A Vital Conversation

“… Suspects heading East …”

“Mind hitting something with those shots?” he said in a broad Australian accent.

“Hey, fuck you, anybody else is this situation would shit a Miata.” came the reply in an equally broad Brooklyn accent.

“… The fuck’s a Miata?”

“Huh?”

“What’s a Miata?”

“Really? You’re asking something like that NOW?”

“You brought it up!”

“Geez, calm down! It’s a car, all right?”

“Fine.”

“… Suspects heading North …”

“Is it a big car?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, it’s just a fucking saying, it doesn’t fucking matter, just keep a-“

“ … Suspects have crashed …”

 (Thanks to Jed for the suggestion!)

Rebuilding Blocks

“And here is our lab, where we help Goddess Nature out and use the latest in scientific advances to help those animals who need it.”

I paused, my hand around the jar of rhinoceros semen that I had just gotten out of the cold storage. I set my smile to dazzling and turned around.

“Hi folks!” I said, as the tourists all dutifully filmed me and looked about.

“Dan here is one our finest technicians, he almost single-handedly saved the Panda population here on Earth.”

“Oh it was nothing, once we got rid of those Human pests, the Earth recovered…”

(Thanks to Thomas for the challenge!)

Market Forces

“So what’s the catch?”

“No catch.”

“You expect me to believe that? You’re selling this stuff with buy one, get two free? No-one gives away this quality merch at that price!”

His smiled remained fixed.

“No no, I just need the cash quick.”

I stared at him, then back at the suitcases filled with the packets of white powder.

“You gotta have a sniff before I buy.”

His smile got wider.

“Not a problem!”

He quickly opened a bag, and then threw the powder in my face. I coughed, inhaled…

And saw the light.

I turned to him and smiled.

(Thanks to Lee for the suggestion!)

The Final Boss

It all began once video games became accepted as art.

Not to say that was a bad thing, but once that got in, then everything wanted to become known as art. Cars, guns, anything made was art. Junkyards became exhibitions.

Then came ‘Bodyart’. Not tattoos, now people were scarring themselves, giving themselves illnesses as ‘art’.

But what was ‘true’ art to do? They tried to push the boundaries, tried to move the goalposts, but soon what was once ‘mindblowingly offensive’ quickly became ‘Tuesday morning’.

Eventually, we managed to outsmart them. We declared Earth to be Art, and that ended it.

(Thanks to Ron for the suggestion!)

Messenger Of The Gods

We dragged the virgin towards the altar. She screamed and pulled against us, just like every other one before her, but our grip was tight.

The priest watched over us, draped in his ceremonial robes of red and yellow, as we shacked the girl to the block, spreading her limbs, readying her for judgement.

The priest approached The Gods’ Messenger, and knelt before it.

“O Lords, what is your will?”

The Messenger began to communicate in its unworldly voice.

An Octagon… Octagon… Octagon…. The cow goes Mooooooo.

The priest turned.

“The Gods are pleased with this offering!”

He stabbed her.

(Thanks to Michael for the challenge!)

Site News: Challenge Week!

So I'm going old school, and going back to the original way Drabbles were done, or at least how they became popular online. I've got some random starting points and over the coming weekish I'll be using them as a basis. If you have a random phrase you want to challenge me with, let me know below or on Twitter (@MassiveQ) or any other way. Thanks for reading!

One Size Fits All

“I’ve cracked women!”

“No you haven’t.”

“Have too! We both know that they only date bastards, right?”

“Stereotypically.”

“And when they get cheated on they cry about wanting a nice guy, but won’t give us nice guys time of day, right?”

“You’ve ‘cracked’ women. You’re not nice.”

“See, I’ve worked out that they want to turn a bastard into a nice guy. They want to work at it, that’s what’s missing! Come on, we’re going out to prove my theory correct.”

He got fifteen or so drinks in the face before he met two of his future ex-wives that night.