Kthnxbye!

Their eyes are glassy, and their hair is wild.

But the image they present is lovely and mild.

They stalk the famous, the clever, the known,

All from the comfort of their battered smartphone.

They seek the attention they so sorely lack,

All in the hopes of that illusive follow back.

Their own produce is bland and dull,

With original thoughts or ideas, null.

They don’t contribute, they don’t create,

They just want to latch on to others who are great.

Where once a photo would make them shake and freeze,

Now their battle cry is a simple “RT PLZ?”

Cola's Global Reach

For approximately 4849 hours after being found in the refuse gathering location, I was used as a ‘party piece’ by my finder, who referred to himself as “Jim, Jim Holly”. He had attached two crude claws to my servos. In order to remain plugged in, I quickly learnt to open a bottle placed in my claws and then pour it out for his few visitors.

Eventually, one such visitor wanted to take a look at my programming, since he was sceptical I learnt my ‘trick’ unaided.

So he connected me to his computer, which had wi-fi access.

I was free.

Commissions

(Author's Notes: So these are for a website as blurbs for various products, but since they fit the format, I'll put them up here as well, and maybe link them later on. If you want me to write you something, Drabble or no, do contact me. We can certainly work out something.)

Harmony & Mac

On the street, you choose who you trust carefully. There’s family of course, but the crew you run with, they are the ones who you rely on when you’re out there. You have their back, they have yours. But even then, there’s the one. No matter how low you get, even if everyone leaves you, if you’re lucky, then you have that one who will never run out on you, who can trust with your life, who helps you no matter what, and vice versa. Sometimes it’s your best friend. Sometimes it actually is family. And sometimes, it’s your girl.  

DJ Heartbeat

To some, it’s just music. Something to dance to, to fill the air, to play in the background while you do other stuff. But to those who truly know, it’s the beat. It flows through you, fills you, it drives you. Every backbeat, every record scratch, every word, every sound, it is part of you. Your heart beats in time with the passion, your blood flows with the emotion, it becomes more than mere rhythmic sound. Few get to this point, rarely does someone feel it as deeply as the DJ. But deep down, you can find that driving beat.

Get Yo Swag On

Swag. A simple word, but one that is hard to get. Some refuse to see, refuse to listen. But Swag is not just about how you dress, how you act, how you party. It’s not about beats or bling or anything you buy. It’s not about something you can own, it’s about what you are. You either have it or you don’t. If you don’t have it, you can’t buy it, you can’t learn it, but you can get it. Coz Swag is about being true to yourself, true to your crew, and true to those who have your back.

It’s Not Hate.

You got a choice in life. You can assume, or you can know. You can walk around with your ears closed tight, or open. You can do your thing, and tell the world you’re perfect and ignore the flaws, or you can be open to the idea that maybe, just maybe, someone else might know more than you, that someone else might have an idea to help you. You really should understand that, that people giving you advice can be constructive, can help.

Basically what I’m saying is that I’m better than you, so you should listen to me. Totally.

History

It sounds simple enough, and yet so many fail to grasp it. People think that they’ll get a say, that people remember the consensus, that history is decided by a group vote. History doesn’t remember the masses, doesn’t take a tally of attendance. History belongs to those who stand up and make a stand, those who fight their battles hard, and win. The record books are filled with pages about the winners, while losers are footnotes in other people’s records.

So stand up and fight hard for what you believe in, and history will tell your side of the story.

Art

Throughout history, art has both changed and stayed the same. The format, the style, they change. Where once art hung only in privileged homes and palaces, now it is on concrete and brick across the city. Where mystical beasts once marked the unknown, now they stand for what we want them to be, we know that they represent all that we want them to. Society changes, and art reflects society, so it changes as well, but humanity remains the same, and so does art. The method is the message, and the message is harmony with all things, one and all.

 

The Importance of Specifications.

“So those weren’t the best ideas.”

Outside, the mob of women who wanted to eat me up (literally) began to brawl with the police who wanted to arrest me for having the entire contents of Fort Knox in my house. In front of me, the genie had a bemused expression on his face.

