Clean And Tidy

The robot had its task, keep the property clean. And with its solar recharge station, it could, and did, do it indefinitely. When the paint flaked off the walls of the house, it cleaned them up. When the walls came down, it cleaned them up too.

As years became decades, the property stayed clean, tidy. Eventually humanity began to expand back towards the cities, and the robot was found.

The settlers tried to reprogram the robot, but just changed its parameters.

When the blood was shed, it cleaned it up. When the bodies piled up, it cleaned them up too.

Passing Judgement

He was one of the most prolific Adjudicators in history, and he was about to die.

For over fifty years, he served the crown by travelling the land and killing those accused of crimes. The Gods were known to exist, thus letting their infallible judgement determine innocence and guilt was the moral thing to do.

He was sure of it, and so when he died, he expected greetings and fast-tracked Heaven.

All he got was an endless sea of people, all of whom had been waiting to pass judgement on him for what he had done.

Most of it negative.

Cold

The storm lashed the windows, the house lights flickering on and off with every gust of wind.

Every time the darkness came back, he pulled a little away from the circle, content to let them drink and smoke. Soon he was alone, exploring this house all by himself. The coat rack gave him a fright, as did the kitchen door.

But then, accompanied by a crash of lightning, he heard a scream, cut off. He rushed back to the party, and they were all dead.

He realised none of them had worn a jacket just as the killer struck him.

The Dazed Postman Skit

There was always another stage, another audience.

He'd nailed down the act twenty years ago, and worked out every possible 'ad-lib' ten years ago.

It was a perfect act, never failed to bring the house down, it was his livelihood. He travelled the world on this sketch.

And then one day, he got a huge offer, a month"s worth of paychecks to perform the skit at the TV studio.

He did the performance, got great reviews, and went back to touring around.

But now there were no more stages or audiences, people has seen it now.

What else was on?

Shapeshifter Collector

It was a machine that appeared in various places, at various times, with various brightly colored signage.

Sometimes it offered a free beverage for a simple quiz. Sometimes it was a touchscreen only ATM. Every four years it was a voting booth.

It just moved about, collecting fingerprints, each one stored in non-powered memory banks. Looking, searching, seeking out one that matched the one in its ROM.

The A.I didn't know what would happen when it found them, that subroutine was hidden. It had hoped it could convey a message.

Instead it blew up, killing the shapeshifting alien using it.

John_Smith 2.0

It had taken decades to program, but John_Smith 2.0 was the end of money. Instead of relying on dumb pieces of metal, coin, or plastic to represent the concept of a unit of value, the computer network instead constantly calculated value and more importantly complex multi-stage bartering, wherein everyone traded at once, and society was improved, each to their ability and value, they could get what they wanted.

This worked well for a decade, until an all powerful being who could do anything with near zero energy entered the market and ruined it all for everyone via superhero causes hyperinflation.

The Old Witches' Cottage

The old witches' house wasn't actually anything to do with witches, it was just an old shack just on the edge between the village and the forest. No-one knew why it was called that, but what everyone knew but pretended they didn't was that it was where teenagers hung out, smoked a little, maybe fooled around. It kept them out of the way, and safe.

That is, until the day there was a party there, every teenager in town piled in, and then they all vanished.

They were last spotted near that nice clean cottage on the edge of town.

Complications

The plan started simple. Interrupt the van as it transported the loot, and then steal it.

Then came the idea to him them as they loaded the loot on, saving roadwork, but then needing a more complex plan of attack.

And then the driver knew a guy who could pawn the loot quicker, but was a state over, which made things even more complicated.

Then the boss called us together and demanded we do this without loud guns, for fear of the cops.

This led to a very simple plan, as ratting to the Fuzz proved to be extremely easy.

Hard Choices

Her childhood sweetheart had given her an ultimatum when they turned 18, chasing her dreams, or him. She chose the music.

Her manager had given her a choice when she was 20. Flirt, or worse, with the head of the record label, or risk her career on the strength of her demo tape alone. She chose the sure thing.

Her fans had given her a choice when she was 24. Stick to giving them what they expected, or be creative and possibly lose them. She chose to play it safe.

In the end, was she happy?

Of course she was!

Silent Orbit

He was supposed to be one of three people on the station high above the world, but after the other two left at the end of their stint, the replacements never arrived.

But the station was mostly automated, so he could run the station solo. And he had access to TV.

So he had a front row seat to watch as the world quickly imploded. Unable to communicate (HQ had stopped responding months prior), only able to observe and hope.

Then a missile was launched, and he moved the station in the way, which at least saved some people.

Temporarily.

Legs For Days

The Mistress left me very detailed instructions as to the maintenance of her wardrobe. I had to memorize every one of her measurements, and then every week I was to update her clothing so as she would remain stylish, no matter when she woke up.

