Monday, 10 April 2017

Farnarkling Report: 10/4/17

Auckland – The Farnarkling world was rocked today as the United States defeated Palau to claim their first every victory in an international fixture in the Sport Of the Rivers. Led by team captain Glory Glory-Hallelujah, the first lesbian Muslim vegan albino to arkle for her country on a professional level, the US team found themselves being 17-1 down after just three minutes into the first worble, a position familiar to long time fans of the Stars & Flukems.

But after a fiery speech by Coach Dave Sorenson Jr, son of the legendary Australian Farnarkling champion of the same name minus the addition, the US team managed to find the inner spirit to fight back, at times running rings around the plucky Palau team, keeping them confined to their wiffenwacker for most of the third worble, allowing Glory-Hallelujah to make a trio-sixth in near record time.

Tragedy struck near the end of the game, however, as Glory-Hallelujah attempted to arkle from well behind the American transom-housing while attacking in defense, and managed to vault herself clear across the phlange via a possibly unrepeatable meeting of her flukem, the gonad, and an opposing player’s mouth brace. She crashed into Coach Sorenson Jr who was in the process of opening a bottle of champagne to celebrate the team’s victory, causing Sorenson Jr to take a large percentage of the bottle internally, while leaving Glory-Hallelujah with a corked thigh. It will be tragic indeed if either essential cog in the Red, White, & Green Machine will be unable to rejoin the team.

Now having advanced to the second round of the Mixed Others tournament, the US team will now face either Guam or Chad, weather permitting.

Our previous Farnarkling correspondent is sadly unable to join us due to personal reasons.

Vale Mr. John Clarke

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