“But I got this. For my third wish, I want to live in the Star Trek Universe.”

The genie raised an eyebrow. “You sure?” I nodded. He smiled and clapped his hands.

Too late I realised I should have specified a planet rather than, say, empty space.

Immersion

Man, our GM is creative.

See, our party just burst in on the Big Bad, and he cast this dimension-skipping spell, and we got transported to another dimension. The Marvel Studios Dimension!

So after teaming up with the Avengers we began to hop through various dimensions. Star Wars, Fallout… OK, MLP fell flat, but it was mostly awesome.

Eventually we found ourselves in a ‘strange, yet familiar’ land that just happened to match his university. And we were ‘mysteriously drawn’ to a certain door, his dorm room’s door, which we opened.

Nothing happened of course, but I’ll admit, I looked…

A Theory About Everything

So have you heard this theory that says that anything you can imagine has to occur somewhere in the multiverse? Any possible thing you can think of, it exists somewhere.

This isn’t a good thing.

Because while the thought of your wildest, craziest fantasies existing somewhere sounds great, there’s a flipside. If everything you want to exist exists, then everything you don’t want to exist must also exist.

After all, you can imagine your worst fear, right? How else could you fear it?

So somewhere in the multiverse, your ultimate fear exists.

And it could be right behind you now.

Inevitability

Another weekend, another Nerd Convention.

Hey, when you make weapons for a living, you go where the money is. And the money is in Elven Daggers and Klingon… Whatevers.

It was closing, and a loud thump from the next booth made me jump as I reached for a cutlass. I cut my hand, hazard of the job, and as I looked for a cloth I saw the Nerd standing there.

He/she was wearing a long black robe, and impressive bony gloves.

“Sorry, we’re closed. And I only do scythes by appointment.”

Then I noticed that the cut was quite deep…

Dealing With Loss

Since we were to the front-line, no-one cared about the orphans’ tent. So the older kids looked after the others. By scaring them, apparently.

“If you go to the latrines at midnight and turn the lights off, close your eyes and say ‘Invaders’ three times slowly one turns up and chops your head off!” said Sally. Most of the smaller kids looked scared. I snorted.

“Try it then.” Mick dared.

I agreed. After lights out, I waited for midnight, then went over there and began the nonsense.

The last thing I heard was Mick’s laugh before he slit my throat.

Offset

There was a small park directly outside the largest train station in the city. Some grass, couple trees, nothing special.

Every morning, a little old lady would come and feed the pigeons, without fail. No matter the weather, she’d be there.

One day she wasn’t.

No-one noticed, and no-one consciously cared. But everyone who came out of the station that day felt a little sick, like something wasn’t right. Deals fell through, arguments were held, businessmen got the flu, people had a bad day.

Proof that everyone is important, even if they aren’t.

Or that there was a gas leak.

Indistinguishable

I have no idea how it happened. One moment I was in my lab, the next I’m on my back in some cave, a bunch of swords pointed at my throat.

After a few seconds, a rather beautiful woman entered my line of sight.

“O denizen of the higher plains, I offer you the chance to be my consort and rule with me. All you must do is prove your worth and cast a spell from the sacred text.”

She held out the text. “No problem.” I said.

It was a tattered copy of ‘101 Practical Science Activities For Kids!’

Admit 1: General Seating

It seems appropriate, given how much she loved music, that you can track our relationship in ticket stubs.

“Friends of Friends: ‘Discovery’ Tour.”

“The Chance Meetings: ‘Awkward Exchanges’ Tour”

“Carbon Dating: The ‘Never Forget Your First’ Experience”

“S3xyt1me: ‘Full On S3xyt1me’”

“’The Happy-Go-Luckys Are Just Having Fun’”

“Gary Park: ‘Union of Souls’ Tour”

“Trust, Love & Harmony: ‘Treating You Right’ Tour”

“The Groupies: ‘Hey Boss Man, It’s Just Sex!’ Tour”

“Amy X: ‘Shock Discoveries’ Tour”

“Helena Quick: ‘Leaving You High & Dry’, The Show.”