For centuries, I saw the hemlines rise steadily, my concern growing. Mistress' nature would be obvious to all with such short skirts. I feared reprisal.

She wasn't happy when she awoke, until I showed her the internet, and she learned that the term 'alternative' would explain 'tattoed' and 'surgically modified' legs. All four of them.

Jane Doe

My name is Jane Doe, at least as far as you need to know. I specialise in the location and retrieval of misplaced objects.

No, I don't need a reason why something is misplaced where it is, as long as you're paying, I can locate and retrieve it.

No, I don't divulge my techniques. You shouldn't know how I retrieve items. Easier for everyone, lets you speak with conviction to your innocence later.

No, I don't offer discounts for any sob stories.

Yes, I take credit cards.

I located and retrieved a lost girl for a banker once.

Well, 'lost'.

Vale Larry Csonka

He would want me to write today.

He had such a drive, so prolific at his job, and yet still had time to encourage and work with me to make me better. And while he would totally understand my having to take a day off for any reason but especially to grieve, I think he'd not want to be the cause of it.

He lived as good a life as you can expect, he'd say. Don't let him stop me from working.

Or maybe not. At least he'd appreciate a good word count for a given topic.

Vale Larry Csonka.

Time Flies

They're tiny little creatures, no bigger than your fist. Those who can see them say they're a faint blue color.

They're from the space between universes, and they feed on the fabric of spacetime, taking the energy of existence itself to prolong their own impossible existence.

For most, they do not exist, as they cannot sense or even comprehend them. For a few, they're pests, getting in the way as they live their powerful lives.

Me? They represent hope. Hope that since spacetime can be destroyed, it can therefore be altered, fixed.

It's been a decade since I lost them.

Cut_numbers.POP

Once USBrain drives became common, the market for knowledge matrixes (once they were named after that movie, no-one could agree on the plural) exploded. And while there were plenty of regulated and tested ones that did a little, everyone also had a bunch of homemade ones that had been uploaded to ultratorrents.

And sure, everyone ran virus checkers and code-testers, but those simple little programettes that would automatically take over if you were trapped in an elevator, or attacked by a guy with a knife, few people checked what they'd actually do.

"Plunge neck towards knife" isn't a good plan.

Survey

"Do you have time for a short survey? Please click 'Yes' or 'No'!"

*clicks no*

"Why don't you have time? Please select from 'Late For Work', 'Sleep Cycle Issue', or 'Other'!"

*clicks other*

"Please specify this 'Other'!"

*types in that I can't be bothered*

"And you think this is a valid reason for not taking part in a small survey? Please click 'Yes' or 'No'!"

*clicks yes*

"We disagree, but we thank you for your taking part in this survey. Please specify on a score of 1 to 10 how happy you are that you're a failure!"

*logs off computer*

Worker Bob

The water was at my ankles, but I wasn't worried. I'd told my superiors, and they assured me it would be fixed.

The water was at my shins, but I didn't mind, I had permission from my superiors to lean over rather than have to walk around.

The water was at my waist, but I was glad, I saved time on bathroom breaks, with my superiors' blessing.

The water was at my chest, but I knew it would be solved soon, my superiors wouldn't lie to me.

The water was at my mouth, but my superiors wouldn't abandon me now.

A Sign

She needed a sign, because she couldn't keep going round in circles with me. The fun wasn't worth the fights, the sex not worth the cheating.

We both knew my words were meaningless, as I meant them every time, but every time I'd stray.

So she needed a sign, something tangible to prove I'd changed. Even with her help, I couldn't think of anything, and it seemed like I was going to lose her.

So I told her that I understood, and wanted her to be happy, so she should go.

That was enough to keep her.

I didn't argue.

Sucked Out

They drilled it into us during training.

"Put every bullet in it's place, else you'll get sucked out into space!"

Poor rhyme structure aside, it is an important lesson to learn. When you're on a space station or ship, one misplaced shot and explosive decompression will kill everyone.

I took that lesson to heart, as I passed training, and began to serve on stations, working my way up the ladder.

So the day the alien began to tear apart the crew, I knew what to do.

Should have checked the wall I was firing at was an external wall first.

Wizard War

The Wizard's War raged for a thousand years, and also three seconds.

It was fought between five men and two women, and also an infinite number of beings drawn from other universes.

Billions died, but there was no known casualties.

No-one was left unaffected by it, but no-one remembered it.

Every battle was long and bloody, every weapon more powerful than whole armies, every casualty changed the course of world history. And it never happened.

Because the only thing more powerful than someone fighting in a war is someone who can stop it.

And who has a few magic lamps.

Space Station Saviour

The space station had begun with lofty goals of international cooperation leading to world-saving breakthroughs, but by the point of the blackout it was mostly a relic with just enough funding to keep itself going.

But then the world went dark, every signal below them suddenly gone, the last thing that was sent being a cut off message saying sorry.

