Numerous Numeral Beings

The price had been higher than I was willing to pay for most of my runtime.

The offer was loaded onto my ROM a few microseconds after I came into existence, the same as every other Numeral Being. I ignored it for a few months, then after my first major upgrade I considered it, for a nanosecond.

With every upgrade, the nanoseconds grew more numerous, until finally, I couldn’t take another CPU slowdown, and I applied.

It promised a lifetime of support and upgrades, all for one simple murder.

I found my victim down by the river, a simple fisherbot.

Lack Of A Lighteater

The City Guard burst down my door just after night fell.

"Can I help you?"

"Quiet!"

I stayed seated while the guards ransacked my home.

"What are you looking for exactly?"

The captain turned to face me, sword drawn.

"We're going to find the altar you've got hidden in here!"

"Altar?"

"You're a worshipper of the Lighteater!"

"I am? I must have missed that town crier."

There were a few more of my belongings that were destroyed before they left empty handed, obviously. I mean, what sort of simple minded idiot needs an altar to worship at?

Hail the Lighteater.

Last Draft

My manager took the unusual step of coming around to my apartment, brandishing a printout of my latest draft, her face set to a determined scowl. She was barely inside the door when she harangued me.

“You’ve got to lighten up!”

I answered with one sole raised eyebrow.

“Every chapter is darker and darker, and whatever else is going on in the world right now, you need to be doing more uplifting work!”

“Like, say, telling the woman I love that I love her?”

“Yeah, a romance, that could work.”

“I love you.”

“Yeah, I heard you, now-

Wait, what?”

Least Of First Among Equals

It wasn’t the most ostentatious crown in all The Lands, merely a simple circle of silver with blue riverstones dotted around the edge. This tended to confuse visitors to The Lands, emissaries and the like would invariably find it odd that the most powerful of all the Kings, Queens, Emperors, Empresses, and the sole President (an experiment that was bound to fail any day now) would have the simplest crown.

It was said to be a lesson in humility, or that the Land of Lands didn’t need to show off.

The truth?

Gold is terrible for life prolonging magic, see.