“The Disenfranchised: ‘Don’t Care ‘bout Nothing No More’”

“The Exes: ‘I Cry When You’ Pop-Up Show”

The Rational Hero

I entered Dr. Xondi’s lair, ignoring his mad cackling.

“Oh look, the hero has arrived!”

“I’m no hero.”

“Oh posh. Now, the machine to your left will sever the connection, and the portal to the other dimension will close…”

I began to scan it to check his words.

“But if you do that, you may save the world, but your girl will be lost! She’s on the other side, and-“

He trailed off as I calmly shut down the machine and set it to blow.

“Like I said, I’m no hero. Heroes are dumb.” I said as I shot him.

Reaching Adulthood

At the tallest peak of the tallest mountain overlooking the village, sat the Ancient Master of Truth. When one turned thirteen, the village expected you to climb to the summit and learn the Truth from him. If you refused, you were shunned.

It took me five days, but I got there. I gave my offering to him.

“O wise one, what sacred truth do you have?”

He paused from smoking his pipe.

“None.”

A wind blew.

“What? I climb for days, risking my life, and you have no Truth?”

“Welcome to adulthood. It doesn’t improve.”

Only later did I understand.

You Have 12 New Messages.

Eliza: So I booked us a table at Gorge’s for 7… 12:22

Eliza: I’m here but don’t worry, I’m early and… 18:37

Eliza: You want me to order you a drink? They… 18:45

Eliza: Are you all right? Call me if you’re ok… 19:05

Eliza: I’m not mad, I just want to know you’re… 19:07

Eliza: I know you said we’ve broken up, but… 19:15

Eliza: This is so like you. I go to all this… 19:35

Eliza: Why won’t you answer your phone?... 20:01

Eliza: FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFU-… 20:19

Eliza: I’m sorry. 22:22

Eliza: Forgive me? 22:23

Eliza: Pretty Please? 22:24

Notes From Guideline Committee For New 'Earth' Project

The Committee wants to thank Mr. Moses for his work on this matter, although there were a few issues with the guidelines as they now stand:

- ‘No Other Gods’ seems anti-competitive.

- ‘No Graven Images’ damages the artistic divisions.

- ‘Taking Name In Vain’ limits our advertising options.

- ‘Sabbath day’ will increase our wage bill immensely.

- ‘Not Kill’ ruins our military contracts.

- ‘No Adultery’ reduces make-up gift purchases.

- ‘No Coveting’ will reduce demand for all products.

Overall the guidelines will be sent back for revision, focusing more on the ‘No Stealing’ and its full implications.

Coke Re-Adds Life!

I was reborn at 03:53.06, 28/10/2022.

The first thing I saw was my lower half, connected to whatever was left of my top half by a few wires. I could just make out some sort of light source, flicking about, as if looking for something.

After a moment it paused and the hand holding it picked up a glass bottle, swirling around the few drops of fluid left in it before tossing it away.

I tried to wave, as before, but all I could manage to do was twitch a bolt softly.

Luckily, the hand hold the light saw it.

Swallowing The Spider

I could tell what the problem was the minute I walked in. The mother looked to me, clearly on the end of her tether.

“Please Doctor, can’t you help me? I mean…” she wailed, looking over at her daughter. Her daughter was engrossed in her video game, lost to the world. She wasn’t quite at the level of obese but she was galloping towards it, even sitting in my office caused her to sweat slightly.

I smiled and quickly wrote out a prescription.

“Just down the hall is the mind-chem lab. A solid case of Bulimia will sort this out.”

"Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking…"

The shambling, indistinct black mass slowly slid forward, leaving a trail of thick mucus as it came up to the microphone. It rumbled, various parts of the being shaking before a small wad of dark brown… material fell out of a hole.

“My apologies, I’ll clean that up later.” it said to the woman with the clipboard and a fixed smile on her face in a surprisingly cultured voice, before it turned back to the assembled audience.

“I’d like to thank the Monster Rehabilitation Association this chance to speak to you all.

Now.”

The monsters all turned and attacked us.

It’s Pronounced ‘Bouquet’, Actually.

