Imperfect Fit

Looking for symmetry in a relationship is a waste of time. Trying to find someone who is equal to you in every way, except for being of the opposite sexual orientation and desires therein, you’ll be looking forever.

Looking for synchronicity in a relationship is also a waste of time. Even if you do ignore wanting an equal and instead focus on finding someone who fits in perfectly with your life, and vice-versa, you’ll be forever disappointed.

Instead of looking for a perfect fit, find the imperfect one that makes you want to change things so that it does fit.

Scanning Failure

Every planet, asteroid, comet, and nebula has to be scanned and analysed. You never know in a few dozen years when a hunk of aluminium the size of Pluto might be needed in this sector.

Most of it is automated obviously, bot driven crafts that call in anything they don't understand. Then it's my job to go take a look.

Up until now, it's all been just malfunctioning scanning equipment.

And on some level, I admire the ability of a creature living on an asteriod to hack a bot to call in like that. But I still don't understand it...

My Outlet

I'll level with you. I try to avoid too much self-reflection simply because there's only so many hours in the day, you know? I work, for a given value of the term, I'm a productive member of society, I have relationships that are somewhat healthy...

But sure, I'm willing to admit I have issues. Who doesn't? Maybe they're holding me back from being all I could be and all that. Maybe not. At least I have a regular outlet to help me work through stuff.

Although it's getting harder to find homeless people to beat up these last few weeks...

Near Absolute Power

I swore on my honor and my family that I would not become like the previous ruler. The overthrow was bloody and damaging, and that couldn't be allowed to happen again. Everyone agreed.

At first.

Then the requests came. Subtle at first, more power to better serve the public, more money to do it right, favors to buy loyalty, more favors to keep it.

Pretty soon, those on the street, those who were where I once was, they began to rise again.

But as I said, I couldn't allow it to happen again. The army was better trained this time.

Hell Prince Of Lust’s Sixty-Eighth Lieutenant

Naturally I didn’t believe him when he first said, after a pint of vodka, that he was working for Asmodeus, one of the Princes of Hell. But after a few nights where fights stopped when the people involved suddenly had violent orgasms, I reluctantly believed him.

Of course, I then wanted him to not frequent my bar, I didn’t want to go to hell. When I finally gathered the courage to say this, he laughed.

He told me that his job was now to try and stop people going to hell. Too much paperwork involved, which is hell for demons…

008-YESES

His side of the phone conversation was eight yeses.

The first was immediately after he picked up, a calm, steady question.

The second was accompanied by a small nod, confirming details given.

The third was hopeful, barely contained excitement spilling out.

The fourth, fifth, and sixth came in rapid succession as the excitement boiled over.

The seventh took a while, as he needed to stop dancing before he acknowledged that the other end was trying to get his attention.

The eighth was the most important one, as it was in response to a question that invalidated all the previous yeses…