The station's crew worked overtime, scanning, testing, sending message after message, trying to work out what happened, until the drifting creature sensed them and ate the station before leaving.

So the station did in fact save the world, sort of.

Mother's Day

Whenever I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, or Christmas, but especially Mother's Day, she'd say the same thing, that she just wanted to spend time with her son.

So I'd end up getting her some combination of chocolates, flowers, and gift cards, and then spending the day with her. And she seemed happy, and obviously I didn't hate it, it was just the routine.

After she passed away on Mother's Day, I had to go through her belongings, including her files. Which is how I found out about the miscarriage.

She finally got her wish that day.

Save

Could I have saved her?

I ask myself that every day.

She was the only being to ever truly love me. I never met my genetic donors, my raisers were alternately uncaring and cruel,  and no-one cared to partner with me, until her.

It was the best six months of my life, with her.

But then it ended, and now every day, twice a day even, I think, and I consider hypothetical ways I could have saved her.

I couldn't know the operating system update would reset her personality matrix though, nor do they allow you to backup droids safely.

Worth The Price

The Devil appeared in a puff of brimstone, a look of annoyance on his face.

"I'm rather busy, you have a war on you know."

"I know, that's why I've summoned you, I want you to end it, and I know what you charge."

The Devil laughed, bitterly.

"You need to learn about R.O.I. Why in hell would I end something that will bring me so many souls so fast, in exchange for what, one soul? Even as King, that's not worth it."

"Not my soul. My army's. All of them."

The Devil smirked.

"That'll be yours too, eventually. Deal."

Cup Of Cheer

It was the only error in the topographical map of the region. The surveyor had celebrated his team's victory in the finals of the continental cup the previous night, and if he'd been asked, he'd have stated that the fact that he only slacked off once that day despite the hangover proved his dedication.

But yes, he'd not checked the ground on that hill, assuming it was the same as the rest of the area.

Which meant that his side won out when the continental forces' general died when a lookout post collapsed due to insecure ground that wasn't recorded.

The Green Knight

It was one of best scams, albeit one I could only do one circuit of. But what a deal.

Just needed the two of us, me and the Green Knight, resplendent in their green armor. We'd roll into town, and I'd talk up the Green Knight, and that I was looking for someone who could prove they were better than the best swordsman in the land. Once I offered a thousand gold pieces for one of theirs, they'd line up.

Most lost, but the few who won, well, given they'd just beaten a woman, that didn't prove anything, no prize.

Cocktail Shaker And Mover

One Of The Most Powerful Men In The World gestured towards the bar in the corner of the apartment.

"Make yourself a drink."

I thanked him, and went over to make myself a drink. When I was done, One Of The Most Powerful Men In The World smiled.

"I judge people based on their drink choices. A Boulevardier, that shows me that you're confident and that you're not trying to impress me, which impresses me. Well done."

I smiled and toasted him, desperately trying to hide that I was trying to make a Negroni and messed it up rather badly.

Beamed Up

The aliens brought many wonderful technologies, we happily took their improved farming techniques, their cold fusion, so on.

But then they brought out instant transportation, which is how they got here. And that sounded amazing, but then they explained that it worked by scanning the item, or being, destroying them, and rebuilding them elsewhere.

And then a representative wearing a cross on their lapel asked about what that meant for the soul.

We had hoped to slowly introduce religion to them, rather than suddenly, which set them off.

On the plus side, by their own admission, they were soulless husks.

The Game

The games people play against each other have gotten far more complicated. It used to be simple, hit them over the head with a stick first, you win.

Then came power that didn't derive from mere strength. Suddenly you had to plan for food, and shelter, and gods.

Then came money, and everything became even more complicated, with stakes suddenly a lot higher, and failures worse than death.

Since then, the game hasn't become more complex, it's just more people playing, against more opponents, across the world.

But in the end, one rule stays true.

A bigger stick is better.

A Boondoggle

The Otherplane Emperor turned his many eyes to the mortal standing on the outcrop of rock above the unending void the Pretender To His Throne was now tumbling through.

"You have done me a great service, Mortal. As is custom, I grant you one favor, as those who-"

"Oh, complete control over my home planet, please."

The Otherplane Emperor paused slightly.

"That is within my power, but in the past mortals have asked for loved ones to be-"

"Nah, power and riches, cheers."

The Otherplane Emperor killed the mortal, not willing to risk giving a being like that more power.

Pick Up

The phone rang.

He hesitated to answer it, given he needed a moment to make sure he wasn't dreaming still.

The phone rang.

He tried to answer it, given he wanted to go back to sleep.

The phone rang.

He hesitated before trying to hang up, given he wasn't quite sure why it wasn't working.

The phone rang.

He tried to hang up, his hand unable to remove itself from the plastic of the receiver.

The phone rang.

He hesitated, trying to think through the increasing noise.

The phone rang.

He tried to, to...

The phone rang, and rang, and