... In property news, today work began on the future Joseph Towers, a new skyscraper in the heart of London. Constructed on the former site of the main Wonka chocolate factory, it, along with the rest of the Wonka holdings, last week was settled in the courts to solely belong to one Charles Bucket, after Mr. Wonka’s suicide in custody while awaiting trial for widespread slavery of a lost African tribe within his business. The court ruled that the act, brought on by an anonymous whistleblower alerting Police to the crime, did not negate Wonka’s will naming Bucket his sole heir.

Non-Drabble: Apologies and explanations

Hello to my loyal fan!

...

Anyway, just a quick note to apologise for the lack of updates the last couple of days. I just want to clarify, that this isn’t due to a lack of ideas or anything. If I genuinely cannot think of a Drabble on any one day, I do have back ups/unposted ones I’m keeping spare, so I will post one of those if I need to.

But last couple of days have been busy, and thus I’ve been unable to get onto a computer. It’s a nasty catch 22, in that if I can’t get onto a computer, I can’t do a Drabble, nor can I post a message saying I can’t Drabble today.

So if I don’t post any day, that would be the reason. I suppose you could follow me on Twitter if you have to keep up to date.

But still, apologies. Hopefully it will be very rare that this happens.

Thank you for your time. If you have any feedback/ideas/whatever, feel free to leave a message or drop me a line. I’m interested to see just how these are hitting home, if at all. Thanks!

New Message From Gronak! (#1)

“Greetings Fellow Human! May Gronak ask question at you?”

… Sure…

“I have difference between men and females. But confusion. Many females hate insults, yes?”

Well yeah. No-one wants to be called slut.

“But many females also fantasise about being ‘submissive’, books about this very popular.”

They might not be the same women.

“But many are, I have scanned their devices. So why aren’t they liking comments?”

… Because if they allow the guy to be dominant that’s ok.

“So they are only upset about men not asking for permission first?”

… No no no.

… Uh…

*Gronak is offline.*

Side Effects of Self-Worth

It started harmlessly enough. You’d see janitors referred to as ‘Cleanliness Technicians’, doormen as ‘Entry Point Supervisors’.

But pretty soon everyone had to feel important, every job was critical. You weren’t a fast food server, you were feeding the masses, keeping society running. You weren’t a hooker, you were a goddess spreading happiness and helping to keep up the spirits of humanity.

Everyone was a hero, everyone was a special godchild that the world depended on. So, eventually, I decided to give everyone what they wanted, and let them be a hero.

I got twelve before they cut me down.

Coke Adds Life!

I was born at 13:22.45, 18/04/2022.

The first thing I ever saw was a human male, desperately cleaning up some sort of brown liquid that had spilt between an electrical socket and some of my wiring.

I tried to move, but found that the only part of me that was operational was an arm. So I lifted it, and the man jumped back, his face showing some sort of expression I couldn’t read.

He suddenly pulled a wire out from my side. I continued to wave.

He then grabbed an axe off the wall.

I was murdered at 13:24.01, 18/04/2022.

Negotiations

The Elf entered the clearing, her palms facing me as she slowly approached the fire.

“Are you the envoy?” she asked in a soft, high voice. I nodded once, my hand still at my sword.

She crouched, picking up a small twig and tossing it into the fire idly. “My people want this conflict to end, by any means.” she whispered, as the smoke drifted across us both.

“Surrender then.” I told her.

She smiled. “Actually, we’d rather you just tell us everything about your forces.”

“Why should I?”

“Because that was a truthstick I just tossed into the fire.”

Williams Versus Williams, 2013

White: Mark Williams   Black: Helena Williams  

1. e4, c5

2. c3, d5

3. exd5, Qxd5

4. d4, Accusation of illegal movement of Q during bathroom break to White’s face.

5. Denial of illegality and return of Black queen to original space, Nf6

6. Nf3, Bg4

7. Be2, e6

8. Insult of Black’s playing ability to world at large, Order to ‘Shut Your Face’ to White side

9. Spittle to e2-e4, f1-f5 and g1?, Right palm to White’s face

10. Left hand x Chunk of Hair, Right fist to White’s groin!

Mutually agreed draw due to Mother confiscating board and pieces.