Auckland – The Farnarkeling world was rocked today as the
United States defeated Palau to claim their first every victory in an
international fixture in the Sport Of the Rivers. Led by team captain Glory
Glory-Hallelujah, the first lesbian Muslim vegan albino to arkle for her
country on a professional level, the US team found themselves being 17-1 down
after just three minutes into the first worble, a position familiar to long
time fans of the Stars & Flukems.
But after a fiery speech by Coach Dave Sorenson Jr, son of
the legendary Australian Farnarkeling champion of the same name minus the
addition, the US team managed to find the inner spirit to fight back, at times
running rings around the plucky Palau team, keeping them confined to their wiffenwacker
for most of the third worble, allowing Glory-Hallelujah to make a trio-sixth in
near record time.
Tragedy struck near the end of the game, however, as
Glory-Hallelujah attempted to arkle from well behind the American transom-housing
while attacking in defense, and managed to vault herself clear across the
phlange via a possibly unrepeatable meeting of her flukem, the gonad, and an
opposing player’s mouth brace. She crashed into Coach Sorenson Jr who was in
the process of opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate the team’s victory,
causing Sorenson Jr to take a large percentage of the bottle internally, while
leaving Glory-Hallelujah with a corked thigh. It will be tragic indeed if
either essential cog in the Red, White, & Green Machine will be unable to
rejoin the team.
Now having advanced to the second round of the Mixed Others
tournament, the US team will now face either Guam or Chad, weather permitting.
Our previous
Farnarkeling correspondent is sadly unable to join us due to personal reasons.
Vale Mr. John Clarke
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