then to this point I must really stress

You're welcome to have it for your own
To measure out your own lives that you've sown

But that's all it can be
Leave others alone and free
Their futures are theirs to decree
Not yours, signed, the force that will forever oversee

Notgod.

Cocky Ring Wearer

It took him five years of travelling the lands, exploring and fighting, to collect ten rings of various powers. Which worked well, until he gained a ring of antifall.

But at the suggestion of one of his fellow mercenaries, he slid the ring onto his toe, and it still worked. So for the next three years he was fine, as he collected nine more rings.

Then came the twenty-first ring, one of immense power. But he still wanted the rest of them. But he had a solution.

He hung it on a necklace.

What else did you think he'd do?

Stream Transcript

"Um, so hi, welcome to the Spin Cycle. On today's stream, I'm going to, like, be playing through Sonic 2 as Knuckles, and-"

*splash*

"Oh, thank you Al_Scarface for the donation of ten thousand dollars, very generous. Anyway, as I was-"

*splash*

"Tommy_DeLay with the five thousand dollars , thank you so much!"

*splash*

"Swiss_Banker420 with the twenty thousand, man you are all so kind to the stream tonight, so why don't we-"

*knocking*

"Uh, be right back, someone's at my door."

*smashing*

"Mayer Plansky, you are under arrest for money laundering, you have the right to, wait turn that off!"

Generation Translation

The Captain had volunteered for the mission since he was so close to retirement, he knew and accepted the ship had a good chance of not coming back.

No-one had ever flown so close to a singularly like this, but given it was approaching Earth, we needed to investigate.

His message back about the singularity's actions and appearance had a reference to a vinyl record skipping, which I translated for the tech boys as a social media video looping, to help.

And that was why we all died, because a social media video is supposed to loop. A record isn't.

Battery

I got about ten or so solid strikes across the back of him before the baseball bat began to splinter. So I turned to throw it into the bin, when I saw her, our eyes meeting as she peeked down the stairs into the basement.

I turned back and made sure the guy was still secured before I slowly headed up the stairs while trying to work out how to explain everything.

But all she was upset about was that I broke her baseball bat. I promised to buy her a new one then went back down to finish up.

Risk And Opportunity

I first saw the tattoo as he reached up to stack toilet cleaner on the aisle 7, section 12, shelf 2. Three Chinese Hanzi characters. I instantly knew the backstory, and how it clearly meant 'fate' or some such according to him. At least it wasn't a swear word, he got off light with 'bulldog'.

When we were on break, I asked him (slyly) what it meant. He told me it was his horoscope, how he was Taurus in one system, born in the year of the Dog in the other, thus he was a Bulldog.

I was very disappointed.

Appetite For Destructive Experimentation

Children have an instinctual need to explore and experiment with destruction.

Not just by slamming one thing against another, although that is indeed an example of said need, but involving the forces they barely understand.

Fire is the classic one, easily controllable (It seems) but so capable of destruction.

Electricity is the choice of those of a more aggressive or inquisitive nature, more mysterious, more useful, more deadly.

But gravity? That can certainly draw attention, but not for long. Dropping things is the limit of the destructive power available.

Except your child. They can wield it like fire.

Not good.

Non-Drabble: "Discworld: Streets Of Anhk-Morpork" (Fiasco Game Module)

Previously on this blog, I have shared with you Fiasco game modules I have written/run at RPG cons down here in Australia, Star Trek - Fargo Station and Fallout: New Vegas - Dishonest Hearts specifically. Well, time has come for another one, this one set in the Discworld universe. Intro and link just over the page break...

(Tilt and aftermath tables are the same as the base game.)

Dying Wish Foundation

The Dying Wish Foundation was, like the rest of the planet, winding down its operations. The celebrity board members, plus one of the richer business leader member had gotten passage on one of the colony ships, everyone else in the company was supposed to just accept their fates calmly.

But they had this one last request, and although many of the citizens leaving found it in poor taste, they went through with putting young cancer suffering Martin in charge of the planet as they left.

When the sun didn't blow up and the ships turned around, King Martin opened fire.

Threaded

The Timeline Weaver was not a being one could easily bargain with. They needed little, and felt compelled to do their duty in protecting the timeline's shape and course.

But difficult is not the same as impossible.

The Weaver quickly secreted the item upon their person and then held out his hand, a thread of gold light flowing out from the tapestry, slowly turning black, given I was changing all things.

"So, Power? Money? 'The One?"

I pulled out some silk.

"Put me into this one."

Being the most important and sole being in a universe lived up to expectations.

Mealtime

The call came just before lunchtime. The children were in the other room, so they decided to not tell them until after the meal.

It wasn't what they would have chosen for their last meal together, but they made do, using up all the cheese, allowing double helpings of relish, and ice cream for dessert.

The younger children enjoyed the meal, but the eldest became more and more silent as the meal continued, until they demanded to know what was going on.

Father agreed to tell them, in the other room, leading them outside and to the waiting collection officers.

Two Deepgulches

The guy who drew the maps for the government had a bit too much whisky the night before he drew this area. He put Deepgulch about ten miles north of where it actually was.

Now, the locals knew where it was, but all the stagecoaches and traveller types relied on the maps.

So the O'Malley boys set up shop at 'Deepgulch', and soon there was two of the damn towns.

Now, this was fine, until we struck gold here in Deepgulch. Because everyone came to 'Deepgulch' greedy.

The rioting forced the local sherrifs to get the maps fixed at least.

Simulation Missions

I was there by his side as he sat up. Transitioning between the simulation and the real world was always difficult, never getting easier. I passed him a cup, and he drank, deeply.

"That was a close one."

I tapped at the display for a moment.

"We're safe, I think."

He slowly swiveled on the chair, lowering his legs to the ground. Control of your legs always took a moment.

"Good, good. I'd hate to ruin everything by bringing the copyright cops down on us. Anyway, those three supermodels loaded next door yet?"

I nodded as I summoned a cocktail.

Not Under Her Power

I sat down with my servant Erip, after I confirmed she wasn't under a glamour, as I did every morning.

We had been hunting this vampire for months now, and she was always one step ahead, always managing to avoid the traps I set up, the attacks I made. I was beginning to suspect the vampire had a spy.

Before I could ask Erip if she could trust all her suppliers, she opened a scroll and I was suddenly unable to move beyond breathing.

She explained sunlight just removed her powers as she began to drain my blood for later.

Sacrifices On Multiple Fronts

An hour before dawn, my knights gathered in my tent. Before them, my wisemen had drawn up a map.

I explained that to win the battle, we would need to fight on multiple fronts, and that sacrifices would need to be made. Half would charge the opposing forces via the valley, the other half attacking via the wetlands, which would be at low tide.

But their opposing numbered knights would be taken by surprise, I assured them, given the noblewoman who had willingly been captured would 'distract' them all night.

Like I said, multiple fronts, and sacrifices would be made.

The Aleppo PA Bank Job

The Aleppo PA Bank Job was one of those crimes that people forget about, despite the attention at the time. There was no giant shootout with police, no seduction of workers for keys, no intricate and complex machinery.

Four guys with shotguns, a driver, a few million dollars in cash.

It got some attention at the time, but after a while, people forgot about it, they never found the money or the perps after all.

And that's because they didn't ask the right questions.

Like, for instance, is it possible the bank never had that money it claimed insurance on?